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ElwoodCuse
Jan 11, 2004

we're puttin' the band back together

vegeta dentata posted:

NFL

Problem: The NFL is considered a nonprofit franchise despite being a multibillion dollar industry.

Solution: Lawyers. Nukes.

This is not scandalous or unusual. All sports leagues work this way. The league itself is a nonprofit governing organization, and the money/tax liability goes through each individual franchise. There are plenty of ways pro sports gets free money and dodges taxes but this isn't one of them.

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Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





Everblight posted:

I've heard this idea floated before, but the general response is "then Team A will just camp a guy next to Team B's net and just lauch bombs to him all day for him to try and tip in."

How does eliminating offsides prevent this 'best strategy' from destroying soccer?

Also I'm now sorry I tried to be funny in the OP. I seriously want to know what people think are the real problems in their sport that are just intractably unsolvable for whatever reason, rather than joke response.

Also basketball power plays sound awesome.

I was 100% serious. If team A leaves a guy down at the net literally all game long then that means they only have 10 defenders which opens up space for the other team.

R.D. Mangles
Jan 10, 2004




Honestly the only thing wrong with professional sports is that the hockey puck doesn't glow.

Byolante
Mar 23, 2008

by Cyrano4747


NASCAR

Problem: They race tractors and only turn one direction
Solution: Kill the sport and replace it with British Touring Cars

Gridiron

Problem: There aren't enough adds
Solution: Make them play on xbox instead of the field so you can pause mid pass to show adds. This would also fix the concussion problem

Rugby League

Problem: Manly, Souths, Easts
Solution: Nuke Sydney from orbit

Stiev Awt
Mar 20, 2007


CFL Football

Problem: The league is currently at 9 teams and 6 make the playoffs every year. Every attempt at expansion has been met with abject failure.

Solution The CFL will carry out an invasion to capture and occupy NFL franchises. F-35s will be deployed on airstrikes on Seattle, Minneapolis, Buffalo, Detroit. The navy will carry out amphibious strikes on New York, Foxborough, Baltimore, Jacksonville, and Tampa Bay.

FuzzySkinner
May 23, 2012



Rene Bork posted:

CFL Football

Problem: The league is currently at 9 teams and 6 make the playoffs every year. Every attempt at expansion has been met with abject failure.

Solution The CFL will carry out an invasion to capture and occupy NFL franchises. F-35s will be deployed on airstrikes on Seattle, Minneapolis, Buffalo, Detroit. The navy will carry out amphibious strikes on New York, Foxborough, Baltimore, Jacksonville, and Tampa Bay.

Non-Humorous response, perhaps make the "Schooners" an actual thing? 5 East, 5 West.

I think it would be interesting to see a few border-area North American cities get a CFL Franchise.

Places like Fargo, Boise, etc.

oldskool
Aug 9, 2010



NFL
Problem: Game destroys those who play, but owners want more games per year.
Solution: Three more bye weeks per team. Stretches season to 20 weeks, giving 3 more weeks of games to sell it to networks but the players actually get more in-season rest. Also sort of balances the issue where some teams have a bye Week 4 and have to play 13 weeks in a row going into Wild Card Weekend. Also gives more teams a shot at getting nationwide coverage on TNF/SNF/MNF to improve their image & popularity throughout the country because those games won't be as dominated by Broncos/Patriots/NFC team on a win streak.

Zogo
Jul 29, 2003



Sour Grapes posted:

So basically the fox trax which, as pointed out, was already done and sucked.

I kind of get the feeling that hockey isn't really 'your sport' if the issue you have is the puck colour.

Yea, I was aware of FoxTrax. I meant something else that wasn't as tacky and didn't look like special effects from an 80s music video. You're right though it's not my #1 sport but I'm emperor-king.

Alan Trammell posted:

MLB
Problem: Offense levels are down to their lowest point in 30 years. Home runs are down, hits are down, walks are down, and strikeouts keep rising every year.
Solution: Blindfold all pitchers.

I'd actually be interested to see what the MLB would look like if pitchers had to throw tennis balls and just how far those balls would go.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Zogo posted:

I'd actually be interested to see what the MLB would look like if pitchers had to throw tennis balls and just how far those balls would go.

