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Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder

Sadly a typo. Fixed.


Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.

Clapping Larry

Things have suddenly gotten rather biological, as opposition goes.

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder

I've graduated and currently have a lot of free time, so you get a bonus update!

Update Fifteen: New Faces

So, the last of the Daltons are waiting for us in the First Continental Railroad Tunnel.

However, while this is the side we got the bounty on, we can't go in this way.

Attendant: There's currently a wanted criminal holed up in the tunnel. It's highly dangerous, so I'm afraid we can't let anybody through. We apologize for the inconvenience, but trust that you understand. Thanks for your cooperation... Have a nice day.

So I decide to teleport to Junkyard for some inventory management before we head up to the East Zero side of the tunnel. Nina has something to say!

: It's always nice to see you, ma'am.
: Nikolai's been worried ever since you left with Max.
: He--? ...Oh, I see.
: But, I told him you were just fine. I think he's OK now.
: Thank you ver much. I'll do my best.
: Good luck. You learn different things being a hunter than you would in a garage. I think this is a good experience for both of you.
: I do too.
: Remember, Max, you need to protect Misha.
: ......

We head over to East Zero and pick up a bunch of Alkaline Wax, which removes the Acid status from a vehicle.

And head in. There's not much to say about the early tunnel - it's brown, it has a high encounter rate and there's a Drill Gun SE in it.

Monsters of the First Tunnel

These fuckers can cause Acid, which is why we loaded up on Alkaline Wax. comment.

(Click here for the boss fight!)

It doesn't realy matter which one we go with.

: Then we owe you a whupping! This one's fer our brothers!

This is a long and difficult fight, but not a complicated one. The Dalton tank starts out of range. While it's out of range, it will only use its single target attack.

This does heavy damage to one target. They exclusively targeted Max and the Wanzer with it. Once they come in range, the Daltons prefer to use their all-targeting attacks, Main Gun and Sub Gun.

Main Gun does more damage.

Sub Gun is also less flashy. Anyway, they will often go out of range for a while, making this more of an endurance game than anything else. Keeping up the repairs on the Wanzer makes the win assured, but costly.

With that taken care of, there's just a little left to do.


We get 18,000G for taking the Daltons out. I also get some more junks appraised, allowing us to build our first core.

Trader: Banger Core, huh? Alright, give me a sec. Thanks for waiting. This Headbanger is yours.

The Headbanger is an extremely powerful SE weapon for this point, though also a heavy one. It targets all enemies, and can hit enemies in stealth or shelter. Now, I believe we have a bus to catch.

They're not joking about that. It will be between nine and ten realtime minutes before the bus shows up. So, we have some time to kill.

Largely by exploring the Sea of Sands that the Bus Stop is in.

Enemies of the Sea of Sands


These two are always found together. They're pushovers, but the idea is that the Foreman gives out orders and, occasionally, the Blockos follow them.

The Wild Buses wander the overworld near the Bus Stop. When poked, they say something - honking, or talking about staying seated or holding the handrail, or saying the next stop is soon - and then attack, if you don't get away quickly. They are annoying to fight - they are able to take hits really well, and like to go out of range for a few turns to get you to waste ammo, then run away. Anyway, once nine minutes or so are up, I head back to the Bus Stop.

Success! A bus has been tricked into stopping for us!

The Wild Bus is an extremely good defensive tank for this point in the game - it can take hits very well. It's going to replace Elie, which we leave in the Junkyard parking lot. Now, it's time to do some more exploring.

A decent target-all sub gun. As we explore the Sea of Sands, however, we run into a new Outlaw.

(Click here for the boss fight.)

The first thing to do with this, the Annihilator, is to use /RUN, because he'll flee if given the chance. While he's in normal range, all he uses is Machinegun.

Nothing special, all-targeting, low damage. However, he can retreat out of range, too. While out of range, he can fire missiles.

These target everyone for decent damage. Still, he'll come back into range soon enough, and he's basically a pushover.


Annihilator is worth 20,000G, but we haven't actually seen his Wanted entry yet - it's not in Alice One. Killing it also gets us the title Executioner, sadly replacing Monkey Masher. We do some more exploring.

Another assembly part.

A decent SE weapon.

The next level of damage-preventing protectors.

A better C-Unit than we've got now.

Better armor than Misha had.

A better hat than Max had.

