itt we're cool professors on the first day of class

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Lawman 0: Aug 17, 2010

Hot Dog Day #82 posted:

*an 80 year old man walks in with overhead slides from 30 years ago* hello class I have tenure and it is literally impossible for me to be fired *opens up an art book and looks at tasteful nudes until next period*

This was actually one of my classes but the professor was chill as hell.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 02:55

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:36

cis white male: Jul 5, 2014; i'm a fag i'm a lesbian

Also I'll be posting videos of the lectures online,

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:05

Kleen_TheRacistDog: Feb 17, 2014; Can't bust the Krust fuckman
www.skullmund.com

Haters Goin Bake posted:

but the hotties get the D. lol.

lol

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:14

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

Now lets talk about cell signalling!

*Slide with "Occupy Receptor" sign held up by protester*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:29

Verisimilidude: Dec 20, 2006; Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges

I'm looking forward to being that dry, boring professor everyone has but doesn't mind once I finish my PhD. Those are always my favorite professors.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:32

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

i'm going to teach you the physics....

of goku

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:35

Helical Nightmares: Apr 30, 2009

*has the speakers blast classic rock ever lecture before he makes an appearance.*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:37

Stairmaster: Jun 8, 2012

Copley Depot posted:

i'm going to teach you the physics....

of goku

do punches atually work if you're not on the ground

i thought they required leverage or some poo poo

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:39

Affe mk2: Mar 9, 2004; Chicks dig giant robots

gently caress trophy 2k14 posted:

do punches atually work if you're not on the ground

i thought they required leverage or some poo poo

the force that lets them fly is enough leverage jfc

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:51

Supreme Allah: Oct 6, 2004; everybody relax, i'm here; Nap Ghost

gently caress trophy 2k14 posted:

do punches atually work if you're not on the ground

i thought they required leverage or some poo poo

Since they can fly they probably apply that force backwardly to leverage against

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:53

naem: May 29, 2011

It is telling that Asian superman's ultimate form is a blonde white guy

# ? Sep 1, 2014 03:58

Yaldabaoth: Oct 9, 2012; by Azathoth

Hello and welcome to class. God is dead, hail Satan!

*burns bible and draws swastika on blackboard*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:01

les fleurs du mall: Jun 30, 2014; by LadyAmbien

*walks in and gives first 25 minutes of lecture*
*25 minutes in, mid-sentence degrades into fresh prince lyrics*
*lights go off, roaring dubstep comes from nowhere, rave lights come on*

*announces "I am gay"*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:03

Horniest Manticore: Nov 23, 2013; Hello, you!; Lipstick Apathy

Yaldabaoth posted:

Hello and welcome to class. God is dead, hail Satan!

*burns bible and draws swastika on blackboard*

and that blackboard was albert einstein

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:05

naem: May 29, 2011

Draws satin on Akbar Einstein

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:10

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

well guys its the last day of rock history class, instead of a lecture me and allison got something special for you

*tranny ta walks up with a bass while professor pulls electric guitar and an amp from behind desk thing*

thats right, lets rock!!

*bald boomer professor and ta go into really bad cover of a cream song*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:15

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

Welcome, this is Intro Programming. All right, we'll be using Python, which has such and such merits.

I seem like I'll be a pretty good professor, but now I will proceed to bring up an XKCD strip with jokes about Python and read it to you, and then explain the jokes.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:16

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

well guys its the last day of rock history class, instead of a lecture me and allison got something special for you

*tranny ta walks up with a bass while professor pulls electric guitar and an amp from behind desk thing*

thats right, lets rock!!

*bald boomer professor and ta go into really bad cover of a cream song*

*cream song peters out, professor pulls out a sitar from behind desk*

did i ever tell you guys I trained in the sitar with ravi shankar in india in the 70s??

*im too stoned for this*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:21

causticBeet: Mar 2, 2010; BIG VINCE COMIN FOR YOU

you were warned posted:

Welcome, this is Intro Programming. All right, we'll be using Python, which has such and such merits.

I seem like I'll be a pretty good professor, but now I will proceed to bring up an XKCD strip with jokes about Python and read it to you, and then explain the jokes.

*Boots up PowerPoint on a dell running Linux with a shortcut to Reddit on the quick bar*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:21

Phlairdon: Apr 15, 2003; If you can't stand up you can't do war!

"Now when I was a student, I could've went into any field I wanted. I only chose art because I wanted a job I could wear sneakers too."

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:22

Frostwerks: Sep 24, 2007; by Lowtax

Supreme Allah posted:

okay okay lets all just settle down class. I want to take a moment to welcome you..

to Jurassic Park.

*slowly unzips pants while humming JP theme*

whaddaya keep in there, king dong?

