Happyman posted:

I think it would be better in a way if you kept the TV writeups simple and more like how a real live report would look, and only went long for PPV. It'd help with the pacing.

xXFoxxxMulderXx posted:

Raw is War opened up today with Vince McMahon in a suit at an executive desk.

"Good afternoon, WWF fans. The weeks after WrestleMania are enjoyable for both the talent and the fans. But misfortune has struck this branch, as Ahmed Johnson and Brian Pillman are sadly missing, with no idea of their whereabouts. The Ultimate Warrior, however, has been severely injured, mostly around the head and neck, and is still at the hospital recovering. And finally, the current WWF Champion, Goldust, has suffered a torn ACL and will not be competing for the time being as we await an update on his status. With all those in mind, the main event for our next pay-per-view, In Your House 15: Deadly Games will be a 6-Man "Deadly Games" #1 Contenders match for the WWF Championship. In the meantime, we'll do our best to deliver the same pulse-pounding WWF action as usual in the wake of this horrible occurrence."

Chris Jericho vs Kal Kirby, Jericho wins with the Codebreaker. I don't know how Chris Jericho could have a match this... vile. Nothing about it clicked in the slightest.

Jericho gestures for someone to hand him a mic, yanks it away from a stagehand.

"Didja see that, Piper?!" he shouts. "This is what the new millennium of wrestling means for you- complete and utter destruction. This is what it means for all the washed-up has-beens and never-weres, and that's what you are Piper, somebody who never really was anything, not until you had me to lean on.

"In case you don't quite get the message, Mr. Hot Rod, then maybe you should drag that sorry-rear end carcass of yours into the ring. One match, the two of us. In Your House 15. And hey, I'll make it worth your while." He hoists the Intercontinental Title on his shoulder. "Let's see if you can actually win anything on your own, old man."

He hands off the mic and stalks offstage.

Deadly Game Qualifier: Mankind vs Hakushi, Mankind goes over with the Mandible Claw

After the match, Mankind sits down in the ring, and starts to speak very shakily.

"Oh, my old friend Shawn, I'm worried about you. I know you've been going through a lot. You've been on a magical journey, you lost your smile, and just maybe you decided that you needed to vent your aggression on somebody and I was just... in the way.

You see what you've done to me. I can't be the happy-go-lucky guy I was before, knowing you're angry. I don't know if we should talk it out, but ol' Mankind isn't gonna throw in the towel just yet. I think we still got a chance, but- well, whatever your decision is, I hope you have a nice day."

The crowd really responded to this, more than the actual match. Foley does very good work off-script.

Fucktrain goes to Godfather demanding a night with alllllllllllll of his hoes, and hell, bring some of the bros! Godfather asks how he's going to pay, and Fucktrain attempts to attack The Godfather. Mr. Godwinn gets in his way, challenging him to a match. Fucktrain was a mess off-script.

Pan-Am Title: Mark Henry vs Jerry Lynn, Mark Henry goes over with the World's Strongest Slam and extends his streak to 24 wins.

After the match, Mark Henry started to cut a promo.

"I am so proud to be the Pan-American champion, representing not just these Uni-"

Real American started to play, and Scotty Bollea walked out, livid.

"NEIGHBOR, YOU AND YOUR WHOLE ROUTINE MAKE ME SICK! YOU SAY YOU'RE THE SON OF THE GREAT ANDRE THE GIANT!"

"Uh, no. No, I don't. I never ha-"

"SSSSSSSHHHHUUUUUT UP! SHUT UP! LIKE I WAS SAYING, YOU SAY YOU'RE THE GIANT'S SON, BUT I KNOW THE GIANT, BROTHER, I FOUGHT THE GIANT, NEIGHBOR, AND YOU ARE NO GIANT! I'd just like a moment of silence right now in memory of Andre the Giant, who died shortly after I faced him on a house show in 1993.

...Thank you. ANYWAY, I WANT TO HONOR HIS MEMORY BY CHALLENGING YOU TO A SCOTT'S RULES MATCH, JACK!"

"Sure. Why not? I'm a fighting champion, and I'll take you on." Scotty went pale.

"Uh. Okay then. See you at the PPV." Scotty walked out, leaving Henry perplexed.

Kerrang! vs The Dudleyz, Dudleyz win by DQ when Marc Mero hits Bubba with a chair

Kerrang! try to tell Mero that using a chair isn't right, and he starts beating them with the chair, until a moment of hesitation when he's about to hit Marlena allows them to get it away from him and help her to the back. The heel turn went off well enough, though the crowd didn't seem to care too much about the segment as a whole.

