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Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
300: This time there are more than 300

What's that? You forgot about Sparta?



300 came in 2006. Yeah you're that old. That's right folks it's the sequel to the movie that made the Iranian ex-pat community wonder if they should forego the Persian thing entirely in favor of pretending to be Mexican for a while.

Trailer
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zqy21Z29ps

This time it's a prequel sequel or I don't even know. No longer directed by Zack Snyder but instead Noam Murro (hope we still get sick speed ramps). All I know is King of Scotland MacLeonidas is still dead. Probably should have worn some armor over those sweet abs.

Instead we have this dude playing Themistocles


The famous Greek general who united the Greeky city state navies into defeating the Persians (spoiler). And then umm...found himself in the employ of the Persians til the day he died

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Themistocles#Later_life_and_death
We'll forget about that part though, grey area doesn't test well with audiences.

Returning is Lena Headey, (probably relieved to play a fan favorite again after that whole Sean Bean thing) as Queen Gorgo (still pissed about that whole McNutty incident)


Also returning Rodrigo Santoro as XerxesDhalsim



Newcomer Eva Green (still playing off-white roles). Actually based on a historical figure as well http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artemisia_I_of_Caria


And umm...juggalos?


Bro we need to bring back Sparta they were loving hardcore. Back then I would totally make some Helots tap the gently caress OUT

Here's hoping Gorgo and Artemesia sail to the isle of Lesbos :quagmire:

Alan Smithee fucked around with this message at 06:57 on Feb 25, 2014

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Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon

Nap Ghost
I am going to pay $10 to see Eva Green ham it up, kick rear end, and go across the screen slaughtering dudes left and right like a beat em up.

EDIT: Also, that is a really excellent OP. Thanks.

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Xerxes' actor is Rodrigo Santoro.

Unless you're misspelling on purpose, in which case nevermind.

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon

Nap Ghost
DOES NO ONE ELSE WANT TO SEE EVA GREEN RENDER GREEKS LIMB FROM LIMB AND COMMAND A NAVY TO gently caress poo poo UP?

Come on now! Hype for this move!

Koivunen
Oct 7, 2011

there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour
Can't wait to see how they remove any possible subtext from Zach Snyder's 300 and update it for the tap-out MMA generation.

Lena heady is a severely underrated actress though so she deserves all the work she can get.

Koivunen fucked around with this message at 21:14 on Feb 24, 2014

Alfred P. Pseudonym
May 29, 2006

And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

I'm gonna watch the gently caress out of this and it's gonna really suck and I'll probably be okay with that.

Yoshifan823
Feb 19, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
The first trailer I saw for this had the score over lain with War Pigs, and my first thought was "no matter the actual quality of this movie, everyone will probably say that it sucks", and I stand by that.

That said, on the incredibly unlikely off chance that the entire movie score is based off of Black Sabbath or similar hard rock classics, it will indisputably own.

Sakarja
Oct 19, 2003

"Our masters have not heard the people's voice for generations and it is much, much louder than they care to remember."

Capitalism is the problem. Anarchism is the answer. Join an anarchist union today!

Alan Smithee posted:


And umm...juggalos?


Faygo is in my blood.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

After I started going to the gym the guys in 300 and this movie don't look so buff and manly anymore and that removed my only reason to watch them.

acephalousuniverse
Nov 4, 2012
Will this one also have non-sequitur homophobia in it? I can't imagine who was clamoring for a sequel to this movie 8 years later. The Mr. Peabody movie makes more sense.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

acephalousuniverse posted:

Will this one also have non-sequitur homophobia in it? I can't imagine who was clamoring for a sequel to this movie 8 years later. The Mr. Peabody movie makes more sense.

"loving boy fuckers from Athens what a buncha fags am I right bro?

"Yeah bro. Say bro wanna lather me up with some oils"

"gently caress yeah bro let's do it!"

...of SCIENCE!
Apr 26, 2008

by Fluffdaddy
I'm kind of excited purely for the trainwreck factor. The original 300 was based on an old existing Frank Miller comic but the script for this is all new, and for those of you who don't follow comics modern-day Frank Miller is batshit insane. After The Spirit (2008), Holy Terror (ie the comic where Not-Batman and Not-Catwoman kill Muslims because they hate freedom), and his screed about how the Occupy movement was a bunch of rapists and thieves who are just jealous that rich people are so much better than them I am expecting top-tier :tinfoil: from the man.

