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I'm kind of embarrassed to be asking this but even though the last thread went down in flames, there were a lot of goons giving good advice. Here goes. My wife and I have discussed the possibility of having a threesome or swinging (not like an open relationship or all the time thing, just maybe a one-off here or there). We're both cool with the concept and all that entails. What we're kind of stuck on is how to find good partners/couples that won't murder us in a sex dungeon. We're pretty much put off on the idea of inviting any of our friends because there's too much potential for awkward and I refuse to go to Craigslist, the Walmart of the internet. For those who have been involved in those things before, how did you go about finding suitable partners/couples? We're at that stage where we're like, "we want to, but what now?"
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Mar 28, 2014 02:57
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Skutter posted:*raises hand* I'd like to read more about this too. My partner and I are looking for a unicorn (ha) or another couple to play with without having to resort to CL or Fetlife if at all possible. Neither of us have friends we could approach about this sort of thing either, as they're either all "not into it" or happily monogamous. Supposedly there are some kink-type places in our area where we could find other couples to swing with, but I'm not so sure I'm into the whole "public play" thing. I have also read that there are kink/swingers conventions where groups will take over a hotel for X amount of time and poo poo gets crazy. This may or may not be true, but I've read about it from a few different sources. I do think the couple of people who've replied are completely right on that you do want someone you can really trust in a situation like that. However, like you most of our friends likely wouldn't be "into that" or it just wouldn't be a topic that we'd feel comfortable bringing up with most of them. I've heard from people who've found unicorns on OKCupid but I can only imagine that bisexual women on OKC constantly get harassed for poo poo like that (I'm a bisexual dude myself so our search wouldn't necessarily be limited to just women). I know I've also seen a couple people talk about swingers clubs on here before, if anyone had information on how they've found those or how they got involved with those that would be pretty cool too. It's not like you walk down the street and see a big neon "JOE'S XXX SWINGERS CLUB" or something like that. Or maybe you do, I don't know. Since we're also talking about porn, I'm pretty sure there's live action smurf porn out there. I vaguely remember seeing it on one of those porn Youtubes years ago and it's infinitely more funny than sexy. Smearing yourself with body paint and then doing porn will only make it look like everyone's got some kind of skin disease by the end of it.
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Mar 30, 2014 06:47
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mmm11105 posted:I have a condom sizing question. I have a rather girthy penis (just over 5.75" around the shaft), and therefore regular condoms are way too tight. Based on what I read online, the only real options for me that are available around store where I live (rural-ish Canada) are either the Magnum XL or possibly the regular Magnum. For what it's worth I'm sized somewhat similarly. Back when my wife and I used condoms I'd usually go for a Magnum since standards were just too snug. I didn't notice much of a difference in terms of length but it did feel like it had a much more comfortable fit around the base of my shaft. YMMV obviously. I wouldn't go for the XLs quite yet (I've never personally tried them since they seems kinda pointless) but I'd say it's worth giving the regular Magnums a shot to see if it's more comfortable for you.
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Apr 10, 2014 03:46
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An ex of mine used to use "play" if they wanted to fool about without necessarily wanting sex. On one hand, I sort of get the concept. On the other hand, saying, "you wanna go play?" just sounds...off.
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May 9, 2014 01:50
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LeJackal posted:Its a really common term in some communities and subcultures for potentially non-sexual but erotic activities, particularly in the BDSM community. Be aware and try not to get things confused, or things may get weird - but maybe you'll like it a lot, so go try! I thought I'd heard something to that effect a while back (specifically related to BDSM), still interesting. Fake edit: And now that I think about it, that term in that context actually makes quite a bit of sense.
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May 10, 2014 20:07
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hoobajoo posted:Double post I know, but gently caress it. Nope, no weird pitfalls here. Just get one nice and stretchy and definitely be shaved or trimmed. We got one of the silicone ones and it really loves to catch every stray hair it can. Otherwise, just strap on and enjoy. I like it but my wife thinks it's the greatest thing ever so...good luck.