Fucktrain/Mr. Godwinn, Fucktrain pins Godwinn after a Big Sweaty Bomb

Taz and Rocky Maivia/Dark Carnival, Maivia pins Doink with the Uranage

Rocky promo about why he left WWF last time, saying he wanted to break away from his heritage and forge his own identity, go his own way. He came to Taz's aid because he respected that Taz was willing to break the bonds of Ted DiBiase and blaze his own trail.

Next up, another Deadly Game qualifier between two old enemies: Vader and Stan Hansen. Hansen came out swinging a bullrope at Vader, but the ref took it from him before the match started. Very grueling physical match-up. I can see that they were going for their old AJPW style, although Hansen was definitely showing his age and couldn't keep up with Vader who is still in excellent shape. The finish of the match came when after a taking a high knee to the skull, Vader scrambled into the corner and pulled his mask up over his face, hand over his eye. Hansen attempted to capitalize with a lariat in the corner, but Vader saw it coming and took Hansen down with a massive spinebuster, yelling "THINK AGAIN!" Caught off guard by the trick, Hansen couldn't beat back Vader's counteroffensive, and the old cowboy was finished off with a Vader Bomb. Vader qualifies for the Deadly Game match.

Bret and Owen promo on the Power Trip "Austin, HHH, you helped take away my dream, you helped take away the thing I fought so hard for at Wrestlemania, and to top it all off, you messed with my older brother. NOBODY MESSES WITH A HART, EXCEPT A HART! So Austin, HHH, we want you at In Your House 15!" Bret was way better offscript this time, and Owen was the one struggling to keep up.

The Main Event was another Deadly Game Qualifier between the British Bulldog and The Undertaker. Bulldog acted very cautious around the Dead Man, sizing him up and taking a few swings to try and keep him at bay. The audience was less than thrilled but for a while this seemed to work, as Taker was starting to stagger. Bulldog went up for a diving attack but the Phenom caught him in midair and slammed him to the ground- THIS at last got some reaction. From there the action gradually picked up as Bulldog tried every flippy trick in the book; it was actually pretty even and looked like he had the upper hand at a few points. Davey laid out the big man with a martial arts kick and went for a cover- 1... 2... Taker sat up. Bulldog held on to his neck with a sleeper hold but the Undertaker managed to power out to a standing position and throw his opponent across the ring. The two ran the ropes before Undertaker caught Bulldog by the throat, flipped him over, sat down for the Tombstone Piledriver and that was it. Undertaker will move on to the Deadly Game.

Again, this is a C+ show. Something about it just isn't quite up to snuff.

Shotgun posted:

Vic Venom comes out to introduce the show, Marlena quickly interrupts, starts to flirt with him, then slaps him.

URSUS vs. Dirty White Boy, URSUS goes over

Pretape: Mark Henry, Pan-American champion, talks about how great and also delicious Chile is. No one corrects him.

Chris Jericho vs. Cuddly Chris Daniels, Daniels taps.

Pretape: Fucktrain visits an aquarium and propositions manatees. Fucktrain was noted as being very good off-script.

Ken Shamrock vs. Scotty Bollea, Scotty taps.

Goldust hype video

Mark Henry vs. "Jammin'" Jamie Noble, 25. Good chemistry.

Backstage, Ted DiBiase expounds on the greatness of his employees. He improvised quite well.

Pretape: Fucktrain visits the WWF on AOL offices, and tries to find pornography on a computer, but can't figure out how to do AOL searches. Again, Fucktrain was noted as being very good off-script.

Godfather & Mr. Godwinn vs. ICP, Violent J pins Godwinn.

WWF On AOL" posted:

As the WWF on AOL computer was destroyed in the incident, the following is a transcript of Fucktrain's visit to the WWF on AOL offices.

Fucktrain: So ya say this thing is hooked up to the innernet?

AOL Technician Daniel Brooks: Yes, sir.

F: Excellent! So I could tell it some words and find myself some pornography?

DB: I suppose you could.

F: Arright.

COMPUTER, I LOVE TO EAT rear end, hit enter.

WHAT THE gently caress? I AIN'T FINDIN NO ASSES, EATEN ER NOT! COMPUTER, FIND ME SOME HOT ASSES BEIN' hosed BY BIG COCKS!

HEY FUCKER, WHY AIN'T THIS COMPUTER FINDIN ME NO PORNO!

DB: Well, sir, you have to-

F: I DON'T GIVE A gently caress, JUST FIND ME SOME PORNOGRAPHY! COMPUTER, FIND PORNOGRAPHY X X X HIT ENTER, PLEASE!

