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Skunkrocker
Jan 13, 2012

SOMETHING SMELLS WRONG IN THE FORESTS OF CATOOSA COUNTY, GEORGIA: SKUNK ROCKERTM! POWERED BY DEMONIC ROCK MUSIC HE'S SWORN VENGEANCE AGAINST HUMAN BEINGS WHO POLLUTE HIS HOME & KILL HIS FRIENDS! SKUNK ROCKERTM: COMING SOON TO A VIDEO STORE NEAR YOU!

I'm making a serious conscious effort to get to Fanboy Expo in Knoxville this weekend to meet some pro wrestlers
(and some horror movie guys no one except me gives a poo poo about like Pinhead and Jason but that's beside the point, also some pointy eared douche from Star Trek will be there but I don't care)
and was wondering what you guys wanted me to ask them and try to get caught on film.

- Ax and Smash from Demolition* aka the Thunderdome to Animal and Hawk's Road Warriors
- Fred Ottman aka Tugboat I mean Typhoon no wait he was The Shockmaster (obviously his most famous role)
- CM Punk's second best friend Colt Cabana aka Matt Classic aka Scotty Goldman aka a loving narc gently caress you pig woop woop chop chop juggalo ninja fam for life homie
- Mr. 1859 Cliff Compton aka Domino aka The Guy Who Punched The Great Power Uti in the Balls
- TNA\ROH star Nigel McGuinness (who the scrubs at FBX think isn't good enough unless they mention he once wrestled some chump named Bryan Danielson, whoever the hell that is)

And considering Colt and Cliff are there, Luke Gallows might not be too far behind, but since he's not actually listed... anyone know what he's doing this weekend?

Go ahead and submit questions, baring any problems such as my van suddenly breaking down again, or they turn out to be assholes and won't let me ask questions (I'll try to get footage at a Q&A panel if they have one). I'll ask them anything you want, keep in mind that if they get offended by any questions I ask these dudes are bigger than the security they'll have at the convention and I really don't want to get the Demolition Decapitation so please be respectful.

*If you must ask Crush questions guys don't ask anything about his death... that might be a little much.

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NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

doin thangs


how big is batistas dick

Skunkrocker
Jan 13, 2012

SOMETHING SMELLS WRONG IN THE FORESTS OF CATOOSA COUNTY, GEORGIA: SKUNK ROCKERTM! POWERED BY DEMONIC ROCK MUSIC HE'S SWORN VENGEANCE AGAINST HUMAN BEINGS WHO POLLUTE HIS HOME & KILL HIS FRIENDS! SKUNK ROCKERTM: COMING SOON TO A VIDEO STORE NEAR YOU!

NickRoweFillea posted:

how big is batistas dick

Yeah, I don't think any of them wrestled him; still, I knew this would be the first question.

EDIT: I'll still ask them though, you never know... Colt might have insider info from Punk.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009



ask Nigel why he wouldn't let EugeneJ's friend edit his pity me documentary

flashy_mcflash
Feb 7, 2011

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...


Ultra Carp

Ask Ax, "how often do people say 'can I Ax you a question'"

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


No questions, but can you please let Nigel know that some dude on the internet thinks (knows) he was the best wrestler in the world when he was still active. Thanks

NienNunb
Feb 15, 2012

still a threat


oatgan posted:

ask Nigel why he wouldn't let EugeneJ's friend edit his pity me documentary

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

Don't get my name wrong,
If you want to touch me there.

Approximately six questions.

Did you see what I did there? Eh? Eh?

STONE COLD 64
Oct 20, 2006

austin 3:16 says shut up. shut hte fuck up. where is my beer. i need hel

what was the grossest sleeping arrangements they've had

Sticky Nate
Jan 9, 2012



Can they think of a match where absolutely nothing went right?

What was the most fun they've ever had during a match?

Memento
Aug 25, 2009




Clapping Larry

Who are their favourite wrestlers, whether to work with or watch their matches?

sticklefifer
Nov 11, 2003

TOO EASY

Ask Barry Darsow how they pitched the Repo Man gimmick to him, after having several years of success as Smash.

MassRafTer
May 26, 2001

Fundamentals as sound as the WNBA


Ask Barry Darsow if there was a backstory to the Hole in One Darsow gimmick.

Sticky Nate
Jan 9, 2012



Ask Barry Darsow about the King of the Road match.

Malcolm Excellent
May 20, 2007


Buglord

Ask them "Do you smell what I'm cookin?!" Then rip a really gross shart.

rare Magic card l00k
Jan 3, 2011

Me uni a la Revolucion #RXT


el sabe ...


