Don We Now posted:

(a customer walks in the door)

(reggae is playing)

Customer: Good Morning.

Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Weed Emporium!

Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.

Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?

Customer: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the Starbucks on Telegraph just now, skimming through BYOB, and I suddenly came over all disconsolate.

Owner: Disconsolate, sir?

Customer: Lugubrious.

Owner: Eh?

Customer: 'Ee, ah wuz sad!

Owner: Ah, sad!

Customer: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little sensimilla will do the trick," so, I curtailed my 'yobbing activites, sallied forth, and infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some irie comestibles!

Owner: Come again?

Customer: I want to buy some weed!

Owner: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the music!

Customer: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Rastafarian muse!

Owner: Sorry?

Customer: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!

Owner: So it can go on playing, can it?

Customer: Most certainly! Now then, some weed please, my good man.

Owner: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Customer: Well, eh, how about a little Panama Red.

Owner: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of Panama Red, sir.

Customer: Oh, never mind, how are you on Afghani Bullrider?

Owner: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it fresh on Monday.

Customer: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Alaskan Thunderfuck, if you please.

Owner: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this morning.

Customer: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Blue Crack?

Owner: Sorry, sir.

Customer: Raspberry Kush?

Owner: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.

Customer: Ah. Stinky Pete?

Owner: Sorry.

Customer: Eldorado? Gracie Slick?

Owner: No.

Customer: Any Hawaiian Gold, per chance.

Owner: No.

Customer: Lemon G?

Owner: No.

Customer: Louisiana Swamp Moss?

Owner: No.

Customer: White Rhino?

Owner: No.

Customer: Dutch Treat?

Owner: No.

Customer: Dankey Doodle?

Owner: (pause) No.

Customer: Cheesewreck?

Owner: No.

Customer: Dairy Queen?

Owner: No.

Customer: Wild Thai Ryder, Yellow Amnesia, Desert Dragon Kush, Sherry Berry Chocolate, Rollex OG Kush, Beast Mode??

Owner: No.

Customer: Cotton Candy, perhaps?

Owner: Ah! We have Cotton Candy, yessir.

Customer: (suprised) You do! Excellent.

Owner: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...

Customer: Oh, I like it runny.

Owner: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.

Customer: No matter. Fetch hither l'herbe de la Belle France! Mmmwah!

Owner: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.

Customer: I don't care how excremently runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.

Owner: Oooooooooohhh........! (pause)

Customer: What now?

Owner: The cat's eaten it.

Customer: (pause) Has he.

Owner: She, sir.

Customer: (pause) Golden Toad?

Owner: No.

Customer: Cactus Sweet?

Owner: No.

Customer: Elephant Narcotica?

Owner: No.

Customer: Sweet Island Skunk?

Owner: No.

Customer: Juanita La Grimosa?

Owner: No, sir.

Customer: You...do *have* some weed, don't you?

Owner: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a weed shop, sir. We've got--

Customer: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

Owner: Fair enough.

Customer: Uuuuuh, Willie Nelson.

Owner: Yes?

Customer: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!

Owner: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mister Willie Nelson, that's my name.

Customer: (pause) Ganja Dwarf?

Owner: Uh, not as such.

Customer: Uuh, Gondwana?

Owner: No.

Customer: Purple Skunk,

Owner: No.

Customer: Mendicino Madness,

Owner: No.

Customer: Pepperjack Haze,

Owner: No.

Customer: Dready Berry,

Owner: No.

Customer: Crystal Lightning,

Owner: No.

Customer: Afghani Super Weed?

Owner: Not *today*, sir, no.

Customer: (pause) Aah, how about White Widow?

Owner: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.

Customer: Not much ca-- it's the single most popular weed in the world!

Owner: Not 'round here, sir.

Customer: (slight pause) and what IS the most popular weed 'round hyah?

Owner: Jack Herer, sir.

Customer: IS it.

Owner: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.

Customer: Is it.

Owner: It's our number one best seller, sir!

Customer: I see. Uuh... Jack Herer, eh?

Owner: Right, sir.

Customer: All right. Okay. 'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.

Owner: I'll have a look, sir........nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Customer: It's not much of a weed shop, is it?

Owner: Finest in the district!

Customer: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

Owner: Well, it's so clean, sir!

Customer: It's certainly uncontaminated by weed....

Owner: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Trainwreck, sir.

Customer: Would it be worth it?

Owner: Could be....

Customer: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY REGGAE OFF!

Owner: Told you so....

Customer: (slowly) Have you got any Trainwreck?

Owner: No.

Customer: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me, have you in fact got any weed here at all?

Owner: Yes, sir.

Customer: Now I'm going to ask you that question once more, and if you say "No", I'm going to shoot you through the head. Now. Do you have any weed at all?

Owner: No.

(Customer takes out a gun and shoots him.)

Customer: What a *senseless* waste of human life.