|
  The Worst Thread 2014 Edition aka The Papa Smurf Memorial Thread aka Adolf Hitler's Sex Festival Mclaren Mercedes aka Grand Pricks aka The Final Solution to the Vettel Problem It's been a grim few months in this year's F1 off-season. John Button, father of driver Jenson Button died suddenly at the age of 70. He was popular throughout the F1 community and will be much missed. Grand Nagus Bernie Ecclestone looks set to be dethroned because of 'allegations' that he bribed someone in order to keep a controlling stake in F1 and still make loads of money a few years back, and we'll all miss him horribly when Christian Horner takes over and literally never shuts up. Oh, and 7 times World Champion Michael Schumacher fell badly whilst skiing and remains in a coma. Worst of all, Sebastian Vettel became a father. It's all change this year, with new engine specifications likely to determine the running order for at least the first part of the season. It looks very probable that the Vettelsreich is over for this season at least, so everyone relax, decide which Mercedes-powered team you would rather win the Championships and enjoy!   Calendar If you cannot find a way to legally watch a broadcast live and would like a stream, visit us in irc: #f1 on synirc.net Crash Course for noobsFormula 1 is the pinnacle of worldwide motorsport. It's the best drivers out there competing against each-other in cars designed by the best motorsport engineers. The cars are built to a formula (specified by the technical regulations) but it's the engineers' job to maximise the performance of their car with whatever engineering trickery they can squeeze by the rulemakers. It's also the world's most expensive soap opera, complete with rivalries, villains, fights, romances, supermodels, highs, lows and general absurdities. Each team (or 'constructor') will run two cars in every one of the 19 races scheduled for the 2014 season. Each driver scores points for his finishing position and the team scores the combined total of its drivers' points. The driver with the most points at the end of the season is the new World Drivers' Champion (WDC) and the team with the most points wins the World Constructors' Championship (WCC). Sebastian Vettel and his Red Bull team are the reigning WDC and WCC respectively. 2014 ChangesThe most important change is the switch from 2.4 V8 engines to 1.6 turbo V6 hybrid 'power units'. The technology is all very complicated but the general outcome is a reportedly ~600bhp engine supplimented with a further ~160bhp harvested from braking and excess heat, although these numbers may actually be a bit conservative, based on what has been revealed in pre-season testing. The success of a constructor this season may depend on which power unit they run (Mercedes, Ferrari or Renault) and how well they and their drivers adapt to their new characteristics. In order to 'promote fuel efficiency' each car is now required to complete the entire race distance of ~300km on 100kg of fuel, which is less than 2/3rds of the fuel most teams used last season when fuel use was unrestricted. There is also a maximum fuel flow rate. This will inevitably lead to annoying people complaining that the drivers are 'managing the car' rather than 'purely racing'. Gearboxes have increased to 8 forward gears (from 7 previously), but now have fixed gear ratios for the whole season - although as this is the first season under these rules one change is actually permitted. Designing gear ratios that let the car perform well both at Monaco and at Monza is an enormous challenge. The rest of the rule changes are comparatively minor, such as reducing the pit lane speed limit, the number of tyre sets in qualifying, and tweaks to the penalties drivers can accrue. If you want to read them all the official website has them summarised and also in detail if you can be bothered. ...oh yeah and dicknoses. the geniuses at the FIA changed the rules on the forward crash structures, trying to force lower noses that won't decapitate drivers or something, but didn't realise most teams would keep their aerodynamically superior high noses and just slap a 'marital aid' on the front that met the letter of the rules. Dicknoses aside, by far the most embarrassing addition to the rules for this season is the decision to score the final race of the season with double the usual points. This bafflingly dumb choice only makes sense when you realise that it's very important to keep oil rich Sheikhs paying Bernie megabucks to host the final race of the season, and to make sure that the championship is determined there. Driver NumbersFor the first time this season drivers have been allowed to choose permanant racing numbers rather than have it determined based on the previous year's championship. This is so they can create horrible hastag portmanteaux like #r8main, #bo77as and #m4x (literally not a joke). OK some of them have marginally more sensible or sentimental reasons for taking their numbers, but the idea as a whole is purely for marketing. Vettel wears 1 as reigning champion but if he doesn't win this season he will wear 5 next year (because 5 is V in Roman numerals, geddit??? So zany!) Teams and Drivers arranged by engine goodness  Mercedes "The silver and teal car without a dicknose" "German" | HQ: Brackley, UK | 2013: 2nd, 360pts Clearly the fastest car in testing, and seems to be very reliable as well. The Brackley team will relish the chance to build a strong headstart like they did in 2009.