Ask Barry Darsow about the Krusher Kruschev gimmick.

Little Mac
Jan 3, 2006

Super Mario Bros 3

Don't ask any of them anything, shake their hands, tell them you're a fan, and maybe get something signed before moving on with your day.

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

Perfectly balanced, as all posts should be.


Ask where John Cena is so you can get his autograph.

Skunkrocker
Jan 13, 2012

SOMETHING SMELLS WRONG IN THE FORESTS OF CATOOSA COUNTY, GEORGIA: SKUNK ROCKERTM! POWERED BY DEMONIC ROCK MUSIC HE'S SWORN VENGEANCE AGAINST HUMAN BEINGS WHO POLLUTE HIS HOME & KILL HIS FRIENDS! SKUNK ROCKERTM: COMING SOON TO A VIDEO STORE NEAR YOU!

Little Mac posted:

Don't ask any of them anything, shake their hands, tell them you're a fan, and maybe get something signed before moving on with your day.

Why not, if I may ask? I figure it'd be fun for the subforum to get answers to their questions, serious or no.

Meat Recital
Mar 26, 2009

by zen death robot


I thought Fred Ottman was dead.

Gyro Zeppeli
Jul 18, 2012

sure hope no-one throws me off a bridge


Meat Recital posted:

I thought Fred Ottman was dead.

No, that was John Tenta.

flashy_mcflash
Feb 7, 2011

I joined the #RXT REVOLUTION.

he knows...


Ultra Carp

Hijo Del Helmsley posted:

No, that was John Tenta.

The second tower never fell. #askquestions

Actually Skunk, ask that specific question.

oldpainless
Oct 30, 2009

Perfectly balanced, as all posts should be.


Just get real close and stare.

DeathChicken
Jul 9, 2012

Nonsense. I have not yet begun to defile myself.

Ask Demolition what sort of ribs they saw Fuji pull. I know he had a thing for padlocking people's bags to benches and such, to a degree that he had a loving bag full of padlocks.

Wiccan Wasteland
Oct 15, 2012


Ask them for the location of Virgils table.

Endorph
Jul 22, 2009



Ask the Shockmaster what exactly he tripped on.

God Of Paradise
Jan 23, 2012
You know, I'd be less worried about my 16 year old daughter dating a successful 40 year old cartoonist than dating a 16 year old loser.

I mean, Jesus, kid, at least date a motherfucker with abortion money and house to have sex at where your mother and I don't have to hear it. Also, if he treats her poorly, boom, that asshole's gonna catch a statch charge.

Please, John K. Date my daughter... Save her from dating smelly dropouts who wanna-be Soundcloud rappers.


Ask the Shockmaster 20 questions about Norman the Lunatic, Bastion Booger, and confuse him with Mike Shaw. When he tells you he's not him, pretend that he's trying to work you, and you're onto him. Wink and say, "Oh, I get it. Kayfabe, right?"

Genetic Toaster
Jun 5, 2011



NickRoweFillea posted:

how big is batistas dick

Came into this thread to see if this had been posted, was not disappointed.

Ask all of them what the stupidest thing WCW ever did was.

cucka
Nov 4, 2009

TOUCHDOWN DETROIT LIONS
Sorry about all
the bad posting.


Hijo Del Helmsley posted:

No, that was John Tenta.

I once heard his taint was green and moss-like.

Twas a beautiful poem.

Ask Barry Darsow about John Tenta's mossy taint.

E: I will try to recreate the poem, in a different poem.

your taint is your taint
donít let it be overcome by dank substances.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a shower somewhere.
it may not be much soap but
it beats the mildew.
be on the watch.
Vince will offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you canít beat sweatiness but
you can beat sweat in life, with a muffler.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the less sweat there will be.
your taint is your taint.
clean it while you have it.
you are John Tenta
Vince waits to delight
in you.

E2: Read Barry Darsow my poem. It's called "The Laughing Taint"

cucka fucked around with this message at May 29, 2014 around 12:26

Angular Landbury
Oct 24, 2011

MAGGLE.

Ask the horror movie guys "How big is Kane Hodder's dick?"

God Of Paradise
Jan 23, 2012
You know, I'd be less worried about my 16 year old daughter dating a successful 40 year old cartoonist than dating a 16 year old loser.

I mean, Jesus, kid, at least date a motherfucker with abortion money and house to have sex at where your mother and I don't have to hear it. Also, if he treats her poorly, boom, that asshole's gonna catch a statch charge.