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May 29, 2014 01:17
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Warchicken posted:What are those for exactly? They've always sounded dangerous to me. Think of it like a wearable vibrator for dudes. I know one of the advertised uses is for longer, harder erections by keeping the blood in there. If you get the ball sling with it, I think it's supposed to also help you last longer? I've heard that pulling the balls away from the body help delay orgasm but I can't back that up. Mainly though it's a vibrator that works on both your partner and you. Not dangerous as far as I'm aware, long as you don't vicegrip it and leave it set on "hummingbird".
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May 29, 2014 02:29
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Ottoman posted:Common use for cock rings is maintaining an erection if you can't always keep it up, and they also seem to make the erection harder (as in, scary bulging veins). Apply around base of dick while flaccid, get monster boner; ejaculate and you will get soft again. Too tight and it may be uncomfortable, too loose and it won't do its job. If you're just experimenting then see if your local store has a multi-pack which comes with several sizes so you can figure out what works best for your girth. And yes, beware the hairs! I'm sure it's a YMMV scenario. I consider it a secondary feeling that adds to the situation instead of being the prime contributor, but it's still kinda fun. Then again I totally ignored that there are non-vibrating rings out there so my bad. If you're not sure the vibrating thing is right for you, the local sex shop should sell a one-time use ring to see if it's something for you. Ask questions too. Every sex shop worker I've ever talked to has been nothing short of awesome.
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May 29, 2014 04:03
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Since we're on sex toy chat, can anyone speak to experience with glass toys? The ones I've seen are stunningly beautiful and look like they could be fun but both my wife and I are a little wary about putting glass near our genitals.
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Jun 5, 2014 01:49
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That sounds good, thank you everyone. I guess I've just seen that video of the guy breaking the glass in his rear end one too many times (that is, once).
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Jun 5, 2014 04:03
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Yeah, it's a dumb as hell thought to even entertain. At least, I'm sure you'd hear more stories of shredded private parts if they were at all dangerous. Looks like it's time for a weekend trip to the Adult Novelty Emporium. Thanks again for the insight everyone.
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Jun 5, 2014 04:29
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My wife and I were pretty boring, we never had a problem with using just a regular old Trojan lubricated condom. Felt fine and offered all the protection we needed, never had any sort of scare or slippage with them. I might have mentioned this upthread a bit, I'm average length but above-average girth so the standard size condoms tended to pinch really tight around the shaft. I used Magnums for a bit more comfort. Never had a problem with the length of those either. The only ones we ever hated were ones with the desensitizing gel. Those are dumb, don't ever buy them unless you like humping away and never getting off. Now that my year-long vasectomy journey is over we're taking full advantage of that but we still have a mostly-full box of them around for things like anal. They also seem to work just fine for that.
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Jun 26, 2014 23:56
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KelJu posted:Forgive my stupidity, but why do you use a condom for anal sex with your wife? No worries. It's basically like everyone else has said, it's nothing to do with the fear of STDs or other stuff. Even with all the proper spring cleaning you can do ahead of anal sex I still figure I'm sticking my dick somewhere that could wedge all that bacteria straight up my urethra. It's not even about the poo poo, I don't think, that's an unfortunate potential by-product of anal sex itself. Better safe than sorry, I guess. That's my perspective at least.
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Jun 27, 2014 01:52
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While the physical symptoms of a vasectomy can subside after a week or so, like others have said it can take a couple of months to get back to 100%. My vasectomy was massively hosed up (you can check the vasectomy thread for that story, it was a long, annoying, almost year-long ordeal) so my story might be a bit of an outlier, but the first month or so after getting close to recovery the orgasms were a little less intense. There was also a golf ball sized lump on my left testicle so it kind of kept all the moving and other fun stuff to a minimum which might have had something to do with it. I'm not a doctor or a psychologist by any means but I couldn't discount psychological factors as well. Anecdotally, I know after my vasectomy I was worried about it not working and that permanent damage may have been done and this hurts and that hurts, etc., so everything was kind of less fun and toned down. Give it time, take it slow, and if something doesn't seem right definitely hit up a doctor or urologist. Urologists are some of the coolest doctors around.
