|
  The Worst Thread 2014 Edition aka The Papa Smurf Memorial Thread aka Adolf Hitler's Sex Festival Mclaren Mercedes aka Grand Pricks aka The Final Solution to the Vettel Problem It's been a grim few months in this year's F1 off-season. John Button, father of driver Jenson Button died suddenly at the age of 70. He was popular throughout the F1 community and will be much missed. Grand Nagus Bernie Ecclestone looks set to be dethroned because of 'allegations' that he bribed someone in order to keep a controlling stake in F1 and still make loads of money a few years back, and we'll all miss him horribly when Christian Horner takes over and literally never shuts up. Oh, and 7 times World Champion Michael Schumacher fell badly whilst skiing and remains in a coma. Worst of all, Sebastian Vettel became a father. It's all change this year, with new engine specifications likely to determine the running order for at least the first part of the season. It looks very probable that the Vettelsreich is over for this season at least, so everyone relax, decide which Mercedes-powered team you would rather win the Championships and enjoy!   Calendar If you cannot find a way to legally watch a broadcast live and would like a stream, visit us in irc: #f1 on synirc.net Crash Course for noobsFormula 1 is the pinnacle of worldwide motorsport. It's the best drivers out there competing against each-other in cars designed by the best motorsport engineers. The cars are built to a formula (specified by the technical regulations) but it's the engineers' job to maximise the performance of their car with whatever engineering trickery they can squeeze by the rulemakers. It's also the world's most expensive soap opera, complete with rivalries, villains, fights, romances, supermodels, highs, lows and general absurdities. Each team (or 'constructor') will run two cars in every one of the 19 races scheduled for the 2014 season. Each driver scores points for his finishing position and the team scores the combined total of its drivers' points. The driver with the most points at the end of the season is the new World Drivers' Champion (WDC) and the team with the most points wins the World Constructors' Championship (WCC). Sebastian Vettel and his Red Bull team are the reigning WDC and WCC respectively. 2014 ChangesThe most important change is the switch from 2.4 V8 engines to 1.6 turbo V6 hybrid 'power units'. The technology is all very complicated but the general outcome is a reportedly ~600bhp engine supplimented with a further ~160bhp harvested from braking and excess heat, although these numbers may actually be a bit conservative, based on what has been revealed in pre-season testing. The success of a constructor this season may depend on which power unit they run (Mercedes, Ferrari or Renault) and how well they and their drivers adapt to their new characteristics. In order to 'promote fuel efficiency' each car is now required to complete the entire race distance of ~300km on 100kg of fuel, which is less than 2/3rds of the fuel most teams used last season when fuel use was unrestricted. There is also a maximum fuel flow rate. This will inevitably lead to annoying people complaining that the drivers are 'managing the car' rather than 'purely racing'. Gearboxes have increased to 8 forward gears (from 7 previously), but now have fixed gear ratios for the whole season - although as this is the first season under these rules one change is actually permitted. Designing gear ratios that let the car perform well both at Monaco and at Monza is an enormous challenge. The rest of the rule changes are comparatively minor, such as reducing the pit lane speed limit, the number of tyre sets in qualifying, and tweaks to the penalties drivers can accrue. If you want to read them all the official website has them summarised and also in detail if you can be bothered. ...oh yeah and dicknoses. the geniuses at the FIA changed the rules on the forward crash structures, trying to force lower noses that won't decapitate drivers or something, but didn't realise most teams would keep their aerodynamically superior high noses and just slap a 'marital aid' on the front that met the letter of the rules. Dicknoses aside, by far the most embarrassing addition to the rules for this season is the decision to score the final race of the season with double the usual points. This bafflingly dumb choice only makes sense when you realise that it's very important to keep oil rich Sheikhs paying Bernie megabucks to host the final race of the season, and to make sure that the championship is determined there. Driver NumbersFor the first time this season drivers have been allowed to choose permanant racing numbers rather than have it determined based on the previous year's championship. This is so they can create horrible hastag portmanteaux like #r8main, #bo77as and #m4x (literally not a joke). OK some of them have marginally more sensible or sentimental reasons for taking their numbers, but the idea as a whole is purely for marketing. Vettel wears 1 as reigning champion but if he doesn't win this season he will wear 5 next year (because 5 is V in Roman numerals, geddit??? So zany!) Teams and Drivers arranged by engine goodness  Mercedes "The silver and teal car without a dicknose" "German" | HQ: Brackley, UK | 2013: 2nd, 360pts Clearly the fastest car in testing, and seems to be very reliable as well. The Brackley team will relish the chance to build a strong headstart like they did in 2009.
 Williams "The car with the awesome Martini livery" British | HQ: Grove, UK | 2013: 9th, 5pts Started development on this season's car early last season, and it seems to have paid off with many expecting a Williams revival.
 McLaren "The boring silver and black car with a dicknose" British | HQ: Woking, UK | 2013: 5th, 122pts Looks an improvement on last year's disaster, but still lacking the final edge. Their innovative rear suspension system could end up being scrutinised if they do too well.
