Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«5 »
  • Locked thread
http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...8#post432798272

SALT CURES HAM posted:

So it's my second full day of visiting SALT CURES VAG and she's already tired of my bullshit whoopee

e: also waking up the day after your birthday to find that your SO hosed another dude while you were passed out drunk is not a good feeling

like tbf we are poly but one of the boundaries we set was "no bringing people home to gently caress them unless it's both of us" plus it was literally my goddamn birthday

SALT CURES HAM posted:

slice of life: I have been locked in this house for a day and a half, there's ghetto bars on the doors and windows so i physically cannot leave without the key. gently caress this gay earth.


This adventure started with a mission to escape his toxic parents who paid $8000 to bail him out of jail: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=3653167

Daikatana Ritsu fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2014 around 17:00


Daikatana Ritsu

ADBOT LOVES YOU
Adbot
you got the order wrong, he escaped his toxic parents to move in with the girl who threw him out after 3 days, now he's smoking blunts with gangstas on the mean streets of nola and uhh, posting on forums i guess


I WILL MEDITATE AND THEN DESTROY YOU

Jeffrey of YOSPOS
reposting

SALT CURES HAM posted:

I just watched a documentary about children being used as suicide bombers.

Death scares the gently caress out of me.

Thank god for antidepressants.

SALT CURES HAM posted:

Jesus, GBS is bad.

Like, I know that's like saying water makes you wet, but god drat. When I left for a while everyone was being pretty chill but now it's just the occasional decent photoshop thread and "hurr hurr fag tranny lol"

SALT CURES HAM posted:



Honestly I don't even have any issues with vagina blood (speaking from way too much personal experience) and that still made me a little queasy.

e: On an unrelated note, why the gently caress do cops like Taco Bell so much around here? Tonight is like, the tenth time I've decided to randomly go into Taco Bell to get food and witnessed a pig convention going on.


James Hardon
i think i speak for many here: Lol.


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

The epic cures meme strikes again. ..



Scrub-Niggurath
it's extremely hosed up that his parents don't trust him just because he makes decisions that land him in jail



adult black male
How would you feel about a polyga-Messatsu *girlfriend glides gracefully on one foot directly into the bedroom to gently caress another man before he can finish his sentence*


Triticum Guzzler

I Have Sigs Off

Jeffrey posted:

you got the order wrong, he escaped his toxic parents to move in with the girl who threw him out after 3 days, now he's smoking blunts with gangstas on the mean streets of nola and uhh, posting on forums i guess

fixed & lol that's even funnier


Daikatana Ritsu

Jeffrey posted:

you got the order wrong, he escaped his toxic parents to move in with the girl who threw him out after 3 days, now he's smoking blunts with gangstas on the mean streets of nola and uhh, posting on forums i guess

whoa

SALT CURES HAM posted:

SCV apparently went somewhere and got drunk and is currently trying to figure out how to get home and let me out. Freedom is looming.

Yay for mutual friends whose heads aren't lodged up their asses who can yell at people over facebook for you.

SALT CURES HAM posted:

The SCH saga has ended because I'm a colossal loving idiot and acted clingy to her so now I'm waiting in a greyhound station overnight and got threatened with violence by her cousin's husband.

Rageaholic, impromptu goonmeet? I want to try and salvage this trip.

SALT CURES HAM posted:

I was upset and worried because of the sex with other dude/impromtu loving off thing and I tried to call her a shitload of times and said some really dumb angry poo poo over text. That was clingy and was my fault and etc.


Guess where this lollipop's going?
ButtPoopPoopyyGoku3

SALT CURES HAM posted:

The angry texting had nothing to do with her locking me in and everything to do with me being scared shitless that she was breaking up with me because I threw out a lot of my life plans to be with her and didn't really have a backup plan.

e: Smoked a blunt with a stereotypical gangsta named Mario after recounting my tale. This trip is now a little salvaged.


I WILL MEDITATE AND THEN DESTROY YOU

Jeffrey of YOSPOS

SALT CURES HAM posted:

So the relationship I just dove headfirst into is with an agendered furry tumblr person who calls me "daddy" (They're a year older than me ) and went on a date with another non-binary person behind my back after telling me about them and assuring me that they were strictly platonic (also they've strongly hinted that they kind of resent me for being a cis and mostly heterosexual dude so I'm probably about to get dumped in favor of this person)

There are enough red flags here for a loving Olympic slalom

thank loving christ I didn't move near them yet

SALT CURES HAM posted:

Aaaaand I asked them and it turns out I completely misread the situation and I was being a paranoid rear end in a top hat.

I'm... not really sure how to handle this. Still leaning towards running but apparently I'm genuinely the rear end in a top hat here.