 Williams "The car with the awesome Martini livery" British | HQ: Grove, UK | 2013: 9th, 5pts Started development on this season's car early last season, and it seems to have paid off with many expecting a Williams revival.
 McLaren "The boring silver and black car with a dicknose" British | HQ: Woking, UK | 2013: 5th, 122pts Looks an improvement on last year's disaster, but still lacking the final edge. Their innovative rear suspension system could end up being scrutinised if they do too well.
 Force India "The orange and green team with a big black cock" "Indian" | HQ: Silverstone, UK | 2013: 6th, 77pts Likely to be the weakest Mercedes powered team, but they will still be capable of good results at the right tracks.
  Ferrari "The Red team not sponsored by Marlboro at all because that would be illegal" Italian | HQ: Maranello, Italy | 2013: 3rd, 354pts Strongest of the Ferrari powered teams, as you'd expect. I think they will perform as well or slightly better than McLaren, if they can avoid their two world champion drivers butting heads.
 Sauber "The very grey Swiss car" Swiss | HQ: Hinwil. Switzerland | 2013: 7th, 57pts Sauber are a perennial midfield team, but their recent forward progress could have been halted this season by their choice of Ferrari power.
 Marussia "The cobbled together from the scrapyard car" "Russian" | HQ: Banbury, UK | 2013: 10th, 0pts With enough attrition Marussia might finally score a point, but this is still fairly unlikely. Any finish on performance ahead of a Renault powered team other than Caterham would be like a win.
  Red Bull "The fabulous purpley-blue energy drink car" "Austrian" | HQ: Milton Keynes, UK | 2013: 1st, 596pts The reigning champions have been blighted by engine and overheating problems, but if they get them sorted the pace should be there to compete.
 Lotus "The 'badly aping a classic F1 team' team" British | HQ: Enstone, UK | 2013: 4th, 315pts Lotus have taken some bold design choices, not least of which is their asymmetric twin nose. However these probably won't be enough to overcome their engine defficiency.
 Toro Rosso "The not a second Red Bull team, honest" Italian | HQ: Faenza, Italy | 2013: 8th, 33pts Red Bull's junior team chose to switch to Renault power from Ferrari to mirror their parent team...
 Caterham "The 'what the hell is that green thing' car" "Malaysian" | HQ: Leafield, UK | 2013: 11th, 0pts This looks likely to be the Leafield outfit's worst season since they entered in 2010, but their uncomplicated design has made them the most reliable Renault powered team in testing.
Links Official F1 website - free live timing, info and news Worst Thread irc channel - #f1 on synirc.net Previous Threads 2013-14 Off-season 2013 season 2012 season 2011-12 Off-season 2011 Part 1|2011 Breakaway (stop talking about phones!)|2011 Part 2 2010-2011 Off Season 2010 Part 1|2010 Part 2 2009-2010 Off season 2009 News and Views|2009 Part 1|2009 Breakaway Thread|2009 Part 2 2008-2009 Off season 2008 Part 1|2008 Part 2|2008 Part 3 2007-2008 Off season 2007 Part 1|2007 Part 2|2007 Part 3 2006 Part 1|2006 Part 2|2006 Part 3|2006 Part 4|2006 Part 5 2005 Whole Season 2005 Part WTF 2004 Whole Season  http://i.imgur.com/tszzPid.gifv Tsaedje fucked around with this message at 10:34 on Nov 10, 2014 |
#
¿
Mar 13, 2014 21:51
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 09:35 |
|
|
Dynamite Dog posted:I'm pretty sure Bernie's official title is Grand Nagus not Supreme Overlord. Good spot
|
|
#
¿
Mar 13, 2014 22:05
|
|
|
The Mash posted:Humble suggestion that you remove the dashes before and after the driver numbers and maybe just leave out the non-bolded middle names because the current format is bordering on unreadable for my admittedly tired and distracted brain. There's just too much stuff going on! Sure thing, I was borderline on both of those things myself.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 13, 2014 22:08
|
|
|
The Mash posted:Thanks, great OP otherwise even if I'd like to see a gratutious .gif of a Red Bull on fire There'll be plenty of those as the season progresses, I'm sure
|
|
#
¿
Mar 13, 2014 22:15
|
|
|
OH NO MAN posted:No "Sex" thread tag? Come on, that tag even has the Toro Rosso's nose on it. SAS mods have been quite strict about using correct tags in here in the past so I thought it best to go with RACING
|
|
#
¿
Mar 13, 2014 23:16
|
|
|
Fag Boy Jim posted:It's not like there was much to talk about in 2004. Coincidentally last season was the first season since 2004 where we didn't have a part II thread
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 00:29
|
|
|
lotharr posted:Great OP, loves it. I really don't think it will. Webber's not a dickhead, and even if he hates Helmut Marko with good reason he's probably still good buddies with 95% of the team and is still being paid to do corporate events for them like Coulthard, so he's not going to slag them off.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 01:18
|