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:29

you were warned: Jul 12, 2006; (the S is for skeleton)

causticBeet posted:

*Boots up PowerPoint on a dell running Linux with a shortcut to Reddit on the quick bar*

*wears one of those fake tuxedo t-shirts to casual events around campus*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:31

Dr. Quarex: Apr 18, 2003; I'M A BIG DORK WHO POSTS TOO MUCH ABOUT CONVENTIONS LOOK AT THIS

TOVA TOVA TOVA

*plays hip "Gangnam Style" video to explain soft power in international relations*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 04:56

Zippy the Bummer: Dec 14, 2008; Silent Majority
The Don
LORD COMMANDER OF THE UKRAINIAN ARMED FORCES

pixelbaron posted:

*sits in classes and drinks vodka from a plastic bottle while staring at his chalkboard*

ftfy

# ? Sep 1, 2014 05:18

Stairmaster: Jun 8, 2012

naem posted:

It is telling that Asian superman's ultimate form is a blonde white guy

saiyans and nameks are the universes black people

# ? Sep 1, 2014 05:24

Stairmaster: Jun 8, 2012

naem posted:

Hi I'm a surprisingly hot 35 year old blonde woman with pigtails, I'll be cucking my husband with a half dozen of you this semester and then act devastated when he divorces me, garnering sympathy while simultaneously blowing male staff members to help get on a tenure track before my crow's feet etch thenselves any deeper. PS this is how the real world works, that will be $40,000 thanks

this is extremely chill btw

# ? Sep 1, 2014 05:25

America Inc.: Nov 22, 2013; I plan to live forever, of course, but barring that I'd settle for a couple thousand years. Even 500 would be pretty nice.

Today I'm going to show you the power of chemistry!
*Blasts Firestarter by the Prodigy*
*Proceeds to accidentally set self on fire while blasting shards of pyrex unto the front row*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 05:26

ShaqDiesel: Mar 21, 2013

The Professor Brothers - Movie Talk 2: http://youtu.be/zZixyCDJk0U

# ? Sep 1, 2014 05:26

ZombieParts: Jul 18, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT VISITING PROSTITUTES IN CHINA AND FEELING NO SHAME. MY FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY THE (PATHETIC) YODA OF PAYING WOMEN TO TOUCH HIS (AND MY) DICK. THEY WOULDN'T DO IT OTHERWISE.

hey, guys - I don't want to take up all your time. it's the first day of class and i really just want to gloss over this syllabus and then, as far as I'm concerned class is over and we'll start lessons on....Thursday. Ok. *goes over syllabus making everything sound like it's not a big deal. Everyone leaves after only half a class period*

*gets called to VPs office and the department head is there to inform me that I have no authorization to end classes early and that students have paid for a certain amount of class time during which we must teach. I lose $300 on my next paycheck per contract policy*

*suddenly becomes the biggest rear end in a top hat teacher in the school*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 05:29

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

i've got like six relevant anecdotes and i keep forgetting i already shared them

# ? Sep 1, 2014 06:30

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

*Skates in on one of Those squiqly boards wearing a backwards cap and sunglasses*

"Sup fools. You can't spell fundamentals without fun"

# ? Sep 1, 2014 06:36

limeincoke: Jul 3, 2005; Heroes of the Storm
Goon Tournament Champion

ZombieParts posted:

hey, guys - I don't want to take up all your time. it's the first day of class and i really just want to gloss over this syllabus and then, as far as I'm concerned class is over and we'll start lessons on....Thursday. Ok. *goes over syllabus making everything sound like it's not a big deal. Everyone leaves after only half a class period*

*gets called to VPs office and the department head is there to inform me that I have no authorization to end classes early and that students have paid for a certain amount of class time during which we must teach. I lose $300 on my next paycheck per contract policy*

*suddenly becomes the biggest rear end in a top hat teacher in the school*

Does this happen? Cause I don't think I had a single first day of class actually go the whole duration my entire 4 years of school.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 07:09

Corridor: Oct 19, 2006

naem posted:

Hi I'm a surprisingly hot 35 year old blonde woman with pigtails, I'll be cucking my husband with a half dozen of you this semester and then act devastated when he divorces me, garnering sympathy while simultaneously blowing male staff members to help get on a tenure track before my crow's feet etch thenselves any deeper. PS this is how the real world works, that will be $40,000 thanks

this was strangely specific, is there something u want to share?

# ? Sep 1, 2014 07:12

les fleurs du mall: Jun 30, 2014; by LadyAmbien

Corridor posted:

this was strangely specific, is there something u want to share?

I thought the same but i figured it's just their own divorce story and left it at that. Enjoy the rabbit hole though

# ? Sep 1, 2014 07:13

Doctor Dogballs: Apr 1, 2007; driving the fuck truck from hand land to pound town without stopping at suction station

Concerned Citizen posted:

*drops chalk on floor* *bends over to pick it up* *waves butt at crowd* *lets loose a massive fart* *shits everywhere* *poo poo is labeled 'this thread'*

# ? Sep 1, 2014 07:28