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Alien Sex Manual
Dec 14, 2010

is not a sandwich



Upon reviewing those screencaps...are they sitting in vampire highchairs? Like holy poo poo that's even worse than handtrucks.

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screech on the beach
Mar 9, 2004

CHOMP


Why don't they need to sleep in dirt like the Big Bad Master?

Psyker
Jun 21, 2004

[Binge and] Purge the xenos!


LoG posted:

Why don't they need to sleep in dirt like the Big Bad Master?

He doesn't either. He's just a big nostalgic sissy.

Sodomy Hussein
Oct 9, 2005

Everything is subject to the needs of intelligence, for geniuses like me. If we actually solve problems, people won't need me and people like me, and this is a travesty without end. You have to squeeze the poor so they know their place, and you fucking commies forget that.



Holy poo poo you guys weren't kidding about the $30 handcarts. That's incredible.

PriorMarcus
Oct 16, 2008

ASK ME ABOUT BEING ALLERGIC TO POSITIVITY


OneThousandMonkeys posted:

Holy poo poo you guys weren't kidding about the $30 handcarts. That's incredible.

I have no loving idea what they were going for with those but it ended up looking loving ridiculous.

Gonz
Dec 22, 2009

"Jesus, did I say that? Or just think it? Was I talking? Did they hear me?"


The other Masters are pennypinchers and settled for thrones from a local Home Depot.

Finndo
Dec 27, 2005

Title Text goes here.


Anyone else notice they one-upped Underworld. "Two asleep, one awake, that is the way of it!"

Here it's all, "Three asleep and if they wake you are effed!"

Whispering Machines
Dec 27, 2005

Monsters? They look like monsters to you?

PriorMarcus posted:

I have no loving idea what they were going for with those but it ended up looking loving ridiculous.

Maybe Quinlan couldn't get to Ancient Vampire Homegoods/IKEA before our dumb protagonists arrived and was stuck using those!

"wet fart of a finale" is the most accurate description I've seen.

The ancients makeup isn't bad, I think, especially compared to the Master- although overall most of the character design on this show has been pretty disappointing considering some of the seriously creepy poo poo GdT has done in the past. That little dead kid in Devil's Backbone, hand guy in Pan's Labyrinth, etc were all creepy as gently caress but the stuff on this show has been a letdown. Also, I think in the books the ancients were more smooth and marble-like. I was imagining more along the lines of Voldemort or those smooth guys in Prometheus than wrinkly and old looking.

Annointed
Mar 2, 2013



The most distressing thing for me is that GDT was the producer. He can and does do great entertainment, and the entire season feels like one day he decided to stop doing that.

Sodomy Hussein
Oct 9, 2005

Everything is subject to the needs of intelligence, for geniuses like me. If we actually solve problems, people won't need me and people like me, and this is a travesty without end. You have to squeeze the poor so they know their place, and you fucking commies forget that.


Finndo posted:

Anyone else notice they one-upped Underworld. "Two asleep, one awake, that is the way of it!"

Here it's all, "Three asleep and if they wake you are effed!"

Every vampire lord looks like Bill Nighy (when they are supposed to be androgynous creepoids), so there's that.

Spermanent Record
Mar 28, 2007
I interviewed a NK escapee who came to my school and made a thread. Then life got in the way and the translation had to be postponed. I did finish it in the end, but nobody is going to pay 10 bux to update my.avatar

The funny thing about all these reactions is that this is the exact same response I had when reading the first book.

Start. Oh this is cool, wonder where it's going.

Middle, hmmmmm ok I guess.

End. Yeah ok that's enough of that thank you.

The difference being that even less happens in the book.

Andrew_1985
Sep 18, 2007
Hay hay hay!

This show is enjoyably bad for me. I know it's flawed but between the hacker and exterminator's enjoyable dialogue and the gross poo poo, there's enough to keep me interested.
It's not an abomination of a show, it just could do better.

Super Aggro Crag
Apr 23, 2008




And, of course as always, kill Hitler.




What a boring rear end finale. The fight at the end was lame.

InfiniteZero
Sep 11, 2004

PINK GUITAR FIRE ROBOT



College Slice

OneThousandMonkeys posted:

Holy poo poo you guys weren't kidding about the $30 handcarts. That's incredible.

After they finished wheeling in the kegs of Heineken, they wheeled in the ancients as well.

