Lightning Returns: A Video Game

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Lightning Returns: A Video Game

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Join me and the posse for another delightful episode in the continuing adventures of �clair "Lightning" Farron, her sister Serah, Snow, Hope, Sazh, Vanille, Fang, Noel, and all the rest. This go around, time is not on our side! Lightning (she prefers to be called Lightning instead of her birth name) has been drafted into the service of the great god of all to save the souls of mankind before the end of the world. We've got 6 days and not one second more to fulfill her epic destiny. Will we have enough time? Is Snow a hero or a villain? Why is Serah still in this game? Is this game for the win?

I tell ya, folks, this game is rewriting the playbook. We've got

Heavily revised battle and stagger system
Rad costumes called Schemata
Lean, mean narrative machine Lightning is the only playable character
Toki wo tomare
Ikea furniture
Chaos
Lots of sidequests
Erotica

Does that get your juices flowing? I had to towel off after writing up that list! Anyway, I'm not alone because that would be a total bummer! Joining me are pokecapn, medibot, and Kaz. We may or may not have Optional Party Members that step in and argue heatedly about video games from time to time. I don't have control over my guests, it's wild!

So that's the starter salad, here's the vegan lasagna entree.

01 - Party At The End Of The World
02 - Law And Order
03 - A Game of Assassins
04 - Killing Time
05 - Chronostasis

06 - Numbers Game
07 - Beaver
08 - Ignition (Remix)
09 - Drop
10 - Good rear end
11 - Cyrus Return's
12 - Dracula
13 - Ciel

14 - The Setup
15 - Yusnaan
16 - Honky-Tonk
17 - Der Dieb
18 - Baffler Meal

Kung-Fu Jesus fucked around with this message at 03:26 on Aug 5, 2014

# ¿ May 14, 2014 04:18

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 03:46

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

For anyone interested in The Story So Far:

Gensuki posted:

In order:

Cocoon was made by Lindzei because humans kept dying on pulse. This was answered in the datalog for the first game.

The Robot Angels work the same way minnows/a stereo/you work. It is very complicated, and you would basically have to spend your life studying it. Sure there is probably some short answer to hold you over, but that wouldn't really answer the question.

Short answer is Bhunivelze. He is God proper in this game. He made the gods (e.g. etro) and those idiots made the fal'cie and humans. The Fal'cie, as you wisely pointed out were like angels, and were meant to guide/support humans.

There is no short answer for the last one so... here goes.

Lightning was a cop. Her sister wandered too close to a crashed UFO and the government wanted to run some experiments on her, so she hid inside the UFO. She turned into a rock because the Angel-Mechas liked her and wanted to re-use her to clean dishes or whatever angels want humans for. Seeing this angered lightning, so she tried to kill said angel.

That angel was impressed by the humans (Lightning being one of them) who so valiantly managed to annoy it kinda, so it drafted them into helping destroy the hell out of cocoon. It wanted help from puny humans because gods are lazy. It wanted cocoon to fall because it missed its mother/father and blowing up cocoon would cause so many deaths that the gates of heaven would be blown apart by the current of souls.

They succeeded, but asked for a miracle, and resident crackhead god etro heard them and answered their prayers. Etro changed History to make everyone not be l'cie.In return, Lightning was drafted into being a valkyrie, which is someone who guards Valhalla, because gods are lazy and want humans to do stuff for them. Valhalla is an in-between world, and is where Etro is dying. By the way Etro is dying. Gods die very slowly. She is dying there because time does not flow in Valhalla. So she's not dying as long as time's stopped.

Caius kills Etro, because while time may have stopped, her heart inside him also stopped. With etro dead, time shat itself in fear, confusion, anger, and gates. Also Chaos. This destroyed the world. Seeing as Lightning had served an angel and a demigod, Bhunivelze saw her as the most qualified human to prepare the world for the reboot. This brings us to now when lightning is "The Saviour" by virtue of being basically the last sentient being who is 1. Competent and 2. knowledgeable of what is happening. All of the old party members are one of these two, but not the other (Hope and Vanille are incompetent, Sazh and Snow don't understand all this triple god nonsense, and fang is kinda pissed I hear? Not sure.)

So, aside does this clear it up? Did I miss anything? Any names or processes that need elaboration? I love talking about this game, its plot, its characters and the timeline. Oh yes... Timelines.

Kung-Fu Jesus fucked around with this message at 18:27 on May 18, 2014

# ¿ May 14, 2014 04:18

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Yoya posted:

I've heard this game is really bad.