A decent melee weapon that goes on Misha.

Some good gloves.

The next rank of Dog Armor.

A decent gun, notable for firing boxing gloves. But that's it for now, it's time to reach our next town. Sort of.

(Click here for the cutscene.)

The screen flashes white.

: If you are affiliated with these men, please leave. If you refuse to cooperate, you will share their fate.
: ......

: Wait... It's you guys! Thanks for coming.
: You know them?
: Remember that hunter I told you about? The one who helped me an' Julie? That's him!
: I seem to have misread the situation entirely. Forgive me.
: Heh, sorry about that. Golem's a little protective of all the children. He's a reliable bodyguard, though, so we keep him around!
: ......
: You're gonna come inside while you're here, right? C'mon!
: ......
: Come on in. I'll go ahead and let everyone know that you're here.

We head inside.

: Hey you... Thank you so much for the other day.
: Aha, there you are. I just told all the others to come by.

: Everyone should introduce themselves.

: Jared's our leader, and I'm his assistant. ...Which means I'm the only one who keeps him accountable.
: ......

: He's kind of a punk, but he's a good kid.
: ...Those don't really go together, y'know.

: ......?
: Hyah ha ha!
: Er... This is Syd.
: La la la... Hee hee hee! I'm Syd! *
: He's a little strange, but he's harmless... ...mostly.
: Who are you to judge what's normal and strange in this varied world of ours?
: ...Yeah, and sometimes he gets pretty deep. ANYway!

: Patrick and Patricia are siblings. Patrick's actually the oldest.

: ...That's a lie. My favorite color is green. That is true. I really, really (really) like tanks. That much is really true.
: Robby's much smarter than most of us... Eh heh heh... Lastly, here's Gaspar.

: Gaspar's shy, as you can see. Sometimes it's hard to tell she's a girl.
: *muffled breathing*
: Aaaand that's everyone. There's a test later, so I hope you were paying attention! Heh... Just kidding. Feel free to walk around and get to know them better. ...By the way, what's your name?
: ......
: Max, huh? You heard him, everyone! Don't forget it!

Now, we have control back. We get a Big Medal outside and get our tanks, which we bring into the bunker.

: The kids need to feel safe and secure. If they see that I'm worried, they'll get scared... And I don't want that to happen. Never let 'em see ya sweat, ya know?

In the left hangar, we can get another Big Medal, and find Robby.

: It's been sitting here for a while now. I've been meaning to fix it, but I don't have the parts. I'd need a lot of scrap metal! I'll tell ya what... If you bring me 10 tons of scrap metal, I'll fix it up good-as-new and sell it to ya.

: OK. That's a total of 3.40 tons. ...Let's see here. I still need 6.60 tons. I know collecting scrap metal is a pain, but don't give up!

I turned some of our old weapons into scrap via Recycle - 5000G is a high price, though. We can get more scrap metal in Alice One by trading in the ores we picked up today in battle. The tank we can get from this is the Wirbelwind, or the Flakpanzer IV, a Nazi self-propelled anti-aircraft gun. If we head to the right hangar...

: Long, long ago, there was an orphanage that was destroyed by fire demons. The director perished in the flames, along with her entire staff. But before she died, she entrusted the care of the children to the eldest boy. He, in turn, managed to hide the children until the demons returned from whence they came. When all was safe, the eldest boy led the children from their hiding spot. But, they could not return to the only home they ever knew. And so, with the stench of death lingering in the air, they left the charred remains of the orphanage behind and headed west. There they wandered from town to town, begging for food and shelter. The size of their group grew as they adopted the runaways and homeless children they encountered along the way. Tired of living in the streets, one day the eldest boy decided it was time to find a permanent home. ...... Hm? What happened then, you ask? Well, when they got to the bottom, they wentb ack to the top of the slide, where they stopped, and turned, and went for a ride, till they got to the bottom again! Hee hee hee.

We can go on foot into the back of the bunker. A Big Medal is in the hallway, and a ladder. We head down and find Gaspar hanging out in a room in the lower hall.

: ...See, I sound normal without it.
: My voice gets muffled when I wear it, so I usually have to shout.

We can loot the room for an Energy Capsule, a Tile Pack L, a Big Medal and another Thunderpuncher. Next door is another Crimson Knife, a Kevy Wig (a decent hat upgrade for Misha), and in the next room, another Bio Jacket and Trigger Bracer. We can also get the Legendary Memo.

