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CommonTerry
Dec 16, 2013

good is soda grape
Watchmen Stalin did nothing wrong

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whatis
Jun 6, 2012
in Lost in Translation Bill Murray is a creepy weirdo who has sex with a lounge singer and then Scarlett Johansen gives him a hug because her boyfriend or whoever the gently caress is a giant poo poo

in Signs it turns out the aliens are allergic to water so Mel Gibson saves the planet with his supersoaker

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
In the wizard of oz it was all a dream

spank my snatch
Jun 4, 2009

In U.S. Marshalls Tommy Lee Jones is obstreperous while the audience tries to care

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
In "the wizard of oz" the wizard isn't actually a wizard but a short man from america

calusari
Apr 18, 2013

It's mechanical. Seems to come at regular intervals.
Goldeneye - Boris is not actually invincible

Tonetta
Jul 9, 2013

look mother look at ME MOTHER MOTHER I AM A HOMESTIXK NOW

**methodically removes and eats own clothes*
Not sure if this one has been said yet but jesus dies in the passion of christ.

The Droid
Jun 11, 2012

in Skyline the protagonist's brain is put into one of the alien machine bodies but for some poorly-conveyed reason he does no assimilate and uses his new powerful form to rescue his girlfriend and destroy the alien ship from the inside


that series of events could have been the premise of a nice movie, instead it was the short ending of the boring shitfest that was Skyline

Dolphin
Dec 5, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Avatar: Main character dude fucks an alien girl's hair, then dies and chooses to become an alien because the aliens are nobel savages and nobel savages have more fulfilling lives. Also the USA sucks.

Nelson Mandingo
Mar 27, 2005



In Saw, Saw II, Saw III, Saw IV, Saw V, Saw VI, and Saw 3D people have to survive elaborately constructed torture porn traps designed to test the willpower of the victims. The villain is an old guy with cancer who dies in the third movie, but because people were willing to throw away money they decided to keep making more.

Baiku
Oct 25, 2011

Dune: Guy gets sent to alien planet to gather a resource that can only be found there. Goes native and fucks one of the native chicks. As part of his initiation has to tame some crazy local fauna and ends up saving the planet from hostile invading forces.

This works for Avatar too. Two birds with one stone hth.

Kavak
Aug 23, 2009


Phrasing posted:

This works for Avatar too. Two birds with one stone hth.

Avatar wasn't based off a much better novel

Yivgev
May 19, 2004

i brought my +1 ak-47

Kavak posted:

Avatar wasn't based off a much better novel

it was based off of a bucket full of rancid diarrhea that james cameron kept in his sleeper cab when he was a trucker

Indubitable Leg
Aug 9, 2013
At the end of Darkest Hour we learn why you should hire a professional special effects artist. Also some kid goes all "America, gently caress yeah!" And America's his way through Moscow. Also Swedes are shifty.

Dely Apple
Apr 22, 2006

Sing me Spanish Techno


In Step Up 2: The Streets, the guy who gets expelled from MSA gets to come back to MSA because he stepped up and showed how Baltimore is a-ok.

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
in Enter the Void the main character is shot and killed within 20 minutes

in Flatliners kefir sutherland dies four twenty minutes in order to go back in time and trade places in the tree with the inbred kid from Jurassic park

Olympic Mathlete
Feb 25, 2011

:h:

amityville anus posted:

in Enter the Void the main character is shot and killed within 20 minutes

...and then spends the rest of the film as a ghost watching his sister get nailed.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in beauty and the beast, the beast is a prince

free Trapt CD
Aug 22, 2013

*~:coffeepal:~*
I've got plenty of java
and Chesterfield Kings

*~:h:~*
In Funny Games, it's you, you are the villain

In Shortbus paper-thin characters learn a valuable lesson about letting go while having the least erotic sex ever put to film

Big Stan saves the prison full of rapists from the evil warden with magic kung fu he learned from David Carradine, who it turns out is not cucking him at all. thank heavens

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
In Indiana Jones four they hide in a fridge

Flavahbeast
Jul 21, 2001


in Contact the aliens are Jodie Foster's dad

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in the neverending story the story actually ends just before 2 hourse

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
in godzilla 2014 in 1999, scientists Ishiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) and Vivienne Graham (Sally Hawkins) are called to a quarry in the Philippines where a colossal skeleton and two egg-shaped pods have been discovered, one having hatched, and something has escaped to the sea. Near Tokyo, Japan, the Janjira nuclear plant starts experiencing seismic activity. Plant supervisor Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) sends his wife Sandra (Juliette Binoche) and a team into the core to look for damage. As the team makes its inspection, an explosion occurs, threatening to release radiation to the outside. Sandra and her team are not able to escape, and the plant collapses into ruin. The disaster, attributed to an earthquake, results in the evacuation and quarantine of the Janjira area.

