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Smoking Crow
Feb 13, 2012

*laughs at u*


Hello, and welcome to a thread for bad matches. Please only post bad matches in this thread, it doesn't matter the sport/entertainment. I will start.

Sharmell vs. Jenna Morasca (Victory Road '09)
The infamous MINUS FIVE STARS match from Bryan and Vinny. Imagine what has to go into a great wrestling match. Good storylines. Good ring psychology. Good wrestling. Now imagine if you decided to say gently caress it and do the opposite.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwHTcBdwvVU

Gary Goodridge vs. Pedro Otavio (International Vale Tudo Championship 1)
This is an MMA fight where Gary Goodridge decides to put his foot on Pedro's balls and grab them so he will stop punching him. This is a thing that happened.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuD7dGLjuNg

Smoking Crow fucked around with this message at Aug 22, 2014 around 20:02

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Del Raminos
Feb 13, 2012



The infamous FMW fire deathmatch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH6BJB_3v14

TheWorstAmy
Nov 27, 2009

I'm a stupid Twitch streamer

For me, it's pretty much any UFC or boxing match where one guy acts like a wusshammer the entire time. There was one UFC match with a Silva where his opponent was just doing everything he could to avoid the fight for five whole rounds, I wanna say it was Thales Leites v. Anderson in UFC 97.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uSKYcxj8oM

And here was this little nugget I found one day while I was bored. I was looking for compilations of Mike Tyson KOs, and some jackass had one that started with twenty minute coverage of this fight that had no knockout with wusshammer James Tillis, who spent several rounds throwing two punches and then clinching Tyson so he couldn't do anything.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVGyjvulVcs

Spermgod
Jan 8, 2012

pink wasn't even a thing why is t#RXT REVOLUTION~!
and i'm so fucking excited for #SCOOPS#SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS #SCOOPS#SCOOPS

he knows..



well i guess this was pretty terrible if you were expecting a match but as a spectacle (which is ultimately what all wrestling and especially FMW is) it ruled.

Del Raminos
Feb 13, 2012



Spermgod posted:

well i guess this was pretty terrible if you were expecting a match but as a spectacle (which is ultimately what all wrestling and especially FMW is) it ruled.

Oh, I agree. If I wanted to link to something lovely and also not worth watching I would've gone with Chono-Rude or a backyard wrestling tuxedo match.

Solomonic
Jan 3, 2008

INCIPIT SANTA


Necro Butcher got screwed out of winning Tournament of Death 3 due to some bizarre circumstances involving arterial spray and inexplicable last-minute booking decisions, so he was pretty much a lock to win the next year's tournament. He made it to the finals after several fun brawls and his win came in an elimination three-way against Nick "The Three Thousand Dollar Man" Gage and Zandig. I was really excited because Necro was my favorite wrestler back then and I had high hopes to see him finally win the big one.

My hopes were in vain. The match is bad. It is so bad.

Part of this comes from special referee Gypsy Joe, who is roughly a million years old and wanders aimlessly around the ring wearing a ref shirt and no pants, wondering what year it is. The other part is, of course, the people involved. Necro bumps his rear end off for both guys and does some cool spots (including a three way version of his 'sit down and punch each other' routine), and Gage more or less pulls his weight, but Zandig, having already wrestled twice prior, is blown up by the time he reaches the ring and spends the whole match being dead weight. He shambles around throwing punches in between occasional bursts of energy that allow him to sort of do a power move. The worst part comes just before his elimination - Gage sets up a flaming table on the outside and goes to suplex Zandig through it from the apron, a pretty reasonable spot to eliminate someone from a deathmatch. Two things happen:

1) the table is way, way too close to the apron
2) Zandig is a fat piece of poo poo and can't take the move properly without sandbagging all over the place

The end result of this is that Zandig misses most of the table entirely and Gage lands square in the center of it, heads all the way to the ground, and is engulfed in flames. Security takes something like twenty seconds to get to his side and only after he's taken off his flaming shirt do they bother spraying him with fire extinguishers. Gage is obviously in tremendous pain (if I remember right he had second-degree burns) and cannot go for a cover, meaning Zandig is up first after being suplexed through a flaming table, and also not eliminated. The CZW fans react to Gage's agony at having nearly killed himself for their entertainment by calling him a queer.