We can head down to the next floor and loot a Kevy Vest, another Big Medal and the Omega Blaster, a beam-damage gun that hits out-of-range foes. Charlene takes it. Next door, Remi and Patricia are hanging out.

: Cool. When I grow up, I'm going to be a hunter, too. As a hunter, I'll be able to make enough money to take care of everyone!

: I had one the other night, but I can't remember what it was about...

We can loot the room for a Photon Grenade and a Blue Moon, a low-power but beam-damage sword, plus an Energy Capsule. Patrick's next door.

: but we've been selling a lot of it off to pay for food. Huh? What kind of stuff? Well, mostly weapons and armaments. Which makes me wonder what this building was used for...

There's a Big Medal in the room, too, and some Crimson Geta - a good shoe upgrade for Max - along with another Dog Armor LV5 and another Big Medal. Downstairs is the teleporter. We can also go outside to talk to Golem.

: ......
: ...I'm here to protect the children.
: ......
: ...Sorry, but I'm not much for small talk.

If we head back inside, some of the kids have more to say. (And no, Danny is nowhere to be found.)

: Um, well... I was injured when I was younger, and the wound didn't heal properly, so I have an ugly scar there. It's kinda embarrassing, so I wear this to cover it.

: *sigh* He's probably off running an errand for Julie again.

: Do you ever worry about her?
: I'm always a nervous wreck when my brother leaves.

If we say courage...

: Courage, huh? Well, I've already got that! Being a hunter's gonna be easy!

If we say a tank...

: A tank, huh? Cool. I love tanks! I want an M-60, a Leclerque... Oh, oh, and a Challenger, too! ...Uh, sorry about that. I get really excited when it comes to tanks.

And if we say money...

: Money, huh? I don't have much of that... I guess I'll just have to get a job before I can become a hunter.

Next time: Another town.

Also, be sure to tell me what you want to rename the Wild Bus to, and what name you want for the Wirbelwind! I will never paint the Wild Bus, but will be painting the Wirbelwind.

Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 21:39 on May 26, 2014

Derek Barona
Dec 7, 2009


Ah, the bus. While I find the circumstances of catching a wild bus hilarious, I still somehow prefer the ambulance you could use back in Metal Max Returns. Then again, I also put a flamethrower on that thing and I found THAT goddamn hysterical for some reason, so I guess it's just bias.

Oct 18, 2013

The Wirbelwind should be called Khamsin while the Wild Bus should be called Highlander.

Deceitful Penguin
Feb 16, 2011

You did not find the bus. The bus found you. Simply call it, the bus.

The Whirlwind should be named after another. How about J. White?

Mar 2, 2012

Someone call for a Hee-ro-ho?

wait till the next abstract tank shows up. it's going to be hilarious.

Dec 21, 2012


I can't understand these kinds of games, and not getting it bugs me almost as much as me being weird

Desert Bus?

Apr 4, 2004

"phphphphphphpht"? this is what you're going with?

you sure?

Derek Barona posted:

Ah, the bus. While I find the circumstances of catching a wild bus hilarious, I still somehow prefer the ambulance you could use back in Metal Max Returns. Then again, I also put a flamethrower on that thing and I found THAT goddamn hysterical for some reason, so I guess it's just bias.
Oh man, I loved the Ambulance, or as I called it, the BLAMbulance. So much space! So many hard points! Double vulcans, main gun, two SEs, and there's still room for air conditioning! I think the Wild Bus is similarly roomy, correct?

Rockopolis posted:

Desert Bus?

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder

Only one of each hardpoint right now. I don't recall modding giving it more, but I could be wrong - I haven't taken it in for modding yet. I'll check it out later.

Feb 19, 2010

Rockopolis posted:

Desert Bus?

I was going to suggest Magic Bus but as it will remain unpainted Desert Bus will be more appopriate.

QuadCannon for the Wirbelwind.

gyger fucked around with this message at 15:39 on May 26, 2014

Zanzibar Ham
Mar 17, 2009

You giving me the cold shoulder? How cruel.

Grimey Drawer

Rockopolis posted:

Desert Bus?

That's perfect.

As for that tank, since it's a tank, it's german, and it's anti-air, I guess I'd call it Blitzwing, but that's because I'm a G1 Transformers nerd.