SALT CURES HAM posted:

I can tell that there's really no way this is gonna end without me making a complete fool of myself.

e: No, the "date" they went on with the other enby person wasn't actually a date. They use the word "date" to describe any 1-on-1 hangouts, which is a thing I already knew (I should reiterate that I've known this person fairly well for roughly two years) but for some reason I had a brainfart this time and acted like a jackass. I went at them and they reiterated this then apologized a poo poo-ton, called me to apologize some more and plead with me to not get pissed at them over it, and then apologized some more after I told them I was sorry for being a paranoid rear end.


James Hardon
me and my gf are Poly meaning we like to pretend we arent fags who only like to gently caress one person at a time, so then we gently caress other people and hate each other because of it


manyak

SALT CURES HAM posted:

For what it's worth I actually am a high-functioning autistic person and if there was a cure for autism created, I would absolutely embrace it. Autism is absolutely a disorder and has inarguably negatively affected my quality of life, and if you're not autistic yourself and you're going to spout some indigo-child bullshit about how I'm "just wired differently" I'd strongly prefer that you go gently caress yourself.

e: also the "b-b-b-but it would make them DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!" thing is ridiculous. I'm on Wellbutrin because I also have major depression and PTSD on top of being autistic. When I take my meds, I am still the same person, I'm just capable of doing things other than laying in bed 24/7 and contemplating suicide. I really don't see how a cure for autism would be any different.


small hendren

i threw out my life plans like getting a playstation 4 and drinking blue raspberry slushies for the rest of my life


Daikatana Ritsu

Triticum Guzzler posted:

How would you feel about a polyga-Messatsu *girlfriend glides gracefully on one foot directly into the bedroom to gently caress another man before he can finish his sentence*


by Nyc_Tattoo

Black Baby Goku

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

this guy seems well adjusted and normal



420...69...9001...

Carrier

i'm sorry babe, i didn't mean to be all ery at you like that, it wasn't fair.


Daikatana Ritsu

i was going to say its always the social justice internet people who have zero self control in all their IRL affairs and its probably because they convinced themselves that its good + positive to have anxiety disorders etc, and that they have those disorders. and unsurprisingly as i hit the reply button a new post appeared and the guy has autism + PTSD + depression


Guess where this lollipop's going?
ButtPoopPoopyyGoku3

Daikatana Ritsu posted:

i threw out my life plans like getting a playstation 4 and drinking blue raspberry slushies for the rest of my life

i'm still right on track


No one here is alone,
satellites in every home

The Milkman
we need to remove the stigma of mental illness, by all having it.


Guess where this lollipop's going?
ButtPoopPoopyyGoku3

SALT CURES HAM posted:

I literally loving deserve death I am an unbelievably lovely person and burn every god drat bridge I possibly can

a tiny bit of self awareness, like the last spasm of a dying fish


Wearing a bandana to hold in my big brain.
ddinkins
reminder that most of these posts come from the cinema discusso chat thread


Daikatana Ritsu

gang, looks like my androgynous fur-lump diaper baby of an SO has used their ability to calmly express human emotions to really make a of another sleepover in a dead relative's haunted house. Looks like I really Sslt Cures Ham'd this one up again.


yeah actually they will

Mods please rename me Stereotypical Gangsta Mario



Scrub-Niggurath
Also this is a lot to take in at once



Scrub-Niggurath
my transpolyagendered poc overweight bae: i hosed another person and it's your fault for being mostly cis-hetero

me: sorry didn't mean to fly off the handle there


James Hardon
Genderless Blob SO w/Jack Skellington Hoodie: Yeah I went on a date with Brendyn, I thought we discussed this already.
SALT CURES HAM!!!!!!!!!!: Eh, yeah you're right. Sorry for the . You can lock me inside the house now if you want. I won't be able to get out either because I'm retarded.


Daikatana Ritsu

i honestly cant understand why this guys parents were on his case



Chilled Cactus

Daikatana Ritsu posted:

i threw out my life plans like getting a playstation 4 and drinking blue raspberry slushies for the rest of my life

Those are good plans.






