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Speedball
Apr 15, 2008





An XCOM Let’s Play? What’s this one bring to the table that’s different?

This one will be a narrative Let’s Play, in the vein of GuavaMoment’s classic X-Com and X-Com Apocalypse Let’s Plays. No one's tried to do that yet with THIS game, and it gives me so much to work with!

Sweet! Let me sign up—

Hold your horses. Unlike classic X-Coms, the modern XCOM (note the lack of hyphen) is not meant to be a meatgrinder where you chew through a hundred soldiers. If I’m lucky I’ll lose and use much, much less than that. We’ll be doing things a little bit differently here. I’ll have a few surprises in store that I wouldn’t quite be able to pull off with an entirely-submitted cast of goons. That said, feel free to have submissions to the thread if you like--I love 'em!

What special options will you be using?

It’ll be on Classic Difficulty, because I like a challenge without being kicked in the crotch repeatedly, and the two Second Wave options that slightly randomize soldier’s stats. That’s it. No mods (mods are finicky on my computer regarding XCOM anyway…sorry, no Long War!)

Spoiler Policy

Try not to mention anything that I haven’t already covered in the thread. I’m also going to be tying in The Bureau: XCOM Declassified, and for those of you who played THAT, don’t spoil it either, please. THANKS. That means no spoilers about plot missions, DLC missions or EXALT.

I want more XCOM LPs!
The Definitive XCOM Commanders Guide! by the incomparable Guava Moment and Jade Star!

So: let the adventure of a lifetime begin!

Updates:

Part 1. Good Luck Commander!
Part 2. Alien Hair Dye
Part 3. Something "Outside" Your Experience
Part 4. Four-Star Badass
Part 5. Sergeant-Class and Lower Orientation
Part 6. Murder Street!
Part 7. March Mutation Madness!
Part 8. I Need A Secondary Heart, Because My First One Broke
Part 9. Portent
Part 10. Stupid Nicknames
Part 11. Seekers in the Rain
Part 12. TERROR!
Part 13. Friends in Low Places
Part 14. Interrogation Bonanza!
Part 15. April Mutations And Nightmares
Part 16. Enemy Within!
Part 17. Audience Participation Time
Part 18. Who You Are Under The Mimetic Skin
Part 19. Site Recon, AKA Chryssalid HELL!
Part 20. Confounding Light AKA Awesome Old Man Team-Up
Part 21. GANGPLANK!!! ("You Sunk My Battleship!")
Part 22. Family Ties
Part 23. The Faceplate of the Enemy
Part 24. Alien Base Assault
Part 25. Battle Within The Mind!
Part 26. Alien Base Assault WITH MY MIND!
Part 27. Spoils of War
Part 28. Many New Faces
Part 29. Exalt, ATTACK!
Part 30. Base Under Attack!
Part 31. Base Defense 1
Part 32. Base Defense 2
Part 33. It hurts so bad!
Part 34. Everyone will be Upgraded!
Part 35. Some Dam Mission (Deluge)
Part 36. "France Gets hosed" Week
Part 37. The Path of Zinchenko
Part 38. EARTH-FILTH!!!
Part 39. Fahrenheit-451
Part 40. MIND BULLETS!!!
Part 41. My Hate For You Is Like A Truck (Furies)
Part 42. Chopper Joe strikes!
Part 43. GET PSYCHED
Part 44. The Power of Pink
Part 45. Rookies to the Fore
Part 46. Goodbye, EXALT!
Part 47. No Going Back
Part 48. poo poo Gets Real.
Part 49. The Whole Truth
Part 50. And Nothing But The Truth
Part 51. Calm before the storm
Part 52. Barge of the Damned
Part 53. Humanity's Sunset
Part 54. The Final Terror
Part 55. The Final Upgrades
Part 56. Temple Ship Assault
Part 57. Humanity's Hope...
Part 58. EPILOGUE: Document from Another Dimension

Speedball fucked around with this message at 05:49 on Jan 20, 2016

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Speedball
Apr 15, 2008



Reserved in case

inflatablefish posted:


quote:

I warn you. The world’s best sniper needs no rifle… only a pool cue.