Aug 15, 2009

Gonna throw a vote for The Bus. Simplicity is beauty.

Sep 11, 2001

At the end of everything, hold onto anything

Fun Shoe

It has a gun so it should be the Boom Bus

(I'd use Bang Bus, but that has...unfortunate insinuations.)

Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.

Clapping Larry

I've got to speak up in favor of the bus, myself.

Nice to see a post-apoc orphanage that's actually kind of safe and secure.

Oct 24, 2010

Deploying Swordbreakers!

College Slice

Another vote for The Bus here. Seems fitting.

Apr 10, 2009

I'm voting for The Bus.

wafflemoose fucked around with this message at 23:31 on May 26, 2014

Nov 24, 2007

What? It seemed like
a good idea at the time.

I prefer Desert Bus.

Oh god, it's Suna-bus-u. My Bus Is Anime Too

Nov 3, 2009

Look Professor, a destruct switch!

Name it Desert Bus and then have a charity drive.

May 20, 2010

Le'me tell ya'll about them Apples.

Desert Bus it must be, Or second on the polling card Doom Bus

Dec 26, 2006

Desert Bus is strangely appropriate.

By the way, is the Dalton tank a Dora or is it some other model of railway cannon? It looks strangely familiar.

Feb 3, 2010

by R. Guyovich

This is a vote equivalent of pissing into the ocean, but my heart says Crazy Bus.

Sep 14, 2007

What is this thread?

Ramrod XTreme

Venga Bus

Wales Grey
Jun 20, 2012

Desert Bus.

Do tanks change their turrets or gain a casemate based on the cannon you slap on them? I'm asking because Wanzer doesn't look like a PzI.

It looks more like a Sturmgeschütz IV (StuG IV).

Nov 16, 2004

"It's cute," he said to himself warily, "but it's not normal."

Totally Desert Bus for our bus.

As for the Whirlwind, I was thinking about the Beatles/Helter Skelter reference Syd made, and to be honest, there's no other route to take than one of the Beatles' best later albums, Revolver.

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder

I honestly can't tell you what kind of tank the Daltons have, sorry! But yes, tanks do change their appearance depending on what weapons you give them.

Jan 21, 2014

Dessert Bus

May 20, 2010

Le'me tell ya'll about them Apples.

Wales Grey posted:

Desert Bus.

Do tanks change their turrets or gain a casemate based on the cannon you slap on them? I'm asking because Wanzer doesn't look like a PzI.

It looks more like a Sturmgeschütz IV (StuG IV).

Yea thats a Stug, While the guns on tanks do change, That being a Stug never gets a turret as its a Stug the gun barrel does change.

You can see from the light tanks which are actually APCs that would not actually carry Cannons of that size have Very simple Fake turrets just slapped on, And the Bus will have the same kinda thing.

Mors Rattus
Oct 25, 2007

FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder

Update Sixteen: The Great Khan

So, first things first, it's time to get our Wirbelwind.

Ores, if taken to this fellow, are converted into Scrap Metal. Handy! We lead up and head back to Robby.

: ...This is about 10 tons. That should be enough. It'll take a while for me to finish the repairs, so come back later.

We head out to explore the area around our next town, Dowan.

A decent sonic-damage sub gun.

More assembly stuff for later.

An excellent weapon for Charlene that hits both airborne and out-of-range foes. Plus, it's a stinger missile.

Monsters near Dowan

They're just a straight numbers upgrade from the Marauders and Punks we've seen before. Good XP, though.

Pretty much exclusive to the white sand area, and they hit pretty darn hard.

The main thing about these guys is that they start sheltered and unable to be hurt because of their shells. Other than that, nothing special. We head for Dowan itself.

: Dowan is a port city. There's a ferry that runs between here and the town of Lorelei Bay, which is on the opposite side of the lake. Dowan's a big place, but about half of it is taken up by old factories. No one knows what they were used for, but since the gates are all closed, people pretty much ignore them. I guess they're not really harming anything. ...Well, that's about it! I'm gonna take off now. See ya!

We head to one of the two garages in town. This one has two floors.

Soldier: Well, without Scavenger Isle, the West would cease to exist, little man. Without its resources, vehicles couldn't run, and electricity wouldn't work. The West would be one big mess...

We can also grab a Desert Eagle from a nearby crate. Decent gun that is sold in town. We head upstairs, to where the save point, Hunter's Office and a new shop are.

