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Amnistar
Nov 6, 2008

I am a wizard, not a poet.

Funky Valentine posted:

Christ, the Arpads usually don't convert that fast.

Can at least torch Constantinople to the ground?

Every time I play as the Byzantines I secretly hope someone will come and torch my capital and burn some of the towns so I can rebuild them as castles.

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Jedit
Dec 10, 2011

Proudly supporting vanilla legends 1994-2014

Technowolf posted:

Your realize that Yerneslu is going to be called 'The Son of the Dragon', or, in Romanian, Dracula.

Oy vey ... have you got the wrong vampire!

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
Is swearing fealty to the Byzantines workable? It looks like we'd have decent odds of convincing the Emperor to switch to the true faith, we'd remove a huge threat and gain a lot of protection from external threats at a single stroke, and we might be able to destroy them from within with an Independence faction, or maybe even take the throne for ourselves.

Obviously there's downsides too, but I'd rather have that giant army on our side.

Mercurial
Mar 28, 2006

Elixirs are expensive, you know.
Swearing fealty should have more downsides than it does. It should be a desperate option to use when you have nothing else to do, rather than a way to beat a huge force by exploiting the sometimes clueless AI.

Funky Valentine
Feb 26, 2014

Dojyaa~an

Hmmm...If we can achieve it, a Jewish Eastern Rome would be a great way to take the heat off us. Make a great staging ground into the Holy Land, too.

Lord Cyrahzax
Oct 11, 2012

Kings can only swear fealty to their de jure emperor. Even if we did swear fealty, the Emperor has free revokes for ducal titles and heathen-held titles. If we broke free after he tried to revoke a title, he would get claims on all our titles anyway.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Yeah, swearing fealty to the Romans worked so well for the last Jewish king to do so.

Not going to happen. These bastards are our mortal enemies, and one way or the other we will see them suffer. Perhaps not this war, but soon enough.

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice
I elect that our next law to be gently caress the Romans. Our ultimate goal should be the elimination of the Roman Empire.

Zoinker
Jan 18, 2009

JGBeagle posted:

I elect that our next law to be gently caress the Romans. Our ultimate goal should be the elimination of the Roman Empire.

Seconding this. Never be a friend to Rome.

Innocent_Bystander
May 17, 2012

Wait, missile production is my responsibility?

Oh.
N-thing. What have the Romans ever done for us?

Excellent writeup, Impy.

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.

Zoinker posted:

Seconding this. Never be a friend to Rome.
I'm not advocating friendship, I'm pointing out that the Romans are much more vulnerable from within the belly of the beast.

And we should still try to convert the Emperor.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Khan Manasseh III, The Dragon, part 7: Downward Slope, 927-942

There are just too many of them.



I run the numbers time and again. I consider hiring mercenaries. I wonder if I can risk the wild goose chase to the gates of their capital and back that I managed as a younger man. I weigh up the lives of every Khazarian in my command, and consider a futile death or glory charge right into the teeth of their greatest strength. But no. There is no path to victory here, no Adonai-blessed slingstone for this Goliath's forehead. My choice is simple: Concede the loss of Kartli, or throw away the lives of my men and then concede Kartli. I feel so impotent! Anastasios the Bewitched, Basileus of Rome, torments my mind, asleep and awake, inexorably advancing into My hard-won lands, sieging and looting My provinces, and there isn't one damned thing I can do about it. Words cannot do justice to the hatred I feel for this man, this tyrant of Rome. I want him to suffer, as I have wanted none other to. I want to hurt him, cause him such agonies as he won't dare try to steal from me again.



Very well, Anastasios. You want Kartli? Take it. I will offer you no resistance except from the men and women in the besieged cities, who will resist you to the very last and leave you with smouldering ruins. But I will extract from you the highest price imaginable for that one duchy, and if you ever come at me again, I promise you more of the same.



I know the one thing more precious than riches, more valuable than any amount of land. I know what has brought me more joy and sorrow than anything else upon HaShem's earth. And I know the men in your court who value a few paltry coins above that which to you will always be beyond price.



There are so many of them.