Fifteen years later, Joe's son Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is an explosive ordinance disposal officer in the United States Navy, living in San Francisco with wife Elle (Elizabeth Olsen) and son Sam (Carson Bolde). When Joe is arrested for trespassing in the quarantined area, Ford travels to Japan to assist him. Intent on discovering the true cause of the catastrophe, Joe convinces his son to accompany him to Janjira for Sandra's sake, where they discover no signs of radiation. They also visit their old house, which is situated in the quarantined area. While there, father and son are both alerted to the sound of a helicopter. When they go outdoors to investigate, they are surprised to see activity on the power plant. They are arrested by local security and taken to a secret facility built within the power plant's ruins. The facility is built around a massive chrysalis that contains the monster that destroyed the plant, and is being studied by Serizawa and Graham. The chrysalis hatches and unleashes a colossal winged creature, which devastates the facility and flies off. Joe is critically wounded in the chaos, which eventually leads to his death. Serizawa, Graham, and Ford joins a US Navy team to track the monster, using the aircraft carrier USS Saratoga (CVN-88) as a base of operations.

Aboard the Saratoga, Ford is informed by Serizawa and his team that the creature he saw at Janjira was a MUTO (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism), an ancient creature from a much earlier time which feeds off radiation and radioactive material. As the earth's radiation subsided it moved underground and put itself in a cryptobiotic state. It in turn is being hunted by a much larger animal that was awoken during a deep sea expedition in 1954. Its existence has been continually covered up following numerous failures to kill it with nuclear weapons. Ford reveals that his father had tracked a form of echolocation from the Janjira area, which leads the team to believe the MUTO was communicating with something else.

A U.S. Army Special Forces team in Hawaii finds the wreck of a Russian nuclear submarine that has reported an attack and finds the MUTO feeding on its reactor. The military attacks the MUTO and a battle ensues at Honolulu International Airport. The larger creature, named “Godzilla”, arrives and fights the MUTO, which flees by air. The second MUTO pod, which was brought from the Philippines to the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste repository, hatches and a larger, female MUTO devastates Las Vegas before heading west. Serizawa believes the two creatures will meet to breed.

The military plans to kill all three monsters with a powerful nuclear weapon. A train is loaded with two warheads to take to San Francisco, but it is intercepted and destroyed by the female MUTO which eats one of the warheads. The other warhead is taken by helicopter to San Francisco, where it is put on a boat and armed. The MUTOs, however, steal the warhead and the female MUTO constructs a nest around it in the middle of downtown San Francisco, threatening the lives of millions. Godzilla arrives in San Francisco to confront the monsters.

While the MUTOs are distracted with Godzilla, Ford and a team of soldiers enter the nest and try to disarm the warhead. They discover it is badly damaged and cannot be disarmed, so they plan to take it out to sea and let it detonate. While Godzilla is fighting the MUTOs, their combined force begins to overwhelm him. The nest is filled with eggs and Ford uses a fuel truck to incinerate the nest, distracting the female MUTO from the fight and leaving just the male to fight Godzilla. Godzilla then kills the male MUTO by biting it and then slamming it into a skyscraper with his tail, impaling it. Godzilla and Ford share a stare, before Godzilla is engulfed by the falling skyscraper. Ford runs to the docks, where the enraged mother MUTO slaughters the soldiers, but Ford manages to get to the boat with the female MUTO in pursuit. Just when she is about to destroy the boat, Godzilla surprise attacks the female MUTO and holds her jaws open, firing his atomic breath down her throat and tearing her head off in the process. Ford then gets the boat out to sea and is saved by a rescue team just before the warhead detonates, while Godzilla collapses on the shoreline and is still.