Cool

# ¿ May 14, 2014 04:23

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

ManOfTheYear posted:

Why is there salad in the logo?

Man of the year right here

# ¿ May 14, 2014 04:24

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

President Ark posted:

I've watched the FFXIII-2 LP, and I'm pretty sure that you doing this after that trainwreck is a sign that you're certifiably insane.

Take comfort in the fact that no force in the universe can make me re-play FF13 (the first one)

# ¿ May 14, 2014 04:36

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Well I can't have recorded it 3 months ago because the game came out three months ago. We recorded stuff sometime in the last 3 months.

# ¿ May 14, 2014 05:16

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

floor is lava posted:

Already talked to poke about this but you're going to miss a ton of poo poo playing on easy. Bummer.

http://finalfantasy.wikia.com/wiki/Difficulty_Level#Lightning_Returns:_Final_Fantasy_XIII

Do you want me to finish the goddamn game? Or do you want me to Maximize The Hormone and burn out after 20 hours

# ¿ May 14, 2014 05:35

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Gnomebitten posted:

How many hours of canned footage before the dialogue levels get audible

Also playing on easy has already pissed off the thread and I love it please never change, heroes

It's close to 8 hours of mumbly tv drama audio

# ¿ May 14, 2014 05:43

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

I can't wait to be disappointed by the ending because it was blatantly foreshadowed less than an hour into the game. I think the next update will have Basil Exposition going on about our mission.

# ¿ May 14, 2014 15:21

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

darealkooky posted:

kingdom hearts 3 looks pretty cool so far idk

Who the gently caress even knows

VinnyDonuts posted:

Oh god no I take it back please no don't do this to yourselves!

Calm down, dear

# ¿ May 14, 2014 22:54

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

You submit them in this thread

# ¿ May 15, 2014 05:30

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

My guess for their decision is that hard mode is balanced around being able to improve your weapons, and not necessary on lower difficulties. Unfortunately, when you lock game customization features behind a huge, boring barrier, that's a mistake no matter what your intentions. It's going to entice some people to play the game twice, and leave most people with a cat's butthole facial expression, like mine right now.

# ¿ May 15, 2014 17:19

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Tempo 119 posted:

Hello I'm here to take you all the gently caress down because LRFF13 is actually the best and most legit FF since 10-2 and I won't hear otherwise.

Wouldn't be too loving hard, would it? And technically, you're wrong because FFIV:ARR came out before this game.

# ¿ May 15, 2014 17:34

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Most loving legit game period except for several qualifiers, you idiots. Listen up.

# ¿ May 15, 2014 17:42

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Absolutely loving not. And I love your user name.

# ¿ May 15, 2014 21:28

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Gnomebitten posted:

We miss you Azure_Horizon, actual rapist, so we make the thread still lovely in your absence.

ps please go to jail and we don't actually miss you

Please stop talking about Azure Horizon in this thread forever. Thanks.

# ¿ May 16, 2014 02:33

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

In the anime justice system, the anime are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: the anime who investigate crime, and the anime who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.

:doink:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOkjsA9Jo0I

# ¿ May 16, 2014 05:48

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Wow fourteen whole K. I'm in awe, especially after playing FFX (/sarcas)

# ¿ May 16, 2014 05:56

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

At least you can't really hear his dialog

# ¿ May 16, 2014 15:52

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

This thread moves too fast for my tiny brain, so here's me trying to keep up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49nwl6TN5wE

# ¿ May 18, 2014 18:15

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Faust IX posted:

I'd like to point out that right here, at this point in the LP, they could travel to Yusnaan.

How do I know that Luxerion is the most boring place? What if I'm scared to travel somewhere else because that consumes precious time? What if there are side quests in Luxerion to complete? What if I'm genuinely interested in solving a murder?

Here's what I'm grappling with, making this LP:

I have not played the game before
I don't want to have to play the game more than once unless I'm sure it's likeable
I'm going into this assuming the game is not replayable for one or more reasons
I want to keep it moving. No more half hour or 45 minute fights against giant pudding bosses
I want to take it easy

Now, having gotten some ways into the LP, beyond what you've seen so far, I can say that it's at least as interesting as Final Fantasy X in just about every way. I'm currently at around 60 hours on the FFX HD remaster and I keep going back to power up my party. I don't know why. It's terrible. I much more enjoy my limited stints of Lightning Returns. I can't say that for FF13 and 13-2, not even slightly. I think I'm still playing FFX out of nostalgia more than actually enjoying it.