Hunter: If you go south of here, you'll find a building that looks like a church. That's where their members gather. About their belief that you'll be saved if you work out? Well, it's definitely easy to understand. Very straightforward. How is their membership rate? Well, it seems like they've still got a lot of followers, but... The fact that there's a bounty out on their leader makes me a bit skeptical.

Speaking of bounties...

We'll be looking into these soon enough. Now, it's time to check out the new shop.

The shop's in-game explanation is as follows.

The shop can salvage a ship or vehicle that is lost during battle on the lake. The salvage fee depends on how big of an area you would like to search. Keep in mind that the salvage team occasionally finds other things.

We'll be back in a bit to do some salvage, but I have other stuff to do in town first and I want to be sure I don't run low on cash. Salvage is expensive. First, I pick up some Piercing Shells, which break through Shelter, for some later use.

: ......?
Hunter: Oh, it's to keep trespassers out. But, there's really no need to guard a place like this.
: ......?
Hunter: Yeah, something happened. You know all those warehouses that store surplus cereal grain? Well, one night we were assigned to guard one. It was a pretty uneventful night, so I decided to take a little nap. That was a big mistake. Because when I woke up, this idiot was cooking some of the surplus cereal grain! Ever since then, we haven't been allowed to guard anything of value. But, I have to admit, that was the best drat porridge I've ever had.

Hunter: the property values of Dowan and Lorelei Bay will go through the roof. Maybe I should take my savings and invest in some land...

Next door, we can get a Metal Detector and the 165mm Memo, which tells us how to make the 165mm Ghost weapon - a Cylinder, a Monkey Eye, a Hammer and Ratchet 10. If we head to the inn, we can stay in the Economy Room to get a CVC Helmet, the local armor upgrade. Then, it's off to the bar.

Worker: I come here to party with my pals and forget about work. We get so rowdy when we party together, the bartender usually throws us out.
: ......
Worker: Yeah, my boss is a really nice guy. I was surprised to hear how bad some of my friends have it at their jobs. Some of them even have to work on the weekend!
: ......
Worker: Well, my job is pretty boring, but at least the work isn't very hard. Of course, my pay isn't very high, either. But, I can't complain. I mean, at least I'm not a hunter.

The guy next to him will play the drinking game. Speaking of drinks...

Worker: I guess it's probably because it lasts longer.
: ......
Worker: Oh, I work on the line. I thought it would be an easy job, but it turns out there's a lot of things I need to learn about. Which is crazy, because we just assemble parts here. All the manufacturing is done in Lorelei Bay. Those guys have to go through months of training for their jobs.
: ......
Worker: Pre-Great Destruction goods are far superior to today's. I mean, the manufacturing methods and materials they used were so different. We can't even make a simple screw that equals the quality of theirs. Ours break with ease and begin to rust after only a few years. Man, I really should go to Lorelei Bay for some training.

Hunter: You must be a *cough* hunter.

If we ask him what the area's like...

Hunter: This area *cough* is full of *cough* Rocket Snails. *cough* They hide inside their shells. So you'll need a Nutcracker. The area around the woods just north of *cough* here is the best place to hunt.

If we ask where to make some cash...

Hunter: Well, most veteran hunters go to the peninsula southeast of *cough* here. I also hear that the area near the small mountains in the East is good. *cough* In fact, I'm planning to venture into the forest a little beyond there... *cough* *cough*

And if we ask if he's okay...

Hunter: Oh, I'm fine. I've had a weak immune system every since I was *cough* young. I think my mother smoked while she was pregnant with me, or something...
: ......
Hunter: Don't worry. *cough* I hear there's a medicine man east of *cough* here. I'm going to--*cough* *cough* Excuse me. I'm going to go see him. *cough*
: ......
I hear he's got medicine that makes you grow taller, see better, and even, *cough* you know... excel in the bedroom. *cough* *cough* Not that I need that, or anything...

The jukebox has nothing now, so we head to the garage again for tank upgrades.

Pretty standard, all around.

Worker: It's polluted from all the toxic waste the factories dump in it. This guy I know got really sick after eating some fish from it. He was on the can for a week!
: ......
Worker: This place is a fuel repository. We get our oil from Scavenger Isle. Scavenger Isle floats in the middle of the ocean. You can see it from here on days when the smoke isn't too bad.

