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Literally only 18% of women can come from PIV (source). She's very very very normal, she shouldn't feel insecure. Also, a lot of whether you can/can't come from PIV is just due to anatomy, literally how close or far the clit is from the vagina. If it's close by, then it's incidentally stimulated during PIV, but if it's far, you have to deliberately try in order to get it involved. That's not due to "he's not ~The One~" or "it's my fault I can't relax" or any of those guilt trips, that's just anatomy.
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May 6, 2020 07:37
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i like nice words
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Anne Whateley posted:Literally only 18% of women can come from PIV (source). She's very very very normal, she shouldn't feel insecure. That’s literally not what the article you cited says: “Nearly 37 percent of women responded that they needed clitoral stimulation to come, and another 36 percent responded that while they didn't require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, it did enhance the experience. Eighteen percent of respondents said vaginal penetration alone was sufficient for orgasm, and 9 percent reported that they didn't have orgasms during intercourse, or achieved orgasm in other ways, such as oral sex.”
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May 6, 2020 07:56
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quote:18 percent of women who said that vaginal penetration alone was enough to come
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May 6, 2020 07:58
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You said PIV, not penetration alone, and—again—read the part in the article where 36% of respondents said that they didn’t require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm [presumably during penetrative sex] but that it made the experience of orgasm better and more enjoyable.
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May 6, 2020 08:00
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Ok Comboomer posted:You said PIV, not penetration alone, and—again—read the part in the article where 36% of respondents said that they didn’t require clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm [presumably during penetrative sex] but that it made the experience of orgasm better and more enjoyable. The ordering of the data is misleading, though, as is the form of the question. Are the 18% women whose clits get oversensitised easily so they can only come from PIV alone, or are they women for whom clitoral stimulation doesn't improve their orgasm? But yeah, what the data is saying is that 91% of women can orgasm from PIV including 36% who get more pleasure from clitoral stimulation and 37% who actively need it to come. And some of the remaining 9% can get off on clitoral stimulation without your dick. So get looking for the little man in the boat, you asshats, because at least three in four women want some attention paying to it.
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May 6, 2020 08:21
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As a fetus develops, the same precursor organ turns into either a penis or a clitoris. Same deal for a scrotum and a vagina (more or less) So yeah, getting off with clitoral stimulation only is kind of the norm. Getting off only from vaginal stimulation is like coming only from having your balls sucked.
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May 6, 2020 08:51
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I bought a Pocket Pool for fun and to get free shipping on an order, but then noticed that it's only supposed to be used once and then thrown away. Is this a legal thing for the company? It's only  , but it seems like it should be easy enough to clean with soap, water, and air...
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Jun 7, 2020 11:28
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Professor Shark posted:I bought a Pocket Pool for fun and to get free shipping on an order, but then noticed that it's only supposed to be used once and then thrown away. Is this a legal thing for the company? It's only Are we all supposed to know what your masturbation tool of choice is from a generic name like "pocket pool"?
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Jun 7, 2020 14:50
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Professor Shark posted:Is this a legal thing for the company? 
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Jun 7, 2020 15:05
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Yeah sorry I should have posted better, I found out an answer from a review
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Jun 7, 2020 22:04
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Professor Shark posted:I bought a Pocket Pool for fun and to get free shipping on an order, but then noticed that it's only supposed to be used once and then thrown away. Is this a legal thing for the company? It's only I'm not sure which country you are from, but the United States loves single use items. Companies actually design products to break so you buy more of them.
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Jun 7, 2020 23:37
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I would like suggestions for a vibrator for someone new to sex toys. We plan on primarily using it in my wife's vagina while she gives me blowjobs. So I think not a hitachi magic wand or anything else designed to be used on the clitoris. She says she's happy with the ways we're stimulating her clitoris currently and that's not something I feel eager to argue with her about.
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Jun 10, 2020 17:06
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Rabbit? It's a tried and tested brand, and the clitoral vibrator is separate so it can be turned off.