|
|
lotharr posted:Yeah I know I wonder which driver me ma's going to fall madly in love with now "that nice Mr. Webber" has retired
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 01:23
|
|
|
lotharr posted:If she's similar to my wife then it'll be either Button or Alonso to be honest. I can't share Jense with my mum, that's a step too far.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 01:27
|
|
|
marsisol posted:They're showing a special on Sebastian Vettel right now on NBCSN on how he's so likable. The Red Bull marketing team are like that kid that gave himself a 'cool' nickname so everyone would think he was cool
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 01:36
|
|
|
Pablo Bluth posted:Still have overheating issues at RBR, as demonstrated by this slightly melted bodywork Vettel was told to he was fuelled for 5 timed laps on the radio, but only did 3 (plus an out and in lap)
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 06:25
|
|
|
Myrddin_Emrys posted:Watching the practice replay on Sky now, and I do have to say Buttons car sounds meatier than the others, like a guttural growl. They've mounted a camera inside the nose with a window. They will have to take equivalent ballast to compensate for not having a camera pod.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 16:47
|
|
|
El Hefe posted:Guys I don't think Lotus are going to be able to finish this race They'll be lucky to start it
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 16:54
|
|
|
Kvyat looks proper out of his depth. Not quite Yuji Ide levels, but close.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 14, 2014 18:54
|
|
|
I'm not even sad that Button got screwed by Kimi's spin because the whole of that qualifying session was fully sick and everything owns
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 08:11
|
|
|
You Am I posted:OTOH Vettel would've got in Nah he wasn't quick enough, he lost the time on his last lap in the sector after he passed Kimi's car 
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 08:14
|
|
|
Vettel.mp3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5irHyoRNcRY
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 08:28
|
|
|
Hexyflexy posted:KERS failure. Even though it isn't fitted. ERS-K failure
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 08:37
|
|
|
Hobo Lumpkins posted:It's amazing how much of a change a good car can make to a driver. So proud of Ricciardo! Magnussen did a good job as well, I really don't think Perez would have made it through to q3 in the same conditions. Big Ron know's what he's doing
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 08:40
|
|
|
Whitey Ford posted:retarding his boost? You are Martin Brundle and I claim my £5
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 12:14
|
|
|
Diet Crack posted:Brilliant to see things get mixed up for a change. Williams certainly underperformed in Q3 though :/ As I've been prattling on for weeks now Australia is historically a really poor indicator of actual form, and the rain in qualifying really evened things out. Underperformance in qualifying/wet conditions only becomes an issue when there's a clear trend. I'm super stoked for the race tomorrow. From what I've read the Mercedes engine's advantage could really show when it comes to fuel consumption in the race. Red Bull and Ferrari being quicker than expected in qualifying is all very well, but if they have to turn down the engine after a few laps of it to finish with enough fuel to be legal on a track where passing is very possible they won't get much out of tomorrow. The comparative lack of wheelspin coming away from corners could also massively help Mercedes-powered cars which are less likely to shred them.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 12:45
|
|
|
Clarence posted:drat the BBC It's not the BBC's fault Bernie's a oval office who sold the full live coverage package to Rupert Murdoch
|
|
#
¿
Mar 15, 2014 20:58
|
|
|
Brilliant race, great result, shame Red Bull hosed their number 2 by sticking two fingers up at the FIA. What did they think would happen? Rundown for those not bothering to read the steward's report:
They are not going to win the appeal.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 16, 2014 19:49
|
|
|
There is a clear procedure to follow if the sensor isn't working, and Red Bull decided to ignore it and do their own thing then play the victim to the press when they got caught red-handed. If they'd turned it down as they were told, the worst they would have got was 4th place, and might even have managed to keep 3rd. As it is they're flying away from Australia with 0 points and a pissed off Aussie number 2 driver.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 16, 2014 20:13
|
|
|