Young Freud
Nov 26, 2006

Alan Smithee posted:

Instead we have this dude playing Themistocles


The famous Greek general who united the Greeky city state navies into defeating the Persians (spoiler). And then umm...found himself in the employ of the Persians til the day he died

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Themistocles#Later_life_and_death
We'll forget about that part though, grey area doesn't test well with audiences.

Not Spartan. Themistocles was an Athenian general.

That's right. Athenian. Dude's a boy lover.

In addition, the Spartans pretty much sat out the Battle Of Salamis because they had no navy. As a compromise, the Athenians and the other Greek nations gave the Spartan general Eurybiades command of the fleets, but it was mostly in a name only because they knew more than him.

Also, given enough time, everyone in Greece worked for the Persians. There's that whole thing about Xenophon and 10,000 Spartans crossing into Asia Minor under Persian king Cyrus' banner. Until Cyrus was assassinated and the warriors had to escape across a land teaming with their enemies to get back to Coney IslandGreece.

Young Freud fucked around with this message at 03:54 on Feb 25, 2014

SinistralRifleman
Oct 9, 2007

by Cyrano4747

Young Freud posted:

Not Spartan. Themistocles was an Athenian general.

That's right. Athenian. Dude's a boy lover.

I'm wondering how this movie will address the other Greeks being bad asses since they talked so much poo poo about any one other than Spartans in the first movie. They probably just count on no one having watched it in 8 years.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
Or you could do a movie that explains why a frat based society isn't always best

Young Freud posted:

Not Spartan. Themistocles was an Athenian general.

That's right. Athenian. Dude's a boy lover.

In addition, the Spartans pretty much sat out the Battle Of Salamis because they had no navy. As a compromise, the Athenians and the other Greek nations gave the Spartan general Eurybiades command of the fleets, but it was mostly in a name only because they knew more than him.

Also, given enough time, everyone in Greece worked for the Persians. There's that whole thing about Xenophon and 10,000 Spartans crossing into Asia Minor under Persian king Cyrus' banner. Until Cyrus was assassinated and the warriors had to escape across a land teaming with their enemies to get back to Coney IslandGreece.

Yeah, point was less to demonize him for working with the Persians and more that those actual literal demons the Persians were portrayed are closer to the Greeks than people seem to realize

I mean hell by the time Xenophon came around the Greek city states were all at war with each other.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
Also, gently caress me for forgetting The Warriors source material :psyduck:

CPL593H
Oct 28, 2009

I know what you did last summer, and frankly I am displeased.
I find it really weird that this got made. 300 was a decent hit at the time, but it's one of those movies that was popular for a year after it came out and then everyone just forgot about it. And as far as I'm concerned it wasn't that good to begin with. Plus it came out almost a decade ago. I'm interested to find out if people are actually going to see this.

Vincent
Nov 25, 2005



I can't wait for the crypteia scene
:allears:.

Vincent fucked around with this message at 07:34 on Feb 25, 2014

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

psst you wanna do a communism?

Young Freud posted:

Not Spartan. Themistocles was an Athenian general.

That's right. Athenian. Dude's a boy lover.

In addition, the Spartans pretty much sat out the Battle Of Salamis because they had no navy. As a compromise, the Athenians and the other Greek nations gave the Spartan general Eurybiades command of the fleets, but it was mostly in a name only because they knew more than him.
And in the climatic battle where the Greeks finally defeated the last Persian army from the mainland, the Spartans basically held the rear until the end and then swooped in to take the glory. There was a great post in the Ask/Tell About Ancient Rome/Greece thread about just how much the Spartans were shitheads and don't deserve any of the praise they got.

Young Freud posted:

Also, given enough time, everyone in Greece worked for the Persians. There's that whole thing about Xenophon and 10,000 Spartans crossing into Asia Minor under Persian king Cyrus' banner. Until Cyrus was assassinated and the warriors had to escape across a land teaming with their enemies to get back to Coney IslandGreece.
That's the thing I love about The Warriors, that its based on this story in Ancient Greece :allears:

Fun thing about the Persian Empire too, it was actually pretty progressive what with the multiculturalism and not having slaves, but of course we believe in that totally great democracy of Athens who treated there women terribly.