GET OVER HERE, FUCKER! YOU TELL IT TO FIND ME SOME HOT TITTIES OR NICE COCKS OR I'LL HAVE YER rear end!

DB: Well, sure, just let me-

F: AAAAAAAAAAAGHHHH GOD DAMNIT, FUCKIN THING SUCKS! gently caress IT! gently caress IT!

[Fucktrain then proceeded to throw the computer against the wall and storm off.]

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

Bah gawd awful luck on your part WWF.

Unless it's a work

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

Bah gawd awful luck on your part WWF.

Unless it's a work

quote:

The show opens with Arn Anderson and Hulk Hogan gloating over their complete destruction of Benoit. Hogan notes that a skinny frenchy-named midget like Benoit could never stand up before the HULKAMANIA PYTHONS BROTHER. Anderson is more subdued, and reminds the audience that the Megabusters were formed so that two of the biggest names in the history of the business could solve each other's problems, and he considers Benoit solved. Before they can do any more scoffing Benoit interrupts and stares them down in the ring. He says that Hogan made a big mistake by ambushing him. "This used to be a private matter between old friends trying to settle things. Now it was about payback."

At Spring Stampede he plans to face the Megabusters as a team. Right on cue, The Giant joins Benoit in the ring. Anderson and Hogan scoff, and Anderson says they've both beaten Giant before and now that they're united he's no threat. Benoit says that if that's true, then the Megabusters should accept the match. After all, their opponents are nothing but a couple of losers. Benoit and Giant attack, laying into Hogan and Anderson and chasing them out of the ring. The Megabusters retreat up the ramp, and Anderson shouts that if Benoit wants to commit suicide he'll be happy to oblige. The match is on!

Next up, The Nation of Domination defeats Team X-treme's RVD and Sabu. Aaron Muhammad starts by giving RVD a taste of his own medicine with powerful kicks, but RVD counters a followup suplex with one of his own before nailing a corner shoulder block. Bill Alfonso blows his whistle excitedly on the outside. Sabu tags in and pulls Muhammad into a scoop slam, then goes for a springboard moonsault… but Muhammad rolls away and tags in Simmons! Sabu attempts to use his speed, ducking a clothesline and attempting a springboard splash, but Simmons catches him and brings him down for a devastating ribbreaker! Simmons follows with three drop suplexes, then brings the exhausted Arabian down with a Dominator for the three.

After the fall is counted, Too Cold Scorpio slides in and pulls the comatose Sabu out of the ring as Teddy raises his team's arms. RVD holds off Nelson X with a chair as they carry a half-dead but still eager Sabu up the ramp while he points and yells as Simmons.

Long brandishes a mic. "I don't think they've had enough, Mr. Simmons." Simmons just stares back at Scorpio as Nelson stands at ringside and Muhammad leans over the ropes. "Well that's just fine by me. Team X-Treme? Allow me to extend to you an opportunity. This Sunday, at Spring Stampede, the Nation's ascent to dominance begins. I offer to you the distinct honor of being the first pawns of empire to be broken and tossed aside. Take it or leave it." Scorpio nods his head and yells back inaudibly, a fire in his eyes. The announcers state that we've just seen a match come together – Too Cold Scorpio versus Ron Simmons, live at Spring Stampede!

Backstage, Kid Rock and DDP are both in Rick Rude's office. Kid demands a match with DDP looking to get payback for last week, but Page refuses. Commissioner Rude suggests that he might be more willing if Kid puts the US title on the line at Spring Stampede. Kid hesitates since he knows a US title shot is playing right into the Flawless Diamonds hands, but getting his hands on DDP is worth it so he agrees.

Shockingly, DDP thinks a moment and turns him down. Kid is incensed, and demands to know why DDP won't fight him. "I'll take your title Kid. But unlike Raven I'm not going to waste my shot by underestimating you. I'm going to take you apart, piece by piece. I'm going to break your spirit and your body. And when your life is in ashes... then maybe I'll take that belt from you." DDP gives him a predatory smirk and Self-High Fives before leaving the room.

In the ring, Alex Wright (with his partners Doug Williams and Ciclope on the ring apron) grabs a mic and berates Heavy Metal. The Cruiser Champ calls his opponent a pathetic rookie in over hi head. He didn't really earn his that title shot, he was gifted it by an overzealous referee. Heavy Metal has no hope of defeating a veteran and a true champion, and this tag match will prove it!