LifeLynx
Feb 27, 2001

Dang so this is like looking over his shoulder in real-time

Grimey Drawer

I know people give up on stupid but entertaining shows after giving them a chance, but I gave up on the show right before the last commercial break (according to FX Now). Not shooting Nazi vamp in the head like all the others was one thing. Unlike most of the others, he wasn't ready to pounce, he was just walking forward and grinning like an idiot. The extra long shot of them just standing there staring at the Master without rushing forward and killing him was the nail in the coffin for me. If the writers (not sure if this was in the novel) wanted the Master to escape, don't write the plot into a corner where the only way for him to escape is for him to ignore his strongest weakness - sunlight - and be immune to his second strongest weakness of being stabbed in the head, all because the main characters just stand there.

On a side note, this has tainted my enjoyment of the show all season but hasn't stopped me watching it: There's no way none of the main characters haven't been attacked by worms. They routinely stab vampires who then fall on top of them, or chop their heads off inches from their own heads, or walk through a pile of recently-dismembered vampire corpses. I noticed it every time a big fight broke out.

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014






BJPaskoff posted:

I know people give up on stupid but entertaining shows after giving them a chance, but I gave up on the show right before the last commercial break (according to FX Now). Not shooting Nazi vamp in the head like all the others was one thing. Unlike most of the others, he wasn't ready to pounce, he was just walking forward and grinning like an idiot. The extra long shot of them just standing there staring at the Master without rushing forward and killing him was the nail in the coffin for me. If the writers (not sure if this was in the novel) wanted the Master to escape, don't write the plot into a corner where the only way for him to escape is for him to ignore his strongest weakness - sunlight - and be immune to his second strongest weakness of being stabbed in the head, all because the main characters just stand there.

On a side note, this has tainted my enjoyment of the show all season but hasn't stopped me watching it: There's no way none of the main characters haven't been attacked by worms. They routinely stab vampires who then fall on top of them, or chop their heads off inches from their own heads, or walk through a pile of recently-dismembered vampire corpses. I noticed it every time a big fight broke out.

What really bugs me about it is that they could have easily get away with that. Master can hypnotise humans, after all. They just needed to add high-pitched sound they used in the tunnels when Setrakian couldn't kill Master, and that would have pretty much done it. Instead everyone just stood there awkwardly doing nothing.

Psyker
Jun 21, 2004

[Binge and] Purge the xenos!


Paladinus posted:

What really bugs me about it is that they could have easily get away with that. Master can hypnotise humans, after all. They just needed to add high-pitched sound they used in the tunnels when Setrakian couldn't kill Master, and that would have pretty much done it. Instead everyone just stood there awkwardly doing nothing.

I really don't know why they didn't use the Murmur here either. Any ancient can send off a telepathic sonar pulse that temporarily incapacitates all humans within a good range. The Master could have pulsed, then gotten away, and Setrakian/Eph could have gotten up later and been doubly confused.

Vishass
Feb 1, 2004

Hey regular penis, guess what! PRESENTS!!!




Psyker posted:

I really don't know why they didn't use the Murmur here either. Any ancient can send off a telepathic sonar pulse that temporarily incapacitates all humans within a good range. The Master could have pulsed, then gotten away, and Setrakian/Eph could have gotten up later and been doubly confused.

They explain it I think in book 2 (after the authors realized that plot hole). The Ancients can use it to hunt him down. He risked it on the plane to rub it in their faces that he was up to poo poo, but now that they're alerted The Master doesn't want to be caught

Drifter
Oct 22, 2000

Belated Bear Witness


Soiled Meat

Vishass posted:

They explain it I think in book 2 (after the authors realized that plot hole). The Ancients can use it to hunt him down. He risked it on the plane to rub it in their faces that he was up to poo poo, but now that they're alerted The Master doesn't want to be caught

Blah blah but he was literally dying (aside from his plot armor).

Paladinus
Jan 11, 2014






Vishass posted:

They explain it I think in book 2 (after the authors realized that plot hole). The Ancients can use it to hunt him down. He risked it on the plane to rub it in their faces that he was up to poo poo, but now that they're alerted The Master doesn't want to be caught

There still was a million of ways to handle this even if they wanted to leave the Murmur out of it. With the first broken window Master could have summoned all his minions to his aid and run off with a bunch of them as a human ghoul shield against sunlight.

Avasculous
Aug 30, 2008


Maybe I just was clocked out by the time it got to that scene, but I think you guys are being a little unfair to it. Setrakian was certain that the master was dying, and was visibly shaken that sunlight didn't do it. It would have been a little weird for him to run out furiously stabbing the master instead of relishing his painful demise.

That said, the ancients looked completely unmenacing and lame even without the Home Depot handcarts and the rest of the episode was pretty drat boring.