I mean hell look at Eva Green's character and how remarkable her life was, in Athens she would have been stuck in an Attic.

The only good thing about Ancient Greece seems to be its mythology, science, philosophy, and being a template for a lot of stuff that the Romans would perfect.

E: Found the post about how terrible Sparta was

Halloween Jack posted:

Even just trying to add to what others have said, Sparta's reputation is so full of bullshit I don't know where to begin. I believe it would be most illuminating if I just go through it chronologically.

Sparta's entire culture was based around a small, elite force of professional citizen-soldiers, ruling over a large population of slaves (helots) who did all the heavy labour while a class of non-citizens (perioikoi) had a monopoly on trade. Basing your national defense on a small, elite army can work, but when you have a small, elite army, you only want to fight brief, defensive wars. Do you see the acute flaw in a nation where the only virtue is military virtue, but the army is only equipped to fight brief, defensive wars?

Sparta was a deeply xenophobic and anti-intellectual culture, even for its time--legends say they were forbidden from owning gold and silver coins and used an iron currency, but most likely they merely refused to mint their own coinage. Spartans who weren't at war had little to do besides terrorize their slaves. Okay, helots weren't exactly slaves as slavery existed in the rest of Greece. The Messenian region was fertile, and often there was enough agricultural surplus that they could live well. They could marry, make contracts, earn money, and a few even purchased their freedom. But at the best of times, the Spartans held them in utter contempt, encouraged them to practice eugenics, included robbing and murdering helots as part of their warrior education, and organized massacres of thousands of helots to keep them in line. I can't think of another state that was so brutal to a slave population upon which it relied so heavily, except perhaps the Assyrians--an empire which also eventually collapsed under the weight of repeated revolts.

Sparta's real historical prominence was in the 6th-4th centuries BC. Sparta was not good at establishing colonies or making friends, but in the early 6th century they established a policy of alliance-building that amounted to "beat people up, then offer them membership in your gang." After a series of costly wars, they came out on top over Argos and Tegea, and other Greek city-states acknowledged their hegemony. Thus Sparta established the Peloponnesian League, a military alliance with Sparta in the lead. However, the first time the League launched a campaign outside the Peloponnesus, the Spartans displayed their incompetence at projecting force outside their accustomed territory.

Sparta was bad at projecting force for both strategic and political reasons. Militarily, they had a small army who were amazing at hoplite tactics but not so much on skirmishers or cavalry, so they strongly preferred to fight from a defensive position on familiar ground. Politically, they were opposed to both tyranny and democracy, so their idea of contributing to Greek independence was deposing tyrants only to replace them with oligarchies. Their small army and contempt for foreigners also made it difficult to establish and manage colonies. They couldn't rule and exact tribute from a faraway city while debasing the population to slave status, as they had done to their neighbours the Messenians.

The first time the Peloponnesian League launched a campaign north of the Isthmus of Corinth, Sparta's favourite defensive bottleneck, it fell apart. Sparta overthrew an Athenian tyrant, which was cool with everybody, then secretly planned to support a pro-Spartan successor, which was not. The Athenians backed the Peloponnese into a corner, the plan was found out (to general outrage among Sparta's allies), and the two Spartan kings couldn't get along with each other or with the Corinthian king, who took his ball and went home. After this failure, the Spartans had to consult their allies before levies or major decisions. Still, they maintained their preeminence as the defenders of Greece.

Then came the Greco-Persian wars. At the Battle of Marathon, the Spartans decided to "honor their laws" by waiting several days to send troops, and their army arrived after the Athenians had won a legendary victory. Their only contribution had been to inspire the Athenians' confidence to hole up defensively and pressure the Persians to attack, knowing that reinforcements were on the way.

Then the SPARTAAA Battle of SPARTAAA Thermopylae SPARTAAA. Contrary to popular SPARTAAA belief, Thermopylae was not a moral victory for the Greeks nor a Pyrrhic victory for the Persians. Now, Marathon wasn't a Pyrrhic victory for the Persians, either; their Empire was vast and they had plenty more men and materiel where that came from. But it did inflict disproportionate casualties, and left the Persians with nothing to do but go back home, especially after Darius died. It also showed Greeks that resistance was possible, demonstrated how to use the phalanx and compensate its weaknesses, and virtually kicked off a golden age of pride in Athenian democracy. Thermopylae, on the other hand, was a major strategic victory for the Persians once they managed to take it.