Heavy Metal, Konnan, and Rey Misterio, Jr. defeat the New Blue Bloods and Ciclope. Ciclope spends all his focus laying into Misterio, fighting him both in and outside of the ring, clearly not ready to forgive his part in last weeks loss. Konnan has an impressive suplex contest with Williams. But the real show is Heavy Metal, who explodes into some high-flying offense that leaves Wright dazed. Taking advantage, he manages to lock Wright into his finisher, a Crucifix Armbar with neckscissors to increase the torque. Schiovani refers to the maneuver as the Heavy Metal Cradle. Wright escapes before he is forced to tap, but with him hurt and Ciclope chasing Mysterio it's a simple matter for Metal to pin Williams with a La Casita.

Backstage Ric Flair and Lex Luger invite Macho Man Randy Savage into the Horsemen locker room. The three of them seem a little tense around each other after they all called each other out last week. Luger and Savage trade a few smug comments, but Flair calms them down. "I know we got our problems, my main men, but we gotta bury that hatchet and work as a team! Savage, Luger, we settle our problems on Sunday, in the Chamber! Agreed?" The three exchange handshakes.

Eddy Guerrero defeats Brutus Briefcase. Briefcase tries a variety of offensive tactics, but Eddy is able to wrestle circles around him, counter grappling and striking with his superior technical skills. He nails a Frog Splash and picks up a pin with relative ease. Raven is on guest commentary in place of Tenay, and he mentions that sadly he cannot force Eddy to face him for the TV Title. But he also promises that before this is over, Eddy will be practically BEGGING Raven to wrestle him for the title.

The Thrillseekers defeat Fire and Ice. The larger men attempt to enforce their will on the up-and-comers through physical force and aggressive tactics, the same they've shown in every match since Wrath first corrupted them. However, Lance Storm's technical submission style is able to turn the tide and wear down Norton, while Cage puts on a show of agility and toughness, enduring Ice Train's hits and striking back with powerful shots. Cage picks up the win when he nails The Showstopper for a three-count.

Mitchel grabs a mic after the match and congratulates the Thrillseekers. "I've made it my mission in life to recognize when a power is rising. That's why I aligned myself with the Great Muta. Thanks to my guidance, Muta will become WCW Champion in a mere six days! And now that he's near his peak, I can see the Thrillseekers are the rising power. I knows you boys want the Tag Team Championships, and I can give you the power you need to defeat the Outsiders!" Christian flatly refuses, but Mitchel just laughs as Wrath enters. His pressence seems to influence Cage and Storm just like it once did to Fire and Ice, but suddenly Glacier rushes the ring!

He attempts a Cryon Bomb, but Wrath reverses and hits the Meltdown! Mitchel laughs and calls Glacier a fool. "Wrath has defeated you at every turn, it's clear that you're no match for him! But I know how desperate you are, Mr. Glacier, perhaps even desperate enough to interfere with Muta's shot at the title. So I'll give you what you want: Wrath, one-on-one, at Spring Stampede. It will be a match Glacier will never forget! I may be wrong... but I doubt it!"

Sting defeats Dan "The Beast" Severn. Severn fights aggressively, perhaps looking to take out some of his anger toward Jarret on the Stinger. His MMA-style offense does seem to flummox Sting as first, but every attempt to seal the match with the Dragon Sleeper is countered. Sting comes back with a vengeance, nailing a Stinger Splash and a big vertical suplex before going to the mat and hammering away with a little MMA-inspired fighting of his own! The Scorpion Death Drop soon makes the victory academic.

After commercial, a familiar set is in the ring. "Welcome to the Eric Bischoff Show! I'm your host, Elegant Eric. With me as always are Kimo and Ekmo. Tonight's topic is the Elimination Chamber! Now, if you want to talk to Elegent Eric and my guest, just dial 1-900-909-9900. Remember, keep the conversation about the Elimination Chamber. Tonight's guests are involved in the Elimination Chamber in one way or another. Bobby Heenan, and Family members Meng and the Shark!" The crew make their way down the entrance ramp; Heenan and Shark sit while Meng stands.

"Welcome back to the show, Bobby." "Thanks, Elegant Eric." "By the way, what happened to..." "That bum? I dropped him like a bad habit." "Alright. Now, the Elimination Chamber, which was my idea, is this Sunday at Spring Stampede. Is this the best idea for a match, or do you think I've got a better one in me?" Heenan gives a snide look to Bischoff. "Eric, people ask me, is my managing of wrestlers business or pleasure? I tell them it's for both. Meng winning the WCW World Heavyweight Championship is all business, but the Shark finally taking down that pea-brained little Dog-Faced Gremlin? That's pleasure."