 Force India "The orange and green team with a big black cock" "Indian" | HQ: Silverstone, UK | 2013: 6th, 77pts Likely to be the weakest Mercedes powered team, but they will still be capable of good results at the right tracks.
  Ferrari "The Red team not sponsored by Marlboro at all because that would be illegal" Italian | HQ: Maranello, Italy | 2013: 3rd, 354pts Strongest of the Ferrari powered teams, as you'd expect. I think they will perform as well or slightly better than McLaren, if they can avoid their two world champion drivers butting heads.
 Sauber "The very grey Swiss car" Swiss | HQ: Hinwil. Switzerland | 2013: 7th, 57pts Sauber are a perennial midfield team, but their recent forward progress could have been halted this season by their choice of Ferrari power.
 Marussia "The cobbled together from the scrapyard car" "Russian" | HQ: Banbury, UK | 2013: 10th, 0pts With enough attrition Marussia might finally score a point, but this is still fairly unlikely. Any finish on performance ahead of a Renault powered team other than Caterham would be like a win.
  Red Bull "The fabulous purpley-blue energy drink car" "Austrian" | HQ: Milton Keynes, UK | 2013: 1st, 596pts The reigning champions have been blighted by engine and overheating problems, but if they get them sorted the pace should be there to compete.
 Lotus "The 'badly aping a classic F1 team' team" British | HQ: Enstone, UK | 2013: 4th, 315pts Lotus have taken some bold design choices, not least of which is their asymmetric twin nose. However these probably won't be enough to overcome their engine defficiency.
 Toro Rosso "The not a second Red Bull team, honest" Italian | HQ: Faenza, Italy | 2013: 8th, 33pts Red Bull's junior team chose to switch to Renault power from Ferrari to mirror their parent team...
 Caterham "The 'what the hell is that green thing' car" "Malaysian" | HQ: Leafield, UK | 2013: 11th, 0pts This looks likely to be the Leafield outfit's worst season since they entered in 2010, but their uncomplicated design has made them the most reliable Renault powered team in testing.
Links Official F1 website - free live timing, info and news Worst Thread irc channel - #f1 on synirc.net Previous Threads 2013-14 Off-season 2013 season 2012 season 2011-12 Off-season 2011 Part 1|2011 Breakaway (stop talking about phones!)|2011 Part 2 2010-2011 Off Season 2010 Part 1|2010 Part 2 2009-2010 Off season 2009 News and Views|2009 Part 1|2009 Breakaway Thread|2009 Part 2 2008-2009 Off season 2008 Part 1|2008 Part 2|2008 Part 3 2007-2008 Off season 2007 Part 1|2007 Part 2|2007 Part 3 2006 Part 1|2006 Part 2|2006 Part 3|2006 Part 4|2006 Part 5 2005 Whole Season 2005 Part WTF 2004 Whole Season  http://i.imgur.com/tszzPid.gifv Tsaedje fucked around with this message at 10:34 on Nov 10, 2014 |
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 21:51
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 19, 2024 04:57 |
|
|
Also, I'm back.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 21:54
|
|
|
Jenson Button WDC
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 21:55
|
|
|
Brainwrong posted:Also, I'm back. Yep, Schumacher - Brainwrong, myth busted
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:00
|
|
|
Nice OP The Worst Thread begins here VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:00
|
|
|
I'm pretty sure Bernie's official title is Grand Nagus not Supreme Overlord.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:02
|
|
|
Dynamite Dog posted:I'm pretty sure Bernie's official title is Grand Nagus not Supreme Overlord. Good spot
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:05
|
|
|
Humble suggestion that you remove the dashes before and after the driver numbers and maybe just leave out the non-bolded middle names because the current format is bordering on unreadable for my admittedly tired and distracted brain. There's just too much stuff going on!