So after they've made sure Gage is okay, he remembers Zandig is supposed to be eliminated and rolls him up with a small package on the outside. Gypsy Joe moseys around to get a better view of the pinfall, leans over, and fast-counts a three. Zandig then disagrees and says it was a two count in front of everybody, and Joe changes his mind. Gage wanders off to the side and everybody stares at each other in confusion for a minute, then Necro shows up and improvises by trying to finish off Zandig with a big wind-up punch. Zandig, who was supposed to have been eliminated by now, kicks out, and Necro has to repeat the exact same spot to get him to stay down and be eliminated. The crowd is absolutely bewildered.

It is so bad. I love deathmatches, there were good ones on that show (hell, there was a significantly better Necro deathmatch on that show, and it had Ian Rotten of all people using good psychology), but holy poo poo that match is terrible.

Solomonic fucked around with this message at Aug 21, 2014 around 21:54

Wiccan Wasteland
Oct 15, 2012


Kris Sprules vs Cage Tyler
MOTY 2005 right here folks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LUMuX8MIkk

Del Raminos
Feb 13, 2012



gently caress it. Subzero vs. 3 Jobbers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzvzfS3IhI8

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009



this match is very very bad https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12yefjmqUKY

Endorph
Jul 22, 2009



Fav part is nobody being able to remember Bull Nakano's name.

Fauxhawk Express
Oct 28, 2007

the first world was a mistake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDDBG374xZY

One of the worst segments ever on Raw. Behind "Bark like a dog" and ahead of Shane beating up Legacy by himself.

sportsgenius86
Jun 17, 2008

THE STREAK IS OVER


how many loving TNA threads are we gonna have?

STONE COLD 64
Oct 20, 2006

austin 3:16 says shut up. shut hte fuck up. where is my beer. i need hel

Fauxhawk Express posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDDBG374xZY

One of the worst segments ever on Raw. Behind "Bark like a dog" and ahead of Shane beating up Legacy by himself.

my favorite part was vince knew it was going to die a death to the live crowd, he did this for entirely his own personal entertainment. he then gave ace steel a dev deal after the match

Fauxhawk Express
Oct 28, 2007

the first world was a mistake

John Cena posted:

he did this for entirely his own personal entertainment.

Good thing that that's a rarity.

Justin Godscock
Oct 12, 2004

Listen here, funnyman!

Soiled Meat

Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg w/Stone Cold Steve Austin as Guest Referee - WWE WrestleMania 20
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9D0h8K2feg

A classic one, both men literally working their final match and not giving a poo poo as they spend more time pacing the ring (and locking-up) than doing anything. The smark crowd in MSG verbally tears this match apart. JR tries his best to cover-up by saying the two are pacing like bulls and references Internet rumors (at the time) of Lesnar leaving for NFL when Vince had no idea what the "InterWeb" was.

Julio Cesar Fatass
Jul 24, 2007

"...."


Amy Renee posted:

And here was this little nugget I found one day while I was bored. I was looking for compilations of Mike Tyson KOs, and some jackass had one that started with twenty minute coverage of this fight that had no knockout with wusshammer James Tillis, who spent several rounds throwing two punches and then clinching Tyson so he couldn't do anything.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVGyjvulVcs

You Goddamn philistine

That's a fighter using range and timing to keep his head attached to his body when fighting the most dangerous puncher of his generation.

This is a bad fight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6zR8F48Cm0

Ty1990
Apr 22, 2011



Solomonic posted:

Necro Butcher got screwed out of winning Tournament of Death 3 due to some bizarre circumstances involving arterial spray and inexplicable last-minute booking decisions, so he was pretty much a lock to win the next year's tournament. He made it to the finals after several fun brawls and his win came in an elimination three-way against Nick "The Three Thousand Dollar Man" Gage and Zandig. I was really excited because Necro was my favorite wrestler back then and I had high hopes to see him finally win the big one.

My hopes were in vain. The match is bad. It is so bad.

