WWE Raw has those heavy hands again for 5/12

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > WWE Raw has those heavy hands again for 5/12

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Why did Daniel Bryan have to die?
	For our sins
	Weak-rear end stack of dimes neck wouldn't stand a chance against Batista
	To go live and become a farm upstate
	Part of The Demon Kane's twenty-year plan to defeat The Undertaker
	HHH organized it in his master plan to ruin his heat

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Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

LAST WEEK ON RAW:

The show opens up with a 20-man battle royal for Dean Ambrose�s United States Championship. Ambrose and Sheamus are the final two, and Sheamus Brogue Kicks and eliminates Dean to become the new US Champion.
Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella are backstage and scared of Kane still. Stephanie McMahon comes in to tell Bryan that Kane is still angry. She leaves, but KANE�S MASK IS ON THE BACK OF THE DOOR???
Paul Heyman�s client Brock Lesnar conquered the Undertaker�s undefeated Streak at WrestleMania. Rob Van Dam beats Cesaro when Cesaro doesn�t stop punching RVD in the face. Good finish imo
Bray Wyatt and the Family come out to cut a promo. Bray doesn�t follow up on the goddamn voice modulated kid, which is disappointing. He then cuts a promo saying that he is for the WWE universe and everything he does is for them. Posters wonder if he�s turning face (he�s not).
Ryback defeats Cody Rhodes after Cody is distracted by Goldust on the outside.
Brie and Bryan are still backstage when the lights go out. KANE�S MASK IS ON THE LAMP???
Los Matadores and El Torito celebrate Cinco de Mayo! 3MB comes out to interrupt and tells the Matadores to speak English. The two stables brawl and Torito breaks a sombrero over Hornswoggle�s head.
Rusev, now without a first name and residing in Russia, defeats Black Guy #4, Kofi Kingston with the Putin Annex of Crimea.
WWE World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan faces off with Alberto Del Rio. A good match ends with a La Yestica into Yes Lock with Del Rio tapping. The Demon Kane�s fire goes off and ~~Zack Ryder and Eve~~ Brie and Bryan run backstage to their car. It doesn�t work and then ~~Zack Ryder tries to change the tire for 20 minutes~~ Daniel Bryan fixes it in 30 seconds. Suddenly Kane shows up and tries to take ~~Eve~~ Brie away from ~~Ryder~~ Bryan. ~~Zack Ryder is then chokeslammed through the stage~~ Daniel Bryan drives away with The Demon Kane still on the car, which knocks him out. ~~Zack Ryder loses his United States Championship and is laughed at by everybody.~~ Daniel Bryan then drives out of the arena.
In an Extreme Rules rematch, Bad News Barrett retains his IC Title with a Bad News Bullhammer.
There�s a techno remix of Mr. T�s HoF speech for Mother�s Day.
Adam Rose debuts, taking out Jack Swagger, dancing with the Rosebuds, and making fun of Zeb Colter.
Shield vs. Wyatts IV ends with Evolution interference distracting Roman Reigns long enough for Bray Wyatt to hit the Sister Abigail. After the match, Evolution attacks Shield and leaves them lying to end the show.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH RAW TONIGHT:

1. The ~~Zack Ryder~~ Daniel Bryan-The Demon Kane feud continues!
Why you should care: After defeating The Demon Kane at Extreme Rules, The Demon Kane is still out for revenge on former friend Daniel Bryan. Please go back to being friends, anyway.

2. Bray Wyatt will give a promo!
Why you should care: It will be a good promo. He will talks good.

3. The Shield! The Shield!
Why you should care: Still fighting with Evolution, they'll fight towards another good match. It will also be good!

4. John Cena!
Why you should care: John Cena

5. Hey, that New Japan/RoH show this weekend!
Why you should care: That's going to be a fun card!

STREAMS FOR TONIGHT:

http://bigevents.tv
http://thefirstrow.eu

In addition, WrasslorMonkey made a cool application that makes streams look great. Follow these instructions!

WrasslorMonkey posted:

And here's the bookmarklet that removes the extra junk from streams since it seemed to work out well for folks last time (open the page and drag the link to your bookmarks bar then click it while on a stream page).