Oh God Zinchenko AN ALIEN GRENADE IS NOT A loving POOL BALL! FIRE IN THE HOLE!

Speedball fucked around with this message at 07:16 on Feb 13, 2015

Speedball
Apr 15, 2008



XCOM Part 1: Good luck, Commander!



Two days ago, there was a “meteor strike” at a suburban town in Germany.



It wasn’t a meteor, though. It was a cluster of these strange mechanical pods. When approached, the pods began emitting green sticky tendrils.



Within seconds, everyone inside the area was trapped in a sticky green cocoon. Everyone in town was trapped this way, alive and preserved, ready for later kidnapping.



Based on video footage at the time, the abductors were not human at all, but aliens.



The Council of Nations activated the XCOM Project, the agreed-upon multinational task force dedicated to combating alien threats. We sent Delta Squad in, the best of the best. They found a lot of dead bodies, and responded to a distress call.

And then you got the initial strike squad all killed with your lousy direction. So much for “the best of the best.”

Hey!



Not to go all Monday-morning Quarterback on you, Bradford, but when you see a creepy guy holding a grenade and a shotgun standing in shadows saying “Heeeelp meeeeeeee” over and over, ya might wanna consider it’s a trap. Seriously. Have you ever seen the movie Predators?

Uh…I don’t see how a nature documentary would have helped. And I got one of the squad out!

Who is now suffering severe mental scarring and won’t stop talking about how he saw the corpse of some other guy blown open from the inside. He’s no good to us.



Councilman, who is this guy?

Your new boss, Bradford.

While your service to the Council of Nations is beyond reproach, Central Officer Bradford, we feel that your…talents…are best applied to administrative duties. The Commander has…experience…that you lack.



I have to take orders from some guy I can’t even see who’s got a hand-drawn facial portrait? *sigh* Fine…



No lip. I’ve been killing aliens longer than you’ve been alive, Bradford.

This isn’t the first time aliens have reached Earth? I wasn’t advised of this.

Consider it your first point of intelligence, Dr. Vahlen. I’ll drip-feed you more information as we get clearance to do so. For now, I’ve got a team to manage. They’re hitting Invasion Site B and I plan on getting ALL of them out of there alive.




OPERATION FLYING HEAT: COMMENCE



Okay, Calon Allen of America, Freida Wright of Germany, Ivan Zinchenko of Russia and Monique Leroy of Canada, you’re up. Fan out and keep your heads down. We know the aliens are only a few meters away from your position.

These “abduction pods” don’t go off a second time, do they? I don’t want to be turned into a green statue like these people! Or if I do I at least want to be in a better pose than “Crawling in terror.”





Intercepted Audo: “KSSSSSSKKSKS!”

poo poo, they’re here! Move up to the cars and use ‘em as cover!



They're casting a spell! Something glowy from one’s head to the other!

What? Magic? There's no such thing as magic. Isn't it some kind of psychic--

BULLSHIT. Psychic powers do not and have never existed and there is no scientific basis for them. Larry Niven just wrote psychics into all his hard SF stories because even he wanted space wizards. Unless you can get a scientist or twelve out here to write a whole bunch of math that I can understand about which of the four fundamental forces of nature account for shooting glowy poo poo out of your head, it's loving magic and aliens are evil sorcerers.

Morons! Argue about this later! Which one do we shoot first?

Always kill the buffer first. ALWAYS. That’s the one giving glowy poo poo to the other one.



Moving in closer… poo poo! Almost took my head off!



I can see three more in the building to the north!

Now eat this, you bastards! Grenade out!



Nice! Killing the buffer killed the buffee! Hey, what’s this glowy orange thing over here?



Try to secure it, if you can. We don’t know much about it except that the aliens program them with self-destruct timers if humans get close. Whatever it is, it’s something aliens don’t want us to have, which means we DO want to have it. Fortunately, it seems the aliens don’t want to lose it, either, there’s a failsafe that shuts off the self-destruct. Three keystrokes and it’s safe.