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Jun 10, 2020 17:30
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LLSix posted:I would like suggestions for a vibrator for someone new to sex toys. We plan on primarily using it in my wife's vagina while she gives me blowjobs. So I think not a hitachi magic wand or anything else designed to be used on the clitoris. She says she's happy with the ways we're stimulating her clitoris currently and that's not something I feel eager to argue with her about. Might try Lelo
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Jun 10, 2020 17:46
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LLSix posted:I would like suggestions for a vibrator for someone new to sex toys. We plan on primarily using it in my wife's vagina while she gives me blowjobs. So I think not a hitachi magic wand or anything else designed to be used on the clitoris. She says she's happy with the ways we're stimulating her clitoris currently and that's not something I feel eager to argue with her about.
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Jun 11, 2020 05:34
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You can get the WeVibe and can actually control the vibrations while getting the blowjob.
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Jun 11, 2020 20:59
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hi so im a trans woman and before i came out i never felt comfortable doing the gently caress. so now that im out, im with my first partner, a cis woman anyway i seem to be doing good, but i want to be better. i ask her and she's almost hesitant to talk about it/awkward/doesn't know. it's not like she has any complaints i just want to make her feel as good as she makes me she basically only gets pleasure from touching her clitoris. she never has and never will see my parts, not that she wants to, but she finds the idea of being penetrated at all to be a turnoff, i tried with a finger last time and she told me to stop and said she basically felt nothing anyway (she said we could try it) she makes me cum just from playing with my boobs. it takes a while and a bit of effort and figuring out the right combo of moves for that night, and then when i finish it always lasts a long time, sometimes it keeps going for over 10 minutes. otoh with her its like, easy peasy over and done. she doesn't get anything from her boobs either. the first time we hosed she came twice but every time after that she says its too sensitive idk i guess i feel like its 1 sided even though shes fine with it and like, i want to give her what she gives me? i want to pleasure her for longer? how can i draw it out and have it be good? i guess i feel inadequate even though she says im not goons help me better at gently caress
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Jun 15, 2020 08:10
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chaser lowtax posted:hi Maybe see a sex therapist who specializes in trans issues? Both you and your partner sound like you have some major hangups around sex that greatly reduce the range of ways you can enjoy yourselves.
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Jun 15, 2020 08:51
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maybe she does. i do. the not being comfy with having sex before i came out thing was that it's a situation where I was explicitly seen as male in a male role doing male things with a male body part. i knew my whole life i was trans, i just wasn't in the right position to transition. my hangups about my body are related and not something that gets fixed with therapy, i'm on of the unlucky ones who has to go get the chop. im fine with the rest of my body its just the gender associations with that thing you know? I enjoy what she does for me a lot, i just feel like with her it's over pretty quickly and i guess a part of me finds that unsatisfying too. I guess I get real turned on and I don't even want to be pleasured myself, i want to gently caress her, but she already came and it isn't nice for her anymore. i dont think she has any hangups about actually having sex, she initiates all the time, her sex drive is pretty high, mines lessened as a side effect of HRT but she still beats what I was like beforehand. i dont even know how id bring that up with her anyway. E: maybe i do have specific sex hangups e again: a lot of it for me is probably inexperience, but she's been with many women before me including a few trans women Miss Broccoli fucked around with this message at 09:18 on Jun 15, 2020 |
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Jun 15, 2020 09:12
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Girl, you have palpable discomfort talking about sex when you’re writing it down, when you have all of the time in the world to say anything! You need some therapy to work on your comfort with sex, if you can find it. If not, then you can start putting together reading material and a journal to work through the shame/discomfort of talking about sex. If you can talk about it more freely, you will have an easier time communicating with your partner!  (I do know an LCSW who is a trans woman who does a lot of work revolving around sexuality, and I think she does telehealth if you’d like me to send you her info.)
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Jun 15, 2020 09:57
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be good and try hard! 
