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Buggiezor
Jun 6, 2011

For I am a cat, you see.


For anyone who hasn't seen the comic kaworu mentioned.
http://xkcd.com/231/
It's so true.

Also, my fiance acts all manly and will just say "Hey cat" while patting them on the head while I'm around. But I've caught him before cooing and sweet talking them before when I've come home or woken up when he thought I was still sleeping.

Buggiezor fucked around with this message at Apr 27, 2014 around 11:02

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Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007



"ahhhh, Slobby... that really smells. I hope you appreciate that. That really smells. So bad. I'm e-mailing your mother about that. Just terrible."

DeusExMchna
Nov 9, 2013

Justice rains from above




Lipstick Apathy

I call Sam "Shammy sham" and everytime i go to feed the cats i always say "oh you're all hungry? Oh, i was just gonna throw out this bag of kitty food, theres no way you kitties would want it, right? " i also call Octavian "TaveyTavey" and I catify songs : "Cause we'll never be lionss, (lions) it dont run in our blood, that kinda manes just not for us, we crave a different kind of fuzz," etc

Zinkraptor
Apr 23, 2012

Not actually present

I have a cat named named Lily, whose name I will often extend to "Lilililily", or, on a really good day "Lililililililililililililililily". At this point, I think she long ago stopped recognizing it as a name and has simply accepted the syllable "li" as a noise I make.

Phaeoacremonium
Aug 7, 2008


When it's supper time, I repeatedly sing the line "feed the kitty!" to the cat to the tune of the German national anthem. Don't know how it started but it is very silly.

Women's Rights?
Nov 16, 2005

Ain't give a damn


Somebody's cat has been coming into my back patio lately, and I've dubbed him CatBro and am quick to supply him with pets and treats. During which I'll stand outside singing "CatBro gets a tummy rub, do dah, do dah. CatBro gets a tummy rub, all the do dah day."

I don't care if my neighbors think I'm silly CatBro gets a tummy rub.

Bulky Bartokomous
Nov 3, 2006

In Mypos, only the strong survive.

Thanks to Game of Thrones my dog has been getting sung "The Dogs of Castamere" lately.

squeee
Apr 23, 2009

the thrill of the chase.


Zinkraptor posted:

I have a cat named named Lily, whose name I will often extend to "Lilililily", or, on a really good day "Lililililililililililililililily". At this point, I think she long ago stopped recognizing it as a name and has simply accepted the syllable "li" as a noise I make.

We too have a Lilly that ends up with the Lililililily name. It usually devolves into Lilililililalalalalalalala, but normally she's just Tittah. Her nicknames are far more elaborate than her brothers somehow..

Lilly -> Lils -> Bits -> Bitbit -> Banana Bits -> Tit-tit -> Tittah -> Tater Tot -> Princess of the Universe

Frankin's are much less interesting:

Franklin D -> Frankie D -> Frankie -> Prinkie -> Prinkles -> Prinkles D -> Butterball -> Blond Wonder

I also sing to my dog a lot. Recently it's been to the tune of Let It Go.

"Tell me DOOOOOPES, tell me DOOOOOOPES. Are you goin to eat toNIIIIIGHT? Tell me DOOOPES, tell me DOOOOPES. You've got big fat thighs. HERE YOU ARE, AND HERE'S YOUR BOWL. Let your tail hang doooooown. Your hunger never bothered me anyway."

Lt. Bonerkill
Nov 20, 2010


Some of my original songs/song titles about Boo and Frost (who I usually call Baby or Babycat; we hand-raised her because her evil slut catmom abandoned her):

♪ Boo-bie
Squishy Boo-bie
I love youuu ♪

♪ My baby angel
You're so squishy and soft ♪

♪ Please Let Me poo poo in Peace ♪

♪ Why Is My Face so Tasty ♪

Other names for Boo include:

Booseph, Booseidon, Boobs, Boober, Boobie, Lord Booberton, Poo (because he doesn't cover his shits all the time )

Other names for Frost include:

Frostito, Frosty, Tiny Baby(cat), Little Tiny and I also yell BEH BEHHHHH a lot then she squeaks at me. She really was tiny when she was rescued (3oz).

My parents have a dog named Tina but I almost exclusively call her Wina or Winakin. Also Winakin Cutewalker, Wiener, Wienerschnitzel...

DemonDarkhorse
Nov 5, 2011

It's probably not tobacco. You just need to start wiping front-to-back from now on.

I used to call Lambeau all sorts of things, mostly Mama, but also: Lambeau-pants, Bo-bo, Dummy, Wuffles, Lumpy, and Stink-butt.

Cat Plant
Feb 11, 2007

There used to be green cats but they turned into plants because they slept too much.