Some of them you entrust with everything.



This is the true price of Kartli.






With the end of that war, life, such as it is, resumes. I marry my brightest daughter to another potential future duke. I know just the duchy in mind, too: What Orthodoxy has taken, Orthodoxy will lose twofold.



My joy at her matrimony is short-lived. I am left bereft and grieving, as my greatest pillar of support is taken from me.



I swiftly remarry for the sake of the nation. My new bride is almost as quick and sharp as my beloved was: The only available jewish women in all the realm who could match her are our daughters. Ilkay was also recently bereaved, and we find solace in each other's arms.



Converting the Heathen is slow work, but worthwhile in the long run. My subordinate rabbis do sterling work.



In a few months, my new bride brings me news to lift my heart.



A scribe offers to compose a historical work on the Bulanid lineage. I give him leave and funds to do so, and instruct him to leave nothing out. I am not prideful.



I make sure my son is present, to better learn the lessons of good, clear communication.



My second son comes into the world, the first of my union with Ilkay. I name him for my former mentor.



In the year 928, I launch my counterstrike against Orthodoxy. With the Romans busy with a minor internal dispute (Though sadly too minor to let them be the target), Bulgaria stands alone.



Naturally, this is the moment for opportunistic religious rebels to intervene. Somewhat surprisingly, these ones aren't Tengri.



I lead the troops in the decisive battle personally, but it no longer has the thrill for me it once did. I have no great love for the hurly-burly of battle, and it is time I left such matters in the hands of younger men.




Regardless, we are victorious, just in time to be rudely interrupted by the Tengri. Briefly.





But persistently. I am distracted by the news that my wife is pregnant once more, and so was my brightest daughter.





There is more troubling news from Imeretia: A sect of Chosen People who forsake the Mishnah and Talmud, essentially rejecting the Rabbinic interpretations of the Torah in favour of holding only that to be divinely inspired. I must see about holding proper theological debates between those that care about such things.



Eventually, we wrap up the Bulgarian campaign to focus on the rebels, just in time for another daughter to enter the world.




I create the duchy of Moldau and hand it off to my third son-in-law. Whatever else happens, the Bulanids should hold a majority of duchies in perpetuity.



I finish off the Tengri revolters and return in time for my son and heir's coming of age. He shares my temper, but does not flinch from hard work, danger or altruism. He has a silver tongue, but very little guile: Most of his vassals will like him, but he will be defenceless in the face of those that don't.




I have the matchmakers find him a good woman, one with a nose for deception, the humility of a good wife, but one not afraid to look him in the eye and weather the storms of life, and arrange for them to be wedded.



My eldest daughter catches a malady that passes through Abkhazia, but thank HaShem, she recovers.



The sect which disdains Rabbinic tradition gets really insistent.



My mother passed away in November 930. She outlived my father by nearly thirty-four years, dying peacefully in her sleep. She never quite forgave me for Zebulun.



Had she lived just two months more, she would have seen another great-grandchild, with my son's first daughter.



We wrap up the Suomensko rebellion, but it soon re-emerges. At least the Karaites are amenable to theological persuasion.




My last child by Samur comes of age, full of her mother's quick wit and intelligence. I invite a promising candidate who can match her in that regard to come and be wedded.




Thanks to generous donations from Constantinople, we advance the legal basis of kingship to ensure the succession, when it happens, is successful.



As 932 comes around, I find myself slowing down. I have less of the fire I once had, the temper which thousands great and small have died for.



Of course, not every fire is dampened.




We end the Suomenskan rebellion, and claim the county of Torki for my son in law, the Duke of Moldau, in a lightning offensive.



Next comes the worst mistake of my long rulership: The war for Terebovl. It starts well enough, and we secure one of the holdings, but the Duchy of Kiev sticks their oar in and takes the other two. So we declare war on them.



Kiev falls quickly, and we turn our attentions back towards Terebovl. Except two of the holdings there are still held by Kiev. With whom we now have a truce.



I hand Kiev off to my son and heir: He has the perfect temperament for a border province, and I intend to usurp the Duchy for him in short order.



