Stargate posted:

A few days ago, I was trawling google for that quote that was about someone looking to lose their virginity in some way and the very first response was 'your mom sounds pretty cool op'. I didn't find that unfortunately, but I did find some post on some other website where some guy had posted his entire archive of goon quotes.

Say Nothing posted:

Stultus Maximus posted:

What is that actually supposed to be?

GAINING WEIGHT... posted:

Your mom's

Angela Christine posted:

Cotton for pete's sake. Everything wants to kill us. It's like waking up and realizing you live in Australia.

Machai posted:

Sappo569 posted:

I lust for Kanye West death

Bloody Hedgehog posted:

Why? He'll just be back in 3 days.

Chris Awful posted:

Pretty sure Amish are not OSHA compliant.

Slugworth posted:

Dude. They should just get some nails. I know they have a great work ethic, but I bet after the first week, one of those guys is gonna stop holding his part together.

Chamale posted:

I gotta admit, to this day when I have to remember what grade I was in for a given year, I start at "9/11 happened in grade 3" then work my way up.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

Christ almighty, I was in grade 9.

syscall girl posted:

Aaron Burr posted:

Because the Republican party is full of rich dudes named "Fred" and whenever anybody mentions 'gay rights' the Freds think back to that spring afternoon in the Choate locker room when the freshman with the floppy hair and the blue eyes slipped a hand under the Freds' towel and gave the Freds a little smirk and said "just relax" and for just one minute everything was glorious and after that the Freds went on to jobs they hated and wives, ditto, and after twenty years they saw in the paper where the blue-eyed freshman was an ACLU attorney dying of AIDS who became free in all the ways the Freds couldn't and nothing, nothing, nothing pisses the Freds off like reminding them of that beautiful spring day at Choate.

RandomFerret posted:

No, Moslems don't believe that Jesus was the messiah.

Think of it like a movie. The Torah is the first one, and the New Testament is the sequel. Then the Qu'ran comes out, and it retcons the last one like it never happened. There's still Jesus, but he's not the main character anymore, and the messiah hasn't shown up yet.

Jews like the first movie but ignored the sequels, Christians think you need to watch the first two, but the third movie doesn't count, Moslems think the third one was the best, and Mormons liked the second one so much they started writing fanfiction that doesn't fit with ANY of the series canon.

A PRIZED MULE! posted:

HAHA one time this guy called for pizzas and got mad because we didn't deliver (pick up only). after five minutes of arguing and him being all gansta out of no where he goes BITCH I'M GONNA MISS 'MARTIN'!!!!! poo poo!!!!. i was so fed up with arguing that without even thinking i returned with WELL I HAVE TO WORK WHILE "MARTIN" IS ON AND I'M NOWHERE NEAR A TV SO I'M MISSING IT TOO HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL!?

there was an awkward silence for a minute then then he calmly said 'that's true i'm sorry man listen can you make my pizzas so that they are ready when Martin is over and then i'll pick them up afterwards?' i said sure no problem and left it at that.

40 minutes or so later the guy walks in and he was HUGE! like muscle huge. but he was soft spoken and when i rang him up he reached into his gym bag and said 'i'm sorry about yelling before' and handed me a VHS tape HE ACTUALLY TAPED "MARTIN" FOR ME AND GAVE IT TO ME. i almost wanted to cry and give him a hug it was so beautiful.

he really loved his martin show.

Igiari posted:

Nature's all "welp humans, see that moon? Yeah, it's like, hundreds of thousands of miles away. And even if you were patient enough to go that far, you can't get out of your atmosphere. And even if you could, there's no air. And if you somehow manage to evolve to the point where you no longer need to breathe (good luck!) there's gently caress all there", and we're all "gently caress you and the horse you rode in on, we're gonna build a rocket powerful enough to get out of the atmosphere, fast enough to get us there in a week, make snazzy spacesuits with tons of air, and when we get to the moon, we're gonna play golf, just because we loving can.”

ol qwerty bastard posted:

Tea Partiers are anti-government because they are old and racist; libertarians are anti-government because they are young and clueless. In theory they could ally with each other but they can't ever interact since Teabaggers don't understand the internet and libertarians don't understand "going outside".

Coffee And Pie posted:

If you have to sign a letter with "Not racist," you're probably racist. Normal people don't have that problem, you'll never see a note like "Bob- Be sure to buy milk, we're almost out. Not racist, Jim."