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 Woah wait. Aren't you doing WWF shows anymore? I absolutely will be continuing my WWF thread. It's ground to a bit of a halt recently, mainly because I'm sick of scrabbling for footage from PPVs I don't have. This will hopefully solved when the WWE Network becomes available (for only $9.99!) in the UK. That's about a month away, so to pass the time... Why are you putting yourself through this? Hey now. I asked myself the same thing waaaay back at the start of my old TNA thread, and I actually ended up enjoying quite a lot of it. In a sort of car-crashy way. There might well be some good stuff here. There won't be. Lighten up! There might be. There won't be. Jesus. Get this guy.  Go on then. Explain yourself. WCW's closure left a void in the wrestling world. The industry was Vince McMahon's plaything, with no major competitors standing in his way of global domination. Then, a long time ago, in a southern state far, far away... Oh you're bringing Star Wars into this. Fantastic. Jeff Jarrett and his daddy (Jerry) decided to found a wrestling company on a straight-to-PPV basis. Ingenious. In doing so they would avoid the crushing power of WWE on television, and have a chance to first establish their own product as viable competition. So what happened? Through careful, logical booking, and an unflinching focus upon their own young talent, TNA rapidly grew from a grassroots offshoot of the NWA into a powerful entity in its own right. The company steamrolled its way to a TV deal and took on the WWE at its own game. It proved itself a viable alternative to Vince McMahon's stale product and reigned supreme, the darling of both casual fans and internet critics everywhere. Hurrah for TNA. Hurrah! Are you sure that's exactly wh... HURRAH I SAY! Let the magical journey begin.   
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Sep 12, 2014 20:48
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Shows Covered TNA #1 - In which we see the formation of the White World Order. TNA #2: Electric Boogaloo - In which the dastardly heels are crushed by the righteous powers of prejudice. TNA #3: Senior Year - In which we learn that Jeff Jarrett can't tell the difference between the nWo and NWA. TNA #4: High Noon At Mega Mountain - In which Brian Christopher tries to distance himself from his father's legacy by changing his name to Brian Lawler. TNA #5: A Good Day To TNA - In which Jeff Jarrett ends the show by droppin' fools for the third straight week. quote:Known White World Order Members Swerve List 1. The Curious Incident of the Pointless Betrayal - TNA #3 No. of Jeff Jarrett's Guitars Smashed: 0 JGKing fucked around with this message at 22:32 on Nov 1, 2014 |
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Sep 12, 2014 20:49
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You stupid fucker.
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Sep 12, 2014 20:51
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I feel this deserves restating from the OP: There won't be.
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Sep 12, 2014 20:51
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None of these are from the scenic TNA Asylum in Nashville, TN
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Sep 12, 2014 20:52
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They named the company Total Nonstop Action despite the fact that there are many times the action stops.
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Sep 12, 2014 21:05
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Oh you are in for a loving ride. Glad someone is doing this, because more people need to see what TNA was and how today's lovely product has nothing on what came before
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Sep 12, 2014 21:21
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Great White Hope posted:You stupid fucker.
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Sep 12, 2014 21:34
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why edit: I should read the op
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Sep 12, 2014 21:41
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in on dis 
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Sep 12, 2014 22:04
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JGKing posted:There won't be.
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Sep 12, 2014 22:16
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I've only seen a few of the #KEEPTHISALIVE PSP.tv casts from a few years in, but- yeah, this will be a ride. The thing about TNA is that it's almost always been bad (there were a few rays of hope or so I'm told), and it's always had this kind of scuzzy off-brand character, but sometimes the ways in which it fails are downright spectacular. Of course there are also long patches that are just really loving boring.
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Sep 12, 2014 23:10
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Hope you like misogyny, racism, and homophobia! I can not wait for you to watch the episode with the Kid Kash match.
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Sep 13, 2014 04:13
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i've seen all of them and they stop being even fun to hatewatch about halfway through and just become a terrible boring slog
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Sep 13, 2014 04:40
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It's like looking upon shattered ruins for miles. Wasted potential, broken promises, dregs of humanity scavenging what little they can and taking advantage of the weak.
