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judge reinhold
Jul 25, 2001






MindJack is a third-person cover-based shooter published in 2011 by Square Enix for Xbox 360 and Playstation 3. The year is 2031 and the progress of technology has been grossly overstated. Twitter has been usurped by Packet_Feed and Facebook is compulsory in this nightmare dystopia. Our hero is a man named Jim who works for a shady governmental organization. He must navigate the datascape and reformat his future according to the AI... of his heart. He does this by stalking an unknown woman at an airport (in the future) when things go awry for the two of them. We must fight to survive as Jim and uncover the secrets of this lady's past as well as our own using the amazing ability called "MindJacking" (we assume) to inhabit the brains and circuits of men and machine alike.

If you like inaccuracy and the passive voice, then the manual is for you:

The Manual posted:

AD 2031, an era where technology has begun to advance beyond the realm of human imagination. Jim Corbijn, FIA agent, was waiting for a woman: Rebecca Weiss, an anti-government activist due to arrive on the last flight of the day from Shanghai. The pair's encounter is marred by a sudden terrorist attack. As they fight to survive, they are soon sucked into a vast, overwhelming conspiracy. To the masterminds behind the scenes, however, this battlefield is nothing but a game. To them, everything is an illusion, a figment of their imaginations. They participate in this battle without anyone being aware of their presence. They have the power to access the vast networks spread across the cities, taking over the hearts and minds of other people. To them, Jim, Rebecca, and the soldiers and citizens on both sides of the conflict are but mere pawns in their game. They are the Mind Hackers, and the technology at their fingertips makes them the true overlords of the 21st century.

MindJack has a MetaCritic rating of 43. Eurogamer called it "a strange blend of Resident Evil 5, Uncharted and Minority Report," if that helps put things into perspective for you.



I'm judge "data loop" reinhold, joined once again by my two bestest buddies from the year 2031, Diaper "Java Virtual Machine" Chris and No Internet Name "Squawker" Anthony. Net neutrality is not an option because MindJack offers a unique co-op experience: players can join your active single-player campaign as an ally or enemy (Xbox LIVE! Gold Only and whatever PS3 has). Will friends become foes? Or will foes invade friends? Watch and find out!\

NOTE: Our blip account has been issued a death sentence, so all the videos are YouTube only.
















Elian Gonzalez helps us out with the things we missed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaajHtfK7rc

MindJack Tabletop Adventure:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Full MP3 you can listen to on your iPod or Walkman.
http://www.mediafire.com/listen/wvt...dDFullAudio.mp3
or
https://soundcloud.com/mendrinkincoffee/danddfullaudio

judge reinhold fucked around with this message at 23:54 on Jul 2, 2014

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judge reinhold
Jul 25, 2001




Tom Cruise: Hollywood leading man and star of the box art, Tom Cruise has appeared in such films as Eyes Wide Shut and Jack Reacher. His role in MindJack, beyond cover-art eye-candy, is unknown as well as his allegiance.

Jim "MindJim" Corbijn: Apparently a Gulf War veteran or something, Jim has hung up the M16 in favor of a Bluetooth hands-free set. Jim has an ability that's either unique to him or ubiquitous in the future: he can mind-control both humans and machines at whim. He also has some sort of past he regrets.

Rebecca Weiss: A firebrand who shops at Target. It's not known what her importance is, but she will be the co-op partner for the foreseeable future.

Lyle McLilo: Lyle is cool.

Randy Johnson:






supermikhail immortalizes the terrorizing, ever-present threat.


MassRafTer welcomes us to MindJacksonville.


Starving Wolf created MindJackolas from The Ring Lords.


Danny DeVTOL. Art by Devious Vacuum, name by Red Minjo.


AstroWhale fought the law and the law scooted.


your evil twin saw this robot doing a Yosemite Sam thing.


AstroWhale has found the next viral meme, maybe replacing the awkward seal?


Melaneus cashed in a million-dollar idea.


Suspect Bucket gives us the dark Lilo and Stitch reboot fans have been craving for years.


Pigbuster lies to adults.


How could anyone DO this? Ask Seshoho Cian.


Our dear friend and promoted Best Partner, Elian Gonzalez, is the gift that keeps on giving.

judge reinhold fucked around with this message at 11:44 on Jun 20, 2014

gregory
Jun 8, 2013

METAL GEAR!


I love that you shoot your team with medicine bullets to revive them.

I also like that you can just take over the minds of random, innocent civilians and force them to fight to the death on your behalf. I like to imagine that they still have control of their thoughts (like when Yeerks control people) when this happens.
"I just wanted to buy some groceries, why am I fighting highly-trained soldiers? I've never fired a gun before! Where did this pistol even come from?"

Nanomashoes
Aug 18, 2012



Glad you're showing this game off, until this thread I thought it was a game about babysitting a baby named Jack.

Lunethex
Feb 4, 2013

Me llamo Sarah Brandolino, the eighth Castilian of this magnificent marriage.