I think one of the broadest flaws in the show is that the writers seem to have no idea what page the audience is on. Like when Eldritch was introduced, everyone in the audience probably worked out in about 2 minutes that the reason a dying, old billionaire helps vampires is because he wants to be immortal. If not, they definitely worked it out over the next 6 episodes of him reminding us over and over that he's dying and wants something from the vampires. You'd think even the characters would puzzle that out instantly since it's well-known that he's old and dying and why the gently caress else would you help vampires, Jesus.

And then in episode 10 or whatever, when he's talking to the hacker, they still treated his deal for immortality as a big revelation- even though by that point it had no gravity for anyone.

It was the same with the finale. They closed with a big, cliffhangery reveal that Kelly's been turned, even though we (and Eph) loving knew that four episodes ago when we watched 30 minute play-by-play of vampire transformation #10. That scene would have been a million times more effective and we would have saved an earlier boring episode if her fate was a mystery at that point.

Vishass posted:

They explain it I think in book 2 (after the authors realized that plot hole). The Ancients can use it to hunt him down. He risked it on the plane to rub it in their faces that he was up to poo poo, but now that they're alerted The Master doesn't want to be caught

I posted this like 1 page ago! No one listens to me! I think it's more that the Ancients think the master is dead at the start of the plot and that the invasion is coming from one of the other Ancients. He says he can get away with using it in tunnels and... planes, I guess because concrete blocks psychic powers (obviously), but using it out in the open will alert them to his true identity and even plans.

Drifter's right that that doesn't explain why he wouldn't do it if he's dying though. Maybe it's hard to do when you're being incinerated?

Avasculous fucked around with this message at 01:02 on Oct 10, 2014

Ghosthotel
Dec 27, 2008


The ending is really weird to me because it happens differently in the book, and the changes they made actually make it a lot worse.


In the book it went down like this: The Master goes out the window just like in the show, but it sends him all the way down to street level. They look out the window expecting to see him burn up, but instead he takes off his robes in a kind of "gently caress you guys it's gonna take more to kill me" way and then gets out of there while his flesh is falling off and the main characters are all "well gently caress now what????"

Changing it so they're literally standing 5 feet away from him not finishing the job is probably one of the dumbest changes I've seen in an adaptation.

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"


Avasculous posted:

Maybe I just was clocked out by the time it got to that scene, but I think you guys are being a little unfair to it. Setrakian was certain that the master was dying, and was visibly shaken that sunlight didn't do it. It would have been a little weird for him to run out furiously stabbing the master instead of relishing his painful demise.

Setrakian could have chopped off The Master's feet and whatnot to super-duper make sure he would be stuck writhing in agony

Justin Credible
Aug 27, 2003

happy cat




I really thought with the look on Eph's face after he three stooge'd out the window, that his next line was going to be "Why didn't you attack him when he was right there?!" But no. That would make too much sense.

Avasculous
Aug 30, 2008


LobsterMobster posted:

Setrakian could have chopped off The Master's feet and whatnot to super-duper make sure he would be stuck writhing in agony

Well when the boring as gently caress Nazi vampocalypse comes I guess we'll just put you in charge.

...of SCIENCE!
Apr 26, 2008

43 species of parrot?! Nipples for men?! SLUGS?! Are we not in the hands of a lunatic?! If I were creating the world I wouldn't mess about with butterflies and daffodils. I would have started with lasers, 8 o'clock, day one!


I thought that the book's ending was unsatisfying because it is Setrakian pulling a Redd Foxx and being incapacitated by heart problems that makes him conveniently let the Master get away, but the TV show was way worse while adding nothing.

Rarrgh
Nov 7, 2011


IMO Helix ranks above this show... yes, that's how poo poo it is.

Miker525
Jan 2, 2011


So just caught up and watched the episodes 11, 12 and the finale. What a loving lame rear end ending. I was expecting the vamp crew to come back and do something useful. I don't know why the vamp squad kidnapped gus to align with them, but they haven't noticed Setrakian's years of hunting nor the gang which keeps trying to hunt the master? Also I get that they thought the master was dying in the sun but he was moving around so much. It's been made real clear he's significantly stronger, faster and just generally better than the other vampires. They couldn't think maybe he'll maneuver away and escape. loving stupid.Also when all the other vampires (and the German) started walking backwards, because the master whispered to them come to me....why the gently caress didn't they end up at the roof where he was. Or did they just simply know where he was headed?

I really had super high expectations for the show after I watched episode 1 but man this poo poo just got weak.