"Alright," says Bischoff, "we're short on time, so callers, I apologize, but I'm only taking one call. Line 1, you're on!" "HE'S FAT!" Bischoff hangs up. "Listen up, loser. If you wanted to stay with the company, you wouldn't have gotten caught! No one makes a fool of Elegant Eric! NO ONE!" Bischoff knocks over the phone and switchboard to the shock of Kimo and Ekmo. "Ahem. That's all the time we have on the Eric Bischoff Show, next time, I might introduce another blockbuster match." The Shark''s eyes light up. "Not that kind of Blockbuster." The Shark's eyes go down, sad. "Good night!"

Yummy Mummy defeats Taka Michinoku. Taka puts on his usual show of high-impact Japanese-style offense, but once again Yummy Mummy appears to be as invulnerable as he is delicious. Despite Taka's superior speed he is eventually cornered and beaten savagely before being laid out by the Rainbomb for a pinfall.

The camera cuts to the lair of the Flawless Diamonds. Curt Hennig is in private counsel with the Outsiders. Nash tells him that he's spoken with Meng and Muta, and the two men are ready to do their part tonight. Hennig approves of Nash's plan to arrange the six-man tag match as a way to weaken their opponents, especially because it's clear that the good guys already have fractured loyalties. Hall notes that since he can't lend a hand inside the chamber, he'll make sure to provide as much "help," as he can tonight. Hennig says that if all goes according to plan, tonight will seal their victory.

Road Warrior Hawk is interviewed by Dusty Rhodes, and explains that it's been a rough year for him. First he lost one tag partner, then he was betrayed by another, and when he tried to stop Hennig's plans he was run over. Now he feels like he's spinning out on an empty highway, and this might be his last chance to get his bike running strait before he crashes and burns. When Steven Regal issued an open challenge, he saw an opportunity to remind everyone that Hawk is still flying, and the name of the Road Warriors will be redeemed!

His rant is interrupted by Steven Regal, who ignores Dusty completely and stares down Hawk. "There's only one punishment when filth like you puts their hands on the Royal Person, Road Warrior. Execution is too merciful. You're going to suffer something much worse. Humiliation. We will make you into our own personal jester. Your name will not be redeemed, it will be made into a joke, synonymous with laughter and scorn for a hundred generations. And that will be quite... a rush."

Rick Steiner defeats Kevin Sullivan If Steiner is concerned at all by Shark's viciousness the previous week or Heenan's threats in the interview he doesn't show it. The Dog-Faced Gremlin takes it to the Taskmaster, who by comparison seems to be in a foul mood. The match shows off some good catch-as-catch-can grappling, and while Sullivan is not completely outclassed Steiner's mastery of suplexes gives him a decisive edge. Sullivan nails a big belly-to-belly suplex of his own and tries to stage a comeback by climbing the ropes, but Steiner counters by throwing him off the turnbuckle, then climbing himself and hitting the flying clothesline. Steiner quickly secures the pinfall.

Backstage, Bobby Eaton signs the contract he presented by VK Wallstreet for a match at Spring Stampede. Eaton says he wasn't eager for another match, but this is an offer he can't refuse: If Wallstreet wins, Eaton's Wieners will belong to Wallstreet Enterprises... but if he loses Wallstreet Enterprises will be sold to WCW and all the proceeds donated to charity! He promises to strike a blow for all the businessmen who ever got a taste of the corporate boot. Wallstreet says Eaton better learn to like corporate boot, because he won't be eating any hotdogs after Sunday.

Kevin Nash (w/ Scott Hall), Meng and The Great Muta defeat Ric Flair, Lex Luger, and "Macho Man" Randy Savage. The match is a showcase of the potential matchups we might see in the Chamber. Muta matches his unorthodox styles against Savage's veteran instincts and skills. Meng and Luger hoss off with powerful body blows and shoulder blocks. Nash renews his rivalry with Luger by unloading his Big Boot, and Flair renews his rivalry with Nash by targeting his knees and forcing him to the mat. Muta shows Flair how the Japanese prefer their knife-edge chops and introduces him to the Dragon Screw, and Luger hits Muta like an oncoming train with his Running Forearm.

The ring is chaotic, but Luger seems poised to win as he sets Muta up for the Torture Rack. But Hall finally makes his presence known, tripping Savage and causing him to fall off the apron. Flair, Savage and the ref are all distracted as Meng locks in a surprised Tongan Death Grip on Luger! Muta tags in Nash as Flair rushes in to help his fellow Horseman, which allows Muta to join Scott Hall in attacking Savage on the outside! As Macho Man is beaten to a pulp (but gets in blows on Muta in the process), Flair knocks Meng out of the ring and Luger uses the last of his strength to lariat Nash to the canvas! Flair is able to drag Luger back to their corner and tag himself in while Nash recovers.