Not as far as baseballs. They are lighter/have less mass and more surface area. So they create more friction in the air. Can't be thrown as fast, are harder to control and won't go as far.

vegeta dentata
Jun 16, 2011


ElwoodCuse posted:

This is not scandalous or unusual. All sports leagues work this way. The league itself is a nonprofit governing organization, and the money/tax liability goes through each individual franchise. There are plenty of ways pro sports gets free money and dodges taxes but this isn't one of them.

The NBA, MLB, and MLS are listed as for profit groups. I know that the local teams front the taxes on most of the revenue, but a shitload of money still moves through the administration office (ie Goodell's salary).

King Pawn
Apr 24, 2010


Soccer (not really my sport, but could be if they implemented these fixes!)

Problem: 0-0 draws are lovely. They really are. Low-scoring is OK, no-scoring is lovely.

Solution: Increase the size of the goals by ~10% in both dimensions. I don't give a poo poo about logistics, I'm Emperor-King. Figure it out.

Problem: Cheating is loving pathetic and can too easily decide games.

Solution: Diving, grossly exaggerating contact or feigning injury will be subject to strict penalties including automatic red cards, and even suspensions for egregious or repeated offenses. These penalties can be applied on the spot or retroactively based on video evidence. Cut that poo poo out, it's awful.

There are other problems but these are the ones that spring to mind and can be pretty easily fixed.

Mornacale
Dec 19, 2007

n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates


Probably a good way to handle diving in soccer would be to add another ref or two.

zakharov
Nov 30, 2002

:kimchi: Tater Love :kimchi:


Mornacale posted:

Probably a good way to handle diving in soccer would be to add another ref or two.

Oh poo poo son, now you've angered the soccer fans by suggesting that the current rules are anything but perfect.

Mind_Taker
May 7, 2007





Many soccer fans in TRP were incredibly opposed to the goal-line technology because they said it would be useless and slow down the "flow" of the game and welp it actually ended up being incredibly useful for like 2 or 3 goals in the World Cup that the refs would have otherwise missed and it didn't actually slow the game down at all!

Also the best way to stop diving is to review incidents after the game and suspend players.

peanut-
Feb 17, 2004


Fun Shoe

Oh look the thread changed from "fix your sport" to "here are my retarded ideas for fixing the sport I see on in the background at the bar once every four years"

No-one could have predicted that happening

Mind_Taker
May 7, 2007





peanut- posted:

Oh look the thread changed from "fix your sport" to "here are my retarded ideas for fixing the sport I see on in the background at the bar once every four years"

No-one could have predicted that happening

I didn't mention changing any curling rules.

ZenVulgarity
Oct 9, 2012

I made the hat by transforming my zen



MLB
PROBLEM
The all star game matters at all. Fan vote.
SOLUTION
Take the actual best players and play them. Have the all star game have home run areas with different run values. Make a base running competition between all the fat guys. Have a horse-style fielding competition. Have trash cans at home and see who hits the ball inside the most. Bat flipping contest along with the home run derby.

fat greasy puto
Dec 30, 2001

Anime Lover David Beckham


Soccer
Problem: No time for snacks/beers during continuous half
Solution: Introduce commercial breaks, i.e. American Football, where I can stand up stretch my legs and grab a fresh brew. Two if my bro is over watching.

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida



Peanut President posted:

Didn't know Gabe Newell posted here.

Problem: Terrible people that haven't seen Major League
Solution: Force them to watch one of those networks that always airs it until they see it at least twice.


I have two for Baseball

Problem: Umpires have zero accountability.
Solution: Grade them on either a game by game or series by series basis. Replace those that maintain bad grades. Publicly announce fines and suspensions for those who are being punished for actions deemed overly negative.

Problem: Too much time between pitches.
Solution: Start a pitch clock when no runners are on base, going over the clock is an automatic ball. Clock starts when the pitcher receives the ball from the catcher. Only allow batters to step out of the box once during an at bat, unless there is a special circumstance (fouling a ball off your foot, stolen base, wild pitch/passed ball causing action, broken bat, etc).


Fag Boy Jim posted:

Spaniards should really just be banned from all sports. They are awful drug cheats.

:(

Stiev Awt
Mar 20, 2007


FuzzySkinner posted:

Non-Humorous response, perhaps make the "Schooners" an actual thing? 5 East, 5 West.

I think it would be interesting to see a few border-area North American cities get a CFL Franchise.

Places like Fargo, Boise, etc.