Bah, we only winged the last one by the cars. This is a terrible shooting angle.

Well, we know they die to grenades pretty good—why stop now?

No, please…their technology is impossible to recover when you blow them up!

Their guns self-destruct on user death anyway, right?

But we can’t pick up the PIECES when you scatter them all over the place!

Just frag ‘em, troops. It’s fine. We’ll get more than enough fragments one way or another.



Say goodnight, sucker!



Can’t see ‘em, but I can see more of that glowy magic stuff coming out of their heads—I’m gonna frag and pray!



Oh, so that’s where you were hiding. Thanks for blowing the wall away, Wright. Now, you die, exposed little naked grey man!



I got the orange stuff! Gah, some of it got on me… and I think there’s more over there! Someone else get it, I don’t want that poo poo on me!



Last one’s down! Okay, I’ll get the other orange thing. Let’s drag all their carcasses into the storage chamber on the Skyranger and call it a day!



Excellent work, everyone! As your reward, I’ll let you pick out what weapons you think you’ll be most suited for…and what color armor you want too. I get really sick of identical-looking soldiers, so I encourage—

SON OF A BITCH!

AAAHHH!

What?



Alien goo turned my hair blue!!! Why wasn’t I using a Hazmat Suit?!



Oh, man…if Mom saw me like this she would never stop laughing.



Fascinating! If this…goo…can do this just from a mild contact with human skin and hair, I need to know what else it can do!



Pfft. Hair. Whatever. For my weapons, I choose the light machine gun and the disposable rocket launcher.

Both, at once? You want a sidearm to go with that, or…?

No need! If I can handle two twin teenage sons, I can handle two big boys like these!



Well, I’m picking the black armor and custom handgun before anyone else calls dibs. …and this sniper rifle too, I guess, but I prefer pistols! I’m the fastest gun in Russia! Haha!

These are the saviors of the human race? *sigh*

To Be Continued!

Speedball fucked around with this message at 17:53 on Jan 20, 2016

Krysmphoenix
Jul 29, 2010

Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.


Well, we're rushing into things really quickly! This seems to be carrying your humorous style from the Big Boss LP, so looking forward.

Night10194
Feb 13, 2012

We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.


Well, hello, Agent Carter. I see you got your fedora back at last.

Or at least, that's my guess as to who angry fedora man is.

Vicevirtuoso
Feb 3, 2014


Checking in.

Never actually played XCOM. I already like how you can customize your individual soldiers just so they can get brutally murdered later.

Kaboom Dragoon
May 7, 2010

The greatest of feasts



I never give my soldiers atrocious paintjobs until they've earned their callsign. That way, I can see who's essential and who isn't by whether or not they stepped off the set of Tron.

MECs always get hideous pink camo though. There is no question about this.

Speedball
Apr 15, 2008



Kaboom Dragoon posted:

I never give my soldiers atrocious paintjobs until they've earned their callsign. That way, I can see who's essential and who isn't by whether or not they stepped off the set of Tron.

MECs always get hideous pink camo though. There is no question about this.

This is reasonable, but for screenshot purposes it'll be easier for readers to keep track of who's who when we start right out the gate with atrocious paintjobs. I'd have had them in the starting mission if you were allowed to customize before it!

NewMars
Mar 10, 2013


As some of you may know, commander Rex Manstrong (Commander is his first name) is leading somewhat involved at a mid-level rank in the fight against the alien menace in space.

...But what if he was fired?

Well then, he'd probably take his daring, bold and unspecifiedly heroic blundering to the next best alien-fighting agency in the solar system. X-com!

So, I submit to you, the hypothetical Rex Manstrong

He's a daring go-getter with a profound inability to experience the world as anything but some kind of weird pulp/star trek hybrid where he is kirk.

Also, he kind of looks like this ----->

(Though he could of course, get plastic surgery.)