In the aftermath, Ford is reunited with his wife and son. Godzilla, thought dead, awakens, lets out a roar of triumph and returns to the ocean, hailed as the "King of the Monsters" and "City's Saviour?" by the media.

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
The 1980s horror film Breeders: The greatest monster of all is Man.

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
In zodiac they don't find out who did it

Indubitable Leg
Aug 9, 2013
At the end of Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World everyone agrees that nerd culture should be dragged out into the streets and murdered.

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
The black guy from twin peaks is the same character as the escaped convict turned city sheriff in the elephant man

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
Bloodline: It's a fake documentary. A guy involved admitted to that.

Bargearse
Nov 27, 2006

🛑 Don't get your pen🖊️, son, you won't be 👌 needing that 😌. My 🥡 order's 💁 simple😉, a shitload 💩 of dim sims 🌯🀄. And I want a bucket 🪣 of soya sauce☕😋.
In the Transformers series some giant robots do some poo poo there's Shia LaBeouf there's some dumb plot poo poo who gives a gently caress the end

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
Tomb Raider: Lara Croft is a charmless character that it is impossible to feel bad for when even magical beings are telling her she's endangering all of existence with her dumb, self-centered behavior and not even U2's catchy song can save you now.

Baiku
Oct 25, 2011

Chris Pynes Knob posted:

in godzilla 2014 in 1999, scientists Ishiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) and Vivienne Graham (Sally Hawkins) are called to a quarry in the Philippines where a colossal skeleton and two egg-shaped pods have been discovered, one having hatched, and something has escaped to the sea. Near Tokyo, Japan, the Janjira nuclear plant starts experiencing seismic activity. Plant supervisor Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) sends his wife Sandra (Juliette Binoche) and a team into the core to look for damage. As the team makes its inspection, an explosion occurs, threatening to release radiation to the outside. Sandra and her team are not able to escape, and the plant collapses into ruin. The disaster, attributed to an earthquake, results in the evacuation and quarantine of the Janjira area.

Fifteen years later, Joe's son Ford (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) is an explosive ordinance disposal officer in the United States Navy, living in San Francisco with wife Elle (Elizabeth Olsen) and son Sam (Carson Bolde). When Joe is arrested for trespassing in the quarantined area, Ford travels to Japan to assist him. Intent on discovering the true cause of the catastrophe, Joe convinces his son to accompany him to Janjira for Sandra's sake, where they discover no signs of radiation. They also visit their old house, which is situated in the quarantined area. While there, father and son are both alerted to the sound of a helicopter. When they go outdoors to investigate, they are surprised to see activity on the power plant. They are arrested by local security and taken to a secret facility built within the power plant's ruins. The facility is built around a massive chrysalis that contains the monster that destroyed the plant, and is being studied by Serizawa and Graham. The chrysalis hatches and unleashes a colossal winged creature, which devastates the facility and flies off. Joe is critically wounded in the chaos, which eventually leads to his death. Serizawa, Graham, and Ford joins a US Navy team to track the monster, using the aircraft carrier USS Saratoga (CVN-88) as a base of operations.

Aboard the Saratoga, Ford is informed by Serizawa and his team that the creature he saw at Janjira was a MUTO (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism), an ancient creature from a much earlier time which feeds off radiation and radioactive material. As the earth's radiation subsided it moved underground and put itself in a cryptobiotic state. It in turn is being hunted by a much larger animal that was awoken during a deep sea expedition in 1954. Its existence has been continually covered up following numerous failures to kill it with nuclear weapons. Ford reveals that his father had tracked a form of echolocation from the Janjira area, which leads the team to believe the MUTO was communicating with something else.

A U.S. Army Special Forces team in Hawaii finds the wreck of a Russian nuclear submarine that has reported an attack and finds the MUTO feeding on its reactor. The military attacks the MUTO and a battle ensues at Honolulu International Airport. The larger creature, named “Godzilla”, arrives and fights the MUTO, which flees by air. The second MUTO pod, which was brought from the Philippines to the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste repository, hatches and a larger, female MUTO devastates Las Vegas before heading west. Serizawa believes the two creatures will meet to breed.

