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Bjay9
May 3, 2011

Kid, touch is for video games and gynecologists

Frackie Robinson posted:

>Play Russian Roulette with Antonio McDyess, Hank Blalock, Elvis Grbac, and Bronson Arroyo

This isn't even a question.

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Stiev Awt
Mar 20, 2007


No turning back now.

Xtanstic
Nov 22, 2007



This is not even a choice. Roulette!

Tavarin
May 10, 2003

I am definitely a madman with a box


Yeah he totally needs to play.

CBJSprague24
Dec 5, 2010

another game at nationwide arena. everybody keeps asking me if they can fuck the cannon. buddy, they don't even let me fuck it



Who wants to bet I can't do that A SIXTH TIME?!?

Roulette.

Alfred P. Pseudonym
May 29, 2006

And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8



Russian Roulette and it's not close

FairGame
Jul 24, 2001


big boi
Jun 11, 2007



Roulette

Politicalrancor
Jan 29, 2008



Mau! Di Di Mau!

Jackie D
May 27, 2009

Democracy is like a tambourine - not everyone can be trusted with it.




Token vote for returning to family

(play the game)

spamman
Jul 10, 2002

Chin up Tiger, There is always next season...

Family! Won't somebody think of the sports children??!?

Uterine Lineup
Mar 26, 2005

IMA
  1. GRIP
  2. N
  3. SIP


Roulette! Reunite Sports Guy with his dead dog.

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

In the end, it really was a no-brainer. Jalen was right- there was another 800 pages of material waiting for me behind that door. There was no way I was leaving that on the table. “Let’s do this,” I told men at the table, or the voice on the intercom, or whoever was in charge around here.

Wordlessly, Blalock picked up the pistol. I don’t know much about guns, I just know it looked like one of those big cowboy six-shooters. He placed a single bullet in one of the chambers, then spun around the wheely chamber thing and put it back in place. Without a flinch, a blink, nothing, he put the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

-Click-

He passed the gun to McDyess.

“What the hell are you guys getting out of this? Are you trying to get in too?”

A voice crinkled over the loudspeaker once again-

”These have been weighed, and found lacking. All have achievements of note, but each in their own way have fallen short of greatness. Now they are but chaff for those who come after them to prove their mettle.”

“But what’s keeping them here, why do they keep risking everything if they can never get in?”

”Gotta get them paychecks.”

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

McDyess placed the gun against his temple.

-Click-

He handed it to Grbac indifferently.

-Click

Grbac handed it Bronson Arroyo.

“Wait, aren’t you still playing?”

”He’s done, whether he knows it or not. But if you’d like him to skip his turn, you’re more than welcome.”

It was a strange feeling, praying for a player that meant so much to me to blow his brains out. Sure, he wasn’t a vital part of that 2004 Sox team, but still- the cornrows, the lovely music, the play where A-Rod interfered with him- all of those were threads in the rich fabric of that team, that season.

-Click-

poo poo. I didn’t need Nate Silver to tell me the odds were against me.

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

Arroyo placed the gun in front of me on the table. For a second, I thought I almost caught a trace of pity in his eye. Then it was gone. I picked the gun up. It felt surprisingly light. The muzzle felt cold against my temple as I pulled back the hammer.

I hesitated. Should I put it against my temple, or under my chin, or in my mouth? It seems like the temple always did the tricks in movies (wasn’t that how Robert Sean Leonard did it in Dead Poet’s Society?), but you always have to take that with a grain of salt. Could I trust these guys to finish the job if I blew out the front of my brain, but not the part that does the heart pumping and breathing and all that? Surely Jalen wouldn’t let them leave me a vegetable or retarded.

I’d had a good run. Gone from bartender to media impresario in the span of 15 years or so. No regrets. I pulled the trigger.

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend

-Click-

I exhaled. The gun clattered to the table in front of me.

"There," I addressed the voice on the loudspeaker. "Are we done now?"

"The doors to the third circle cannot be opened to newcomers without bloodshed. You must spin again, or you will not come in."

"I'm not an expert, but I don't recall this being how Russian Roulette works."

There was no answer from the loudspeaker.

For the first time, Arroyo spoke. "We typically reverse the order if there's a round 2."

I spun the cylinder. Had Nate Silver been around, maybe he could have told me the odds, given me a few tips, pointed out a few market inefficiencies, something like that. It didn't seem like a good time to make a call though, so I placed the muzzle under my chin. Then against my temple, because that worked last time and it didn't seem like a good idea to change what worked. If that makes me Grady Little, then so be it. Sports Gal, Sports Kids, I'm sorry.

I pulled the trigger.

As you may have guessed, it didn't go off.

I handed the gun to Bronson Arroyo, and he shot himself in the temple and died.

"Bill Simmons, you may enter the third circle. Please take a token appreciation for your patience."

McDyess plucked the World Series ring from Arroyo's hand and offered it to me. I was too stunned to do anything but take it from him, dumbstruck. The door to the next room opened. Blinded by the flood of light, I staggered forward.

Jalen greeted me.

"Welcome to the party."

>Shout at Jalen for leading you into this ordeal
>Hug Jalen

General Dog
Apr 26, 2008

Everybody's working for the weekend


1977-2014

spamman
Jul 10, 2002

Chin up Tiger, There is always next season...

Hug Jalen

Deathlove
Feb 20, 2003



Pillbug

Frackie Robinson posted:

>Shout at Jalen for leading you into this ordeal

Kibner
Oct 21, 2008

#1 Pelican Fan


BS seems like the type of guy to Shout It All Out.

tadashi
Feb 20, 2006



Shout at that guy

Alfred P. Pseudonym
May 29, 2006

And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss goes 8-8



Hug it out bitch like Entourage

IcePhoenix
Sep 18, 2005

Take me to your Shida



Bill Simmons seems like the kind of guy who would hug it out while weeping uncontrollably after something like that.

Bjay9
May 3, 2011

Kid, touch is for video games and gynecologists

IcePhoenix posted:

Bill Simmons seems like the kind of guy who would hug it out while weeping uncontrollably after something like that.

Bob Shabazz
Oct 21, 2008

At 12:17 a.m. MU police spotted Mauk, 19, run a stop sign while driving his scooter east on Kentucky Boulevard - with two female passengers on board.

Definitely hug it out.

Tavarin
May 10, 2003

I am definitely a madman with a box


IcePhoenix posted:

Bill Simmons seems like the kind of guy who would hug it out while weeping uncontrollably after something like that.

Yeah he looks up to Jalen too much to yell at him.

Hug it out!

Xtanstic
Nov 22, 2007



IcePhoenix posted:

Bill Simmons seems like the kind of guy who would hug it out while weeping uncontrollably after something like that.

I agree with this

the culminator
Oct 29, 2012


give him a nice big hug please


Sponsored by stamps.com

the culminator fucked around with this message at 21:34 on Aug 21, 2014

CBJSprague24
Dec 5, 2010

another game at nationwide arena. everybody keeps asking me if they can fuck the cannon. buddy, they don't even let me fuck it



Yell at that rear end in a top hat for your near-death experience regardless of whether or not you decided to play willingly.

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OrangeKing
Dec 4, 2002

They do play in October!


Hug it out!

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