Part of this comes from special referee Gypsy Joe, who is roughly a million years old and wanders aimlessly around the ring wearing a ref shirt and no pants, wondering what year it is. The other part is, of course, the people involved. Necro bumps his rear end off for both guys and does some cool spots (including a three way version of his 'sit down and punch each other' routine), and Gage more or less pulls his weight, but Zandig, having already wrestled twice prior, is blown up by the time he reaches the ring and spends the whole match being dead weight. He shambles around throwing punches in between occasional bursts of energy that allow him to sort of do a power move. The worst part comes just before his elimination - Gage sets up a flaming table on the outside and goes to suplex Zandig through it from the apron, a pretty reasonable spot to eliminate someone from a deathmatch. Two things happen:

1) the table is way, way too close to the apron
2) Zandig is a fat piece of poo poo and can't take the move properly without sandbagging all over the place

The end result of this is that Zandig misses most of the table entirely and Gage lands square in the center of it, heads all the way to the ground, and is engulfed in flames. Security takes something like twenty seconds to get to his side and only after he's taken off his flaming shirt do they bother spraying him with fire extinguishers. Gage is obviously in tremendous pain (if I remember right he had second-degree burns) and cannot go for a cover, meaning Zandig is up first after being suplexed through a flaming table, and also not eliminated. The CZW fans react to Gage's agony at having nearly killed himself for their entertainment by calling him a queer.

So after they've made sure Gage is okay, he remembers Zandig is supposed to be eliminated and rolls him up with a small package on the outside. Gypsy Joe moseys around to get a better view of the pinfall, leans over, and fast-counts a three. Zandig then disagrees and says it was a two count in front of everybody, and Joe changes his mind. Gage wanders off to the side and everybody stares at each other in confusion for a minute, then Necro shows up and improvises by trying to finish off Zandig with a big wind-up punch. Zandig, who was supposed to have been eliminated by now, kicks out, and Necro has to repeat the exact same spot to get him to stay down and be eliminated. The crowd is absolutely bewildered.

It is so bad. I love deathmatches, there were good ones on that show (hell, there was a significantly better Necro deathmatch on that show, and it had Ian Rotten of all people using good psychology), but holy poo poo that match is terrible.
Why the gently caress would you do this for a couple hundred dollars?

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009



Solomonic posted:

Necro Butcher got screwed out of winning Tournament of Death 3 due to some bizarre circumstances involving arterial spray and inexplicable last-minute booking decisions, so he was pretty much a lock to win the next year's tournament. He made it to the finals after several fun brawls and his win came in an elimination three-way against Nick "The Three Thousand Dollar Man" Gage and Zandig. I was really excited because Necro was my favorite wrestler back then and I had high hopes to see him finally win the big one.

My hopes were in vain. The match is bad. It is so bad.

Part of this comes from special referee Gypsy Joe, who is roughly a million years old and wanders aimlessly around the ring wearing a ref shirt and no pants, wondering what year it is. The other part is, of course, the people involved. Necro bumps his rear end off for both guys and does some cool spots (including a three way version of his 'sit down and punch each other' routine), and Gage more or less pulls his weight, but Zandig, having already wrestled twice prior, is blown up by the time he reaches the ring and spends the whole match being dead weight. He shambles around throwing punches in between occasional bursts of energy that allow him to sort of do a power move. The worst part comes just before his elimination - Gage sets up a flaming table on the outside and goes to suplex Zandig through it from the apron, a pretty reasonable spot to eliminate someone from a deathmatch. Two things happen:

1) the table is way, way too close to the apron
2) Zandig is a fat piece of poo poo and can't take the move properly without sandbagging all over the place

The end result of this is that Zandig misses most of the table entirely and Gage lands square in the center of it, heads all the way to the ground, and is engulfed in flames. Security takes something like twenty seconds to get to his side and only after he's taken off his flaming shirt do they bother spraying him with fire extinguishers. Gage is obviously in tremendous pain (if I remember right he had second-degree burns) and cannot go for a cover, meaning Zandig is up first after being suplexed through a flaming table, and also not eliminated. The CZW fans react to Gage's agony at having nearly killed himself for their entertainment by calling him a queer.