Edit: I am aware that this is just a submission for laughs. However, if you do actually accept this man, try to make him an assault or a heavy. and tank him up ridiculously with unsafe alien gene-mods

NewMars fucked around with this message at 06:22 on Aug 25, 2014

Drakenel
Dec 2, 2008

I'll gut you like a cornish game pyjak!


Well now. This is interesting. Like your portrayal of bradford as a hapless unimaginative dork. Nature documentary indeed.

Seraphic Neoman
Jul 19, 2011




Drakenel posted:

Well now. This is interesting. Like your portrayal of bradford as a hapless unimaginative dork. Nature documentary indeed.

I honestly had this characterization of Braford in my head. I knew nothing about this game (or series) when I began playing and I still thought his tutorial mission was loving retarded.

grandalt
Feb 26, 2013

I didn't fight through two wars to rule
I fought for the future of the world

And the right to have hot tea whenever I wanted

Excellent, this is looking good so far. Well, with this new commander, we should wrap these aliens up in time for tea soon enough.

bunnyofdoom
Mar 29, 2008

He wants to come in...




Bwahahahaha. The first mission takes place in my hometown (Well, first mission Bradford isn't cocking up).

Speedball
Apr 15, 2008



bunnyofdoom posted:

Bwahahahaha. The first mission takes place in my hometown (Well, first mission Bradford isn't cocking up).

I'm so sorry! How long did it take to get the green webbing out of your hair?

Michaellaneous
Oct 30, 2013



I feel Bradford deserves better. While you dick around in the base, wasting tax payer dollars on shiny new toys to throw at the enemy, Bradford is in the base and handles all that paperwork and important stuff.

Cut him some slack

chiasaur11
Oct 22, 2012





Michaellaneous posted:

I feel Bradford deserves better. While you dick around in the base, wasting tax payer dollars on shiny new toys to throw at the enemy, Bradford is in the base and handles all that paperwork and important stuff.

I've always thought of Bradford as the Jerry Gary Larry Terry of the XCOM project.

Everyone gives him endless poo poo, and he deserves all of it, but nobody really dislikes him.

RickVoid
Oct 21, 2010


SSNeoman posted:

I honestly had this characterization of Bradford in my head. I knew nothing about this game (or series) when I began playing and I still thought his tutorial mission was loving retarded.

This. It was going just fine until he tells you to approach the guy carrying the grenade. I refused to give the order for a full minute because I knew drat well it was going to get the poor bastard killed.

Bradford and Vahlen are both idiots who deserve all the poo poo they get.

Seriously, bitching about losing out on weapon fragments when we blow up the vastly better equipped aliens on the first frigging mission...

bunnyofdoom
Mar 29, 2008

He wants to come in...




Speedball posted:

I'm so sorry! How long did it take to get the green webbing out of your hair?

Surprisingly, not long. Just needed a couple showers. Now, the real problem was cleaning em off the prop, and outta the flap servos on my plane. Oh, also, for some reason, they took my instructor, so I need to find a new one.

chiasaur11
Oct 22, 2012





RickVoid posted:

This. It was going just fine until he tells you to approach the guy carrying the grenade. I refused to give the order for a full minute because I knew drat well it was going to get the poor bastard killed.

Bradford and Vahlen are both idiots who deserve all the poo poo they get.

Seriously, bitching about losing out on weapon fragments when we blow up the vastly better equipped aliens on the first frigging mission...

Hey, that's not fair.

Bradford is an idiot.

Vahlen just puts almost no value on human life compared to SCIENCE. If when the war ends there's just a million people alive, but she got to blast a sectoid's dong with 5,000,000 volts?

Well, that's a win right there.

Hobo Siege
Apr 24, 2008

by Cowcaster


Not one soldier dies due to negligence.

Negligence in this case being failure to use explosives whenever the opportunity presents itself.

Speedball
Apr 15, 2008



Vahlen is more like, "dude, give me something to work with so I can at least justify my paycheck!" I can't fault her for that too much.

