Fix Your Sport

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Fix Your Sport

Laderhan: Oct 2, 2013

Question: As empire-king can I just eliminate any sport/league I don't like so that the sports/leagues that I do like can get more coverage and attention?

# ? Jul 25, 2014 05:03

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# ? Sep 30, 2023 01:37

BasicFunk: Feb 26, 2011; How's your Funkentelechy?

CBJSprague24 posted:

All Sports
Problem: Retiring numbers.
Solution: gently caress retiring numbers. Make a ring of honor for "honored numbers" or something and let Joe Doe wear #19 for the Colorado Avalanche if he wants to instead of taking the number away for the rest of time to honor Sakic. (Insert any retired number or player into this example.)

This is really going to be a problem in the NFL where uniform numbers are restricted to position.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 05:04

ElwoodCuse: Jan 11, 2004; we're puttin' the band back together

BasicFunk posted:

This is really going to be a problem in the NFL where uniform numbers are restricted to position.

He's saying never retire any numbers, which is basically how the NFL already operates for the reason you state.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 05:53

Mornacale: Dec 19, 2007; n=y where
y=hope and n=folly,
prospects=lies, win=lose,

self=Pirates

Sash! posted:

Problem: Baseball has too many baseball games and too many of them are on when people are at work.
Solution: It's not 1883 and you have to make the train trip worth it so you stick around for five days. Cut the schedule down to a third of what it is now. Also, don't play at 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. That one would just be a no brainer really. Maybe even adopt some sort of Monday/Wednesday/Saturday/Sunday schedule were you play on three of those four! This would also work for hockey.

This is a pretty good solution to the problem of baseball being interesting and profitable, too.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 06:10

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Problem:

Sash! posted:

Problem: Baseball has too many baseball games and too many of them are on when people are at work.
Solution: It's not 1883 and you have to make the train trip worth it so you stick around for five days. Cut the schedule down to a third of what it is now. Also, don't play at 2 in the afternoon on a Wednesday. That one would just be a no brainer really. Maybe even adopt some sort of Monday/Wednesday/Saturday/Sunday schedule were you play on three of those four! This would also work for hockey.

Solution:Dont' let Sash! make decisions for MLB.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 06:17

Pinche Rudo: Feb 8, 2005

Soccer:

Problem: Officials missing calls and botching clear cut offsides calls

Solution: Two more officials so you have 3 officials each covering 1/3 of the field. Maybe add some sort of electronic offsides review using something like they do now with the bar on TV. Maybe put sensors on the players and have some sort of electronic device measuring when one player is beyond the other and buzzing the linesmen's watches like the goal line tech does

# ? Jul 25, 2014 06:19

FuzzySkinner: May 23, 2012

Sash! posted:

Problem: Football is on days that aren't Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.
Solution: Football is supposed to be on saturday if you're college, sunday if you're the NFL, and Monday night for one pair of lucky NFL teams. Play on those days. Wednesday is for middle school, Thursday is for JV teams, Friday is for varsity, and so on. This isn't rocket science. That's how Western PA did it and we literally invented pro football so trust us on this.

As a fan of a mid-major? I disagree, because MACTION. It's the lone time our conference gets national recognition and it's fun as hell.

I think having MAC, WAC, C-USA, and Mountain West conference games on Tuesday/Wednesday make for an interesting week.

I do kind of prefer (ACC/Big East/Big XII) game as the only thing on a Thursday, but the NFL Network games kind of grew on me.

Friday? Eh, I think those could work for MWC/WAC/PAC 12 games. The West Coast doesn't seem to have the insane devotion that the Midwest, South and Texas have for High School ball.

Saturday? Big Boys play. 12 pm to whenever the hell the Hawai'i game ends.

Sunday? Same. Keep the pro game schedule.

Monday? MNF.

Now I will say that from (Army-Navy game) December 13th to December 27th that the NFL "Sunday" schedule should be split in half between Saturday and Sunday.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 06:25

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

Mornacale posted:

This is a pretty good solution to the problem of baseball being interesting and profitable, too.

So to be profitable, baseball has to have ten times the games as the most popular sport in the country? Maybe baseball has more serious problems than I thought.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 06:56

Waltzing Along: Jun 14, 2008; There's only one
Human race
Many faces
Everybody belongs here

Sash! posted:

So to be profitable, baseball has to have ten times the games as the most popular sport in the country? Maybe baseball has more serious problems than I thought.

Baseball is supposed to be played during the day. It's the summer game. There is more money if they play night games, but it still has some roots in its origins. The season was 154 for many years until they expanded it. It comes with the Spring and leaves us in the Fall. Baseball is life.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 07:00

Furnaceface: Oct 21, 2004

Sash! posted:

So to be profitable, baseball has to have ten times the games as the most popular sport in the country? Maybe baseball has more serious problems than I thought.