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i definitely can't afford sex therapy, i'm planning on getting said chop and it ain't cheap 
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Jun 16, 2020 07:40
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wouldn't you want to get sex therapy before/during bottom surgery? I mean, to be clear, I think by "sex therapy" posters here mean your standard cognitive-behavioral/trauma-based/etc therapy (I would hope you're seeing some kind of therapist if you're in the process of navigating bottom surgery), just with a focus on sexuality/mental health related to sex & intimacy. I've personally never seen a 'sex therapist' but I've talked to my therapist about sex stuff. or is that too overwhelming to consider from an emotional/mental standpoint? Do you have insurance? Seeing a therapist is a drop in the bucket costwise, compared to paying for surgery, even if you're paying out-of-pocket, so saying "getting the chop ain't cheap, definitely can't pay for therapy" doesn't sound like a 100% healthy, grounded statement to me. You may as well be saying "buying a yacht ain't cheap, definitely can't pay for that boat pilot's course." trilobite terror fucked around with this message at 08:06 on Jun 16, 2020 |
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Jun 16, 2020 08:03
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i think you are misunderstanding how dysphoria works, look i can say the word penis if that was what was setting off all of your alarm bells. dysphoria isn't something you therapise your way out of unfortunately, or there wouldn't be any trans people, we'd all just get therapy :/ like, i understand the differences between awkwardness and trust issues and dysphoria. im definitely a very awkward person, i was raised by abusive parents, i definitely have a load of trust and intimacy issues, ive known i was trans since i was 4, i am very familiar with dysphoria and what it feels like too. im not gunna therapise my way out of having an intrinsic discomfort of the genitals i was born with. it doesn't work like that. look you've probably head of the effects of misgendering on trans people right? and have some level of empathy and some sort of understanding even if it's not a "true" understanding because you can't actually get the experience right? try and apply that same pain to a body part. that's a terrible explanation but i'm not sure how to best explain that without having a very long and very personal back and forth. which i can do! i like talking about being trans (if you cant tell) i know what im doing with the surgery. full disclosure i dont see a therapist for trans issues, but i do see a number of medical professionals who pretty much exclusively work with trans people and all of them are extremely happy and have a lot of confidence in my resilience and introspective nature, they tell me regularly, and know an awful lot more about me than i'm probably even able to put on paper. I'm a model patient, at least with trans issues. I know what I'm doing with getting surgery. I also know it will work. I've felt similar and have a history of success with other things. This is me 4 days ago, a selfie showing my gf the boots i was trying:  The 23rd of June last year  I had the same level of dysphoria about my hair as I do my genitals. Just like everything else with being trans, the fix is to transition. the key to fixing physical sources of dysphoria is medical intervention. im writing this because i do genuinely want advice, but worrying about trans things is barking up the wrong tree, i've got that sorted, i know what i'm doing. if being trans was causing sex problems for me personally beyond "i dont use my cock because I'm trans and it causes me a lot of dysphoria" i would have been honest with you. you also don't need therapy or psychiatric support to transition any more by the way. the only reason it was ever a requirement was cis people didn't understand us. enough docs have listened and talked to other docs that the model of requiring therapy is seen as outdated and harmful. we know what we are doing with our transition and our bodies, and up to date standards of practice is to operate under an informed consent model. you do still need a rubber stamp from 2 psychs to get surgery but they are 1 appointment affairs and i don't see that lasting long either getting surgery is a critical expense that will keep me alive. having better sex is not. it's something i do want though. thats the difference. i dont actually have shame for my body, dysphoria is a very different thing and im at a point where i'm completely otherwise comfortable. on the other hand it seems like she might have a lot of issues with shame and maybe she would be willing to get therapy, i just need to figure out a gentle way to bring it up to her. Miss Broccoli fucked around with this message at 09:07 on Jun 16, 2020 |
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Jun 16, 2020 09:03
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Leaving aside the trans thing, your post was basically "My partner says she's happy with how things are and I'm satisfying her just fine but idk I feel like I'm not because what I like is different to what she likes". She will probably not like it if you start trying to tell her she's ashamed of her own body because she wants to be touched in some ways but doesn't get anything out of being touched in other ways. The problem seems to be more you feeling inadequate even though she's told you what she wants and you are giving her that?