Godna
Feb 4, 2013


Solrick Skaft Reporting for duty if you take requests . (I'm totes expecting a mention as a base personal during the base attack =D)

chiasaur11
Oct 22, 2012





Speedball posted:

Vahlen is more like, "dude, give me something to work with so I can at least justify my paycheck!" I can't fault her for that too much.

And she's so good at what she does.

Admittedly, a lot of what she does is banned under the Geneva convention, but you just don't have the heart to bring that up when she's having so much fun.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.



chiasaur11 posted:

And she's so good at what she does.

Admittedly, a lot of what she does is banned under the Geneva convention, but you just don't have the heart to bring that up when she's having so much fun.

Luckily the aliens never signed the Geneva convention. Or if they did, their infiltrators never sent us proof, and that's good enough for Vahlen.

Senerio
Oct 19, 2009

Ooh! Are we messing with Adora?



This is an XCOM LP, so it is my duty to nominate The Real American himself, the Immortal Hulk Hogan

Tarezax
Sep 12, 2009

MORT cancels dance: interrupted by MORT


In honor of the Guile hairdo, I suggest Rudol von Stroheim of Germany.

If he gets heavily injured in battle, turn him into a MEC

Agent Interrobang
Mar 27, 2010

sugar & spice & psychoactive mushrooms


Tarezax posted:

In honor of the Guile hairdo, I suggest Rudol von Stroheim of Germany.

If he gets heavily injured in battle, turn him into a MEC

: GERMAN SCIENCE IS THE GREATEST IN THE WORLD!

Night10194
Feb 13, 2012

We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.


Tarezax posted:

In honor of the Guile hairdo, I suggest Rudol von Stroheim of Germany.

If he gets heavily injured in battle, turn him into a MEC

This is absolutely something that should be done.

NewMars
Mar 10, 2013


Senerio posted:

This is an XCOM LP, so it is my duty to nominate The Real American himself, the Immortal Hulk Hogan



What's his quote on The Rock fighting aliens up in space?

NHO
Jun 25, 2013



I so imagine new commander looking at "Essential X-Com commander guide" and despairing with... people he is forced to work with.

Thundersword238
Oct 15, 2012



Sweet, ground floor for an XCOM game! If the Civ 5 thread was anything to go by, this will be an amazing trip!

Also I would like to suggest Samus Aran for MEC Trooper, because seriously, why wouldn't you?

Glazius
Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.



Clapping Larry

Well, this is already shaping up to be beautiful.

Brunom1
Sep 4, 2011

Ask me about being the best dad ever.


Tarezax posted:

In honor of the Guile hairdo, I suggest Rudol von Stroheim of Germany.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ihIJ1UZAVk
Do it, do it, do it, do it!


Also, great to see you tackling this one, Speedball. Loved the Civ 5 LP and looking forward to how XCOM goes!

Brunom1 fucked around with this message at 15:24 on Aug 26, 2014

VolticSurge
Jul 23, 2013

Just your friendly neighborhood photobomb raptor.





I hereby nominate Peter Quill, junker who inadvertently gets recruited into the biggest bundle of idiots besides the Nova Corps.

Speedball
Apr 15, 2008



VolticSurge posted:

I hereby nominate Peter Quill, junker who inadvertently gets recruited into the biggest bundle of idiots besides the Nova Corps.

XCOM: just a bunch of a-holes.

Fantastic Alice
Jan 23, 2012







Wait, I thought they were going to be G.I. Joe rejects?

Hunter Noventa
Apr 21, 2010


I enjoyed the Big Boss LP even though I've never played Metal Gear. Having actually played XCOM, this will be even more enjoyable.

chiasaur11
Oct 22, 2012





Speedball posted:

XCOM: just a bunch of a-holes.

But not, I hope, 100% dicks.

Kaboom Dragoon
May 7, 2010

The greatest of feasts



chiasaur11 posted:

But not, I hope, 100% dicks.

Well, I don't think anyone's 100% a dick.

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my dad
Oct 17, 2012

this shall be humorous


Kaboom Dragoon posted:

Well, I don't think anyone's 100% a dick.

Please don't give the good doctor new ideas.

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