The cat, Saturn; by myself and my brother gets called; Catface, Shiturn, Shithead, lovely Kitty, Snitty Kitty, Shitface (no seriously, she is perma-bitch face)

I also talk to her endlessly because I live alone.

Blue On Blue
Nov 14, 2012



Let us just say, I sure hope no one can hear me.

- Full conversations with the cat on coming home.

Including "How was your day? Did you have lots of naps?"

- Lots of name butchery as detailed earlier by others

Lipumira
May 6, 2007

FIRE!


I have complete conversations with Pearla and Sheldon - "Mrow" "Really? That sounds interesting, tell me about it!" "Mreow" "Ah.. and then what?"

Sheldon is called Belly (Sheldon -> Shelly Belly -> Belly) and Woobs (he's my woobie), Pearla gets to be Fluffybutt in the winter.

I also tell them often to call PETA and Sarah Maclaughlin to report me.

Oh, and i like to pick Pearla up and rub her on my face just to watch her quickly start cleaning herself to get me off her. The look she gives me is pure disgust. heh heh.

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.


Sappo569 posted:

- Full conversations with the cat on coming home.

Including "How was your day? Did you have lots of naps?"

I do this too with my dogs. "Did you have a good day? Did you get 'being a dog' checked off your to-do list? You did! What a productive day!"

Rah
Mar 9, 2006


My cat's have a strange nickname... They're both girls and I started calling them my little chicks, then it changed to little chickens, and now I call them my chicken nuggets and tell them I want to eat them lol.. I bet they must think I'm completely mad sometimes lol.

Also, when Sophie broke her leg she had it in a splint for some time after the surgery to put pins in the bone, and when she'd try walk around she'd seem to hop, so she got nicknamed my Hoppy Poppy. She's all better now though thankfully, but I do still call her Poppy on occasion.

Rah fucked around with this message at May 8, 2014 around 04:52

TunaSpleen
Jan 27, 2007

How do I say, "You're the grossest thing ever" without offending you?


Grimey Drawer

Amie the Chinchilla: Ames, Amiekins, Amiebutt, Amester, Fuzzbutt, Fuzzdoodle, Poofball, Pumpkin, Butternut Squash, Cupcake, Cutie-Muffin, Pumpkin-Muffin, Pumpkin-Muffin-Butternut-Squash-Doodle, Princess, The Chinchilla Formerly Known As Princess, Sweetie Lumpkin, Poop Fiesta, Small Fry, Giant Hairy Rat.

Leaving the house: "Be good, Amie! Don't let burglars take all our stuff! No block parties!"

"Look at you. Poor, sad, neglected and abused. You haven't had a proper dust bath in a whole ten minutes. Your cage is so tiny you've only got 8 corners good for peeing in. This wheel's a paltry 16 inches. Your premium hay isn't premium enough. What sick individual puts pellets in a Corelle bowl, anyways? Gawd, you'd be better off fending for yourself in the wilderness of Chicago with the coyotes. At least then you can be spared the indignity of neck scritchies."

(It's funny and sad because her previous owners really did keep her in a tiny cage with no hay, cheap plastic everything, and ignored her so she became a nervous wreck until I rescued her)

Buggiezor
Jun 6, 2011

For I am a cat, you see.


TunaSpleen posted:

...Poop Fiesta...

The best name.

I also tell my cats to not open the door for strangers. And to not eat the fish while I'm gone. (I dont think they even know that Betta exists)

Women's Rights?
Nov 16, 2005

Ain't give a damn


I come home and loudly admonish the cats for not completing their chores while I was at work. Is it too much to ask that they take 10 minutes to pick up a broom or dust a little? Lazy.

Also I've found a new game with Mr. Carson. He likes to sprawl out on my ottoman for tummy rubs, so I now grab his tummy and bounce him while going "FAT FAT FAT" until he squirms to the point where he's inches away from falling off of it. Then I let go and watch him fall off. Then I point at him and laugh. Hard.

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.


I also instruct my dogs to be good when I leave. Then I stop by the chinchilla cages and tell them "you especially."

I tell them when I'm coming back too, because obviously they can read clocks.

Kitten Head Ridge
Apr 3, 2009

It is surprising how much space is needed to 'swing a cat'!

I've only had my cat, Madame, for about two months, but I've already created a number of nicknames for her. Even though her full name is technically Madame Mimsy (I got her from a friend who had given her that name, I'll sometimes call her Madame Butterfly or Madame Meowmeow. (Sooner or later, I imagine I'll be calling her Madame Curie and Madame Tussaud, too.). I also call her (Ol') Speckle Nose because her nose is pink with black spots on it, and Wet Nose her nose is wettest nose I have ever known a cat to have. I also call her Grumplestiltskin because she can be a grump.