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Jun 16, 2020 09:30
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chaser lowtax posted:i think you are misunderstanding how dysphoria works, look i can say the word penis if that was what was setting off all of your alarm bells. dysphoria isn't something you therapise your way out of unfortunately, or there wouldn't be any trans people, we'd all just get therapy :/ The assistance you are asking for is beyond the posters in this thread. That’s why we’re telling you to talk to a therapist about it, with your partner (but also probably without her) because it’s straight up inappropriate for us to advise you beyond that. Nobody’s pathologizing your trans experience or trying to force you to reconsider bottom surgery or seek unnecessary second opinions or whatever you think we’re (I’m?) doing. “Don’t tell me to get therapy. I don’t need therapy I need surgery. I don’t have any shame, and it’s outmoded for you to think I have shame. Now my partner on the other hand, she definitely has shame problems. She should definitely consider therapy, I just need to figure out how to tell her” As a fellow person with “a lot of trust and intimacy issues who was raised by abusive parents”, posting on this web forum that you don’t need therapy but your partner does after admitting that you “both have sex hangups”, and that you have a history of trauma (and let’s not dwell on the fact that your partner possibly has a better sense of her own map of sexuality than you’re giving her credit for, seeing as how she has experience in dating and being intimate with, by your note, multiple cis and trans women), and making a bunch of edits to the text as responses come in is just like stapling red flags to your arms and waving them around getting blood everywhere. I’m not saying that you’re wrong in any of your conclusions, but I am getting some powerful “this is my first serious partner” energy.
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Jun 16, 2020 10:52
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LLSix posted:I would like suggestions for a vibrator for someone new to sex toys. We plan on primarily using it in my wife's vagina while she gives me blowjobs. So I think not a hitachi magic wand or anything else designed to be used on the clitoris. She says she's happy with the ways we're stimulating her clitoris currently and that's not something I feel eager to argue with her about. Honestly, I'd still recommend the magic wand with a dildo attachment. chaser lowtax posted:idk i guess i feel like its 1 sided even though shes fine with it and like, i want to give her what she gives me? i want to pleasure her for longer? how can i draw it out and have it be good? i guess i feel inadequate even though she says im not Have you considered tying her up and taking your sweet time? Another thing to try is a full body massage where you make sure to locate all her erogenous zones and very, very slowly work your way to her genital region and tease it to hell. This should take at least an hour. I recommend coconut oil, and if you don't have a waterproof blanket you should lay down some towels.
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Jun 16, 2020 14:36
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Some people don’t like long sex sessions. Some people don’t like receiving oral sex. People are allowed not to like things  I have zero body or sex shame, but I don’t much like either of those things.
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Jun 18, 2020 03:24
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you are probably all right and i do have a tendency to drawing connections, because i needed to with my parents as a child i didnt reply for a few days so i could figure it out but i guess i can't she HAS bought up that she has issues with nudity and body shaming from her mother, as well as other things. she also comes from an abusive family and i can see that she needs therapy for that, from experience of going through it myself. and i know that is true. im probably drawing conclusions from there where i shouldn't Ok Comboomer posted:powerful “this is my first serious partner” energy. Miss Broccoli fucked around with this message at 01:35 on Jun 19, 2020 |
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Jun 19, 2020 01:19
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Hang-ups around sex and a struggle to communicate with others (especially your partner) about it openly paves the way for a lot of problems, from awkwardness to dysfunction. I agree that therapy for both of you sounds like a great idea, and I think that trying to communicate more openly and without pressure is also a good thing to practice. It sounds like you have a bit of a mismatch in terms of what you'd both like from sex, which is not insurmountable! You have to figure out how to talk about it though and get on the same page.
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Jun 28, 2020 09:59
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Edit: naaaaa too embarrassed.
Ogmius815 fucked around with this message at 04:18 on Jun 29, 2020 |
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Jun 29, 2020 04:13
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Ogmius815 posted:Edit: naaaaa too embarrassed. Maybe try butt stuff?
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Jun 29, 2020 19:50
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Masonity posted:Maybe try butt stuff? Agreed. I don't know what the post was, but this is probably the answer.
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Jun 29, 2020 20:47
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The answer was "it's all in your head, just like you thought. It'll be ok, but (minor note) make sure not to say self-depreciating things as those will just ruin the mood and strengthen your anxiety." However, Masonity posted:Maybe try butt stuff? is also acceptable.