Please, John K. Date my daughter... Save her from dating smelly dropouts who wanna-be Soundcloud rappers.


gently caress all of that, just talk to Kevin Conroy.

Skunkrocker
Jan 13, 2012

SOMETHING SMELLS WRONG IN THE FORESTS OF CATOOSA COUNTY, GEORGIA: SKUNK ROCKERTM! POWERED BY DEMONIC ROCK MUSIC HE'S SWORN VENGEANCE AGAINST HUMAN BEINGS WHO POLLUTE HIS HOME & KILL HIS FRIENDS! SKUNK ROCKERTM: COMING SOON TO A VIDEO STORE NEAR YOU!

Videos are done, no editing at all and just throwing them up on YouTube. I asked one question each because it was specifically requested of me to do so by a staff member of the expo, and also Ax and Smash declined to be asked or filmed. I'll post the videos as soon as they are uploaded.

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Skunkrocker
Jan 13, 2012

SOMETHING SMELLS WRONG IN THE FORESTS OF CATOOSA COUNTY, GEORGIA: SKUNK ROCKERTM! POWERED BY DEMONIC ROCK MUSIC HE'S SWORN VENGEANCE AGAINST HUMAN BEINGS WHO POLLUTE HIS HOME & KILL HIS FRIENDS! SKUNK ROCKERTM: COMING SOON TO A VIDEO STORE NEAR YOU!

Here are the videos. They are terrible. My voice is terrible. The guys in them are the only good things about them.

Small bit of backstory as I explain what happened here...

I approached each wrestler and introduced myself and told them how great they were and then bought some merch. Then I explained what I was doing with the camera and explained it was for the forums. As soon as I brought up the filming, Cliff and Colt said "Oh, if you're going to do that, you gotta promote our stuff." I didn't mind. Now, when I talked to Cliff he was the only person I prescreened the question for because it was the Batista question, and I didn't want to offend him. Basically, here is what went down off camera.

"So this is for the Something Awful forums, I posted a thread asking for questions to ask all of you guys and stuff and um..."
"Dude you're shaking. Are you nervous?"
"Yeah, some of these questions are uh... a little racy."
"How bad could they be?"
"The first question in the thread was 'how big is Batista's dick?'"
"Oh, that's the question I want to answer!"
"...that works, because that's the question I wanted to ask you."

Him and Colt got a laugh out of that but then when he answered I just locked up! I didn't know where to go from that so I thanked him and ended the footage there. I'm such a loving loser.

For NickRoweFillea and, well, everyone on the forum:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AMpnChokbc

After that I felt relieved, the hard part was done and I calmed down... and then Colt was like "Wait, that's the worst question?" I didn't know what to do, and I explained that some of the other questions in the thread were ones that were so bad I didn't want to ask them, but didn't go into too much detail. And that's when Cliff made a comment that shook me up. The comment is staying off the record because it was that bad. That made me all nervous again. As I was saying goodbye to Cliff he said I was the coolest dressed guy there. I dunno why he said that, I wasn't in a costume or anything. Maybe it was a compliment? No idea. I hope it was.

I moved on to Colt and bought the Wrestling Road Diaries 2. Out of everyone there, Colt had the most swag for sale. When I asked if I could film him, he was VERY specific about how he wanted me to shill for his merch with like his whole tagline. Man, I couldn't do it, I tried to practice before I turned the camera phone on and just said "Hey, uh, man is it just alright if you do it? That's a lot for me to try to remember." He laughed and said "Well, we'll just do this..." and you'll see how we did it in the video. At one point he points to Bryan on Wrestling Road Diaries 1 and as a joke I said "I don't know who that is", and I think he thought I was talking about Sal... again, super nervous, even more so because I'm a huge fan of Colt's and didn't want to come off like a total shitlord (I'm assuming I did). The story is great though. He mentions the place he talks about was in WRD1... I don't remember? It's been a while since I've seen it, I need to borrow my buddy's copy again. I should have just bought it while I was there but again... I was in full panic mode.

For 'John Cena':
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jO0Dk3OyLfo

Afterwards I again thanked him and asked both of them if they were going to be working with any of the local promotions so I can see them in action in the indie world live. Colt isn't at the moment (but that can always change) and Cliff apparently will be up in Johnson City, TN in September so looking forward to that. However, I can't find the date on his website! I'll have to tweet him or something.