You can mock my clueless playstyle if you like, especially if you've already spent time with Lightning-chan yourself.
You can hate on my LP approach if you like, but I don't think I should be sorry for assuming the game was going to be bad.
You can question my decision to do this LP at all if you like, but there are plenty of people out there who wanted to see it, and I was going to play the game regardless.

*does DX crotch chop at my haters and fans alike* we rollin, idiots. Can't no moron posters stop this train

# ¿ May 20, 2014 00:23

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

I played both 13 and 13-2 on the Xbox. This is the PS3

# ¿ May 20, 2014 01:37

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

MechanicalTomPetty posted:

Oh hey that reminds me, wasn't literally everyone on pulse/earth/whatever dead for some reason? Did they ever explain that? Because that seems like kind of a ridiculous thing to just completely ignore.

Pulse was a high-level area in the first game with giant weather-making GBS threads titans. I can see how tiny meat popsicle NPCs might have been slaughtered fairly loving thoroughly.

# ¿ May 20, 2014 23:08

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

My thread fell off the front page. Can't allow that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dzVVs2fRTo

# ¿ May 21, 2014 01:54

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Apparently we were supposed to take a train and leave this idiot city until night time

# ¿ May 21, 2014 16:16

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGd9d7Fn3Sc

# ¿ May 22, 2014 03:07

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H3itGcXcB0

I did some more audio processing on the next batch of videos so you can hear us better during battles and also hear the dialog that was picked up by the microphone a little better. I want to go back and redo the first five vids but there's no way to simply replace audio. I'm going to have to reupload the videos which will mess with my analytics

Kung-Fu Jesus fucked around with this message at 23:38 on May 25, 2014

# ¿ May 25, 2014 23:27

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

This game is pretty fun. I'm having fun with it now. Also, sorry I didn't update earlier this week, I sorta got busy and/or left the internet alone for a bit. I'm preparing a dubblestuf episode for tonight.

# ¿ May 30, 2014 02:21

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9Rrslh7BPQ

# ¿ May 30, 2014 03:47

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Hey uh for some reason we went to another zone that's pretty stupid! Here's the bean footage of this epic fail:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6_7uOeDuNE

# ¿ Jun 2, 2014 20:36

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

There's a point at which we become a lot more powerful and I get a bit more competent. In my own experimentation I've been playing around with perfect guarding and attacking. Still haven't got the hang of attacks, but guarding is easy if you're willing to sacrifice some extra ATB for that sweet super stagger.

# ¿ Jun 3, 2014 17:54

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

We had some audio problems in this episode...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNo9CKmZaVA

# ¿ Jun 8, 2014 01:09

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Adobe Soundbooth, which decided to stop recording audio for no reason at all

# ¿ Jun 8, 2014 19:33

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

Hey sorry I've been neglecting this. I have to edit the next vid together but I've been really preoccupied with work and moving to a new house. I'll resume a regularish update schedule next week (every other day or so).

Cheers,
Princess Peach

# ¿ Jun 26, 2014 02:30

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

pokecapn posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_My52iT82gA

You mad lol

Love,
Princess Zelda
Hero of Time

# ¿ Jun 27, 2014 19:54

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

And now, back to our regularly scheduled anime:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sj696dmFhu0

# ¿ Jul 14, 2014 05:37

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

chumbler posted:

A lot of the side quests, probably even the majority, actually do implicitly deal with the whole not aging thing. They're not all consistent in quality, but they are generally better written than the main plot, though it's not that hard to produce better work than an insane person.

If I wanted a JRPG story that dealt with immortality I'd be playing Lost Odyssey.

drat, I kinda want to play Lost Odyssey. I never got very far in it.

# ¿ Jul 15, 2014 18:43

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

BottledBodhisvata posted:

Counterview: it's boring and ponderous with dull boss battles and the plot shits itself in the third act. It'd make for a perfect LP from you guys, actually.

This was my impression as well. The random battles are a big problem.

# ¿ Jul 16, 2014 18:21

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

BottledBodhisvata posted:

Lightning has no muscle tone. It annoys me, why is she so skilled at swords if she has little twiggy arms!?

Muscle tone is unattractive, and this is a video game so they can do whatever they want with the main character to make her the most attractive to their target audience: people who like stick figures with no personality.

# ¿ Jul 17, 2014 15:46

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 03:46

Kung-Fu Jesus: Dec 13, 2003

More aimless plot wandering nonsense spotted at 1 oclock, moving to intercept

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IEPKBGA_IQ

# ¿ Jul 18, 2014 04:37

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Lightning Returns: A Video Game

«‹›2 »