It could also be worth trying their hand at Portland, Everett, Grand Rapids, or Rochester. Just as long as they don't try far flung areas like Sacramento and Vegas again.

Feels Villeneuve
Oct 7, 2007

Kanye West - Touch the Sky



Mornacale posted:

Probably a good way to handle diving in soccer would be to add another ref or two.

This has been tried and rejected by players and coaches several times. The main issue being that most referee calls are judgement calls, and adding referees to the game will inevitably make those calls much more inconsistent. Imagine if you rotated out whoever calls balls and strikes every three innings.

Karl Sharks
Feb 20, 2008

The Immortal Science of Sharksism-Fininism



Peanut President posted:

I was 100% serious. If team A leaves a guy down at the net literally all game long then that means they only have 10 defenders which opens up space for the other team.

You don't want to take away the offside rule because hoofball is boring and poo poo. On the other hand, teams that have the offside trap down pat can do fairly well (see Costa Rica this past World Cup).

straight up brolic
Jan 31, 2007

After all, I was nice in ball,
Came to practice weed scented
Report card like the speed limit

:homebrew::homebrew::homebrew:



Mind_Taker posted:

Many soccer fans in TRP were incredibly opposed to the goal-line technology because they said it would be useless and slow down the "flow" of the game and welp it actually ended up being incredibly useful for like 2 or 3 goals in the World Cup that the refs would have otherwise missed and it didn't actually slow the game down at all!

Also the best way to stop diving is to review incidents after the game and suspend players.
no one was opposed to it after the details of the hawkeye system were fully introduced, explained, and understood. If there was any substantial latency in decision time it would probably be bad for the game, but as it's nearly instantaneous there's no disadvantage to having it implemented.

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





Karl Sharks posted:

You don't want to take away the offside rule because hoofball is boring and poo poo. On the other hand, teams that have the offside trap down pat can do fairly well (see Costa Rica this past World Cup).

On the other hand, gently caress Concacaf and gently caress teams that do the offside trap.

The Big Taff Man
Nov 22, 2005


Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16


Fan of Britches

A well worked offside trap is one of the most outrageous moves in sport, its beautiful seeing four men working in unison to step up at the same time, while raising their right hand

FuzzySkinner
May 23, 2012



Rene Bork posted:

It could also be worth trying their hand at Portland, Everett, Grand Rapids, or Rochester. Just as long as they don't try far flung areas like Sacramento and Vegas again.

Someone actually did an insane CFL expansion where Canada wound up with 16 or so team.

http://imgur.com/a/HEQXL

But agreed. I do think that the CFL would play well with Border towns versus the attempt that CFLUSA attempted to be back in the day. Baltimore was their lone success.

NtotheTC
Dec 31, 2007




eSports
Problem: Not real sports. Players aren't athletes.
Solution: Stop treating them as if they are.

Waltzing Along
Jun 14, 2008

There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Soccer/Football
Problem:
Low scoring/flopping/extra time
Solutions: This is a serious post so here are some serious answers:

There is no reason to have a continually moving clock. If the ball goes out, stop the clock. If play stops due to a guy falling, stop the clock. Goal? Stop the clock. It's just silly to let it run and leads to flopping. This will remove extra time from the game.

Another problem is limited substitutions. This also leads to flopping and pointless stoppages. Just let the coaches sub players in as needed. You will have fresher players and better play as a result.

This also opens up this rule change: if you flop over for whatever reason and pretend or are really hurt, you have to leave the field. You can come back, of course, but not till the next substitution stoppage.

I think these changes would make for a better game. I'd be curious to hear how I am an idiot, though, because I am fairly new to the sport and am looking with US sports biased eyes.

Chamale
Jul 11, 2010

I'm helping!





Quidditch
Problem:
Explaining the score to people unfamiliar with the sport
Solution: A goal is worth 10 points and catching the Snitch is worth 30. Count the score in goals, so that we say "13 to 7" instead of "130 to 70". It's faster and the scores will actually fit on a scoreboard.

Problem: Team USA is way too good at quidditch, holy gently caress, they beat Australia 210 to 0 in this year's gold medal game, that's hosed up
Solution: Host the next Global Games in Cuba

iajanus
Aug 17, 2004

#GOAT



Waltzing Along posted:

Soccer/Football
Problem:
Low scoring/flopping/extra time
Solutions: This is a serious post so here are some serious answers:

There is no reason to have a continually moving clock. If the ball goes out, stop the clock. If play stops due to a guy falling, stop the clock. Goal? Stop the clock. It's just silly to let it run and leads to flopping. This will remove extra time from the game.