So after they've made sure Gage is okay, he remembers Zandig is supposed to be eliminated and rolls him up with a small package on the outside. Gypsy Joe moseys around to get a better view of the pinfall, leans over, and fast-counts a three. Zandig then disagrees and says it was a two count in front of everybody, and Joe changes his mind. Gage wanders off to the side and everybody stares at each other in confusion for a minute, then Necro shows up and improvises by trying to finish off Zandig with a big wind-up punch. Zandig, who was supposed to have been eliminated by now, kicks out, and Necro has to repeat the exact same spot to get him to stay down and be eliminated. The crowd is absolutely bewildered.

It is so bad. I love deathmatches, there were good ones on that show (hell, there was a significantly better Necro deathmatch on that show, and it had Ian Rotten of all people using good psychology), but holy poo poo that match is terrible.

this match is the greatest thing I've ever seen

Shakenbaker
Nov 14, 2005



Grimey Drawer

Ty1990 posted:

Why the gently caress would you do this for a couple hundred dollars?

Well when you have a huge pot leaf tattoo and child support payments to make...

Fentry
Mar 7, 2003

...yeah


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMo8dZcm6ao

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


To tie in with the movie No Holds Barred, WWF turned the movie into a storyline, dedicating 5-6 months on a Hulk Hogan vs. Zeus feud. Zeus was just an actor with limited wrestling training and even then, his gimmick was that he barely did any selling. He only wrestled three matches in WWF, but he came off looking better than he had any right to. Between the excellent booking, constantly being put in tag matches to hide his flaws, being paired with Randy Savage and having Hogan and Beefcake constantly sell his offense and invincible stature, Zeus did all right for himself.

A few months after leaving WWF, Zeus did a match in WWC against Abdullah the Butcher. There was no strong booking. There was no tag match to keep his limitations under wraps. There was no opponent capable of carrying him while making him look like an Andre-level threat. It was just aimless brawling with garbage being thrown in the ring while the only one excited was a little kid in the front row.

poo poo was baaaad.

C. Everett Koop
Aug 18, 2008

by Smythe


Gavok posted:

Zeus was just an actor

Deebo is not "just an actor" you take that back.

Suben
Jul 1, 2007

In 1985 Dr. Strange makes a rap album.


He was a lot of things. He rose from being a common hood to a movie star and wrestler parlaying that into a successful presidential bid. Post-presidential life hasn't been kind to him however.

bunky
Aug 29, 2004



sportsgenius86 posted:

how many loving TNA threads are we gonna have?

I mean, really.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiA65OUNpIM

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


Suben posted:

He was a lot of things. He rose from being a common hood to a movie star and wrestler parlaying that into a successful presidential bid. Post-presidential life hasn't been kind to him however.

He has a better track record against the Joker than Batman.

MotU
Mar 6, 2007

If you're gonna do it, do it with ~*~Axefaire~*~


Pillbug

Gavok posted:

He has a better track record against the Joker than Batman.

Yeah but so do sleeping pills

Gavok
Oct 10, 2005

Brock! Oh, man, I'm sorry about your...

...tooth?


MotU posted:

Yeah but so do sleeping pills

Did you watch that Abdullah the Butcher match? Same difference.

super macho dude
Aug 9, 2014



Tiger Jeet Singh. Legend. Lunatic. On one hand, he has, imo, the greatest entrance and exit in all of wrestling. He hit fans full force with that loving sword of his every chance he got and the truly lucky ones got brained with a chair. The japanese ate it up. On the other hand, he has three moves: punch you, choke you, stab you, and can't wrestle for poo poo, especially in his later years. His FMW years feuding with Onita produced probably the most boring deathmatch i've ever seen, The Jungle Hell, but most Onita matches are the same formula over and over again anyway.

So searching for Tiger's shittiest matches, I stumbled upon a 2 parter. Part 1 is brilliant if just for Bob Sapp's promo alone.

BOBBU SAPPO is beast of intelligence!
Tiger Jeet is just a beast.

Solomonic
Jan 3, 2008

INCIPIT SANTA


Tiger was also involved (along with Jason the Terrible) in Giant Baba's ill-fated decision to have a multiple-round fight with a martial artist and catch some of that Ali/Inoki hype.

