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Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007



Wife has been away for > 1 week. Just me and the dogs.

"Why are we so excited, gentlemen, why? Is it time for an evening ... walk? Shall we... don the illuminated collars? Yessssss, I think we shall, gentlemen, I think we shall......."

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Kiri koli
Jun 20, 2005
Also, I can kill you with my brain.



I dogify songs that are stuck in my head and sing them to her.

Today's song: what's pup got to do with it


Oh what's pup got to do, got to do with it
What's pup but an endless pup in motion
What's pup got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a pup
When a pup can be broken

Oh you said things I do when no one is listening...

Millions
Sep 13, 2007

Do you believe in heroes?


Tegan goes by many names when nobody is around.

Tegan became Teegs (also Tee Tee), which became Teegle Beegle, shortened to Beegs. Beegs became Beeps, then expanded to become Beeps & Boops.
Beeps & Boops transformed into Peeps & Poops, as well as Boobers which became Boobaroo. Peeps turned into Peepoes and Pippa.
Beegs also became Beeks, then Beaky. Beegle was then reintroduced, forming Beaky Bagel.



Tegan > Teegs > Teegle Beegle > Beegs > Beeps > Boops > Boobers > Boobaroo
                      > Tee Tee                                    >Peeps > Peepoes > Pippa
                                                           > Beeks > Beaky > Beaky Bagel

Millions fucked around with this message at Apr 22, 2014 around 03:12

ThatPazuzu
Sep 8, 2011

I'm so depressed, I can't even blink.


Kiri koli posted:

I dogify songs that are stuck in my head and sing them to her.

Today's song: what's pup got to do with it


Oh what's pup got to do, got to do with it
What's pup but an endless pup in motion
What's pup got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a pup
When a pup can be broken

Oh you said things I do when no one is listening...

I sang that to my pup right now and he curled up near me.

I usually just tell him that I love him a lot and that I like him because I do. Also Buddy's many names include Budsy Malone, Bud 65, Buds Aldrin, and whatever else I can think of.

ThatPazuzu fucked around with this message at Apr 22, 2014 around 03:10

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007



Millions posted:

Tegan > Teegs > Teegle Beegle > Beegs > Beeps > Boops > Boobers > Boobaroo > Tee Tee >Peeps > Peepoes > Pippa > Beeks > Beaky > Beaky Bagel

I can see the logic in this.

Scary Ned
Mar 16, 2007

very scary


"This is my Brisbane, he is the best Brisbane."

"Who's a widdle tiny chihuahuahua? Who's a tiny dog? So tiny! I wouldn't love you if you were bigger."

I sing Dead Puppies to my chihuahua, it is his favorite song.

Velvet Sparrow
May 15, 2006

'Hope' is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune, without the words, and never stops--at all.



^^ I cluck the Robot Chicken theme song to my chickens. Also the Super Chicken theme song.

I croon at the rooboys.

'Weeeeeeedcat...hiya Weeds, aren't you a handsome fellow. Weedy, weedy, weeeeeedyyyy....'
'Cam! Camelot! How's the Cam-ers? Camcamcamcamcam.....'

Actually, who am I fooling. I talk this way to all the chickens, depends on who is coming up and demanding pets. Kind of a flowing, running patter.

I am quite soft in the head.

AtomikKrab
Jul 17, 2010

Keep on GOP rolling rolling rolling rolling.


I croon to my cats

example:
"Miiir, miir, who is a good Mir? what are you doing in the laundry? oh you are so fat and rollypolly, just a meshy-mo-waddle." (yes he waddles)

Slugworth
Feb 18, 2001

If two grown men can't make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran!


Everything in this thread, basically. Ridiculously convoluted and constantly evolving pet names, full blown conversations, and non stop singing about the wiggliness of their butts, or how Dottie is the dottiest Dotty that ever dottied.

And then one day, my girlfriend came inside from smoking and said "you know people outside can hear you, right?"

Whoops.

Buggiezor
Jun 6, 2011

For I am a cat, you see.


I still call my cats "sweet little itty bitty baby kitties" or some variation. Even though they're almost 3 at this point. They're still my little teeny kittens. And Cael is my little "Caliegh Kitty cutie kitty cat" or whatever I can think of that starts with Cs or Ks.

