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PurplieNurplie
Jan 14, 2009


Let's check out the free game of the month on XBLA. Oh good, the first thing I do is either spend an hour literally cumming over the character design or play this game over and over again since who the gently caress can't tell what any of this does. after probably choosing an amazing class, cue five toecurling minutes of made up words as Unpronounceable and his army of grimdark gobbledygook manage to somehow make an apocalyptic dragon battle the greatest thing I've ever witnessed.
then im dropped in a cell and immediately have it demonstrated as I loot a corpse that every action in this game is going to include a huge helpful text splash and/or robot Power Rangers animations. "A-BUTTON TO LOOT CORPSE" air punch! hoohaw! unironically!
more fantastic text splashes list the controls one by one, starting with combat to make sure you know immediately that even murder is going to look fluid and feel mushier than a woman's vagina, then you're taught to run just in time to get closed into a courtyard with a huge boss that kills you in two hits while you frantically search for an exit

I know the free XBLA games can't all be like this (magic the gathering: the game: the video game????) but isn't this sack of gold supposed to have some huge obsessive 50-shades-of-gray-for-dudes-with-body-odor fanbase? i can def. see how.

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Adam Bowen
Jan 6, 2003

This post probably contains a Rickroll link!


This reminds me of another lovely thread I read once

Mom with a blog
Jul 15, 2009

Comedy is basically self-deprecation.


Adam Bowen posted:

This reminds me of another lovely thread I read once

was it gamers.txt because it reminds me of that

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