My younger son is as talkative as I was, many years ago.



My daughter Esin gives me another grandchild, but not one as bright as both his parents.



My bastard nephew comes of age: I give him one of my Crimean counties then subordinate him to the merchants.



My wife becomes great with child once more, and gives me another daughter, Ipek.




In a first for Khazaria, the people rise up for completely irreligious reasons.



But I digress. I mentioned the worst mistake of my reign. Here's why:



Terebovl called in Poland, a major Slavic power. They wiped our armies from the field by surprise, and I was unable to raise a force sufficient to best them, despite my best efforts to do so. Everything else we handled with ease, the Peasant revolt, another Tengri uprising, but the war for Terebovl was stumbling inexorably towards humiliation and capitulation.

The Cumans declared war as well.



Not even the arrival of another granddaughter could lift me out of the bleak slump I and the nation were in.



My younger sister Gunes predeceased me in 937. I was the last child of Manasseh the Just still alive, but that life was seeming less and less worth living.



Even the pledge of support from my childhood friend, now the Duke of Cherson, did little to raise my spirits or improve the war.



When the capitulation finally came, it was devastating. I had been truly humiliated in war, our armies devastated, and for what? A single county which should have fallen in a matter of months. The nation's coffers were in ruins. My ambitions had finally overreached, and now everyone was paying a very literal price for my folly.



At least my wife understood, comforting me as best she could in the troubled times. There were moments where she was all that stood between me and just ending it all. There can be no words to express my thanks for a love like that.



And then, on the 10th of June, 940, even this was taken from me.



Even the news that our Cuman enemies in the still-ongoing war were tearing themselves apart was as ashes to me.



Vanity, vanity, all is vanity! What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun? A generation goes, and a generation comes, but the earth remains forever.



I humiliate the Cumans in the peace, but it does not fill the hollowness inside, it does not give me joy or pleasure or hope.



My genius son in law dies. I replace him. None of it matters.




I set in motion a war for another chunk of Bulgaria, to give to another of my children. Thousands of people will die on my whim. What's the point? What will it gain anyone? My wars are as meaningless as any of my brother's excesses. He never really hurt anyone. My hands are steeped in blood. Then again, does even that matter?

Nothing matters any more.





CapnAndy is up next! You have two days to claim the save, which is here. NEW RULE: Any nation which takes a province from us must be destroyed eventually.

Funky Valentine
Feb 26, 2014

Dojyaa~an

Look at all the OPMs to our north...just ripe for the taking...

binge crotching
Apr 2, 2010

Funky Valentine posted:

Look at all the OPMs to our north...just ripe for the taking...

Very high attrition though until we get Military Organization to 4. Not worth throwing away thousands of troops to attrition just to get some crappy provinces.

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
I've got the file and will get to playing this weekend. Any parting words of advice?

Also, what's my list of Enemies To Be Destroyed? Byzantium, Poland, and Cuman?

Amnistar
Nov 6, 2008

I am a wizard, not a poet.
What would you like the name of your rule to be AJ_Impy? And a list of current enemies, I'll keep it in the LP.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

CapnAndy posted:

I've got the file and will get to playing this weekend. Any parting words of advice?

Several! I was considering writing your character a list, but it would have interfered with the narrative. The entire army is en route to Bulgaria to claim Wallachia, it should be a nice, winnable war for you. Rally point is the province in Moldau just outside their northeast border. You still have a couple of siblings in need of duchies: Should you want it, you can usurp the Duchy of Kiev in 944. It's on a cooldown timer after Kiev bought it against the same massed pile of Slav that blocked us at Terebovl. My spymaster and chancellor were both in Constantinople: The former stealing tech to very good effect, the latter flattering and soothing to get them looking elsewhere. Last I checked, the bastard Basileus still had a female heir: Keeping it that way should give us a shot at reclaiming Kartli.