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Sep 13, 2014 12:01
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I really want to rewatch them as they were broadcast. I saw all of these from the front row as a teenager and somehow came out a well-adjusted adult
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Sep 13, 2014 12:14
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NWA-TNA Pay Per View #1 - June 19th 2002 - Huntsville, Alabama PART 1 That's right Austin, episode one. According to my primary source - Wikipedia - this promotion was cursed from the beginning. During a dark match, a 450lb wrestler named Cheex managed to snap one of the ropes. This forced TNA's production team to move a lot of the non-wrestling segments to the top of the show, giving the road crew (actually the Harris brothers) time to fix the ring. This emphasis on non-wrestling segments is a tradition which carries on in TNA to this day. The first person out from the back is...Don West! He asks us if we're all ready for some Total Nonstop Action, before introducing his broadcast partner Jeremy Borash is in the ring and introduces a lot of old-timey NWA types. It takes them an age to all get to the ring, and (to my shame as a wrestling fan) the only two I recognise are Harley Race and Ricky Steamboat. Steamboat claims that the NWA title is the most valuable in all of wrestling. Dory Funk Jr is there as well, although I wouldn't have recognised him without Borash's introduction. Suddenly MY ABSOLUTE BOY Jeff Jarrett comes out to his awful theme music! He runs down the main event, claiming that it sucks - the NWA title should be contested in a one-on-one environment. Jackie Fargo, one of the legends in the ring, takes exception to this and forces Jarrett to be the number one entrant. I'm not sure how he has the authority to do that. Jarrett is pissed, but says he'll just have to kick 19 other asses to win. He's interrupted in turn by... Ken Shamrock! He agrees that the Gauntlet concept sucks. WHAT THE gently caress IS GOING ON!? Why are the main eventers running down the main event? This is clearly not good business sense. Anyway, he claims that he's the lucky final entrant, and that he'll win the title, bla bla bla. Jarrett begins to reply, but now they're both cut off by Scott Hall! We have quite a who's-who on our hands. Hall makes his entrance through the crowd and speaks to everyone from the aisle. He ALSO agrees that the main event sucks. I honestly don't know what to make of this. Anyway, he thinks he'll win, etc etc. His "hey yo" got a big pop - he's clearly the most over man in the arena. We cut backstage to a trashy bimbo who's name I didn't catch. She's interviewing a midget. Apparently he goes by the name of Puppet The Psycho Dwarf, and he cuts an absolutely indecipherable promo. He says that midgets are the true stars of America, because the day he came out of his momma everybody started at the little child weeble-wobbling down the street. That's a direct quotation. He hypes up a match between two other midgets later, claiming he wants to see some midget blood. Mercifully they're interrupted by an angry Jarrett, who storms past and limply kicks a chair over. He's angry about being made the Gauntlet's first entrant. We get our first shot of one of the infamous TNA dancing girls. She's really hot, but I'd hesitate to take her home to the family. OH MY GOD. I THINK IT'S FINALLY TIME FOR A MATCH! Borash introduces the team of AJ Styles, Low Ki, and Jerry Lynn. Holy poo poo! There's a lot of talent there. They're facing...The Flying Elvises? That's Jorge Estrada, Sonny Siaki, and Jimmy (Wang) Yang in Elvis costumes. AKA, let's dress up the foreigners in silly outfits and make them a tag team. The NWA legends are shown backstage watching on a monitor. They do not approve of the Elvises. 1. AJ Styles, Low Ki, and Jerry Lynn vs The Flying Elvises The Elvises refuse a handshake and jump the faces when their backs are turned. They're the heels you guys. The faces clear the ring by being more athletic and awesome, and Low Ki hits the first suicide dive in TNA's history to the outside. That didn't take long at all. Lynn follows him with a crossbody and AJ beats on Yang in the ring. Yang fights back and hits a shining wizard, SO INDIE! I don't think we've seen one of those in my entire WWF thread, but it's one of the very first moves we get in TNA. Lynn gets the tag and almost hits a tornado DDT from the top, but Yang springs outrageously out and lands on his feet! That was loving impressive. OH! He hits a kick into a backflip, like something out of Tekken! Siaki gets the tag and Lynn busts out a really impressive headscissors. Low Ki is in and he's the stiff worker of the three, made clear by his immediate use of chops. Siaki fights back by being more of a loving man - he's seriously jacked - and hits a great backbreaker. Estrada bounces in with an Asai moonsault for two and isn't quite as good as everyone else in the match it seems. He hits an ugly neckbreaker from the top for two before making me eat my words with a standing moonsault (while running forwards) for two. Low Ki takes control with a low dropkick and it's time for indie kicks to the chest! Bam, a final one to the head knocks Estrada down and Ki tags out to AJ. He clashes with Yang again and hits some kind of springboard into an inverted neckbreaker. Tenay