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Jul 31, 2014 17:20
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C-Euro posted:I could have sworn there was an A/T thread specifically about, and there's a few sentences about the subject in general in the OP, but I gotta ask- any male-specific tips for trimming and cleaning up one's pubic hair? My fiance claims that she'll give me more head if I lose some of the hair in that area, and I figure that calling her on it is worth a shot. Probably best to start with some sort of smaller hair-trimming scissors and a steady hand? To echo the rest, I've always used an electric trimmer to start it off and then finished up with a regular razor. Depending on a lot of factors, pubic hair tends to be long, dense, and coarse meaning going straight at it with a regular razor is a surefire way to gum it up quick. I usually do the razor bit while taking a shower as well, way easier to deal with the cleanup. Haven't nicked myself yet. Like Hooba mentioned, doing the balls is going to be tricky. If you can get away without doing them or just trimming them as opposed to clean shave, that's generally better. Otherwise just be sure to pull the skin taut and use a light touch. After all is said and done, it's going to look better and feel better.
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Oct 30, 2014 19:18
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Artificer posted:My girlfriend has a particularly small mouth I guess. Or she says she can't open it very much. Thus during blowjobs there is often pressure. From teeth. Aargh. Any tips? She wraps her lips over her teeth but its still a bit painful. My wife has a similar issue, except it's more of a jaw issue (it tends to get sore and lock up easy). I'd like it say it's because of my massive dong but that's wishful thinking on my part. I've always told her to never do more than is comfortable or just don't do it if she can't but she insists she enjoys doing it. I just ask her to incorporate her hands into it or do it in short bursts or something. It's bad advice probably, but I'd just ask her to use it as part of the process instead of the whole act. To piggyback on the question though, if anyone has had a similar jaw issue and gotten it worked out I'd love to hear it. My wife get disappointed sometimes and wishes she could do more (no matter how many times I tell her I don't care about that).
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Nov 4, 2014 16:19
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It won't be considered an official MMF threesome until you perform the Eiffel Tower.
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Jan 29, 2015 16:50
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Sorry to break into condom chat but I was wondering if anyone had any advice (or if it's even possible) to shorten my refractory period? Maybe I just feel like I'm slowing down but I used to be able to go again in fairly short order and it seems like I just need more and more time between sessions. Is that even possible or is this just a side effect of getting older? (I'm 30 if that matters)
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Sep 27, 2015 21:13
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Shine posted:Once you hit 30, you gradually become worse at everything. Sorry. I did sneeze and hit my head on my desk earlier today, so you might be onto something.
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Sep 27, 2015 23:26
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Brutor Fartknocker posted:How much do you masturbate? Not too often but admittedly a bit more lately since my wife and I are on opposing shifts (her nights, me days) so it's been difficult to get together during the week. I could tone it down a bit and see. That or the rhino horn thing I guess.
