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I wrote a collection of short historical fantasy/horror stories to be published as a serial. It's pretty much entirely done except for the cover and the person I commissioned it from should have it done soon. All I have left is the blurb. Can I get some help with my blurb? "In the town of Cyprus Grove everyone has a secret. Even the dead. Three children explore a myriad of dark happenings in the first collection of stories. In the years following the American civil war many towns tried to get back to normal. For Cyprus Grove, there is no normal. The first of three mind bending tales involves a sinister snake oil salesman gifting a young girl, Rebekah, a music box. When opened the music mingles with terror as she finds herself in a nightmare hounded by living shadows. The second follows a grave digger and his assistant, Mathias, as they lay to rest a group of thieves. The problem is they would prefer not to be buried. He will have to use his wits to convince the corpses to take their final rest. In the final adventure Jacob and his neighbor take an up close look at some scarecrows that are more than they seem. They will have to escape the corn field or be lost to the monstrosities. " There are two instances of passive voice in here and I'm not sure if I should keep them. I like one of them because it lets me end the blurb with the word "monstrosities" but the first use of it I'm stuck on. It's only 170 words. Should it be more? Also feel free to point out other reasons why it's awful. Blurbs are hard 
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Sep 9, 2014 20:41
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 01:34 |
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ravenkult posted:Instead of saying ''the first, the second,'' etc, use the story names. That is such good advice I feel stupid for not figuring it out myself. Does this look better? "In the town of Cyprus Grove everyone has a secret. Even the dead. Three children explore a myriad of dark happenings in this first collection of stories. Many towns tried to get back to normal in the years following the civil war. For Cyprus Grove, there is no normal. In "Gifts and Nightmares" a sinister snake oil salesman provides a young girl, Rebekah, a music box. When opened the music mingles with terror as she finds herself in a nightmare hounded by living shadows. "Trials of the Dead" follows a grave digger and his assistant, Mathias, as they lay to rest a group of thieves. The problem is the dead men would prefer not to be buried. He will have to use his wits to convince the corpses to leave this world for the next . "Watchers of the Field" has Jacob and his neighbor take an up close look at some scarecrows that are more than they seem. They will have to escape the corn field or be lost to the monstrosities. "
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Sep 9, 2014 21:22
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Yooper posted:I've seen a handful of scifi serials and none seem to do all that well. One particular dude has like 60 episodes out, each 10k-30k words. Maybe the combined royalties add up, but it seems to be a dud. drat, that's disheartening. I'm hoping the horror angle catches people's interest. I'll let the thread know how it sells. "In the town of Cyprus Grove everyone has a secret. Even the dead. Three children explore a myriad of dark happenings in this first collection of stories. Many towns tried to get back to normal in the years following the civil war. For Cyprus Grove, there is no normal. In "Gifts and Nightmares" a sinister snake oil salesman gives a young girl, Rebekah, a music box. When opened the music mingles with terror as she finds herself in a nightmare hounded by living shadows. "Trials of the Dead" follows a grave digger and his assistant, Mathias, as they lay to rest a group of thieves. The problem is the dead men would prefer not to be buried. He will have to use his wits to convince the corpses to leave this world for the next . In "Watchers of the Field" Jacob and his neighbor notice the scarecrows of the corn field have hands tipped with razors. Their investigation is cut short when the scarecrows are more alive than they appear. Jacob has to escape the seemingly never ending stalks of corn before the knife handed monsters make him their prey. " I'm feeling pretty good about this edit.
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Sep 10, 2014 17:26
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Yooper posted:The series is slated for a run of 100 segments... It says it has 25,000 sold and the cover and blurb aren't the best in the world. I should take the sales numbers with a grain of salt, but he's either making money with it or has a crippling case of autism. I'm just hoping serials aren't as stale as everyone says. I have a cover paid for and 3 of the planned 9 sets ready to go.
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Sep 10, 2014 20:37
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Cover Blurb In the town of Cyprus Grove everyone has a secret. Even the dead. Three children explore a myriad of dark happenings in this first collection of stories. Many towns tried to get back to normal in the years following the civil war. For Cyprus Grove, there is no normal. In "Gifts and Nightmares" a sinister snake oil salesman gives a young girl, Rebekah, a music box. When opened the music mingles with terror as she finds herself in a nightmare hounded by living shadows. "Trials of the Dead" follows a grave digger and his assistant, Mathias, as they lay to rest a group of thieves. The problem is the dead men would prefer not to be buried. He will have to use his wits to convince the corpses to leave this world for the next . In "Watchers of the Field" Jacob and his neighbor notice the scarecrows of the corn field have hands tipped with razors. Their investigation is cut short when the scarecrows are more alive than they appear. Jacob has to escape the seemingly never ending stalks of corn before the knife handed monsters make him their prey. Almost ready to go. Any advice?
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Sep 15, 2014 22:31
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 01:34 |
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Tubular Spacial posted:Shouldn't it be cypress, the conifer, rather than Cyprus, the Mediterranean island nation? Yes, there's a story behind why it's spelled that way.
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Sep 20, 2014 03:13
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