I had a small recording issue that hosed up the sound for the first half of the update, so no video for this one, sadly. We head into a nearby warehouse.

Worker A: We could board after we load the cargo.
Worker B: That's a good idea. But we'll fry if we hide in the cargo room. And you're one sweaty dude. No offense.
Worker C: Ha! That's so true. You'll have to go in the freezer, then!
Worker A: Hah! Fair enough! So, it's decided... We're going to Lorelei Bay!

We also get some CVC Armor and CVC Gloves.

: ......
Girl: My mommy told me I'm not allowed to swim here. My friend next door fell in, once, and she was sick for a week.
: ......
Girl: Huh? The water? Oh, she said it was warm, and it tasted kind of funny.

Woman: Have you ever been here when the transporters don't show up? Well, it gets a bit hairy because we're forced to ration food.
: ......
Woman: Oh, you can get whatever you need from them. They just limit the number of items you can buy. And it's so expensive! There just isn't enough to go around, anymore. The worst part about it is my husband eats a lot. He's always hungry! Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt him to lose a few pounds... That fat bastard...

Worker: When you're done, feel free to grab something to drink from the back.
: ......?
Worker: What? You're not a transporter? Oh, sorry. Everyone drives a tank these days, so I thought you were a transporter.
: ......
Worker: The transporters around here all have armored vehicles, now. The second tunnel still isn't finished, so they have no other choice. It's dangerous out there.

We can head to a local house for a Damascus Sword and some CVC boots, plus this lady.

Woman: Some people have been found, while others are still missing. Everyone who was found has joined a group called Gluteus Maximism. Unfortunately, nobody knows what's become of the others... If I'd known this before I moved here, I never would've come!

We grab a Big Medal outside the house and go chat with a local bum.

Homeless Guy: even though it was closed down before most people started living here, every once in a while you can hear strange sounds coming from inside it, as if the machines are running. And not only that, but the lights flicker on and off during the night. I've also heard people say they've seen shadows moving past the windows. That's why it's called the ghost factory. No one goes near there, kid.

: Yet, men choose to remain by the sea... It is bitter irony that man cannot survive without water.

So, time to do some salvage.

You pick what area you want to salvage with the cursor. You get a wider range the more you pay, but since the items are all in set locations unless you get a tank wrecked out there, well, it's better to play it cheap. I fish up a Cyclops Head, a Magnum Slide, a Dog Barrel, a Gold Bar, a Holey Boot, a Torn Map, a Fossil Bouquet and a Large Fang. The Torn Map says 'I hide the treasure...' if you care. After that, I decide I want to make some cash before I keep this up. Salvage is expensive, and I need that money for something else. Speaking of which, Robby should be done by now.

: So, about the price... I'll sell it to you for 20000G. Whaddya say?
: ......
: What? You think I'm trying to rip you off?

: OK, it's all yours now! And, thanks! This will keep us fed for a while!

Khamsin has room for four main guns (but they have to be anti-aircraft guns), one SE weapon and one sub gun. We don't have the engine power to fully kit it out yet, though. As we head to drop off Monsoon, we get an email.

Yep. Now we head back to Forever Land and...well, leave it. But as we do...

: ......

Charlene exits her tank and heads over to Golem.

: ......
: Uh, what I meant was... You're not a robot, are ya?
: ......
: Hey, are you listenin'!?
: ...I'm the silent type.
: Then, I'll just do all the talkin'. That scarf on yer arm... I've seen it before. It belonged to a man named Fang. Ever heard of 'im?
: ......
: Well, I'm lookin' fer 'im. He and I used to belong to a mercenary group called the Rouge Rogues... But, just about everyone was killed by a man named Shaka Khan, the leader of the League of Uncivilized Barbarians. ...I plan to avenge their deaths. Fang was the strongest one in our group. But one day, he just left and never came back. Not long after that, we were attacked. To tell ya the truth, I don't know if I can beat Shaka Khan. But if Fang was here...
: ......
: ......
: I'm sorry to hear about your comrades... but I don't understand why you're telling me this.
: Never mind. I was just thinkin' out loud--- that's all. Sorry 'bout that.

Charlene heads back to her tank.

: Sorry to keep ya waitin'.

If we enter and then exit a second time...

: The Rouge Rogues... Charlene...

And if we do it again, well...Golem's gone, and something new is happening.