The Nature Boy and Big Sexy square off one-on-one, the rest of their teams out of the fight. Tension in the crowd rises as Nash and Flair lock up... only for Scott Hall covertly knock down the ref! Nash uses the opportunity to life his gigantic knee into Flair's groin, hitting a blatant low blow and dragging the defenseless Flair up to land a monster Jacknife! The ref is woozy but manages to count the 1-2-3, and Kevin Nash cheats his way to a dirty pinfall over the World Champion!

After the pinfall, Hennig cuts a promo from the top of the ramp on Flair, taunting him about losing to Nash. "You know, just watching I could tell that you could have easily won that match Ric. Really, any of your teammates could have. Speaking as an outside observer, the problem was pretty obvious. You three were all trying to sabotage each other! After all, what consequence is a single match on Nitro if it means that two of your competitors in the Elimination Chamber might be crippled? It's sad really, that you'd secretly betray your team like that. And that's why you'll never be able to stop the Flawless Diamonds Ric. We're united! Even when we were all part of different companies, the bond of the Diamonds was unbreakable! Compared to that what use are the Four Horsemen or Macho Madness? Nothing but lies, cloaks to hide your knives behind... until you're ready to stick them in your friend's backs!"

Luger, who was growing more and more agitated by the speech, snaps and attacks the Heels. A brawl breaks out in the ring between all the Chamber participants... except Nash. He and Hall squirm away, and the Flawless Diamonds have a big laugh while their competition destroy each other. Hall raises Nash's arm, and Ventura notes that come Sunday, we might be looking at a Flawless victory. He expects to see another title under Hennig's control next week when they crown Kevin Nash as new WCW Champion!

Another B- Nitro for WCW, keeping the trend going.

NewJack420 posted:

I snagged a ticket for ECW at the Hammerstein Ballroom! So pumped up after seeing the show! Plus it was the big relaunch, I can't believe ECW's back on TV! We had some warm up matches to start us off: D'Lo Brown and Bobby Walker beat Flash Flanagan and Kid Kash. They were announced as Flash N' Kash. Guess a fancy name doesn't guarantee a win, unlike some places! Not too good of a match though.

Next up: Tommy Dreamer & Sandman beat up on PG-13. Sandman smashed a beer can and bled all over everything, Tommy Dreamer beat a guy with a stop sign. ECW is back! I love these guys, a solid match.

Super Nova took on Barrabas Jr. after that. They were smooth and worked well together, but neither one looked particularly good.

Last dark match was ECW champion Shane Douglas beating Lance Diamond. Typical showcase for Shane.

---

The real show kicks off with Paul E Dangerously coming to the ring to E-C-DUB and Thank You Paul E chants.

"Thanks to... popular demand... ECW! IS! BACK! Back on television, back from the dead, and in just five weeks, nationwide on pay-per-view!"

He cuts a passionate promo about how ECW is back to innovate in ways the "big two" could only dream of and show the world the limits of Extreme. But wait, he's cut off over the PA! Some guy makes his way to ringside... wait, it's Kurt Angle! The guy from the Olympics, holy poo poo! Kurt makes fun of the New York Rangers, puts himself over for a while, and then gets in Heyman's face. He tells Paul that he is going to get rid of all the chairs, the barbed wire, the tables... that since he is obviously the best wrestler in this company, he's going to remake ECW in HIS image. And he's going to start by reshaping Paul's face. Before Kurt can get his hands on Paul E, Billy Kidman rushes down the ramp and cheap shots Kurt, bringing him down long enough to let Heyman get away as the rest of the locker room empties into the ring. On his way back up the ramp, Kurt points at Kidman and says he's DEAD. This whole thing was amazing. Everyone ate it up. I've never seen anyone be able to match Paul E on the mic like Angle. This could be the start of something great.

---

Adam Copeland beat Chris Harris with a sick move I've never seen before. He had Harris down on the mat with one chair underneath his head, and flattened him with another chair strike. Dude definitely had more of an edge than he did in WWF (no pun intended) and I really want to see what they do with him. With his new character, I think he's a solid B+ player: A Badass Plus! Harris had to be carried out by the ring crew, he looked like he was dead! Too one-sided to be a good match though.

---

As Copeland makes his way backstage, ECW Champ Shane Douglas comes to the ring looking PISSED. He cuts a profanity-laden promo about how Kurt Angle is nothing but a little Olympic bitch, how his skills and medals mean nothing here, and someday soon Douglas is going to show Kurt what EXTREME is all about. Douglas was on fire here, great promo.