Wootiebabeh


code:
$$\                               $$\                           $$\                           $$\             $$\ $$\ $$\                       $$\                               $$\           $$\       
$$ |                              \__|                          $$ |                          $$ |            $$ |\__|$$ |                      \__|                              \__|          $$ |      
$$ | $$$$$$\   $$$$$$\  $$$$$$$\  $$\ $$$$$$$\   $$$$$$\        $$$$$$$\   $$$$$$\   $$$$$$$\ $$ |  $$\       $$ |$$\ $$ |  $$\  $$$$$$\        $$\ $$$$$$\$$$$\         $$$$$$\  $$\  $$$$$$$\ $$$$$$$\  
$$ |$$  __$$\  \____$$\ $$  __$$\ $$ |$$  __$$\ $$  __$$\       $$  __$$\  \____$$\ $$  _____|$$ | $$  |      $$ |$$ |$$ | $$  |$$  __$$\       $$ |$$  _$$  _$$\       $$  __$$\ $$ |$$  _____|$$  __$$\ 
$$ |$$$$$$$$ | $$$$$$$ |$$ |  $$ |$$ |$$ |  $$ |$$ /  $$ |      $$ |  $$ | $$$$$$$ |$$ /      $$$$$$  /       $$ |$$ |$$$$$$  / $$$$$$$$ |      $$ |$$ / $$ / $$ |      $$ |  \__|$$ |$$ /      $$ |  $$ |
$$ |$$   ____|$$  __$$ |$$ |  $$ |$$ |$$ |  $$ |$$ |  $$ |      $$ |  $$ |$$  __$$ |$$ |      $$  _$$<        $$ |$$ |$$  _$$<  $$   ____|      $$ |$$ | $$ | $$ |      $$ |      $$ |$$ |      $$ |  $$ |
$$ |\$$$$$$$\ \$$$$$$$ |$$ |  $$ |$$ |$$ |  $$ |\$$$$$$$ |      $$$$$$$  |\$$$$$$$ |\$$$$$$$\ $$ | \$$\       $$ |$$ |$$ | \$$\ \$$$$$$$\       $$ |$$ | $$ | $$ |      $$ |      $$ |\$$$$$$$\ $$ |  $$ |
\__| \_______| \_______|\__|  \__|\__|\__|  \__| \____$$ |      \_______/  \_______| \_______|\__|  \__|      \__|\__|\__|  \__| \_______|      \__|\__| \__| \__|      \__|      \__| \_______|\__|  \__|
                                                $$\   $$ |                                                                                                                                                
                                                \$$$$$$  |                                                                                                                                                
                                                 \______/                                                                                                                                                 

lol i just realized this is the guy i trolled in the cined elysium thread by responding to all his posts with "the cures meme" until he stopped posting in it


James Hardon
how the hell do you get locked inside a house


by Nyc_Tattoo

Black Baby Goku

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Triticum Guzzler posted:

How would you feel about a polyga-Messatsu *girlfriend glides gracefully on one foot directly into the bedroom to gently caress another man before he can finish his sentence*


No one here is alone,
satellites in every home

The Milkman
gently caress, Salt Cures Vag took the key to the doggy gate with her to work. Once again I'm stuck in the guest bedroom until she's back from loving other guys



Scrub-Niggurath

James Hardon posted:

lol i just realized this is the guy i trolled in the cined elysium thread by responding to all his posts with "the cures meme" until he stopped posting in it

haha


Wearing a bandana to hold in my big brain.
ddinkins

James Hardon posted:

lol i just realized this is the guy i trolled in the cined elysium thread by responding to all his posts with "the cures meme" until he stopped posting in it

lol


Daikatana Ritsu

can a mod move that thread to e/n so i can count his sobbing on my bingo card


Dendy!, Dendy!, We love Dendy! Dendy - Everyone plays it!

dendy crew



(✿๑╹ω╹๑)(✿๑╹ω╹๑)(✿๑╹ω╹๑)(✿๑-ω-๑)(✿๑╹ω╹๑)~★ wrong play bad boyz kick ya rear end.. 凸[◣_◢]凸 PRAY FOR TWISTY 凸[◣_◢]凸

koos group.mp3

Daikatana Ritsu posted:

Genderless Blob SO w/Jack Skellington Hoodie: Yeah I went on a date with Brendyn, I thought we discussed this already.
SALT CURES HAM!!!!!!!!!!: Eh, yeah you're right. Sorry for the . You can lock me inside the house now if you want. I won't be able to get out either because I'm retarded.


Guess where this lollipop's going?
ButtPoopPoopyyGoku3

no they will not posted:

gang, looks like my androgynous fur-lump diaper baby of an SO has used their ability to calmly express human emotions to really make a of another sleepover in a dead relative's haunted house. Looks like I really Sslt Cures Ham'd this one up again.




Koos Goop


Thanks to Crap and g0m.

movie guy: I actually caught lucy the other day and I liked it a lot more than I thought I would, I'd be interested in hearing what the rest of the cinegoons think though.
salt cures ham: Enough of such trivial matters - my name is salt cures ham, and this is my significant other, the minnie mouse-style genderless version of salt cures ham. Gather round while I tell you a tale of romance, betrayal, and redemption - one with an ending that could shock you to your very core.


yeah actually they will

ADBOT LOVES YOU
Adbot

Daikatana Ritsu posted:

Genderless Blob SO w/Jack Skellington Hoodie: Yeah I went on a date with Brendyn, I thought we discussed this already.
SALT CURES HAM!!!!!!!!!!: Eh, yeah you're right. Sorry for the . You can lock me inside the house now if you want. I won't be able to get out either because I'm retarded.


Lope burgs again

Surprisingly Dope


thanks to catdynamtie




  • Locked thread
«5 »