Sports are still a business. Baseball has a different business model than other sports and it works (mostly). By having lots of games you can offer cheap tickets, opening up who can attend a game by quite a bit. Its designed to be a much more casual experience compared to football.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 08:56

BasicFunk: Feb 26, 2011; How's your Funkentelechy?

ElwoodCuse posted:

He's saying never retire any numbers, which is basically how the NFL already operates for the reason you state.

I don't think I was clear in what I was saying. I agree that the NFL needs to cut that poo poo out or eventually we'll see motherfuckers with wingdings instead of uniform numbers.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 08:56

The Big Taff Man: Nov 22, 2005; Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16; Fan of Britches

Waltzing Along posted:

Soccer/Football
Problem:Low scoring/flopping/extra time
Solutions: This is a serious post so here are some serious answers:

There is no reason to have a continually moving clock. If the ball goes out, stop the clock. If play stops due to a guy falling, stop the clock. Goal? Stop the clock. It's just silly to let it run and leads to flopping. This will remove extra time from the game.

Another problem is limited substitutions. This also leads to flopping and pointless stoppages. Just let the coaches sub players in as needed. You will have fresher players and better play as a result.

This also opens up this rule change: if you flop over for whatever reason and pretend or are really hurt, you have to leave the field. You can come back, of course, but not till the next substitution stoppage.

I think these changes would make for a better game. I'd be curious to hear how I am an idiot, though, because I am fairly new to the sport and am looking with US sports biased eyes.

1) It wont remove extra time, it'd just change it. And not all of those things are things that effect the clock. The ball is actually only in play for about 60 minutes of the 90 in most matches.

2) Limited substitutions creates greater tactical planning. Being able to sub in a player because he suits a particular play would change the game and increase the sizes of squads. There are times when tactical substitutions are used, like Louie Van Gaal bringing on a sub keeper in the last minute of injury time in order to have a fresh keeper in goal for a penalty shoot out and play mind games with the opposition.

3) Players already have to leave the field if the medics come on

Colonel Wood posted:

Soccer:

Problem: Officials missing calls and botching clear cut offsides calls

Solution: Two more officials so you have 3 officials each covering 1/3 of the field. Maybe add some sort of electronic offsides review using something like they do now with the bar on TV. Maybe put sensors on the players and have some sort of electronic device measuring when one player is beyond the other and buzzing the linesmen's watches like the goal line tech does

Do you watch the game?

# ? Jul 25, 2014 09:38

Keven. Just. Keven: May 25, 2010; MY GOD. THE WILL... THE FIGHTING SPIRIT... JUST WHEN YOU THINK IT'S OVER, TSM COMES BACK STRONGER THAN EVER.

Sport: The UFC
Problem: Some of the guys from South America or Canada or other places like that wear little briefs instead of shorts
Solution: Make everyone wear the little briefs so we the viewer get used to it and it doesn't bother us.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 11:12

Ponce de Le0n: Jul 6, 2008; Father jailed for beating 3 kids after they wouldn't say who farted in his car

zakharov posted:

Oh poo poo son, now you've angered the soccer fans by suggesting that the current rules are anything but perfect.

No its just very funny to us that its always something to do with the offside rule or the fact a game can end in a draw and not actual problems like the amount of money in the game, bad financial regulation, pricing out of lower class fans in the local community, better transportation options for those fans, what to do about FIFA, getting more kids involved etc etc.

Of course that would mean people would have to actually watch the game for longer than a few international matches.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 12:39

Nate RFB: Jan 17, 2005; Clapping Larry

Waltzing Along posted:

Baseball is supposed to be played during the day. It's the summer game. There is more money if they play night games, but it still has some roots in its origins. The season was 154 for many years until they expanded it. It comes with the Spring and leaves us in the Fall. Baseball is life.

I think there is something to be said about reducing the overall number of games, or at least eliminating some playoff off days, because it's gotten ridiculous how late the World Series has been played over the past decade or so. 162 games also makes it really hard to potentially balance the schedule, which is the #1 problem I have with MLB as it stands. Getting rid of 2/3 of the number of the games is asinine, but maybe something like 152 or 144? This won't happen of course since ultimately it's sacrificing money.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 13:36

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

This game was between the Last Place Twins and the not very good Cleveland Indians. It started at 12:10 Central time on a Wednesday.

http://scores.espn.go.com/mlb/boxscore?gameId=340723109&teams=cleveland-indians-vs-minnesota-twins

Attendance 34,608 (87.6% full)

Looks like Baseball is doing ok with the random start times in the middle of the day.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 14:40

Endymion FRS MK1: Oct 29, 2011

Also less games would mean I can't come home from work in the summer and be almost guaranteed to find my beloved Indians losing in a humiliating way and that is unacceptable.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 15:12

Bike Lane Closed: May 26, 2006; Mistakes were made

NHL
Problem: 5 to 6 Eastern Conference teams make the playoffs every year over much more deserving Western Conference teams.