Sometimes I just babble incoherent syllables at them since I figure they can't understand me anyway, what's the difference.
I also sing the "What does the Fox Say?" song but substitute Fox for Cat and all the other sounds with meows and peeps and purrs.

AcetylCoA!
Dec 25, 2010



Heyy Poodle-butt! Are you a poodle? Are you? No, You're a BANANA!!

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

I actually fully support ICE


When the girls got spayed they were treated to DOG OF, DOG OF CONES, YEAH, DOG OF CONEEESSSS for hours on end.

notsowelp
Oct 12, 2012

Though she is small, she is fierce.


m.youtube.com/watch?v=HKlhoSaqXLQ

This gets sung incessantly

ThatPazuzu
Sep 8, 2011

I'm so depressed, I can't even blink.


Today I came up with "I Like Big Buds and I Can Not Lie" but he doesn't get the reference.

Bulky Bartokomous
Nov 3, 2006

In Mypos, only the strong survive.

Scout's name is known to morph into his alter egos... Victor Von Doggens, Mr. Shloggen-Zogg, and Mr. Biscuits.

Psychobabble!
Jun 22, 2010

Observing this filth unsettles me


When scratching my shiba puppy Aiko's butt fluff, I say "WHO GOT A BOOTY?! SHE DO!!!" over and over. She get's super hyped up about it. Same if I approach her and say "Who dat?" (also repeated over and over). She get's goofy ears and smilie about it and it's the cutest thing :3

and this isn't my dog, but a yellow lab at my work is named Latte so my loser brain keeps saying "Thanks a latte " like I'm some kind of cheesy rear end in a top hat ordering coffee

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in


It's an Ama-doodle-do! What's an Ama-doodle do? Does an Ama doodle duty, is an Ama doodle due?

--LAB to Amadeus more often than is at all necessary

a.lo
Sep 11, 2009


I place my head on my cats stomach and hear its digestive juices churning the food and converting it to energy. From that, I know my cat is alive.

Nurse Chapel
Jan 16, 2014

I'm a doctor, not a nurse.


I pretty much just mew at them, replicating their mews. Each cat has their own distinctive style of mewing and I adjust accordingly. One of them is the worst: he either MOOOOs or whispers. So I go around all day whisper-mewing, mooing, replicating cat mew songs... I think if someone filmed me for a day I'd get locked up.

Your Friend posted:

I place my head on my cats stomach and hear its digestive juices churning the food and converting it to energy. From that, I know my cat is alive.

I do this too but I start getting groomed (with claws fully extracted) in about 2 seconds. But the stomach is so soft that it's worth it for those 2 calm seconds.

Canadian Bakin
Nov 6, 2011

Retaliate first.


More than once I have arrived home from work and greeted my cats by yelling "Where's a lazies at?". I follow Wheatley around the apartment and mock his squeaky voice. He's my little piggy. "Wee wee wee!" I also cradle Abby and sing "It'sa AbbyBabby" to her. She glares at me, a lot.

ThatPazuzu
Sep 8, 2011

I'm so depressed, I can't even blink.


I play music and dance before my dog and he is sadly ambivalent and not willing to join in.

ATP5G1
Jun 22, 2005


Fun Shoe

Cat Anatoli is called Mr. Bean, Mr. Bee, Mr. Poopers, Mr. Boo, Mr. Pippy-Pie, Sweetie-Boo, Boop-Boops, and Boopie-Boo. Cat Aneta is called Boop-Boo-Bee, Sweetie-Bee, Baby-Bye, Honey-Bee, Sweetie-Bums, and Sweet-Boo. Generally their names are all said in a rapid-fire mishmash while skritches are dispensed.

Cat Charles is called Charlie, Chartleby, Chartlekins, Chartlie, Churtles, and Lord Charles.

Cat Amy has the dubious honor of being my dance partner while I replace nouns in songs with "kitty", like "My kitty don't mess around because she loves me so and this I know for sure." She is also my dance partner while I repeat the word "kitty" over and over to the tune of the Game of Thrones theme.

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.


Whenever I get home the first thing out of my mouth is a high pitched "DOOOOOGS!" Sometimes I accidentally do it when the dogs aren't home and feel like a retard.

Plus the usual singing stupid songs to/about them and mutating their names.