In both battles, the Spartans supposedly held off because of religious obligations. In all likelihood, they were jockeying to hold off the Persians at the Isthmus, their favourite battleground. Spartans weren't entirely stupid or entirely fearless--they wanted nothing to do with the Persian cavalry. It's possible that Leonidas set out with his 300 Spartans because he didn't want to see Sparta's reputation go completely down the toilet. Not to mention the fact that not only were the 300 Spartans just a fraction of the Greek force, which was over 7,000 strong, they were a fraction of the rear guard that stayed behind to fight to the death--a thousand other Greeks remained with them.

The turning point for the Greeks was the naval battle of Salamis, in which an Athenian commander led a mostly Athenian fleet to a crushing victory, and the credit went to a Spartan general because of a political compromise. The battle that broke the invasion was Plataea, in which the Athenians, sick of bleeding for Greece while the Spartans sat around with the Isthmus up their asses, demanded to march north and end the Persian threat.

The Spartans' rep is built on bravado and the backs of their allies who did all the heavy lifting.

Organizing yourself as a slave state and reducing entire conquered populations (like the Messenians) to slave status makes it difficult to colonize. If you're a Greek city-state that can't colonize, you're going to be quickly outpaced by those who can, because Greece itself is resource-poor. It has a hot, dry season and a cold, wet season. It's 80% mountainous, and today it is still 50% woodlands and relies on shipping for much of its economy. Sparta was lucky to have some of the most fertile land in Greece on its doorstep.

poo poo, all these :hist101::words: and I haven't even gotten to the Peloponnesian Wars that gave Sparta true hegemony in Greece...for awhile. Until then,


achillesforever6 fucked around with this message at 07:45 on Feb 25, 2014

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
poo poo getting old?

Have some Stalingrad!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Da3EgZUA0Y

Executing BURN Therapy

Mantis42
Jul 26, 2010

Honestly the most :psyduck: thing about that Stalingrad trailer is the random shot of the woman taking a bath. I guess nothing says sex appeal like a battle that killed more than a million people.

Young Freud
Nov 26, 2006

Mantis42 posted:

Honestly the most :psyduck: thing about that Stalingrad trailer is the random shot of the woman taking a bath. I guess nothing says sex appeal like a battle that killed more than a million people.

The thing that got me about it is how overstaturated everything is and shot with those HDR cameras.

Grandmaster.flv
Jun 24, 2011
I would watch Eva Green clip her toenails and I'm still not sure I have any interest in watching this.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

origami posted:

I would watch Eva Green clip her toenails and I'm still not sure I have any interest in watching this.

Granted she's a little older than she was but they really film her in some unflattering light, and not just the whole SHE DIPPED HERSELF IN PURE EEEEEVIL

algebra testes
Mar 5, 2011


Lipstick Apathy

origami posted:

I would watch Eva Green clip her toenails and I'm still not sure I have any interest in watching this.

Watch Womb instead then.

edit: That's the film where she gets impregnated by her son who is a clone of her boyfriend or something?

Aces High
Mar 26, 2010

Nah! A little chocolate will do




I think I will see this in the cheap theatres or with a free ticket that I sometimes get because while it will be interesting for seeing how over-the-top Eva Green will be it won't be the same without David Wenham narrating :(

Unless I completely missed something and his character is still present, because I could listen to that man read the phone book :allears:

MA-Horus
Dec 3, 2006

I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

Alan Smithee posted:

poo poo getting old?

Have some Stalingrad!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Da3EgZUA0Y

Executing BURN Therapy


Don't see this.

It is literal Soviet propaganda and glorifies Stalingrad waaaaay to much for what was probably the greatest concentration of human misery ever.

Can't wait for 300 gently caress historical accuracy wanna see ludicriously massive triremes with shirtless dudes on horses doing sick jumps

Hemimaori
Feb 22, 2014

Aces High posted:

I think I will see this in the cheap theatres or with a free ticket that I sometimes get because while it will be interesting for seeing how over-the-top Eva Green will be it won't be the same without David Wenham narrating :(

Unless I completely missed something and his character is still present, because I could listen to that man read the phone book :allears:

If he is narrating the movie it might yet still be watchable.