The Elective succession should help keep your dukes happy: You've got a genius nephew who could well be a very nice candidate, at least until you can get a son. There's still one Crimean county holding in your demesne: Feeding it to the merchants should give you a nice opinion boost as and when you need it. Check out the Abbassid exclave at our Caucasus border: It might be worth risking a war if they're busy elsewhere if you think you can take it before they can cross the intervening nations. Likewise, Turkmenistan is back as a couple of isolated provinces, one of which we have a duchy claim on. Could be ripe for the taking.

Make the world tremble at the Son of the Dragon!


Edit: The Cumans have attacked us twice, but never actually took any provinces. Poland and Terebovl, revenge would be nice but that was our attack, rather than them angling for a province. So principally the Byzantines, but Manasseh the Dragon was very much in favour of revenge on general principles, so you can't really go wrong with any of those.

As for the law name, 'Insertname Delenda Est!'

AJ_Impy fucked around with this message at 00:22 on Apr 12, 2014

Patter Song
Mar 26, 2010

Hereby it is manifest that during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man.
Fun Shoe
The Karaites are a fascinating sect and I wouldn't mind babbling on about them, but for now let's take this sentence.

The Update posted:

There is more troubling news from Imeretia: A sect of Chosen People who forsake the Mishnah and Talmud, essentially rejecting the Rabbinic interpretations of the Torah in favour of holding only that to be divinely inspired. I must see about holding proper theological debates between those that care about such things.

The standard Jewish line is that there were two traditions laid down at Sinai, the Written and Oral traditions, the former of which became the Torah and the latter of which existed as folk traditions passed down until they were written down in the 1st and 2nd centuries CE when the survival of Judaism itself was in open question and writing poo poo down became of paramount importance. This is also why Jews tend to look down on the Protestant Christian notion of just reading the Bible...reading Torah is important as a community exercise, and, in fact, reading big chunks of it every week in a group is an expected part of every observant Jew's lifestyle, but it's also not sufficient because there is a whole second tradition you aren't going to interface with if you just explore the Tanakh/Hebrew Bible all day.

This first set of commentary and promulgation of the Oral Tradition is the Mishnah, written by Rabbis from the first generation post-Temple all the way to the end of the 3rd century. The Talmud lays out the Mishnah and then the opinion of rabbis from the 3rd century to the 6th century as to what the Mishnah truly means in practice.

The Karaite faith rejects the entire process at its stem, claiming that the very idea of dual Oral and Written traditions was wrong from the start and that there is only the Tanakh and that the holy law is just that which is stated in the Torah, interpreted in the most obvious interpretation possible. This difference led to Karaite Judaism having radically different takes over what most of the religion meant and stood for, leading them to, by extension, adapt a fairly radically different lifestyle. Mainstream Judaism viciously condemned the Karaites as heretics and anti-Semites outside of the Jewish community rarely treated the Karaites much better than more ordinary Jews, leaving them a community doubly on the outs, but Karaites briefly, in the Middle Ages, achieved a status as one of several main branches of Judaism, visible and deserving recognition, if not necessarily respect. Today, however, they are a tiny, almost non-existent minority of an already tiny religion, to the point where few realize that they still exist.

Amnistar
Nov 6, 2008

I am a wizard, not a poet.
On the plus side, our dynasty is significantly larger now, much less likely to get a game over :)

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
I am embarassing our proud lineage and I just want to pre-emptively apologize :(

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

CapnAndy posted:

I am embarassing our proud lineage and I just want to pre-emptively apologize :(

Don't make me come back and haunt you. :colbert::ghost:

Readingaccount
Jan 6, 2013

Law of the jungle
What happened Captain Andy? :)
It's probably the Romans or another major power who wiped a main army and initiated a decline...

If this isn't CK2+ or it's possible to use CK2 Vanilla (with the regular patches) after a + game (as my installation has steadily resisted all attempts to use the + patch), if not I'll gladly wait to EU4 if we simply use the mod converter.

Readingaccount fucked around with this message at 09:25 on Apr 13, 2014

GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice

CapnAndy posted:

I am embarassing our proud lineage and I just want to pre-emptively apologize :(

Don't feel bad, at least you're not having to deal with poo poo-tons of rebellions in the Burgandian Empire LP. :smithicide: That poo poo's going nowhere.