---

Kurt Angle beat Kidman - Kidman maked his way to the ring, Joey Styles said that Angle agreed to face him one-on-one tonight after what happened earlier. Angle mopped the floor with him, being sure to stick to his amateur holds and suplexes. The crowd was really vocal here, unhappy with Kurt's slow-paced, grinding style. Good heat.

---

Backstage, Paul E said that he was proud that guys like Shane are representing the tribe of Extreme, and that Kurt Angle may be a great athlete but that's not enough to cut it in ECW. He also said that next week there will be a TV Title #1 contender's match between D'Lo and Barrabas Jr. Paul with a mic is always great.

---

Back at ringside Al Snow and Brian Lawler were in the ring, both pacing round the ring waiting for their opponents. Then lights went out, some guys next to me started a "fire the lights guy" chant which died fast, crowd was mostly silent trying to figure out what was happening. Then from behind the entrance curtain a glass window was chucked out onto the entrance way.

The glass shattered!

The lights came back on, except now they were all blue filling the arena with blue light as The Blue Meanie and Mikey Whipwreck came out accompanied by Super Nova. Both Meanie and Super Nova were wearing leather vests over their regular gear with Meanie also wearing a bald cap that looked a bit too small for him, as well as drawing a cheesy fake beard on his face with marker pen. Mikey on the other hand was wearing a Van Halen shirt along with a lovely blonde wig he tied into a ponytail. Snow and Lawler both exited the ring as Meanie and Mikey entered, Mikey took to the middle of the ring and gave a bow to the audience. Meanie went off to one of the turnbuckles and attempted to climb it but he struggled for a while and just gave up, instead walking to each of the turnbuckles and then doing his shimmy.

Snow and Lawler both got back into the ring, they didn't know what the gently caress was going on here. Hell if I knew either! The match started with Mikey and Snow doing some quick paced back and forth action, they came to a standstill which got a round of applause from the audience. Mikey used this as another chance to take a bow, which led to Snow blindsiding him. Snow worked over Mikey really laying his fists and kicks into him likes he's got a chip on his shoulder, you could hear the sound go through the arena it was freaking sweet. Snow tagged in Lawler who started smacking Mikey around as well but that quickly got turned around when Whipwreck hit him with a nasty looking face breaker, he forced Brian's face right into his knee. Match ended with Whipwreck taking Lawler over to his and Meanie's corner and setting him up on the turnbuckle, landing the Whippersnapper on Lawler. Meanie then stormed into the ring looking incensed at Mikey, he was shaking his head about as he just rattled off insults.

"You silly billy going and stealing my move!? What is wrong with you!? Those two rapscallions knock you about the head so hard you forgot that's my move!? How dare you steal my move!"

Mikey was saying sorry whole time waving his hands telling him didn't mean to, he then crossed his heart promising he'll never steal his move again. Meanie got back into his corner with an annoyed look on his face and stretched his hand. Mikey tagged him in as Meanie climbed the turnbuckle and hits prone Lawler with a top rope Moonsault getting the win. This was insane, more of a spectacle than a match, but it was all right.

Al Snow stormed off backstage thrashing and screaming about like he'd just lost the world title, take a chill pill dude. Super Nova joins Mikey and Meanie in the ring as Meanie started to talk, laying on a thick texan accent.

"Now listen up you lovely bunch of rascals, all of you just saw a defining moment in the history of this sport... aw gumdrops a defining moment in the history of the entire goodness gracious world! Can I get a heck yes to that!?"

HECK YES went the crowd, we were all getting into it.

"Us three are some of the naughtiest sons of a guns to ever step inside the squared circle and we're throwing our lot in together! Tell them Mikey!" Meanie handed Mikey the mic as Mikey took some time to compose himself before speaking with a drawn out regal tone. "Well you se-" Then Meanie takes the mic back off him. "Yeah you told them what for their Mikey!" Mikey shrugs it off as Meanie continues.

"The fact of the matter is, we are the Blue Man Power Trip and we run this show... assuming that our plans correspond with the booking decisions of Paul E and Todd Gordon, AND THAT'S THE END OF THAT BECAUSE THE BLUE MEANIE SEZ SO!"

This was like the last match, it wasn't great but no one could look away from it, crazy!

Overall, I can't wait to see what ECW does now that they're back on the air, but there's just something off about the matches, like everyone's working too extreme with the cameras back on again, even guys that don't do it as well. Ratings are for nerds like that Metsler fartknocker but if I gotta rate the show it's an (E-)C-(DUB).

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

Xerzes posted:

I immediately love the Blue Man Power Trip.

Xerzes posted:

I immediately love the Blue Man Power Trip.