The military plans to kill all three monsters with a powerful nuclear weapon. A train is loaded with two warheads to take to San Francisco, but it is intercepted and destroyed by the female MUTO which eats one of the warheads. The other warhead is taken by helicopter to San Francisco, where it is put on a boat and armed. The MUTOs, however, steal the warhead and the female MUTO constructs a nest around it in the middle of downtown San Francisco, threatening the lives of millions. Godzilla arrives in San Francisco to confront the monsters.

While the MUTOs are distracted with Godzilla, Ford and a team of soldiers enter the nest and try to disarm the warhead. They discover it is badly damaged and cannot be disarmed, so they plan to take it out to sea and let it detonate. While Godzilla is fighting the MUTOs, their combined force begins to overwhelm him. The nest is filled with eggs and Ford uses a fuel truck to incinerate the nest, distracting the female MUTO from the fight and leaving just the male to fight Godzilla. Godzilla then kills the male MUTO by biting it and then slamming it into a skyscraper with his tail, impaling it. Godzilla and Ford share a stare, before Godzilla is engulfed by the falling skyscraper. Ford runs to the docks, where the enraged mother MUTO slaughters the soldiers, but Ford manages to get to the boat with the female MUTO in pursuit. Just when she is about to destroy the boat, Godzilla surprise attacks the female MUTO and holds her jaws open, firing his atomic breath down her throat and tearing her head off in the process. Ford then gets the boat out to sea and is saved by a rescue team just before the warhead detonates, while Godzilla collapses on the shoreline and is still.

In the aftermath, Ford is reunited with his wife and son. Godzilla, thought dead, awakens, lets out a roar of triumph and returns to the ocean, hailed as the "King of the Monsters" and "City's Saviour?" by the media.

Searched for "Godzilla" didn't find it until the last half of this summary. Won't be watching the movie. Thanks goons!

The Shame Boy
Jan 27, 2014

Dead weight, just like this post.



In Neighbors Seth Rogan proves to himself that nothing will ever top This is The End

...of SCIENCE!
Apr 26, 2008

by Fluffdaddy

JediTalentAgent posted:

Tomb Raider: Lara Croft is a charmless character that it is impossible to feel bad for when even magical beings are telling her she's endangering all of existence with her dumb, self-centered behavior and not even U2's catchy song can save you now.

Tomb Raider: Daniel Craig does an American accent

plumpy hole lever
Aug 8, 2003

♥ Anime is real ♥
willy wonka and the chocolate factory: charlie sucks on willy wonkas magic lollipop while grandpa jo watches on

Bargearse
Nov 27, 2006

🛑 Don't get your pen🖊️, son, you won't be 👌 needing that 😌. My 🥡 order's 💁 simple😉, a shitload 💩 of dim sims 🌯🀄. And I want a bucket 🪣 of soya sauce☕😋.
Wing Commander either studio interference is a very bad thing or Chris Roberts is a hack. Both are equally valid

...of SCIENCE!
Apr 26, 2008

by Fluffdaddy
Veronica Mars: People who bitch and moan about Hollywood making nothing but sequels, spinoffs, and remakes donate money to a zillion-dollar entertainment conglomerate so they'll make a sequel

Action Yak
Nov 9, 2008

Carnosaur they find the cure but then soldiers bust in and kill everyone anyway.

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006

Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry

amityville anus posted:

in Enter the Void the main character is shot and killed within 20 minutes

in Flatliners kefir sutherland dies four twenty minutes in order to go back in time and trade places in the tree with the inbred kid from Jurassic park

that sounds like The Place Beyond The Pines
ryan gosling is shot by bradly cooper 10 minutes into the movie.

this is followed by 2 hours of boring poo poo as bradly cooper's gay son befrinds ryan goslings gay son and boring stuff happens. ryan goslings gay son finds out bradly cooper shot ryan gosling and then tries to kill bradly cooper's son but cooper cries and apologies and ryan goslings son runs away to buy a motorcycle

FizFashizzle
Mar 30, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 5 hours!

Volume posted:

The dude in +1 ends up killing his ex-girlfriend because she wouldn't take him back. But it's ok because he just hooks up with a previous version of her self that he manipulated into wanting him again.

I'm in this movie btw you should see it

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Whorelord
May 1, 2013

Jump into the well...

The American Dream posted:

In Caligula Hellen Mirren got some bomb rear end titties

In Savage Messiah the same thing happens

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