: WHAT!? Here!?
: Y-You idiot! Don't panic!
: ...Wait a minute, that's Max!
: ......
: Sory about the mess here. We can't find Golem anywhere...
: That's why we made this barricade and are guarding the entrance.
: The eye of the tiger! The brains of a scarecrow! Which is better!?
: Just shut up!
: We have to leave this here until Golem comes back. But, if you wanna come inside, don't worry; I'll let you through.

If we talk to Danny...

: We don't have that kinda cash!

And Syd...

: The flame of hatred and revenge is small, but burns brightly...
: Um... He's been saying weird things ever since Golem disappeared. Man, doesn't he understand how serious our situation is?
: Heheheh, hee hee hee. Myehehehehe!

And Jared...

: Gimme a second to move this.
: Here goes...

And we get teleported inside.

: Is my brother OK out there?
: Jared probably told you this already, but Golem disappeared. Nobody knows why, so we're all worried.
: If you see him somewhere, please tell him to come back!

Only Patrick has anything new to say.

: Whaddya mean!? My hair always looks like this! Even if I wet it down, it sticks back up when it dries.

When we leave, Jared sends us an email.

But before we do anything about that, we hop over to Beldaire.

Yep, just fits. But wait, there's more! If we head out to the desert...

The Barbarossa is a straight upgrade in every way to Wanzer, except one - it only has a single SE weapon mount. Big deal. It is a Panzerkampfwagen IV Ausf. H, another Nazi tank.

And with that taken care of, we had back to Dowan.

We want to head into this area, which tanks can't enter. It leads to the old factories. We grab a Big Medal on our way in.

At the back is this shack, a Big Medal and, inside the shack, a hidden stairwell.

Brigand: ......
Punk: Oh, crap! Intruders!
Brigand: Go tell Shaka Khan!

We're literally six times their level. These guys aren't even a speed bump. We head further in, following a maze of staircases up and down. No enemies here.

Riffraff: you should wear clothes that show you're one of us. Someone's gonna mistake you for an intruder one of these days.

We grab some Muffle Armor nearby. In fact, everyone should be wearing Muffle Armor. They sell it in town, and it blocks all sonic damage totally. Then, upstairs.

New Recruit: It sounded cool when I joined, but I don't want to be a criminal. I can't go home like this...
: ......
New Recruit: Hey! Don't scare me like that. ...Wh-What're you looking at!? Go away! Leave me alone!

Heading down another flight in the next room leads us to some Growgaine L, then a dining room.

Cook: Don't you remember Shaka Khan *sob* telling us... *sob* get 3 square meals a day... *sob* Man, I'm gonna miss 'im. *sob*

This is a weird error - Shaka's not dead right now. Next door...

Brigand: I got an idea! Let's go beat up that Curry Guru! Then, we can help ourselves to his curry!
Punk: Hey, great idea! Let's do it!
Brigand: Wait... If we beat him up, then he might stop making curry... Then, we won't be able to eat it anymore...
Punk: Good point... Man, you're smart!

Chef: But, some of the guys just don't get it... yeesh.

Chef: You better work hard if you wanna get fed!

When we head down the next set of stairs...

(Click here for the cutscene.)

: In these parts, the most dangerous outlaws are "Derringer" Jack, "Berserker" Joe, and "Demon" Doc Solomon. But, they're all retired. The "Red Fox" is a woman. That only leaves one other possibility... He was said to be the toughest soldier in the West, but his whereabouts have been unknown since he left the Rouge Rogues, a mercenary group. ...So you finally turned up, Fang. Heh. ...Interesting.
: ......
: I take it that you came here to avenge the Rouge Rogues?
: You really like to talk, don't you.
: Just let me finish... Back then, the reason I raided the Rouge Rogues headquarters... ...was to challenge YOU.

: But, you weren't there, and no one knew where you'd gone. I had no choice but to fight the soldiers who were there... In the entire complex, only a handful were worth my time.
: You bastard...
: Wait... Why are you so upset? You're not Fang, right?
: ......
: Or... are you?
: Why not find out for yourself?
: Yes! That's the spirit!

We, meanwhile, find ourselves outside the room they're fighting in.

Guard: I can't wait until my shift is over...

Naturally, we head in.

(Click here for the cutscene and boss fight.)

: ...Charlene.
: I knew it was you!