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

So Meanie is Austin, Whipwreck is HHH, and Nova is Pillman? Are they faces or heels?

xNarUtoRKOrton420x posted:

Yes, yes, yes, and faces.

wergeck.net posted:

Spoilers for Week 2, April WCW Saturday Night.

Team X-treme (Sabu and Rob Van Dam) defeat Ekmo and Kimo

"Champagne" Chris Kanyon hype on V.K. Wallstreet

Nelson X defeats Chavo Guerrero, Jr.

Teddy Long puts over Nelson and Muhammad, hypes Spring Stampede match

Beulah hypes Rey Misterio

Rey Misterio, Jr. defeats Mark Starr

James Mitchell backstage promo on Wrath

Christian Cage defeats James Maritato. These two have bad chemistry.

Christain Cage in-ring promo on wanting a tag title shot

V.K. Wallstreet defeats Steve Armstrong

Skunkrocker posted:

Wait who the gently caress is Paul Heyman? Don't you mean Paul E. Dangerously?

Luigi Thirty posted:

ECW pull in a 0.01?

CaptainYesterday posted:

COMING THIS SUNDAY TO PAY-PER-VIEW, WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING PROUDLY PRESENTS SPRING STAMPEDE!

ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH FOR THE WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Ric Flair (c) vs. Kevin Nash vs. Lex Luger vs. Meng vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage vs. the Great Muta

FOR THE WCW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Alex Wright (c) vs. Heavy Metal

PAST VS. PRESENT
The Giant & Chris Benoit vs. the Megabusters

REGAL'S AMBITION
Road Warrior Hawk vs. King Steven Regal

STEINER CONTINUES THE HEENAN GAUNTLET
Rick Steiner vs. the Shark

COMPANY VS. COMPANY
Bobby Eaton vs. V.K. Wallstreet

POLITICAL EXTREMIST VS. REGULAR EXTREMIST
Ron Simmons vs. Too Cold Scorpio

MAGIC. NUFF' SAID.
Glacier vs. Wrath

AND MUCH MUCH MORE! CALL YOUR CABLE OR SATELLITE PROVIDER TODAY!

CaptainYesterday posted:

COMING THIS SUNDAY TO PAY-PER-VIEW, WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING PROUDLY PRESENTS SPRING STAMPEDE!

ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH FOR THE WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Ric Flair (c) vs. Kevin Nash vs. Lex Luger vs. Meng vs. "Macho Man" Randy Savage vs. the Great Muta

FOR THE WCW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
Alex Wright (c) vs. Heavy Metal

PAST VS. PRESENT
The Giant & Chris Benoit vs. the Megabusters

REGAL'S AMBITION
Road Warrior Hawk vs. King Steven Regal

STEINER CONTINUES THE HEENAN GAUNTLET
Rick Steiner vs. the Shark

COMPANY VS. COMPANY
Bobby Eaton vs. V.K. Wallstreet

POLITICAL EXTREMIST VS. REGULAR EXTREMIST
Ron Simmons vs. Too Cold Scorpio

MAGIC. NUFF' SAID.
Glacier vs. Wrath

AND MUCH MUCH MORE! CALL YOUR CABLE OR SATELLITE PROVIDER TODAY!

sk posted:

As The Ted Turns: Ted Turner has taken some scouting classes it seems, as he has hired a young talent from California without getting an opinion from any WCW officials. Rumor has it that the writing team first heard about this wrestler when Turner demanded that he goes on TV immediately. Ted might want to study some more though--the new signing is a totally unknown name outside of the SoCal area he was working previously.

Xerzes posted:

Yesssss

quote:

Japanese Lucha Libre Afficionado: Some disagreement has been boiling in WWF Creative after a young Japanese star has been put forth by, against all odds, Vince Russo. The head writer thinks very highly of the recent WWF signing because of his in-ring skills and charisma, but Vince McMahon is firmly of the belief that the young wrestler needs to learn fluent English before he gets such a big push.

sk posted:

And The Oscar Goes To... The Goldust/Undertaker feud from this past year has been praised as "one of the best feuds in WWF history" and "a star-making performance for Goldust." Both men now have massive momentum as they enter the WWF World Championship scene.

I Before E posted:

I'd just like to take a moment to take a bow, as this storyline was basically my baby.

Sanguinia posted:

Although I'm going to take this opportunity to take a shot at you for being so proud of your moviestar uses magic to control zombie wizard feud after you were so harsh about my time travel feud.

Senerio posted:

Taker's urn is a cornerstone of Pro Wrestling. Time Travel isn't.

Sanguinia posted:

Also WWF has a wrestling bear.

Sanguinia posted:

Also WWF has a wrestling bear.