We're already off to a great start: the frame rate tanks during fade transitions, cover woes, and a bad aiming system among other things. A worthy successor to Ride to Hell.

SkeletonHero
Sep 7, 2010

Skeleton War 2020


Have your parents ever walked in on you when you were MindJacking?

Zellyn
Sep 27, 2000

The way he truly is.


SkeletonHero posted:

Have your parents ever walked in on you when you were MindJacking?

Can you clean up a cyberghost with a gym sock?

supermikhail
Nov 17, 2012


"It's video games, Scully."
Video games?"
"He enlists the help of strangers to make his perfect video game. When he gets bored of an idea, he murders them and moves on to the next, learning nothing in the process."
"Hmm... interesting."


I have to know what Resident Evil 5, Uncharted, and Minority Report taste like, and whether a competent... confectioner?... can make this blend palatable. I don't think I'm sold on the pitch.

Suspicious Dish
Sep 24, 2011

2020 is the year of linux on the desktop, bro


Fun Shoe

Nanomashoes posted:

Glad you're showing this game off, until this thread I thought it was a game about babysitting a baby named Jack.

It is.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

It would be a sad error in judgement to mistake me for a corpse.


Clapping Larry

This is going to be good.

Space Bat
Apr 17, 2009

hold it now hold it now hold it right there
you wouldn't drop, couldn't drop diddy, you wouldn't dare


I've never heard of this game but I can't wait for more Anthony

kurt phillips
Feb 1, 2014



I think Jack has a problem talking to women, he doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands.

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

WeaponBoy posted:

Can you clean up a cyberghost with a gym sock?

I hope you intended this question to have the same tone as someone saying, "Does a bear poo poo in the woods?"

General Ironicus
Aug 21, 2008

Something about this feels kinda hinky


Why were you so rude to the guy trying to audition to join your group? There's no reason to play this game so he must have figured it was some sort of casting call.

frank.club
Jan 15, 2011

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


This game looks loving abysmal

Dragonatrix
Aug 16, 2009

You have offended STRINGIE! You must be punished!


On several occasions, you had the weird main character guy and 4 mind puppets and no one made a MindJackson 5 joke. Rated 1.

Gearface
Feb 25, 2013


Rated 5 for Dragonatrix's incredible MindJackson 5 joke. Just gotta keep the books balanced.

Great [first episode], all! Be sure to be mindful of [hackneyed plots] and [awful game design]! I can't wait until the part with the [game breaking glitch].

... I haven't watched the episode yet.

judge reinhold
Jul 25, 2001


Dragonatrix posted:

On several occasions, you had the weird main character guy and 4 mind puppets and no one made a MindJackson 5 joke. Rated 1.

Please edit out this joke so I can use it. I will give you hush money.

Nanomashoes
Aug 18, 2012



judge reinhold posted:

Please edit out this joke so I can use it. I will give you hush money.

The dark secrets of LP revealed!

Gearface
Feb 25, 2013


At least three of us saw it, Judge. We're all gonna need a kickback.

Starving Wolf
Apr 2, 2010

MUCH LATER

Yams Fan

Another magical Blokes Quaffing Java joint!
Everything you do makes me happy.

I can't believe someone was still earnestly playing this game and invading people. Imagine the joy of that man to discover that he's not alone when he ran across you guys.

judge reinhold
Jul 25, 2001


Starving Wolf posted:

Another magical Blokes Quaffing Java joint!
Everything you do makes me happy.

I can't believe someone was still earnestly playing this game and invading people. Imagine the joy of that man to discover that he's not alone when he ran across you guys.

Hey, glad you're around, my man. Not a day goes by I don't try to piece together the remaining puzzle pieces of Super Trix.

Redundant
Sep 24, 2011

Even robots have feelings!

Starving Wolf posted:

Another magical Blokes Quaffing Java joint!
Everything you do makes me happy.

I can't believe someone was still earnestly playing this game and invading people. Imagine the joy of that man to discover that he's not alone when he ran across you guys.
I spent a chunk of the video trying to see things from that guys perspective, effectively mindjacking the invader if you will. It went from joy at finally having someone to play against to confusion/despair as Chris chased his will o' the wisp around before running into an invisible wall for a little while trying to get back through an open door as Judge admired the gun rack unable to interact with it

Shoombo
Jan 1, 2013


Good first episode. My roommate got mad at me for laughing too loud. I hope you're happy.

Starving Wolf
Apr 2, 2010

MUCH LATER

Yams Fan

judge reinhold posted:

Hey, glad you're around, my man. Not a day goes by I don't try to piece together the remaining puzzle pieces of Super Trix.

Judge slaving away over ancient Hebrew texts, a cold sweat running down his brow. Crumpled, coffee stained pages with scribbled formulas and diagrams on them scattered amidst the clutter of his rare Super Trix memorabilia and fanart collection.

darealkooky
Sep 15, 2011

You sayin' I like dubs?!?


This game isn't actually about mind control, it's about time travel.

This is an early ps2 game that fell through a time rift.