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009


Hugo gets called Hugie a lot, and also Hoog. That then lead to "Hey Hoog, don't make it bad, we'll take a sad Hoooog, and make him Hoogiiieeerrr" which then further devolves into "Re-mem-ber, to Hoogie hoogie hoog hoog, then you can staaaart to make it hoogie hooOGIE HOOGIE HOOGIE hooooog hooog hoooogie hoooog hoog, hoogie hoog hoog heeyyyy Hoog"

Yeah we have issues, we're basically singing the song of Hodor.

Also Decoy is My Doodlebug, and I croon that he is my little boy when cuddling him. Sometimes I cradle Hugo and say "oh Hugo, are you my little boy? No, Decoy is. You are my little BEAR!" or squeal "FLUFFFYYYYYYYYY" and mess up his fur.

Drunk Driver Dad
Feb 18, 2005



i just call my lab things like "stupid fat idiot fucker" and "big head having turgid rear end animal" he doesnt seem to mind

Women's Rights?
Nov 16, 2005

Ain't give a damn


I tell Dixie she's a puppy pants with pants full of puppies, then squeal PUPPY at her for like 10 minutes to get her good and revved up. When she's all full of wiggles I then flop her over on her back for TUMMY RUB ATTACKS

wtftastic
Jul 24, 2006

"In private, we will be mercifully free from the opinions of imbeciles and fools."



Bailey turns into PUPPLINGTON, and THE PUPPERS while I slap his rump.

Flaccid Trip
Apr 29, 2008



I have no shame and call Sheila various names at all times. Sheila can become:

Sheebees/Sheebs/Bees/Beebees
Boots/Poots/Poops/Boops
Fuzzguts/Fuzzbutt/Butts
Turd/Turdbird/Turdwagon
Scruff/Scruffins/Puffins/Muffins
Purrpants/Pants/Catpants


I also like to gently take one ear in each hand and make motorcycle noises at her.

YeahTubaMike
Mar 24, 2005

*hic* Gotta finish thish . . .


Pillbug

Pant-mant, goop-goop, goobums, goobum-cakes, moobums, moobum-cakes, smoobums, smoobum-cakes, goobity-goob, moom-moom, moom-moom-cakes, sweetum dumplings...

His name is Panthro. He responds to all of the above.

edit: I forgot about honum-bunum (pronounced kind of like "honey-bunny") and hum-bum.

YeahTubaMike fucked around with this message at Apr 25, 2014 around 02:24

Pig Head
Mar 9, 2006

He'll bite your face

Drum posted:

I have no shame and call Sheila various names at all times. Sheila can become:

Sheebees/Sheebs/Bees/Beebees
Boots/Poots/Poops/Boops
Fuzzguts/Fuzzbutt/Butts
Turd/Turdbird/Turdwagon
Scruff/Scruffins/Puffins/Muffins
Purrpants/Pants/Catpants


I also like to gently take one ear in each hand and make motorcycle noises at her.

I'm totally stealing Turdbird (approriate for my cat, Chicken) and Purrpants. My god this thread is hilarious and makes me feel way less retarded.

Nico, the other cat, somehow I started calling him Poochy Baloochy a few weeks ago and now he even answers to it. I live alone so I'm constantly talking to my cats. They no doubt silently judge me constantly.

Aerofallosov
Oct 3, 2007

It was so peaceful beneath the glittering stars.


Shinobi, Shnobles, the Nobliterator, Nobinobi, Fuzzybutt, fuzzbutt.
Pod, da Pod, Poderator, i-Pod, my Pod, Podpod, Podator, Podtastic.

Yup, I lived alone with cats and I love them both.

beckyogg
Jul 12, 2006

My lungs don't work. Now it's time to sing!

Apollo is a cat of many names. Admiral Squishbutt, monkey face, monkey butt, purr monkey, pooper face, moobles. I also frequently tell him that I'm going to eat his ears (and then I lip his ear to test for "ripeness"), that he needs face-punches (and then I give him noogies, which he enjoys for some reason), and that he's too pretty to live. I also sing him songs.

I swear I can interact with actual people on a normal level. I just really love this cat. He's my fuzzy little emotional crutch.

Edit for extra names: purr face, mooper/moo-purr, bitty kitty, Mr. Mew, moo face, moo butt, A Pollo, Mr. Pollo

beckyogg fucked around with this message at Apr 25, 2014 around 04:01

Buggiezor
Jun 6, 2011

For I am a cat, you see.