All this and more, live on Monday Night Raw!

# ? May 13, 2014 00:00

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 17:13

Blasmeister: Jan 15, 2012; 2Time TRP Sack Race Champion

voted 5 for title.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:07

Vertical Lime: Dec 11, 2004

move along

PWInsider posted:

DANIEL BRYAN INJURY

By Mike Johnson on 2014-05-12 18:56:15

The word making rounds backstage is that Daniel Bryan is dealing with some sort of neck issue that will keep him out of the ring on Raw tonight.

We'll have more as it's confirmed.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:13

Cornwind Evil: Dec 14, 2004; The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

Sometimes I wonder if cruel chance isn't on Vince and Triple H's side in regards to who should be pushed. Concussion after they rapidly turn him back from the Wyatts, his dad dies after Wrestlemania out of nowhere, and now this.

Chance, it seems, like slow plodding hosses and dull wimpy champions.

Cornwind Evil fucked around with this message at 00:20 on May 13, 2014

# ? May 13, 2014 00:15

Saint Jimmy: Jul 5, 2006

Wow. Dude wins the championship and can't catch a break.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:15

Sticky Nate: Jan 9, 2012

Saint Jimmy posted:

Wow. Dude wins the championship and can't catch a break.

His neck did

# ? May 13, 2014 00:18

RealFoxy: May 11, 2011; I'm not making a fucking QCS thread for this but seriously can we take a harder stance on Kiwifarms freaks like this guy, Jesus Christ seriously, you used to be better at knocking these creeps down. I guess ADTRW mods aren't responsible like GBS mods are.

At least The Shield and the Wyatt family are being put over, and they are awesome. Poor Bryan, I just feel like this is all Vince and Triple H's master plan to bury his momentum ala Zack Ryder.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:19

Lazer: Jun 26, 2011; V A P O R W A V E

Blasmeister posted:

voted 5 for title.

I can vote for all poll options at once? What a time to be alive.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:20

Solomonic: Jan 3, 2008; INCIPIT SANTA

Vertical Lime posted:

move along

the demon kane went into business for himself and those three tombstones were shoots

# ? May 13, 2014 00:20

TheEggsBenedict: Jan 4, 2013; if i go crazy then
will you still
call me superman

Flameingblack posted:

Poor Bryan, I just feel like this is all Vince and Triple H's master plan to bury his momentum ala Zack Ryder.

is this ironic i cant even tell anymore

# ? May 13, 2014 00:21

Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

The Pre-Preshow is WCW Chi-Town Rumble. Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat for the world title. Pretty much owns. Steamboat totally nosold the effects of the Figure Four seconds after it's release after being in it for like 3+ minutes though. Kind of weird to see.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:21

Pistol Packin Poet: Nov 5, 2012; Everyone needs an
escape goat!

farewell bryan

# ? May 13, 2014 00:22

RealFoxy: May 11, 2011; I'm not making a fucking QCS thread for this but seriously can we take a harder stance on Kiwifarms freaks like this guy, Jesus Christ seriously, you used to be better at knocking these creeps down. I guess ADTRW mods aren't responsible like GBS mods are.

TheEggsBenedict posted:

is this ironic i cant even tell anymore

Should I have left out the periods to make it more obvious?

# ? May 13, 2014 00:23

Mulaney Power Move: Dec 30, 2004

Baptista was right about Bryan

# ? May 13, 2014 00:23

Luigi Thirty: Apr 30, 2006; Emergency confection port.

Sanguinia posted:

The Pre-Preshow is WCW Chi-Town Rumble. Ric Flair vs Ricky Steamboat for the world title. Pretty much owns. Steamboat totally nosold the effects of the Figure Four seconds after it's release after being in it for like 3+ minutes though. Kind of weird to see.

I loved the Midnights/Original Midnights 6-man because you get to see both Paul Heyman and Jim Cornette managing their asses off and rolling around on the ring swinging at each other

# ? May 13, 2014 00:24

DeathChicken: Jul 9, 2012; Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

poo poo, it's kind of painful watching how awesome Flair used to be.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:25

Commissar Ken: Dec 9, 2006; Children STILL love me, dammit!