Solution: Nuke the East Coast back to the Bronze Age.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 15:17

ZenVulgarity: Oct 9, 2012; I made the hat by transforming my zen

More weekend day night double headers in baseball

# ? Jul 25, 2014 15:21

IcePhoenix: Sep 18, 2005; Take me to your Shida

nature6pk posted:

NBA
Problem: 5 to 6 Eastern Conference teams make the playoffs every year over much more deserving Western Conference teams.

Solution: Nuke the East Coast back to the Bronze Age.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 15:22

Peanut President: Nov 5, 2008; Can't post for 4 days!

Ponce de Le0n posted:

No its just very funny to us that its always something to do with the offside rule or the fact a game can end in a draw and not actual problems like the amount of money in the game, bad financial regulation, pricing out of lower class fans in the local community, better transportation options for those fans, what to do about FIFA, getting more kids involved etc etc.

Of course that would mean people would have to actually watch the game for longer than a few international matches.

Oh come on. Every single league in America is doing the exact poo poo. Do you see anyone else saying "get kids to play baseball more" no because that isn't what the thread is about.

Problem: Euros are big babies
Solution: Nuke Europe

# ? Jul 25, 2014 20:01

the culminator: Oct 29, 2012

Problem: Outside of WC or Euro years there are no interesting sports on from June-September

Solution: Move NBA season up so it starts in December and ends in early August.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 20:11

BasicFunk: Feb 26, 2011; How's your Funkentelechy?

I'd like to see the NBA season cut down to 60 games.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 20:49

learnincurve: May 15, 2014; Smoosh

Formula 1.

Problem. Bernie being the immortal bastard child of Quark and Bricktop

Solution. Bernie going to live on a nice farm somewhere.

This would finally free up F1 to actually have a marketing department and maybe, just maybe, more money would filter down to the teams.

# ? Jul 25, 2014 21:32

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

Laderhan posted:

Question: As empire-king can I just eliminate any sport/league I don't like so that the sports/leagues that I do like can get more coverage and attention?

If you're asking permission to do things as emperor-king you're doing it wrong. Emperors can carry out mass executions of athletes on a whim. Emperors answer only to deities.

Obama Yo Mama posted:

Golf balls. And aluminum bats.

I've read that titanium would be better.

Abel Wingnut posted:

Sort of related, but I always thought it'd be cool if all the teams from a city had the same mascot. Yes, I know it's impossible in like five different senses, but it'd be a fun way to unite the city and keep things simple. No, I don't know how you'd deal with cities having multiple teams in the same sport. But I do like the simplicity of rooting for one mascot to represent my entire city.

I wouldn't mind seeing some kind of logical taxonomy for each sport.

# ? Jul 26, 2014 01:03

Zogo: Jul 29, 2003

MLB
Problem: Each year I'm less interested in watching the game.
Fix: World series played in the snow and 1 in 100 balls has a C-4 explosive core.

Peanut President posted:

Oh come on. Every single league in America is doing the exact poo poo. Do you see anyone else saying "get kids to play baseball more" no because that isn't what the thread is about.

Problem: Euros are big babies
Solution: Nuke Europe

All sports
Problem: People don't like money.
Solution: Remove it from sports.

All sports
Problem: Expensive tickets.
Solution: Free festival seating.

# ? Jul 26, 2014 01:15

Byolante: Mar 23, 2008; by Cyrano4747

Problem: every four years Americans watch the world cup then make a thread telling people who actually watch the sport every week how it should be fixed

Solution: encase the USA in a impregnable dome until all life inside is extinguished for the good of the world

# ? Jul 26, 2014 04:00

Peanut President: Nov 5, 2008; Can't post for 4 days!

Zogo posted:

MLB
Problem: Each year I'm less interested in watching the game.
Fix: World series played in the snow and 1 in 100 balls has a C-4 explosive core.

All sports
Problem: People don't like money.
Solution: Remove it from sports.

All sports
Problem: Expensive tickets.
Solution: Free festival seating.