Nigel had left his table for a moment so I move on to Fred Ottman. Halfway there my friend who was with me pointed out Cliff had a DVD or something on his table called "Death Proof", based off the movie I guess? I dunno, you can see it in the video. Off camera he even mentioned the shirt was the number one seller on his site but I didn't even realize the disc was there. Once again, my nerves went straight to poo poo. I didn't want to go back and look like a complete dipshit so I just took my walk of shame and promised myself I'd order it this week. I just checked and I can NOT find it on his website at all and now I'm really feeling like an rear end.

So I get to Fred Ottman, and guys this was the best part of the day. He was so chill, you could talk to him for hours. I ended up spending more money on him buying shirts and a couple of 8x10s than anything else there. Great guy, great storyteller, just all around awesome dude. My nervousness immediately goes away about two minutes into him answering the question. He was really great.

For Memento:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_J6J_ckSTqQ

Now for those of you not watching the videos for some reason, Ottman's son is the guy who got the wedgie from Alicia on Raw! That's so cool to find out. I wish I had filmed our whole conversation, because he imparted a lot of wisdom and later we looked at hot rods and stuff on his phone. Off camera I told him about how Endorph asked about what he tripped on and he explained the whole setup and man I wish I got it on camera. Also, he said I could put the Shockmaster helmet on, but being that I had a mohawk, yeah, that wasn't happening. He can see through it though, apparently, but not very well; holes were cut in the mask to allow him to see but they're tiny.

Finally, Nigel.

Oh boy, here's the big screw up and I left it in for all of you to laugh at my misery.

As soon as I got to the table and started talking with Nigel, I saw the documentary and remembered Oatgan's question and... man I started feeling terrible about the whole drat thing and thinking that Little Mac was right and I'm terrible for bothering these guys and why am I trying to play amatuer Meltzer and oh god. My stress level went through the roof. So I bought a shirt and just... man, honestly, I tried my best to ignore the existence of the DVD just because it's... ya know, it's depressing man! I want to talk about nice things with these guys, nothing sad or mean. So what does Nigel want me to promote? His really depressing DVD.

Thankfully we have Jerusalem in the thread being the saving grace...

For Jerusalem and Slapnuts, due to the nervousness I kind of changed Slapnut's question a bit since I forgot what it originally was:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-UHwkYpUoU

I knew that question would lead to great story from him and it did. Now, to explain the fuckup that happened. When I mentioned that I would promote him and wanted to know what he wanted me to say (cause I did it for everyone else) he said "nigel wrestling dot com" and I had that in my head. I was repeating it to try to remember it. He was grabbing a shirt while I was trying to rehearse and my friend's phone went off; she had won a raffle drawing there at the Expo. That's why I blamed her, because we got distracted by her excitablity. LUCKILY for me, that took the edge off a bit.

Also, I am an idiot.

So we waited for Ax and Smash to come back and they did. Again, their lawyers told them not to answer questions or be filmed or anything, but I bought an autograph anyway because I was fans of theirs when I was kid and poo poo. Then we left. Just so you know, they're almost totally unrecognizable out of their facepaint, which they had been wearing all day up till that point (it was getting a bit late). I almost missed Bill entirely, but it was great to meet both.

So yeah... do I regret my decision to do this? To be honest, a little bit, but I wanted to do something cool for the subforum since I had the opportunity and all. This is sort of my thanks for being a cool wrestling community and not absolute utter poo poo like the rest.

Will I ever do this again? Eh, maybe, if the opportunity comes again I'll think about it. Probably not though. I usually don't have a problem just walking up to celebrities but it was just weird with these guys. I think I would have been a lot less freaked out and just more chill and relaxed if I wasn't holding a camera phone and I wasn't trying to be professional which I'm obviously not. I'm just not an interview guy.

Thanks for the questions, even if some of those questions... Oatgan... were really terrible and you should be ashamed. I'm ashamed.

Small side story. The only other celeb there I talked to was completely random (I visited some others with my friends but didn't talk much or wasn't too interested). So I'm standing there smoking, dude walks up and just goes "Sup Sid Vicious?" and shoulder checks me. I was trying to figure out if I knew him anywhere (cause, ya know, you don't just randomly come up to people like that) and the next time I saw him I asked who he was. None other than the new Leatherface, Andrew Bryniarski! I went to his table after seeing Ax and Smash to get his autograph just because he was so cool and... he had already packed up and left. Later I'd find out he played Zangief in Street Fighter! Super sad I missed out on that autograph. He was so cool. We talked metal and punk for a bit and then he went back in to sign more autographs. Someone else told me later that he had already drank a jar of moonshine so he was probably just drunk off his rear end, but I didn't care, dude was awesome.

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