Some Strange Flea
Apr 9, 2010

AAA


Pillbug

I'll take Lesser-Known Synonyms of Skullfuck for 500 please.

Brassherald
Feb 3, 2012

Wait, I'm the one who calls people buttheads!


I think the evil Judge Wisp was actually No Internet Name Anthony. He's just jealous he does not get to play this high quality game as a good guy and now will destroy the MenDrinkin'Coffee from the outside.

Suspicious Dish
Sep 24, 2011

2020 is the year of linux on the desktop, bro


Fun Shoe

Brassherald posted:

I think the evil Judge Wisp was actually No Internet Name Anthony. He's just jealous he does not get to play this high quality game as a good guy and now will destroy the MenDrinkin'Coffee from the outside.

MenDrinkinCoffe, actually.

Brassherald
Feb 3, 2012

Wait, I'm the one who calls people buttheads!


Suspicious Dish posted:

MenDrinkinCoffe, actually.

Potato, Pota't

Bricoleur
Feb 1, 2012



I heard this game was awful. This should be good.

Centzon Totochtin
Jan 2, 2009


So the guy talking to us over the blue tooth from inside a coke can just disappears after a while, huh?

Other than what is probably going to be a laughably bad story, the game doesn't seem too bad. Sure the setting isn't anything new (I'm pretty sure the stewardesses walking around are literally the flight attendants from the Fifth Element) and it doesn't look amazing but it has interesting mechanics and it's not as buggy as ride to hell. The robots will probably get wackier too, and wacky robots (or wobots, as they are sometimes known) are always welcome.

Does Anthony ever play or would wisping around make him sick?

Stallion Cabana
Feb 14, 2012
1; Get into Grad School

2; Become better at playing Tabletop, both as a player and as a GM/ST/W/E

3; Get rid of this goddamn avatar.

Centzon Totochtin posted:

So the guy talking to us over the blue tooth from inside a coke can just disappears after a while, huh?

Other than what is probably going to be a laughably bad story, the game doesn't seem too bad. Sure the setting isn't anything new (I'm pretty sure the stewardesses walking around are literally the flight attendants from the Fifth Element) and it doesn't look amazing but it has interesting mechanics and it's not as buggy as ride to hell. The robots will probably get wackier too, and wacky robots (or wobots, as they are sometimes known) are always welcome.

Does Anthony ever play or would wisping around make him sick?

I'm really sad you didn't go for wackobots, which I feel is a far superior name.

CzarChasm
Mar 14, 2009

Blah Blah Blah
Look at me
I'm the Goddamn Batman
Blah Blah Blah


I remember being strangely interested in this game when I first heard about it a few years ago.

I think the main character VA sounds a little like Ted McGinley, but there's no way they had TMG money backing this game.

Bricoleur
Feb 1, 2012



Okay what the hell. We're told twice to observe the lady only and not make contact. What does Mr. Jim Mindjack do? Walk right up and stick his face into her so the other guy notices and pulls a gun on him. When you're ordered to not approach someone, don't. Already the script has tripped and fallen on its own shoelaces unless it's going for some Goosebumps "everything past 20 seconds into the game he was mindjacked!" twist.

judge reinhold
Jul 25, 2001


Centzon Totochtin posted:

So the guy talking to us over the blue tooth from inside a coke can just disappears after a while, huh?


Does Anthony ever play or would wisping around make him sick?

There is a plot explanation for the former, and no explanation for the latter.

Centzon Totochtin
Jan 2, 2009


Bricoleur posted:

Okay what the hell. We're told twice to observe the lady only and not make contact. What does Mr. Jim Mindjack do? Walk right up and stick his face into her so the other guy notices and pulls a gun on him. When you're ordered to not approach someone, don't. Already the script has tripped and fallen on its own shoelaces unless it's going for some Goosebumps "everything past 20 seconds into the game he was mindjacked!" twist.

Maybe the guys with guns are just the cops coming to apprehend the man that literally just snapped another man's neck.

Kibayasu
Mar 28, 2010



We can only hope the sole remaining online Mindjack player dogs you throughout the game.

Centzon Totochtin posted:

So the guy talking to us over the blue tooth from inside a coke can just disappears after a while, huh?

Other than what is probably going to be a laughably bad story, the game doesn't seem too bad. Sure the setting isn't anything new (I'm pretty sure the stewardesses walking around are literally the flight attendants from the Fifth Element) and it doesn't look amazing but it has interesting mechanics and it's not as buggy as ride to hell. The robots will probably get wackier too, and wacky robots (or wobots, as they are sometimes known) are always welcome.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that, with the exception of boss fights, we have already seen literally every gameplay element the game has.

Titty Warlord
Apr 28, 2013


The riot shield roomba really tells the real story behind this grimdark future.

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Brassherald
Feb 3, 2012

Wait, I'm the one who calls people buttheads!


Titty Warlord posted:

The riot shield roomba really tells the real story behind this grimdark future.

Riot Shield Roomba is the most 3 dimensional character in this game so far. It has multiple motivations of vacuuming the floor and mopping the floor with your corpse.

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