My Terra kitty doesn't really meow so much as makes pitiful peeping sounds. So I always call her Peeper, peepee, peeps, peepee pants, pooper, stinky poop pants, poopy butt. Stinky poops (her poops are stinky) . And she's grey so she gets called Gray baby and Grayby (like baby)

She responds to Terra and Peeper. The rest I think she ignores out of spite.

mcswizzle
Jul 26, 2009


I smoosh up Jada's cheeks into her face and give her eskimo kisses (rub noses) and say "smooshy face is smooshy smooshy" all the time.

e: she has super smooshy cheeks

obnoxious
Aug 11, 2005

booty butt
booty butt
cheeks

Tugboat: Boat, Boater, Boatscrote, Boatshow, Tug, Tugger, Tuggerbutt, Tugbug, Tuggernug, Tuggywuggy, Scrote the Boat
Phoebe: Feeb, Bieber, Beebee, Beebs, Fleabs, Fleabee, Feebers, Feebeeweebee, Meemee, Deebeedeebs

Ponyfields
Nov 2, 2011


My dog now answers to Poo more than her real name. I also sing to her.

"Puppy wuppy woo
(Puppy wuppy woo)
Full of farts and poo
(Full of farts and poo)
Whatever shall we do
(Whatever shall we do)
With the stinky puppy woo?
(She's so full of poo!)"

In my defense she is almost completely intolerant to any sort of shop bought dog treat and will, if someone sneaks her one, unleash farts so bad we have to check she hasn't actually shat on the floor.

She also answers to Yuunacorn, Stinky butt, Stupid Face, Slut Bucket (her favourite place to be petted is on her inner back leg and she will lie on her back and spread her legs when someone walks into a room) and Yuuna-Kahuna-so-full-of-Tuna (she has never eaten tuna.) I also laugh at how massive her head is in comparison to the rest of her body. Sometimes I tell her to stop licking her foof.

I mainly just swear at the cockatiel. Little bastard :3

MrSlam
Apr 25, 2014

And there you sat, eating hamburgers while the world cried.

I have a habit of calling my two cats "Kitty Mow Mow" (pronounced Keegee mowmow). Jonesy is pronounced as "Joanntee." Princess is pronounced as "Prin-Sayus."

I sing at Jonesy a lot more than Princess so a lot of songs that get stuck in my head end up with 'Jonesy' as lyrics despite how little sense it makes.
"One More Jones,
We're gonna celebrate,
Oh yeah,
Keep on' Jonesin'"

aghastly
Nov 1, 2010

i'm an instant star
just add water and stir


Kiri koli posted:

I dogify songs that are stuck in my head and sing them to her.

Today's song: what's pup got to do with it


Oh what's pup got to do, got to do with it
What's pup but an endless pup in motion
What's pup got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a pup
When a pup can be broken

Oh you said things I do when no one is listening...

I do this, too, but I just replace words with Toast, my cat's name.

He gets called Toaster/Toaster Streudel/Toastest with the Mostest/itty bitty kitty/Fuckface. Or I'll ask him who's a lovely little kitty when I pet him.

He also gets called bebe, which is Cajun French for "baby."

kaworu
Jul 23, 2004
Probation
Can't post for 13 days!


God, I behave in the most embarrassing ways. There is a common theme though. I am often saying things like: "Are you a little kitty-cat? Are you my cat, is that what you are, my little Jackie cat?" This can go on for a while in many variations. "How can you be such a kitty! What. A. Kitty. Jackie, did you know that you're a kitty-cat? Yes you areeeee~". You're a cat! A kitty-cat!" Etc and on and on.

I think that is fairly silly. I don't know why I do this or where I picked it up. It is often accompanied by me petting her and sticking my face in her soft furry belly or something. It's sort of the epitome of that chart from that xkcd comics where the closer in proximity a human comes to a cat the more incredibly obvious and inane tbe things they say become.

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MrSlam
Apr 25, 2014

And there you sat, eating hamburgers while the world cried.

kaworu posted:

"Are you a little kitty-cat? Are you my cat, is that what you are, my little Jackie cat?"

I think that half the things I say to my cats are either inquiring if indeed they are a kitty or affirming that yes, they actually are a kitty.

I'm glad it's not just me that has to remind them what they are.

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