Another problem is limited substitutions. This also leads to flopping and pointless stoppages. Just let the coaches sub players in as needed. You will have fresher players and better play as a result.

This also opens up this rule change: if you flop over for whatever reason and pretend or are really hurt, you have to leave the field. You can come back, of course, but not till the next substitution stoppage.

I think these changes would make for a better game. I'd be curious to hear how I am an idiot, though, because I am fairly new to the sport and am looking with US sports biased eyes.

Moving clock: after watching a few NFL games it is beyond ridiculous how many ads get squeezed in and how much they destroy the viewing experience. Anything that stops this from happening is a good thing. Also, consider why stopping the clock would fix the diving problem. The benefit of diving is getting a free kick or penalty. This would be the same whether or not the clock was stopped.

Limited subs means that fitness is more important. Not to pick on the NFL, which I do like, but the regular subbing really takes away from the idea that stamina is at all important. Being required to have at least eight players play for ninety minutes requires an additional level of skill/fitness which would be silly to throw away.

The last one sorry of already happens, since if a player goes down necessitating play to be stopped they have to go off and be waved back on by the referee once play has restarted. If you forced them to wait till the next substitution then there's a big inventive for teams to hack people down since, as before, there are very few subs in a match.

Fixing the Nrl:
Problem:
Melbourne is a cheating pack of cunts.
Solution:
Fire Melbourne into the sun. Also solves question of better city with it and Sydney, since being in the sun would probably outweigh having Penrith in the "unliveable poo poo" category.

e:fixed phone typos

iajanus fucked around with this message at 22:35 on Jul 24, 2014

Kibner
Oct 21, 2008

#1 Pelican Fan


^ Basketball would be a more analogous sport to use than American football for clock stoppages. Unlimited subs, but the best players make such a huge difference that you want them in the game as long as possible.

Agreed that adding stoppages would not help prevent diving. Also, commercials suck rear end.

HooverDam
Aug 16, 2004



All pro American sports:
Problem: When I go to Arizona Cardinals games I have to see retired numbers for guys from Chicago and St Louis. Further, I'm in Phoenix and pulling for a team called the "Cardinals", while there are desert cardinals, they're not particularly prevalent.

Solution: All team names, statistics, logos, colors, etc. stay with the city where said teams originate. In the words of Atom and His Package, "there's no jazz in Utah and few lakes in L.A.". The Cardinals should have become the Wrens upon their move to Arizona if they wanted to be named for a non threatening bird.

I'm glad the NBA is trending this way and Seattle kept the Sonics identity, the Hornets name/iconography is returning to Charlotte. It would've been nice if New Orleans could have had the "Jazz" and Utah became the Seagulls or something, but ah well.

abelwingnut
Dec 23, 2002



HooverDam posted:

All pro American sports:
Problem: When I go to Arizona Cardinals games I have to see retired numbers for guys from Chicago and St Louis. Further, I'm in Phoenix and pulling for a team called the "Cardinals", while there are desert cardinals, they're not particularly prevalent.

Solution: All team names, statistics, logos, colors, etc. stay with the city where said teams originate. In the words of Atom and His Package, "there's no jazz in Utah and few lakes in L.A.". The Cardinals should have become the Wrens upon their move to Arizona if they wanted to be named for a non threatening bird.

I'm glad the NBA is trending this way and Seattle kept the Sonics identity, the Hornets name/iconography is returning to Charlotte. It would've been nice if New Orleans could have had the "Jazz" and Utah became the Seagulls or something, but ah well.

Sort of related, but I always thought it'd be cool if all the teams from a city had the same mascot. Yes, I know it's impossible in like five different senses, but it'd be a fun way to unite the city and keep things simple. No, I don't know how you'd deal with cities having multiple teams in the same sport. But I do like the simplicity of rooting for one mascot to represent my entire city.

HooverDam
Aug 16, 2004



Abel Wingnut posted:

Sort of related, but I always thought it'd be cool if all the teams from a city had the same mascot. Yes, I know it's impossible in like five different senses, but it'd be a fun way to unite the city and keep things simple. No, I don't know how you'd deal with cities having multiple teams in the same sport. But I do like the simplicity of rooting for one mascot to represent my entire city.

