Skyrim's Dawnguard is a huge piece of shit trash

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Imp Zone > Skyrim's Dawnguard is a huge piece of shit trash

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

Buschmaki posted:

What's up, Imp Zone? Normally I try to stay calm and collected but I can't right now because I am loving livid. I just finished playing through Dawnguard, which has to be one of the biggest DLC scams Bethesda has pulled off since horse armor. I'm so furious that I'm going to go into a bunch of detail about why Dawnguard is loving poo poo.

What playing as a vampire is like.

The Story of Dawnguard, AKA A bunch of asinine bullshit
I load up Dawnguard thinking I'm going to have a bunch of cool Vampire adventures, but it was all a lie. First of all, being a vampire makes everyone hostile to you, even the other loving vampires. This is just the first in a long list of mistakes Dawnguard makes. Both of the questlines seem to be loving identical, which is just really lazy. So, I rushed through Dawnguard cause the Vampire's head cheese says that the Elder Scrolls will give him a way to block out the sun or some poo poo. What he really means is that you'll have to spend loving hours searching through caves to find the most mundane poo poo possible, like some bark knife so you can get some bark so moths will follow you. After these stirring adventures, you're sent off to find Akatosh's bow, which surprise surprise, is in the middle of another gigantic loving cave system. After going through miles of bland, uninspired caves you come across this Snow Elf vampire dude. This guy then tries to kill you and take your companion to get back at Akatosh somehow (???) It's then revealed that he made the whole prophecy up, a prophecy that's described on 3 seperate Elder Scrolls. I have no idea how the gently caress this even makes sense, but okay. Then you go back to your vampire castle and murder your boss and the story ends. The Sun is still in the sky, which if you're a vampire adds a lovely low-effort visual effect that makes gameplay impossible. Nothing else in the gameworld changes, and everyone will still attack you one sight if you go without feeding every 5 minutes. Please, imp zoners, do not buy or play the Dawguard expansion for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim.

TL:DR
Please, imp zoners, do not buy or play the Dawguard expansion for the Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. It made me feel a bunch of emotions, primarily disappointment and rage.

i see what you did there

# ¿ Jul 29, 2014 23:44

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 22:21

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

dawn guard is a helpful demonstration that big nonlinear dungeons that the morrowind fans clamoured for arent fun and are in fact, gay

# ¿ Jul 29, 2014 23:59

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

hurr lets run backwards and forwards along some bullshit coridors like its the early 90s
lets wander around and frolic in an empty purple shithole

# ¿ Jul 30, 2014 00:00

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

the crossbow was cool what wasnt cool was you couldnt shoot that whining slut vampire with it
like im a vampire hunter why cant i hunt the worst vampire ever. shes stsnding right there complainging about the weather.

i liked the robot summon rod also

# ¿ Jul 30, 2014 00:03

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

one thing i never did in skyrim was to try to get all morrowind native and walk around in bonemold armour the whole game and suchlike

my one skyrim dark elf was pretty un-dark elf-like because i wasn't hip to all the morrowind lore at the time

# ¿ Jul 30, 2014 11:12

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

LaTex Fetish posted:

which Skyrim is the one that goes to Morrowind and does that redeem it?

dragonborn
you go to the island that was like a mini skyrim in morrowind and now it's a mini morrowind in skyrim

# ¿ Jul 30, 2014 13:29

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

Nasgate posted:

Are you talking about the maze you find in a book, that is a linear maze with magic based puzzles that gives you staves in case you don't do magic?
Because that's the epitome of Bethesda baby quests.

The actual best quests were the few quests for the divines. Like the Kynaareth one were you go around hunting spirit animals. Especially since there's always a dragon flying around that dude's shack.

that mission just makes me feel guilty now because i killed the guy with the ebony blade after going to the considerable trouble of finding all those spirit animals, just so he'd like me. he thought he'd found a true kindred spirit but instead he found a psychopath

# ¿ Jul 31, 2014 17:14

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

mephala is the best daedric prince

# ¿ Jul 31, 2014 17:15

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

a lot of the perks in skyrim were broken as poo poo especially the ones at endgame level. the top perk for heavy armour does almost nothing at all (it returns about 11hp of damage max, 10% of the time) the top enchanting perk breaks the gently caress out of the game by making your weapons 1 hit kill everything, high level restoration spells are useless, the top level weapon moves suck rear end, all critical damage gets insignificantly weak once you're past level 15 or so, basically it's all broken

Abandon fucked around with this message at 21:15 on Jul 31, 2014

# ¿ Jul 31, 2014 21:13

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 22:21

Abandon: Nov 23, 2006

the one good thing about the thieves guild was the funky armour

i was disappointed when i finally got the guildmaster's armour because it doesn't look as good

# ¿ Jul 31, 2014 21:57

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > Imp Zone > Skyrim's Dawnguard is a huge piece of shit trash