TunaSpleen
Jan 27, 2007

How do I say, "You're the grossest thing ever" without offending you?


Grimey Drawer

Buggiezor posted:

The best name.

"Poop Fiesta" comes from every time I look under furniture to find 4,350,376,092 chin turds underneath and loudly exclaim "Jesus! It's a poop fiesta down here!"

This happens weekly, I am not a slob, she just poops CONSTANTLY.

mikerock
Oct 29, 2005




We're always telling our parrot to get a job.

Problem!
Jan 1, 2007

I am the queen of France.


TunaSpleen posted:

"Poop Fiesta" comes from every time I look under furniture to find 4,350,376,092 chin turds underneath and loudly exclaim "Jesus! It's a poop fiesta down here!"

This happens weekly, I am not a slob, she just poops CONSTANTLY.

Both my chinchillas only get a small handful of food a day plus however much hay they want to stuff their faces with. The amount of resulting poop is astounding.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


My rabbit get's super excited when I bust out the hay. She runs around in circles under my hands, and usually doesn't even wait for it to leave my hands before she starts nomming away. I know you all are probably thinking that I starve her or something but I've even tossed a full handful of hay into her cage followed by another one and she went just as crazy for the second handful. Anyways, as a result of her antics she usually get's covered in hay so I've taken to singing to her "It's raining hay! hallelujah it's raining hay, oh lord!"

I also constantly like to remind her of the fact that she's a bunny. "You're a bunny! Yes you! No you're not people you're a bunny!"

I also occasionally toss out a "Me bun on fire. Me bun on fire singing hop hop hop."

Ride The Gravitron fucked around with this message at May 9, 2014 around 02:09

Damo
Nov 8, 2002

The second-generation Pontiac Sunbird, introduced by the automaker for the 1982 model year as the J2000, was built to be an inexpensive and fuel-efficient front-wheel-drive commuter car capable of seating five.


Offensive Clock

Everytime I take Dexter for a walk, I sing the outside song.

We go, we go outside. We go, we go outside. We go, we go outsiiiiiiiiiiiiide.

He doesn't respond to "walk". Going for a walk is "outside" for him. This is the most I'm willing to share. The other stuff is just too embarrassing for anyone besides my fiancee and myself to know. Let's just say we loving worship this dog like a god.

Tonde Mo Nai
Jul 9, 2005
my symbolism was stripped away long ago


Dantu posted:

Thanks to Game of Thrones my dog has been getting sung "The Dogs of Castamere" lately.

Oh, good, I'm not the only one who does this (albeit, to my cats, which is even easier lyrically).

Early on my cat Wren got the nickname Wrenbutt, so there's all sorts of weird spin-offs of that use butt or a similar sound: Wrenbutt, Ribbit, Ryebutt, Rowboat, Purrbutt, Purrbot, Spotbot.

The loveable tramp of a tuxedo cat's nicknames sound way more harsh out of context: Dick Cat/Butt, Trash Cat, Jerk Cat/Butt.

They get called Gal & Pal a lot, respectively, and I always say goodbye to them when I leave the house, which I'm sure makes me sound crazy to the neighbors.

Lt. Bonerkill
Nov 20, 2010


Tonde Mo Nai posted:

...and I always say goodbye to them when I leave the house, which I'm sure makes me sound crazy to the neighbors.

I do this do my cats, too. I always say "Bye, babies! I love you!" I am a freak.

kells
Mar 19, 2009


"Lily, why are you so fat? Why are you so stupid? Look at your chubby little cheeks!!!"

Followed by patting her on her chubby cheeks

Pyramid Scheme
May 21, 2007



People: These dogs are so cuuute!
Me: Yeah, but they're very stupid.
People: Ooh!?
Me: It's OK, they don't understand English. You don't understand English, do you, you useless turd factory? No you don't! No you don't!

(apologies - thread breaking - this is when there are other people around)

Hardwood Floor
Sep 25, 2011



"Sycamore? More like Dick-a-more."
"Dick cat."
"Penis puss"
"Oh do you want food? You loving idiot. Cats don't eat food."
"*Sarcastically meowing back*"
"You're never going outside, EVER. HAHAHA" (they don't actually care)

Other pets:
"You're a hamster!"
"Snake snake snake snake! Snake snake! Cute snake snake!"
"Sssssssssssnake!"
"Yeah crawl away from me you stupid reptile I never liked you anyway."

Buggiezor
Jun 6, 2011

For I am a cat, you see.


After feeding cats a tiny piece of cheese:

What? You want more cheese? You love cheese more than life itself?
Well sorry, there's no more cheese. You can't have any more cheese. There will never be cheese again.