Well for a while St Louis had the football and baseball Cardinals. I think they would just say "football Cardinals" or "baseball Cardinals" or use context clues. The football Cardinals were also nicknamed "Big Red" I think, so that clarified it. New York had the football and baseball Giants, so its been somewhat done.

I do like when cities have all their teams wearing matching colors. Pittsburgh is the best example with all the teams in black and gold, that's slick, and convenient! I imagine being able to wear a Pirates hat to a Steelers game is convenient.

In Phoenix we sort of have this with the Diamondbacks, Cardinals and Coyotes all wearing red, white and black, but those colors are boring. They should have all matched the original pro team, the Suns with purple and orange. Or the Suns and everyone else should have matched ASU with maroon and gold. Both purple/orange and maroon/gold make more sense for teams in this region than the generic red/black/white.

CBJSprague24
Dec 5, 2010

another game at nationwide arena. everybody keeps asking me if they can fuck the cannon. buddy, they don't even let me fuck it



All Sports
Problem: Retiring numbers.
Solution: gently caress retiring numbers. Make a ring of honor for "honored numbers" or something and let Joe Doe wear #19 for the Colorado Avalanche if he wants to instead of taking the number away for the rest of time to honor Sakic. (Insert any retired number or player into this example.)

NHL
Problem: Jersey #99.
Solution: Wayne Gretzky never played for or against the Columbus Blue Jackets. Or, for that matter, the Minnesota Wild. Let some scrub don double 9's on those teams and any other The Great One didn't play for if he wants to.

CBJSprague24 fucked around with this message at 02:37 on Jul 25, 2014

Stiev Awt
Mar 20, 2007


FuzzySkinner posted:

Someone actually did an insane CFL expansion where Canada wound up with 16 or so team.

http://imgur.com/a/HEQXL

But agreed. I do think that the CFL would play well with Border towns versus the attempt that CFLUSA attempted to be back in the day. Baltimore was their lone success.

These are cool. Especially the Stags.

ElwoodCuse
Jan 11, 2004

we're puttin' the band back together

CBJSprague24 posted:

let Joe Doe wear #19 for the Colorado Avalanche if he wants to

No one would want to. They'd get too much poo poo for it.

Peanut President
Nov 5, 2008





CBJSprague24 posted:

All Sports
Problem: Retiring numbers.
Solution: gently caress retiring numbers. Make a ring of honor for "honored numbers" or something and let Joe Doe wear #19 for the Colorado Avalanche if he wants to instead of taking the number away for the rest of time to honor Sakic. (Insert any retired number or player into this example.)

You watch NASCAR. You know exactly what would happen. Some shitheel team owner would give his son in the NHL 99 and try to call him the next Gretzky all the time forever just like the 3 in NASCAR.

Teemu Pokemon
Jun 19, 2004

To sign them is my real test

With full no movement clause


Waltzing Along posted:

Not as far as baseballs. They are lighter/have less mass and more surface area. So they create more friction in the air. Can't be thrown as fast, are harder to control and won't go as far.

Golf balls. And aluminum bats.

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Sash!
Mar 16, 2001




HooverDam posted:

I do like when cities have all their teams wearing matching colors. Pittsburgh is the best example with all the teams in black and gold, that's slick, and convenient! I imagine being able to wear a Pirates hat to a Steelers game is convenient.

They're also the colors of the coat of arms of Pitt, which in turn are the city's colors, which meant Pittsburgh was clever.

You know the blue the Pens wear? Pittsburgh's third color! Right there on...on that 400 year old Pitt coat of arms!

Problem: Baseball has too many baseball games and too many of them are on when people are at work.
Solution: It's not 1883 and you have to make the train trip worth it so you stick around for five days. Cut the schedule down to a third of what it is now. Also, don't play at 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. That one would just be a no brainer really. Maybe even adopt some sort of Monday/Wednesday/Saturday/Sunday schedule were you play on three of those four! This would also work for hockey.

Also:

Problem: Football is on days that aren't Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.
Solution: Football is supposed to be on saturday if you're college, sunday if you're the NFL, and Monday night for one pair of lucky NFL teams. Play on those days. Wednesday is for middle school, Thursday is for JV teams, Friday is for varsity, and so on. This isn't rocket science. That's how Western PA did it and we literally invented pro football so trust us on this.

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