FuriousxGeorge
Aug 8, 2007

We've been the best team all year.

They're just finding out.


So I definitely enjoyed this show despite the flaws and will be back for the next season but the finale was pretty limp. I know it's based on books but they should have said "gently caress the books" and found some way to have Setrakian take out Eichhorst to give the finale more impact since the master had to escape. Or if they couldn't have done that, they should have written in something else for the same sort of effect on the story. The heroes need a drat victory of some kind.

Empire Strike Back gets away with ending the way it does because the heroes already blew up a drat Death Star and we know they will pull it together and fight back. The Strain folks? They uhh, have not established the same track record for competency. It wasn't even the first time they lost a direct confrontation with The Master! It didn't feel like a finale, it felt like yet another episode ending like this.

Drifter
Oct 22, 2000

Belated Bear Witness


Soiled Meat

Good lord, I honestly can't think of a single positive beyond the nazi and to a lesser extent the rat catcher dude.

Good for you if you're gonna come back for more next season. Are you by any chance a catholic? Or follow some other type of 'God loves me by punishing me' type of religion?

bring back old gbs
Feb 28, 2007

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN


Drifter posted:

Good lord, I honestly can't think of a single positive beyond the nazi and to a lesser extent the rat catcher dude.

Good for you if you're gonna come back for more next season. Are you by any chance a catholic? Or follow some other type of 'God loves me by punishing me' type of religion?

I'll be back for next season no because of religion, but because i cannot read.

CVagts
Oct 19, 2009


I started reading the first of the three books and holy god the pacing is even worse than the show I think. Halfway through the first book, and I think they've just covered the events of the first episode of the show.

Modus Operandi
Oct 5, 2010


Anyone else remember Full Moon Entertainment the studio that churned out such masterpieces as the Puppet Master series and Demonic Toys?

I'll keep watching Strain because I get a 90's full moon vibe from the series. The sad thing is I don't think that was intentional.

The worst character is still hacker chick. She's just such a lame token empowerment character that does ridiculous poo poo.

Little boy is very bad too. Hollywood is full of fame hungry parents pushing their kids to become actors and this is the best they could come up with?

Eph..he's an rear end in a top hat and nearly a non entity so it's easier to deal with his screen time.

Whispering Machines
Dec 27, 2005

Monsters? They look like monsters to you?

I'm not sure where this lies on the spectrum of awesome/terrible in regards to this show.



An ice sculpture of the masters head with shrimp pouring out of it.

Drifter
Oct 22, 2000

Belated Bear Witness


Soiled Meat

It's shameful they're smiling when the travesty of the show exists.

P_T_S
Aug 28, 2009



Biscuit Hider

I hope they follow up on Eichorst's reaction to being called to heel like a dog. By the expression on his face, he seemed pretty surprised and upset that he wasn't any more resistant to the Master's commands than the other, lower vampires.

Psyker
Jun 21, 2004

[Binge and] Purge the xenos!


P_T_S posted:

I hope they follow up on Eichorst's reaction to being called to heel like a dog. By the expression on his face, he seemed pretty surprised and upset that he wasn't any more resistant to the Master's commands than the other, lower vampires.

Please. He would've just been killed because he has way too high of a sadistically playful Nazi streak in him. He could have murdered the gently caress out of Dutch and Fet at any time.

In retrospect, they should have killed Dutch off. It would've given them the opportunity to harden Fet into the cold Russian he was always meant to be.

P_T_S
Aug 28, 2009



Biscuit Hider

The words you are saying do not make sense. I'm saying that I hope future episodes feature Eichorst chafing under the Master's yoke. They set up a glimpse of it and it would be more interesting than having to listen to the child actor that plays Zach further mangle the horrible lines they insist on giving him.

Basebf555
Feb 29, 2008

The greatest sensual pleasure there is is to know the desires of another!



Fun Shoe

They dropped the ball big-time by not focusing all their attention on the design of the Master and also the Ancients. These things are built up so heavily and the whole season was leading to their reveal. Just laying eyes on an Ancient should be a big event for the audience, and the show needed that to feel like a worthwhile payoff and it just doesn't. The designs should have been treated like the success of the entire show hinged on them, and it certainly doesn't look like that level of attention was given to them considering the final product.

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withak
Jan 15, 2003


Fun Shoe

Basebf555 posted:

Just laying eyes on an Ancient should be a big event for the audience,

The audience didn't know about the ancients until they are shown. All we know before the last episode is that some kind of vampire SWAT team has appeared twice and they are probably important.

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