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Sep 29, 2015 00:51
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Hey all. I could use a bit of a brainstorm here. I've been having some kind of issue lately and I'm just not sure what else I can do about it. I've got an upcoming appointment with my GP and I'm working with my therapist as well so I'm not substituting goon advice for medical advice, but I tend to freeze up in these appointments so if I have stuff written down it helps me remember to bring it up. So it'd be cool to maybe get a couple of ideas from you all so I can think of a direction to go. I've (cis-male, late 30s) been with my wife (cis-female, late 30s) almost 10 years now. Our sex life wasn't always good (I'd actually say most of it wasn't all that good) but we've put in a lot of effort to make changes and communications and things have dramatically improved over the past couple years. We were both overweight but we're crushing it in that department (she's down 30 pounds, I'm down almost 20). I've gotten my blood pressure under control, my A1c has fallen well out of pre-diabetic range, and my cholesterol (which was through the loving roof 18 months ago) actually fits on the little line graph the doctor uses now. Point there is we've taken considerable control of our health in recent years, and these problems seem to be worse even after all that. But basically, when we're having sex or doing anything else, everything is always going well for me right up until I'm about, I'd say 80% of the way to orgasm. At that point it's like all sensation completely disappears and no matter what I'm not able to get it back. It's almost like I've completely skipped the orgasm/ejaculation part and gone from arousal to the downswing of refractory. This probably happens a little more than half the time we're having sex, or if we're just loving around without penetration. It's extremely frustrating for both of us, even if we know (logically) that orgasms don't necessarily have to be the final destination if that makes sense. She's never had a problem in that department, she seems to be working just fine without any issues. I've also never had a problem with impotence; getting and maintaining an erection is not a problem. I am on SSRIs (Celexa) and the doctor put me on Wellbutrin about 6 months ago to try and alleviate it. It helped for a little bit, but it's still pretty prevalent. I've been on SSRIs for about 10 years now, and I never really had these problems for the first 6-7 years of taking them. All of my other meds (blood pressure meds, cholesterol meds) I've also been taking for a fair bit of time, and they didn't have an effect on that either. I thought it could be regular old death grip so I've stopped masturbating all together (for about the last 3-4 months), that doesn't seem to be having much of an effect. I don't even get that blue ball feeling or whatever it's called, like something's backed up in there, it's just like my body considers itself having orgasmed without actually doing anything. It's bizarre, I don't know if I'm explaining it right at all but that's about the best I can do. It could be the meds but considering how long I've been on them it seems a little less likely (I'm no doctor, though). It could absolutely be psychological which, if it is, I have no idea why it's coming up now. Maybe I'm just getting too old and this is the natural progression of things. I've never gone too in depth with my therapist on these things, no idea why I'm so nervous to bring it up but we've kind of started talking about it over the past couple sessions. He also gave me a couple referrals to couples sex therapists which my wife and I have been thinking about exploring, just to see if we can learn how to communicate about these things better. I dunno. It's just super frustrating and I'm running out of ideas on my own. My GP and therapist will hopefully help a bit, but I'd love any additional ideas y'all might have or things I might want to keep in mind and bring up with my doc in case I forget. Fake edit: I'm seeing the most recent posts and I'm kind of seeing the connection w/ expectations and all. We are trying to mentally re-frame intimacy as less about the destination and more about the journey, but we've only just started that so it might be a bit down the road.
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Mar 26, 2023 18:39
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I’d already forgotten I’d posted here but I wanted to give my thanks for the advice. I feel far better being in therapy than I ever have on citalopram alone, so I think we’ll start by targeting that and seeing about dropping the dosage down. The wife has been nothing but supportive so I think we’ll work through this just as well as we always do. Thanks again, all.
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Apr 12, 2023 05:59
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Violet_Sky posted:Question: Lately I found that getting off for getting off's sake does nothing for me. I need be to emotionally invested. I'm a cis woman on SSRIs which I'm sure aren't helping. But when I try to get off normally I just get bored. Is my junk broke or am I just demisexual? I’m not the person to comment on demisexuality (I am not, and I don’t have a good grasp on the concept) but SSRIs do all sorts of things not just to your ability to get off but (sometimes) the way you think/feel about it. Like (and sorry if this is too much info) but until I got my SSRI situation figured out, when I tried to get off either by myself or with my wife, my (cis male) body would react like it normally would, but there was little actual pleasure and finishing was practically impossible. Adjusting my dosage and adding Wellbutrin to the mix did the trick — all via my doctor, of course — so it’s possible there’s something available from that front.
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Jan 8, 2024 15:47
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