screams "what is that even called!?". Some professionalism, please. Jimmy hits an amazing spinning heel kick but Low Ki breaks up the pin. He takes out Yang, but is hit with a huge slam by Estrada. Lynn jumps in and NAILS him with a cradle piledriver! Rolling DDT by Siaki! Bam, big kick by AJ, but Low Ki accidentally nails his partner with a kick of his own. AJ is out and Yang takes advantage, dropkicking Low Ki out of the ring and hitting a corkscrew moonsault for the three! I'm out of breath. Winners: The Flying Elvises 3/5 - Quite a short match with very little rhyme or reason, but drat was it impressive. A great choice for the first match of TNA's existence, worlds apart from the WWF and just as exciting. More dancing girls. Can't tell if they're pretty - they're cloaked in heavy shadow. Something I forgot to mention before, Ricky Steamboat announced that he would be the special guest referee for the final fall of the Gauntlet For The Gold. Jeremy Borash announces that the next contest is...a "Midget Match". 2. Hollywood vs Teo Hollywood was already in the ring before Borash was beginning the announcements. I'm not sure if these guys have much wrestling training. Let's see. Hollywood jumps Teo at the bell and they immediately botch a suplex. Teo is apparently an extreme midget. The crowd are chanting "midget, midget". What the gently caress is going on? Teo hits a big headbutt to the crotch and a ten count of punches in the corner. He eats a big powerslam for two, before Hollywood takes his head off with a clothesline. They seem to be pretty decent workers. Hollywood hits a frogsplash from the top for two, before Teo hits some kind of leaping elbow swanton. That gets the three. Winner: Teo 0.5/5 - Too botchy, but better than I expected. Hollywood's frogsplash was the best spot of the match. A mixed start here. Will it be okay you guys? JGKing fucked around with this message at 02:53 on Nov 3, 2014 |
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Sep 14, 2014 19:26
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The true tragedy of TNA is that they have always had the necessary talent to stand out from WWE and put on great matches, it's just the everything else about the promotion that was the problem.
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Sep 14, 2014 20:37
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#KEEPTHISALIVE
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Sep 14, 2014 20:57
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It doesn't get better.
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Sep 14, 2014 21:33
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NWA-TNA Pay Per View #1 PART 2 Oh god, somebody let Ferrara and West in the ring. They hype a "Lingerie Battle Royal" for next week. Can't wait. They introduce an absolute boatload of women who'll be competing in the match. I'll list them. Francine (of ECW fame) Miss Joni (no idea) Shannon (Daffney) Alexis Laree (Mickie James <3) Sasha (no idea) Erin (apparently a Baltimore Ravens cheerleader) Elektra (another ECW girl) Taylor Vaughn (absolutely no idea, although West hyped her as "a familiar face") Teresa ??? (no idea, and he garbled her last name) West and Ferrara hype next week's "biggest catfight ever" and inform us that the winner will be crowned Miss TNA. Francine gets on the mic and says that none of the other girls deserve to share the ring with her, the Queen of Extreme. Elektra answers her and says this is a new beginning, she doesn't see ECW in the title. She also insinuates that Francine single-handedly bankrupt ECW (what!? Can somebody explain?). They have a bit of a cat fight and are separated by West, who I've just realised looks like a poor man's Dude Love in his Hawaiian shirt. Elektra has her top ripped off, so Don chivalrously provides a jacket for her to wear. Francine leaves the ring holding Elektra's shirt and says that she'll do the same to every other woman in that ring next week, because nobody at home deserves to see her in her lingerie, and she'll be crowned the first ever Miss TNA. That made absolutely no sense; it was three completely unconnected phrases jammed together. More dancing TNA girls in glass cages. I'm really not sure what to make of this sort of thing; I get that they're supposed to be enticing and stuff, but I just find it kind of seedy. I have a friend who was hired to do it at a club back home in Newcastle. She'd dance on a platform and pretend to be turned on and stuff, but it never made me see her as any more or less attractive. Money's money I suppose. I just realised I wrote that in the past tense. She's not dead, she just doesn't do it anymore. We go backstage to "Mortimer Plumtree". He's a snooty-looking manager with a cricket bat. He claims that his tag team follow out his exact instructions because they owe him their freedom and their lives. He calls upon them to make their presence known in this arena. They are...The Johnsons. The boys head out to the ring and they're huge dicks. They are dressed as huge penises, almost entirely covered in flesh-coloured bodysuits. Good work TNA. 3. The Johnsons vs Psicosis and James Storm I'm familiar with both Psicosis and James Storm - they're an odd couple to say the least. At least the dicks are matching. Storm has taken the cowboy gimmick to silly extremes, carrying a couple of pop-guns with him and