He did not get Ali.

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009



My favorite terrible match is Giant Baba and Andre the Giant vs. The Land of the Giants from 1990's Real World Tag League. Everything about Baba and Andre is incredibly sad because they can barely move but it balances out very nicely with SKYWALKER NITRON (actor Tyler Mane) who is one of the worst wrestlers I have ever seen. His offense consists of yelling and making funny faces. They spend the entire match working over Baba's arm which he does not sell. Somewhere there's footage of another 10 Skywalker Nitron and Blade Butch Masters matches, but I've only ever seen clips

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hazJ0JauIqA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCYj4xrw5O0

oatgan fucked around with this message at Aug 23, 2014 around 14:06

mariooncrack
Dec 27, 2008


Iceman vs Kamakaze from King of the Death Match 1995

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkxKmYxITJo

I think this is a clipped version because I remember the whole thing being a lot worse. They're both green and don't move well at all for a "high-flying" style. They botch a lot of moves and the crowd doesn't give a poo poo. I think I honestly fell asleep during this match.

I think the Tarzan Goto vs Dan Severn match from the same show was almost as bad as well. I don't think anything has held up from this show except maybe the main event and Terry Gordy's promo after his match with Foley.

Paulocaust
Jan 29, 2008

by FactsAreUseless


Deathmatches are garbage and if you like them you are also garbage.


This is incredible.

Eleanor Pwnsevelt
Dec 25, 2003



Warrior vs Hogan II (wcw)

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2...e-warrior_sport

super macho dude
Aug 9, 2014



mariooncrack posted:

I think the Tarzan Goto vs Dan Severn match from the same show was almost as bad as well. I don't think anything has held up from this show except maybe the main event and Terry Gordy's promo after his match with Foley.

It WAS pretty bad, except for the end when Severn decides to shoot on Goto and almost kills him with a rear naked choke.

Valgeta
Aug 21, 2014

by Ralp


http://network.wwe.com/video/v31280129

The Bray Wyatt vs Kane Inferno Match early on in this PPV

Death By Yogurt
Apr 3, 2007

I'm so underground
I'm in another reality.



Oh wow that's the backyard fed from my little redneck hometown. A bunch of people I went to high school with (including Living Dead Girl) wrestle in it. So weird to see one of their matches go viral.


Bash at the Beach 2000 is mainly remembered for Jarrett lying down for Hogan and Russo at his finest, but almost every match on that show was horrible. Daffney vs. Stacy Kiebler in an evening gown match was probably the worst. Evening gown matches are always terrible, but this one was probably the worst. The ref, David Flair, and Kanyon all lose their pants through the course of the match. I'm sure Russo just thought this one was brilliant.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1...00-german_sport

Death By Yogurt fucked around with this message at Aug 23, 2014 around 18:38

Push El Burrito
May 9, 2006


Soiled Meat

Stone Cold and Debra.

sticklefifer
Nov 11, 2003

TOO EASY

I remember an early UFC where Don FryeKen Shamrock and Dan Severn, two really good fighters who were kicking everyone's asses, were hyped into this big match. The match happened, and they lightly paced around each other for literally 15 minutes, barely throwing so much as a strike. I think there were two minor clinches in the whole thing. The referee had to yell at them to get them to fight. I don't know if they were just being extra cautious or if they just decided they could rake in tons of money without an actual fight, but it's the most boring fight I've ever seen.

sticklefifer fucked around with this message at Aug 23, 2014 around 21:22

A Keg
Jan 7, 2014

by Ralp


Clay Guida had this match with Grey Maynard and slam danced for 25 minutes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4k3zf-4QQr8

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Lost Rivell
Jun 4, 2012


I'm having a hard time finding the match proper, but Masa Saito vs. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake from NJPW's 1993 Wrestling Dontaku was probably one of the saddest matches I've ever seen. The match is 8 and a half minutes long, and at least four of them are headlocks. It's... really, really unfortunate. Also, I could've sworn I've heard Saito's entrance music before in car dealership commercials or something, but that's outside the scope of this thread.

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