Problem: people don't like money in sports
Solution: revert society to a barter system

# ? Jul 26, 2014 15:15

marioinblack: Sep 21, 2007; Number 1 Bullshit

Olympic Curling

Problem: Not enough drunk curlers
Solution: Make everyone drunk

# ? Jul 27, 2014 02:48

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

Every Sport But Football

Problem: Not enough bortles
Solution: Increase bortles

# ? Jul 27, 2014 02:58

DOOMocrat: Oct 2, 2003

MLB
Problem: Mustaches no longer worn year round by many players
Fix: Commission Donruss to produce upper lip only baseball cards

# ? Jul 27, 2014 03:22

Tedd_Not_Ed: Feb 16, 2014; I've seen games go perfect for 12 innings all for naught. I've seen no-hitters pitched on illicit drugs. Homer streaks lasting eight games and 20 run losses. I've seen pennants won and seasons collapse. All these memories will be lost in time. Like tears in the rain.

Time to die.

MLB

Problem: Almost all players wear their pants over their stirrup socks.
Solution: Force players to wear Bermuda Shorts.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 03:28

DOOMocrat: Oct 2, 2003

Tedd_Not_Ed posted:

MLB

Problem: Almost all players wear their pants over their stirrup socks.
Solution: Force players to wear Bermuda Shorts.

Really capture that Catholic League Adult Rec Softball demographic.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 03:43

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

DOOMocrat posted:

Really capture that Catholic League Adult Rec Softball demographic.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 03:47

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

DOOMocrat posted:

MLB
Problem: Mustaches no longer worn year round by many players
Fix: Commission Donruss to produce upper lip only baseball cards

I accidentally watched baseball recently and the beard situation is out of control

R.D. Mangles posted:

Every Sport But Football

Problem: Not enough bortles
Solution: Increase bortles

Problem: bortles sounds like a Pokemon, but there is no Pokemon named bortles
Solution: Retcon Squirtle into bortles

Sash! fucked around with this message at 07:09 on Jul 27, 2014

# ? Jul 27, 2014 07:06

soggybagel: Aug 6, 2006; The official account of NFL Tackle Phil Loadholt.

Let's talk Football.

MLB:

Problem: Games take loving forever.

Minor Fix: Pitchers warm up in the bullpen for a long time. From now on when you bring in a pitcher they don't get any warm up pitches on the mound. The first pitch they throw to the catcher is live. No more warming up, then called out, then another three minutes of warm up throws. You just get dropped immediately in the game.

More crazy idea. One pitcher substitution per inning. This would help limit the lovely bring in a pitcher, throws out one guy, bring in another pitcher, throws out that guy scenario. Also even if that remained at least with my former idea you wouldn't have ten minutes of pitcher warm ups in one inning.

soggybagel fucked around with this message at 07:18 on Jul 27, 2014

# ? Jul 27, 2014 07:16

DJExile: Jun 28, 2007

An independent league is experimenting with some ideas to speed baseball up. Short version:

3 pitcher/catcher/manager meetings per game
Pinch runners for catchers
6 warmup pitches instead of 8
Intentional walks automatically awarded
Enforce rules 6.02 and 8.04 (stepping out of the box, pitchers deliver within 12 seconds)
Umpires emphasize controlling pace of play

# ? Jul 27, 2014 14:23

Basil Hayden: Oct 9, 2012; 1921!

Soccer
Problems:

Ponce de Le0n posted:

the amount of money in the game, bad financial regulation, pricing out of lower class fans in the local community, better transportation options for those fans, what to do about FIFA, getting more kids involved etc etc.

Solution:
Those sound a lot like the problems with other pro sports, except for the part about FIFA. Destroy FIFA?

# ? Jul 27, 2014 15:47

wyoak: Feb 14, 2005; a glass case of emotion; Fallen Rib

Every sport except Soccer, NHL Playoff OT, and Baseball, but mostly Football
Problem:
Too many goddamn commercials

Solution:
Plaster ads on more poo poo but less commercials. NFL uniforms looking like NASCAR suits would be OK with me if they'd eliminate all commercials except, say, a short break between quarters and a whole shitload during halftime. Added side benefit of less Terry Bradshaw/Shannon Sharpe/Frank Caliendo/etc.
Baseball has a natural commercial break so it's not really applicable.

Likely real world solution:
The NFL will plaster ads on everything and also add more commercials.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 16:49

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# ? Sep 30, 2023 01:37

PupsOfWar: Dec 6, 2013

oldskool posted:

NFL
Problem: Game destroys those who play, but owners want more games per year.

I like the "go ahead and expand the season, but limit each player to 16 games per regular season" idea that comes up on talk radio/in drunken sports-bar conversations.

Makes "Who do I play and when?" an additional strategic dimension for coaches to consider, like it is in MLB.

It would be fun watching some coach try and figure out when he can get away with starting Curtis Painter or whoever at quarterback.

# ? Jul 27, 2014 17:32

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