Vintersorg
Mar 3, 2004

President of
the Brendan Fraser
Fan Club



I saw a preview in IMAX before Robocop and before this I was gonna blow this off - the trailers weren't doing anything for me. But seeing it up on the big screen changed that - this looks loving amazingly insane - in a good way of course - plus the whole wall of sound is gonna rock the audiences seat off. I cannot wait to catch this and while it may not live up to the first, it's going to be a worthy sequel.

Necrothatcher
Mar 26, 2005




MA-Horus posted:

Don't see this.

It is literal Soviet propaganda and glorifies Stalingrad waaaaay to much for what was probably the greatest concentration of human misery ever.

Can't wait for 300 gently caress historical accuracy wanna see ludicriously massive triremes with shirtless dudes on horses doing sick jumps

But literal Soviet propaganda films are awesome:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps-v-kZzfec

acephalousuniverse
Nov 4, 2012

MA-Horus posted:

It is literal Soviet propaganda and glorifies Stalingrad waaaaay to much for what was probably the greatest concentration of human misery ever.

Can't wait for 300 gently caress historical accuracy wanna see ludicriously massive triremes with shirtless dudes on horses doing sick jumps

I applaud this hilarious post.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Mr. Flunchy posted:

But literal Soviet propaganda films are awesome:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps-v-kZzfec

poo poo's black and white and does not contain sick slowmo

lol formalism Eisenstein can kiss my rear end

Alan Smithee fucked around with this message at 14:48 on Mar 4, 2014

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
The correct answer for best Soviet propaganda is

Russian Commando
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFbFhSgutTw

iv46vi
Apr 2, 2010

Alan Smithee posted:

The correct answer for best Soviet propaganda is

Russian Commando
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFbFhSgutTw

At first it looks like one of those fake trailers, but there is actually a full movie "inspired" by Commando:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLd_dz1ID4Y

mila kunis
Jun 10, 2011

MA-Horus posted:

Don't see this.

It is literal Soviet propaganda and glorifies Stalingrad waaaaay to much for what was probably the greatest concentration of human misery ever.

Can't wait for 300 gently caress historical accuracy wanna see ludicriously massive triremes with shirtless dudes on horses doing sick jumps

I hope the irony in this post was intentional.

Sentinel Red
Nov 13, 2007
Style > Content.
Russian Commando is badly missing the STEEL DRUMS, gently caress YEAH of the original. And that ending isn't a patch on "let off some steam" :colbert:

I had absolutely zero interest in this but given the reviews I've read so far have said that Eva Green absofuckinglutely nails it and owns every frame of the film when she's around, I'm actually quite tempted now.

The Rat
Aug 29, 2004

You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.

I'm curious if they'll include the historical scene where Themistocles comes across two roosters fighting along the road and inspires his troops by saying:

quote:

Fellow soldiers, observe these animals; they do not assail each other for the sake of country, nor for their paternal gods, nor for the monuments of their heroic ancestors, nor for glory, nor for liberty, nor for children; but only because one will not give way to the other. How then ought you to fight, who have all these things to contend for?

Chickens: making history.

Alan Smithee
Jan 4, 2005


A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...
I'm pretty sure Artemisia and Gorgo are supposed to be the chickens :v:

CopywrightMMXI
Jun 1, 2011

One time a guy stole some downhill skis out of my jeep and I was so mad I punched a mailbox. I'm against crime, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
This was not good. It had the hyper-violent action of the first film, but the action wasn't as frequent. There's no sense of escalation with the action either. There's a huge emphasis put on Xerxes at the beginning of the film but he's pretty much disappeared by the second act.

The politics are largely the same, and those that read the first one as a satire will likely have the same view as the narration of the film is from the Spartan viewpoint. The jingoism and masculinity that defined Sparta in the first film isn't as prevalent in this film though.

If you felt that the first film demonized Arab people, you ain't seen nothing yet. Xerxes forces now include suicide bombers. There's constant reference to how Arab blood needs to be spilled as well.

Edit: This movie did have the funniest sex scene of the year.

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Alfred P. Pseudonym
May 29, 2006

And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8

CopywrightMMXI posted:

Edit: This movie did have the funniest sex scene of the year.

Welp, I'm in.

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