Doo-Wop Duodenum posted:

His neck did

# ? May 13, 2014 00:25

Cornwind Evil: Dec 14, 2004; The undisputed world champion of wrestling effortposting

Then AGAIN I suppose if they want to put the belt on Batista so he can carry it around for Guardians of the Galaxy promotion, this seems like the best way to do it. Bryan doesn't look weak, he suffered an injury, they compensated.

Now, getting his heat back when he returns on the other hand...might be more tricky.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:26

Commissar Ken: Dec 9, 2006; Children STILL love me, dammit!

Lets have that speech Steamboat!

"I think i'm gonna go gently caress my wife."

# ? May 13, 2014 00:27

DeathChicken: Jul 9, 2012; Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Steamboat: Well I'd like to give a promo but I have loving alcohol in my eyes.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:27

Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

DeathChicken posted:

Steamboat: Well I'd like to give a promo but I have loving alcohol in my eyes.

They just keep boozing him down. Who do they think they are, some kind of bald texan from 8 years in the future?

# ? May 13, 2014 00:28

DeathChicken: Jul 9, 2012; Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

And hey it's noted immortal lich Jimmy Hart.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:30

Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

That MY CLIENT BROCK LESNAR BROKE THE STREAK footage is bumming me out.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:31

Big Coffin Hunter: Aug 13, 2005

# ? May 13, 2014 00:31

DeathChicken: Jul 9, 2012; Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

"Well Bryan better have his head on a swivel!" That's pretty easy with his neck broken.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:33

Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

Look at how artistic all the color filters are. You really know who'd turn it is to be important based on the shades on the screen

# ? May 13, 2014 00:35

Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Titus O'Neil's Titantron will play throughout the entirety of Raw.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:37

Blasmeister: Jan 15, 2012; 2Time TRP Sack Race Champion

Just cutting to Superstars early is a little odd.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:40

Stealthed Zombie: Dec 21, 2007; And Introducing:
Dean "Titty Master" Ambrose

Bard Maddox posted:

Titus O'Neil's Titantron will play throughout the entirety of Raw.

I liked how every time they cut to the shot of all the pre-show announcers, you could see some bit of Kofi's bright green pants flying through the air or getting tossed around.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:40

DeathChicken: Jul 9, 2012; Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Jamaican me crazy

# ? May 13, 2014 00:40

Sanguinia: Jan 1, 2012; ~Everybody wants to be a cat~
~Because a cat's the only cat~
~Who knows where its at~

Booker's being a little weird tonight. Even for Booker.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:41

fart blood: Sep 13, 2008; by VideoGames

EDIT: nevermind

# ? May 13, 2014 00:42

Pistol Packin Poet: Nov 5, 2012; Everyone needs an
escape goat!

Kofi showin' some attitude in that promo.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:43

Blasmeister: Jan 15, 2012; 2Time TRP Sack Race Champion

This is a really weird mix of Superstars footage and badly rehearsed panel talk.

Luckily Sandow is here

# ? May 13, 2014 00:44

Bard Maddox: Feb 15, 2012; I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Good ol' GREENVILLE, South Carolina.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:44

Pistol Packin Poet: Nov 5, 2012; Everyone needs an
escape goat!

Sandow. I wish you were more over

# ? May 13, 2014 00:44

Lazer: Jun 26, 2011; V A P O R W A V E

Save_Us.Magneto

# ? May 13, 2014 00:44

Blasmeister: Jan 15, 2012; 2Time TRP Sack Race Champion

I think Sandow just threatened to kill Josh Matthews.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:45

SylvainMustach: Dec 12, 2007; Superior Trash Talk!

woah, harsh Yoshi Tatsu reference there.

# ? May 13, 2014 00:45

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# ? Apr 26, 2024 17:13

AlmightyPants: Mar 14, 2001; King of Scheduling; Pillbug

Was that just a Sandow pipebomb?

# ? May 13, 2014 00:45

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Hammer House: Stinger Splash Zone > WWE Raw has those heavy hands again for 5/12

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