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Jun 29, 2020 22:53
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Shwqa posted:Agreed. I don't know what the post was, but this is probably the answer. I hope it was more embarrassing than Qubee’s prosthetic foreskin odyssey, otherwise I will feel like you cheated us and also yourself. If it was more embarrassing than the aforementioned then yeah, you’re probably beyond our ability to help and you might consider saving yourself the trouble Now I’m imagining Qubee getting recruited by Section 9 and rocking a top-of-the-line 21st Century tactical foreskin with, like, therm-optic camouflage and the ability to—I dunno, make his dong feel like somebody else’s dong or something.
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Jun 30, 2020 02:14
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Built in bluetooth speaker imho.
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Jun 30, 2020 06:52
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Ok Comboomer posted:I hope it was more embarrassing than Qubee’s prosthetic foreskin odyssey, otherwise I will feel like you cheated us and also yourself. I'll respond coz I remember some of it and I think he needs some perspective. Ogmius, this is a really common problem. I remember this exact thing coming up in Savage Love several times, and it's never been a death sentence. You're not broken, your dick's not broken, this is almost definitely 100% fixable performance anxiety. There's a lot of pressure with a new person, and there's even more unsexy pressure to stay hard when you've got this pattern and you're worrying about it happening again. Take some of that pressure off by taking intercourse off the table for at least the first time you're with them (remember, straights, "foreplay" is bullshit that values intercourse above all. Sex that isn't PIV is still sex). Idk if you feel comfortable doing this, but I think taking the pressure off for you to come the first time is a good idea, and be upfront with your partner that you want to focus on them the first time. Oh and butt stuff. e: and a reminder: something being psychological doesn't make it any less real. You can't just magically instantly think it away, this involves being understanding of and patient with yourself and re-training your brain. It's not insurmountable, but I want to emphasize that beating yourself up for this not solving itself is counterproductive. Stroop There It Is fucked around with this message at 14:10 on Jun 30, 2020 |
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Jun 30, 2020 14:05
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Stroop There It Is posted:You're not broken, your dick's not broken, this is almost definitely 100% fixable performance anxiety. There's a lot of pressure with a new person, and there's even more unsexy pressure to stay hard when you've got this pattern and you're worrying about it happening again. Take some of that pressure off by taking intercourse off the table for at least the first time you're with them (remember, straights, "foreplay" is bullshit that values intercourse above all. Sex that isn't PIV is still sex). Idk if you feel comfortable doing this, but I think taking the pressure off for you to come the first time is a good idea, and be upfront with your partner that you want to focus on them the first time. This 100%. I'll echo that this is common and has happened to me and I'm sure every other man in the world. No reason to be embarrassed about it. Just be okay with not cumming or not doing piv or whatever, sex isn't only about an orgasm anyway.
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Jun 30, 2020 14:30
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My butt stuff thing was a joke as I didn't see the original post, but if it's being unable to orgasm then that's basically a super power. Better than being a two pump chump. The SSRI I'm on makes it harder for me to cum. When I get there it's way better though. Kinda like after a long edging session. Not all partners can get me there, but if they can't then *shrug* I just help out a little. And butt stuff, of course.
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Jun 30, 2020 17:12
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Masonity posted:My butt stuff thing was a joke as I didn't see the original post, but if it's being unable to orgasm then that's basically a super power. Better than being a two pump chump. The SSRI I'm on makes it harder for me to cum. When I get there it's way better though. Kinda like after a long edging session. Not all partners can get me there, but if they can't then *shrug* I just help out a little. Yeah, like being bald, the trick is to lean into it and/or get more fit. If you find yourself running out of stamina before getting to the end then it’s easier to get a little more stamina than it is to drop a successful (or at least “functioning”) medication regimen. Better for your mental health too. And your partners will generally appreciate it, but be mindful of their needs and don’t get boring or repetitive in your sexing technique either.
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Jun 30, 2020 20:25
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I wanna laser off my pubes. How’s it been for goons? E: or the electrosis? Whatever works best forever
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Jul 3, 2020 08:19
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