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:08
|
|
|
The Mash posted:Humble suggestion that you remove the dashes before and after the driver numbers and maybe just leave out the non-bolded middle names because the current format is bordering on unreadable for my admittedly tired and distracted brain. There's just too much stuff going on! Sure thing, I was borderline on both of those things myself.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:08
|
|
|
poty posted:Nice OP The arrows aren't pointing left mate, you may want to fix that
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:08
|
|
|
Tsaedje posted:Sure thing, I was borderline on both of those things myself. Thanks, great OP otherwise even if I'd like to see a gratutious .gif of a Red Bull on fire
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:14
|
|
|
Top title and OP, OP.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:14
|
|
|
The Mash posted:Thanks, great OP otherwise even if I'd like to see a gratutious .gif of a Red Bull on fire There'll be plenty of those as the season progresses, I'm sure
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:15
|
|
|
My brother has gotten me into F1 the past couple seasons. I will definitely be lurking this thread hard. Thanks for a good OP. Go Raikkonen heck yes heck
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:15
|
|
|
Every time you list all the historical threads I'm reminded that I created a monster back in 2004 that I'll never be able to forget. Also, need to get a new avatar today, hmmmm. I also noticed ill be in Montreal for the Bahrain GP. Any of you guys in Montreal and want to watch the race? NoArmedMan fucked around with this message at 22:23 on Mar 13, 2014 |
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:20
|
|
|
How many cars do you think will finish the first race? I mean literally finish, as in physically cross the line, not just be classified even if they stop two laps before the end I'm going to say 11.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:26
|
|
|
I'm licking my lips at all those likable Mercedes-powered drivers.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:34
|
|
|
Going to the F1 today 
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:35
|
|
|
I'll take the over on 11. But not by much, I say 14. I wonder if anyone will get black-flagged for driving too slow and just limping around hoping for others to go Kablammo.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:37
|
|
|
Brainwrong posted:How many cars do you think will finish the first race? I mean literally finish, as in physically cross the line, not just be classified even if they stop two laps before the end My boss said one of the write in votes that skybet were offering somewhere was "no cars to finish", which sounded awesome to put a pound on, but I can't find it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:39
|
|
|
What's the odds on a Magnussen debut win, I'd put $1 on that if I could.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:41
|
|
|
You Am I posted:Going to the F1 today Are you heading for qualifying? Theres about 5 of us melbourne goons heading to the race tomorrow. If you (or anyone) wants to catch up and drink beer!
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:42
|
|
|
Ground floor of the worst thread. Can't wait for quali and the race, it feels like a full year waiting.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:45
|
|
|
Fag Boy Jim posted:What's the odds on a Magnussen debut win, I'd put $1 on that if I could. 16/1 on skybet, which is barely worse than Kimi's odds.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:54
|
|
|
Fag Boy Jim posted:What's the odds on a Magnussen debut win, I'd put $1 on that if I could. 18/1 Might go for that myself edit: PaddyPower
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:54
|
|
|
(somewhat) Bold predictions: * Red Bull will show decent pace, but will struggle with technical issues and won't challenge wins initially. * Mercedes will show excellent pace (á la Ferrari in 2004) but the car won't be bulletproof, so it's gonna be a lottery regarding who will win the first couple of races. * Alonso is gonna start most races from 7th position, and will finish in second place. He's not gonna be WDC this year either. * McLaren will do something hilarious and stupid, much like every other year. * Felipe Massa 2014 WDC
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:55
|
|
|
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/mo...-character.htmlquote:Lewis Hamilton has bizarrely said in regard to Michael Schumacher's skiing accident that "all things happens for a reason" as the Briton gears up for the new F1 season. daaaaamn, ice cold
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:56
|
|
|
NoArmedMan posted:Every time you list all the historical threads I'm reminded that I created a monster back in 2004... I always get scared at those links, I don't have archives access so I'm spared the horror but I'd hate to see what I was like 10 years ago on the internet. One day I'll bother to buy archives access just to have a nose in those threads, but that day is not today. It'd be nice to go see all of El Hefe's posts that I didn't read at the time thanks to having him on ignore though.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:56
|
|
|
I think we were much more at each others throats in those old threads- these days, most of us are at least somewhat united in despising RBR/Vettel.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 22:59
|
|
|
Moxie Omen posted:http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/mo...-character.html He's quite religious, so I suspect it has to do with that. (AKA:"God Wills It!!")
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:02
|
|
|
Fag Boy Jim posted:I think we were much more at each others throats in those old threads- these days, most of us are at least somewhat united in despising RBR/Vettel. A symptom of old age, we've all calmed down a bit and stopped being fueled by so much testosterone 
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:04
|
|
|
Rubens to dramatically come out of retirement to replace Vettel at Red Bull and finally get that WDC.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:06
|
|
|
No "Sex" thread tag? Come on, that tag even has the Toro Rosso's nose on it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:10
|
|
|
OH NO MAN posted:No "Sex" thread tag? Come on, that tag even has the Toro Rosso's nose on it. SAS mods have been quite strict about using correct tags in here in the past so I thought it best to go with RACING
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:16
|
|
|
Has anyone gotten Damon Hill's input on Schumacher's coma????
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:20
|
|
|
Moxie Omen posted:http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/mo...-character.html A nice sentiment when taken in context but holy poo poo what a retarded way to phrase it.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:25
|
|
|
Moxie Omen posted:http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/mo...-character.html
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:27
|
|
|
Sashimi posted:Is this really the extent to which God is willing to go to prevent another horrible comeback attempt? There is no god. If I'm wrong then may Vettel get struck by lightning and vaporized on the warmup lap on Sunday. Check and mate.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:32
|
|
|
Oh hey, I found a complete list of which NBC channel will be showing which Grand Prix for the whole season, although it looks like Qualifying is still TBD. http://motorsportstalk.nbcsports.com/2014/03/11/complete-2014-f1-on-nbc-sports-tv-times-schedule/
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:38
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 19, 2024 04:57 |
|
|
Let's do this poo poo. Whoever said the F1 ios app had a horrible ui wasn't kidding.
|
|
#
?
Mar 13, 2014 23:46
|
|