Rejected Fate
Aug 5, 2011

Don't be embarrassed, bad and troubling times keep the LP interesting. If it's nothing but posts of Khazaria slowly dominating the world it would be awfully dull.

I'd volunteer for this if this weren't a busy period.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Yeah, setbacks make for a good narrative. The second law is the most important.

Amnistar
Nov 6, 2008

I am a wizard, not a poet.

Readingaccount posted:

What happened Captain Andy? :)
It's probably the Romans or another major power who wiped a main army and initiated a decline...

If this isn't CK2+ or it's possible to use CK2 Vanilla (with the regular patches) after a + game (as my installation has steadily resisted all attempts to use the + patch), if not I'll gladly wait to EU4 if we simply use the mod converter.

This game is 0 mods, only all the DLC.

Technowolf
Nov 4, 2009




Amnistar posted:

This game is 0 mods, only all the DLC.

Does that include Sunset Invasion?

Amnistar
Nov 6, 2008

I am a wizard, not a poet.

Technowolf posted:

Does that include Sunset Invasion?

...I may have forgotten to turn that mod off when I started the game...

lurksion
Mar 21, 2013

Amnistar posted:

...I may have forgotten to turn that mod off when I started the game...
Well its not like they're likely to make it over to the east. Also turning it off any time before they arrive works if we don't want to see them.

NewMars
Mar 10, 2013
Personally, I would like to see them. They always make things more interesting.

Jenner
Jun 5, 2011
Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.

Technowolf posted:

Does that include Sunset Invasion?

Amnistar posted:

...I may have forgotten to turn that mod off when I started the game...

New Law, convert Aztecs to proper Jews.



Also, I don't have Eurpoa Universalis and I don't plan on getting it so if the game hits EU before my turn I'll have to step out of rotation.

ninjahedgehog
Feb 17, 2011

It's time to kick the tires and light the fires, Big Bird.


NewMars posted:

Personally, I would like to see them. They always make things more interesting.

I agree. They're kind of fun to watch when you don't have to deal with them yourself.

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE

Jenner posted:


New Law, convert Aztecs to proper Jews.



Also, I don't have Eurpoa Universalis and I don't plan on getting it so if the game hits EU before my turn I'll have to step out of rotation.

Well, there are roughly 600 years from game start to game end. Assuming every ruler rules 30 years (very unlikely) then you would get 20 rulers. I'm pretty sure there will be people assassinated the year they claim the throne, dying in their first combat or inheriting with 65. You will get your turn.

Duckbox
Sep 7, 2007

^^^Yeah, I don't have EU4 yet either, but I'm not worried. Hell Sheol, I don't even have Sons of Abraham, but don't worry guys, I have a plan.^^^

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker

Torrannor posted:

Well, there are roughly 600 years from game start to game end. Assuming every ruler rules 30 years (very unlikely) then you would get 20 rulers. I'm pretty sure there will be people assassinated the year they claim the throne, dying in their first combat or inheriting with 65. You will get your turn.

So far we've had regnal lengths of 30 and 45 years. At this rate I expect Yerneslu to reign for 67 and a half years.

Amnistar
Nov 6, 2008

I am a wizard, not a poet.
Capn, you gonna be able to participate or should we skip over you for a bit?

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
I'm writing the first update now :)

CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
Hey, fun question. Does anyone remember what my goddamn name is? I forgot to get a screenshot of myself and it's information that really doesn't come up very often.

MegaZeroX
Dec 11, 2013

"I'm Jack Frost, ho! Nice to meet ya, hee ho!"



CapnAndy posted:

Hey, fun question. Does anyone remember what my goddamn name is? I forgot to get a screenshot of myself and it's information that really doesn't come up very often.

You are Khan Yerlesnu.

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CapnAndy
Feb 27, 2004

Some teeth long for ripping, gleaming wet from black dog gums. So you keep your eyes closed at the end. You don't want to see such a mouth up close. before the bite, before its oblivion in the goring of your soft parts, the speckled lips will curl back in a whinny of excitement. You just know it.
Thank you.

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