: It can't be! I... I... killed you!

: Heheh, hahahaha! Killed me, eh? Well, I feel for you, but I'm not just a one-hit wonder!
: ...You son of a...!
: Ain't nobody talks to me that way! Now, you'll have to face the music. ...I've been dying to say that!

Now it's our turn to face Shaka. His main trick is Roar, which hits the entire party for pretty good damage...but it's all sonic. That's why we're wearing Muffle Armor.

He can also use Scythe, a single-target attack that will break Muffle Armor in a few hits.

Still, between Charlene's Stinger and Max's Nameless Blade, he goes down pretty fast.

: I guess my best is not good enough...

Now, normally, you'd have to fight Shaka a second time, as he reveals that he's just faking death. However, because Golem/Fang was here to fight him first, that's already taken care of. Now we just have Golem's dead body to deal with.

(Click here for the cutscene.)

Fortunately, we know someone who's good with corpses.

It takes him three tries, but...

: Shock! It's a success!
: ......It seems I've survived the impossible once more. Charlene...
: It's you... I knew it. You are Fang!
: Charlene... The man you knew is dead. I am no longer Fang.
: No... The Fang I knew could never die.
: ......
: He always fought for other people, so...
: ......
: ......

And Golem heads out. Outside...

Soldier: So, doesn't the machine deserve more credit than the doctor?

Agent: ...It must be from before the Great Destruction.


We get 24000G for beating Shaka, then head back to Forever Land.

: I want to thank you again. Because of you, I was able to return here.
: ......
: ......

And inside...

: Out of the frying pan and into the fire! The future's so bright we've got to wear shades! Everything is kosher. Let mother nature be your guide. Are ya feelin' lucky, punk!?
: Hey, zip it for once!
: After guarding the entrance all day, I realized how tough it really is!
: We should remember to thank Golem more often.
: I think so too. I'll bring him his dinner next time!
: ...Well, a lot of things happened, but everything's OK now. It's thanks to you too, Max!

And Robby has one more thing to tell us now that we've bought his tank.

: When I grow up, I'm going to be a mechanic! I just need to find someone to train me.
: Well, my family owns a garage, so maybe my dad could train you.
: Really!? That would be great!
: But, he's a real stickler when it comes to training. Come prepared to work hard, OK?
: OK!

Next time: More Outlaws!

Also, vote on a name for the Barbarossa!

Mors Rattus fucked around with this message at 01:19 on May 30, 2014

Oct 18, 2013

I vote that the Barbarossa be renamed to Casablanca.

Dec 1, 2013

Because change

I vote we keep the Barbarossa's name unchanged.

Aug 23, 2007

Call it Bluebeard.

Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.

Clapping Larry

I'm guessing you'll be cashing the Amazing Junk in for something, er, amazing?

Apr 4, 2004

"phphphphphphpht"? this is what you're going with?

you sure?

Glazius posted:

I'm guessing you'll be cashing the Amazing Junk in for something, er, amazing?
An incredibly well-formed cock-and-balls is worth a lot in the post-cyberpocalypse, even if they've been separated from their owner.

Also, can't wait for the Red Mobster fight. I've made cheddar biscuits and everything.

Mar 2, 2012

Someone call for a Hee-ro-ho?

Kemix posted:

I vote we keep the Barbarossa's name unchanged.

Seconded, Barbarossa's a badass enough name

Wales Grey
Jun 20, 2012

The Barbarossa is a PzIV, right? Anglerfish is clearly the only acceptable name.

dont be mean to me
May 2, 2007

I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars

ultrafilter posted:

Call it Bluebeard.

Barbarossa should keep its name.

Dec 23, 2012

Wales Grey posted:

The Barbarossa is a PzIV, right? Anglerfish is clearly the only acceptable name.
Because these tanks just aren't anime enough yet.

Apr 23, 2010

Fangz! Stop coming to meetings drunk and trying to adopt Tevery Best!

Sandman! Stop standing on the table and making up stupid operation names!

Gods, why do I put up with these people?

Wales Grey posted:

The Barbarossa is a PzIV, right? Anglerfish is clearly the only acceptable name.

That would only work if one of the girls is driving it.


Nov 17, 2005
Damn stupid newbie

Wales Grey posted:

The Barbarossa is a PzIV, right? Anglerfish is clearly the only acceptable name.

I'm for it.

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