serious gaylord posted:What they're basically saying is that the FIA test isnt accurate enough so they wont use it. Yet all their championship winning cars exploit the FIA tests not being accurate enough to 'cheat'. Nah everyone's just jealous because they win too much and everything they do is completely above board.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 16, 2014 20:14
|
|
|
Should've made it a double points race to up the excitement
|
|
#
¿
Mar 19, 2014 16:59
|
|
|
PoopSok posted:Just out of curiosity for fun speculation, if Bottas hadn't had the gearbox penalty or the puncture, would have been able to catch Rosberg? Bottas' fastest lap came at the end of the race on low fuel and was still a tenth slower than the fastest lap Rosberg set on lap 19. Rosberg was coasting and won by 25 seconds.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2014 00:33
|
|
|
enri posted:Totally forgot about his gearbox penalty. Bare in mind though, one of the people who gained the most from the safety car caused by Bottas was... Bottas. If you're going to have to dive into the pits to get something fixed, then there's no better time like the bunching up of a safety car period to soften the blow a bit. If I was the FIA I would definitely slap a fine on them. I honestly don't know what they're trying to achieve by appealing the verdict - they're asking the FIA to admit they were wrong to want Red Bull to follow a procedure they had agreed to, and the way they immediately tried to control the media narrative by talking about discrepancies between the sensor and "fuel flow, which was the actual injection of fuel into the engine" - which we know from the FIA statement was actually just a model - is disgraceful.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2014 01:47
|
|
|
The Sweet Hereafter posted:F1 2014: Nose Pollution The Force India is still ugly as sin, but I'm already used to all the others
|
|
#
¿
Mar 20, 2014 18:04
|
|
|
Sulman posted:Does anyone know how Red Bull can have a successful appeal without challenging the very concept of homologation, and setting a seriously worrying precedent? Presumably their argument is not that they don't think homologated sensors are a bad idea, just that the particular ones that don't match their own measurements and predictions should be ignored.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 21, 2014 15:02
|
|
|
Sulman posted:I know that things aren't black and white in F1 regulations; stranger things have happened, like the Sepang barge boards in '99. It's pretty black and white in this case "Technical directive 01614 (1 March 2014) provides the methodology by which the sensor will be used, and, should the sensor fail, the method by which the alternate model could be used. a. The technical directive starts by stating: "The homologated fuel flow sensor will be the primary measurement of the fuel flow and will be used to check compliance with articles 5.1.4 and 5.1.5 of the F1 technical regulations..." This is in conformity with articles 5.10.3 and 5.10.4 of the technical regulations. b. The technical directive goes on to state: "If at any time WE consider that the sensor has an issue which has not been detected by the system WE will communicate this to the team concerned and switch to a back-up system." (emphasis added.) c. The back-up system is the calculated fuel flow model with a correction factor decided by the FIA."
|
|
#
¿
Mar 21, 2014 15:44
|
|
|
The already tedious Red Bull appeal isn't going to be heard until the 14th of April, between the Bahrain and Chinese GPs. This means there are now two further races in which Red Bull will make a very public fuss about how unreliable the sensors are and get in a huff about being forced to follow the FIA mandated procedure.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 21, 2014 20:46
|
|
|
thegasman2000 posted:I was sure this noise bullshit was going to blow over but now the midget is getting all uppety about it He's getting uppity about it despite having never heard the cars in person. He wasn't in Australia or any of the pre-season tests. Besides he's probably stone deaf anyway.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 22, 2014 02:28
|
|
|
Despite its Tilkeness I actually really like Sepang as a circuit
|
|
#
¿
Mar 22, 2014 16:51
|
|
|
Sulman posted:I think it was the first. Is that right? His first F1 track, for sure.
|
|
#
¿
Mar 22, 2014 16:57
|
|
|
m-o-o-n posted:Does A1-Ring not count? Wasn't designed from the ground up like the true Tilkedromes
|
|
#
¿
Mar 22, 2014 18:03
|
|
|
I spent far too long trying to spot the difference
|
|
#
¿
Mar 23, 2014 01:36
|
|
|
Spaced God posted:In the interim between race weekends, what classic races do you lot recommend to someone whose first (full) year of F1 is 2014? US 2005
|
|
#
¿
Mar 24, 2014 00:49
|
|
|
More importantly, was that actual real Quantum sponsorship on the sidepod?
|
|
#
¿
Mar 26, 2014 16:50
|
|
|
|
| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 09:35 |
|
|
marsisol posted:Can we at least agree that wheel covers are the worst thing to ever happen in F1? counterpoint: 
|
|
#
¿
Mar 27, 2014 00:48
|
|