You at all the cheese.
I hope you're happy.



Ok one more piece...

Skizzles
Feb 21, 2009

Live, Laugh, Love,
Poop in a box.


There's a dog that comes to board with us at work named Maggie J. She's this very sweet, polite spaniel thing. For some reason I can't help but talk to her in a typical Southern Belle accent. Every time I see her it's "WHY MISS MAGGIE J, HOW ARE YOUUU? OH BLESS YOUR HEART YOU ATE ALL YOUR DINNER WHAT A GOOD MAGGIE J."

I'm glad I usually work nights alone.

C-Euro
Mar 20, 2010



Soiled Meat

I don't think it's weird to have nicknames for your pet. My corgi Butters has many: Fat Dog, Handsome Bear, Little Bear, Stumpy-Legs, Heartbutt, Lumpy Space Dog, etc.

Most of the time it's just me singing actual songs to him, but changing the lyrics to be about how small and/or stinky he is. Like-

I have a stinky Butters,
I made him out of clay,
and when he's dry and ready,
with Butters I shall play!

Oh, Butters Butters Butters,
I made you out of clay!
Butters Butters Butters,
with Butters I shall play!


(I'm not Jewish, and I don't think he is either)

Also when I want to rub his stomach, I will command him "Butters! Roll to save vs. tummy rubs!", and then immediately start doing it anyway and saying "Oh no, you failed your save!"

Punkin Spunkin
Jan 1, 2010

Catching up to god quicker



"Who's my Jim Carrey dog?!" (while my dog's splayed out all slapstick on the couch)

The Grumpy Snail
Feb 15, 2012


I've taken to calling my dog poopy because when you purse your lips together and say "puppy" it can sound like "poopy." So I say "Hello, poopy poopy poopy!! Awe who's my poopy!"


Imagine my horror when a physican brought his puppy into the (non-clinic area) office and I broke into "Oh wookit the wittle poopy!"

Chonchon
Dec 15, 2013



"You are an awful cat. A filthy cat. Look at this filth cat."

*Saying this while petting her

IronClaymore
Jun 30, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 11 days!


To the dog I dog sit:
"You ridiculous dog, why are you jumping like that? HOW are you jumping like that? FINE, I'll let you inside." Followed by, "Do you want a walk? Yes you do! Yes you do! Who's a walky dog? It's you!"
"No people food for you, those cute eyes won't work on me mister! You've had your dinner."
"No, it's not dinnertime yet. No, it's not dinnertime yet, for either of us! Here, I'll just throw this blanket over you and pretend you don't exist. No dog can escape The Blanket Game!"
"Yes, you're a good dog, you're the snuggliest cutest squidgy doggy ever, but you're still not getting my food."

To the cat I cat sit:
"Stop walking on my face! It's 3 am I've got work in two hours!"
"Good morning, cat, how are you today? Yes, you're a cat! You're a cat cat!"
"Hello cat cat the cat cat, do you want a pat pat? You're made of fluff you know that, you're entirely made out of fluff! Yes you are!"
"That's a funny cat noise. Why are you making funny cat noises? Oh you just want to be talked to, silly needy cat. Yes, you're a silly cat!"


Doesn't help that the people I cat sit and dog sit for are neighbours. And that the cat and the dog are mortal enemies, that have far more in common than they have differences. If they put aside their territorial struggle for who gets the comfiest sunbathing places of the afternoon, their combined cuteness would be unstoppable!

Official Bizness
Dec 4, 2007

wark wark wark





"Who's a bird? Are you a bird?"

They are, in fact, birds.

Blue On Blue
Nov 14, 2012



Lets discover the lineage of the cats name/nicknames.

Her original owners named her Emily, which is just not fitting for cat.

It quickly changed to Emily Whiskerkitten the 3rd then went downhill from there... but ended up at Roo... somehow.

Nicknames:

Rooster
Rookitten
Rooness
RooRoo
Stinkypaws
Fluffybutt
Aggghhh!
Hey, You


"Oh hello Roo, how was your nap?"
Meow
"Really, well you have plenty of food in your dish"
Meow
"FINE you can have more food, but don't come begging me later for some of my dinner" *begs and succeeds later*

I'm sure by now anyone who hears me when they walk through the hall thinks I have a room mate or 2

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Buggiezor
Jun 6, 2011

For I am a cat, you see.


A much as I hated this song when I first heard it, I catch myself singing it to my cats all the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LiaYDPRedWQ

Come come Kitty Kitty
You're so pretty pretty
Don't go kitty kitty
Play with me.

Buggiezor fucked around with this message at May 22, 2014 around 01:44

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