shooting them from the turnbuckle into the air. He looks so young by the way. We're about a minute in when Storm catches one of the cocks with a missile dropkick, before the camera pans to the ramp to reveal a stunning blonde girl. She's Alicia, according to Mike Tenay, although Wikipedia helps me out and reveals her to be WWF's Ryan Shamrock (Ken Shamrock's kayfabe sister and actual girlfriend - bit weird). The Johnsons want no part of the dominating Storm and bail, but Plumtree yells at them to get back in or they're fired. Storm skins the cat and hits a dropkick to the back, then tags in Psicosis. The Mexican wrestler finds himself on the receiving end of a few suplexes, but reverses a powerbomb into a facebuster. Neither of the Johnsons know how to sell properly at all. Storm hits a nice hurricanrana but misses a tornado DDT. He hits the ropes and Plumtree grabs his leg from the outside, allowing a Johnson to take advantage and hit a slam of some sort for the win. Ferrara genuinely calls it "this finishing move right here...and it gets the three". Absolutely no mention of why Alicia was at the foot of the entrance ramp. Winners: The Johnsons 0.5/5 - Good work by Storm and Psicosis. Awful work by The Johnsons. Would have been 1/5, but I've deducted half a point for the constant cuts to Alicia standing expressionless on the ramp. Very distracting and needless, she came out about 30 seconds in. The referee tries to leave but is stopped by Alicia. She demands something and he gives her a wad of dollar bills. What the gently caress!? She departs satisfied and a fan very clearly leans over the guardrail and tries to spank her as she walks past. He narrowly misses. The blonde backstage reporter (who is apparently called Goldilocks) is interrupted by The Dupps (I don't know who they are). They're doing a hillbilly gimmick. They crack open a couple of beers and Bill Behrens (I don't know who he is, some kind of exec type) comes along and tells them drinking isn't allowed in the locker room. They scoff and say "who ever heard of anyone getting drunk on beer". I hope never to see any of these characters in the ring. Two NASCAR racers come out to big pops - must be famous. They do an interview with Borash in the ring and this has absolutely nothing to do with wrestling. They're interrupted by a very angry K-Krush (aka Ron Killings, aka R-Truth), who claims that racers aren't real athletes and have no drat business in a wrestling ring. You tell 'em. He says that his kind are athletes, while their kind drive a car around in a circle continuously. Is this supposed to be a racist angle!? Jesus Christ, TNA, I hope not. One of the NASCAR dudes tells him to shut up to a big pop. He says nobody can take R-Truth seriously because of how he's dressed. He's in a bandana and baggy jeans. The NASCAR guy is in a smart polo shirt. This is making me deeply uncomfortable, especially with the whole crowd cheering him on. R-Truth grabs him by the collar and prepares to teach him a lesson, but Brian Christopher runs out for the save! He's in full Too Cool attire, so everybody knows who it is. He hits a couple of moves on K-Krush and the NASCAR guys throw him out of the ring. Christopher gets on the mic and challenges Krush to a match next week, except he says it in a horribly pseudo-racist way. This is awful. I can't believe I've never heard of this segment before. Krush is dragged to the back by about four security guards even though he was just standing on the ramp. More dancing girls. Backstage Jarrett has got his hands on Fargo, the NWA legend who forced him to enter first in the Gauntlet. They're split up by a team of referees and security before Jeff can do any damage. Borash introduces the tag team of Christian York (whom I've never heard of) and Joey Matthews (Joey Mercury). They're facing the hillbillies from earlier, The Dupps. They're accompanied by their ditzy blonde girlfriend, Flo Dupp, who I think is supposed to be their cousin as well. 4. Christian York and Joey Matthews vs The Dupps The Dupps dominate the early going but Christian York hits an impressive springboard dropkick to save his partner from a beatdown. All four of these guys actually seem like good wrestlers as they exchange slams and strikes. Matthews hits the "Virginia necktie", a modified neckbreaker, for a narrow two count. Christian York seems particularly impressive as he breaks off a ten count of punches to hit a jumping back elbow on...the other Dupp behind him. Really not sure which is which. I think Bo Dupp is the taller of the two, but they're both pretty big. Matthews takes Stand Dupp to the outside and keeps him there, leaving York to almost botch a tornado DDT on Bo (but he just about keeps it together). York screams a lot to get the crowd hyped up, but it's slightly off-putting. It's very Dragonball Z. He heads up top for a potential moonsault, but Fluff the valet trips his leg and crotches him on the top. He slides to the canvas and Bo covers him for the win. Weak finish. Winners: The Dupps 1/5 - Too short to be particularly impressive and a weak finish. Good effort by all four guys though, they clearly have potential. The Dupps in particular were a lot more agile than I would have thought. The Dupps stride back up the ramp in Bushwacker fashion. I think Bo might have genuinely picked his nose and put it in his mouth, but I can't tell if he really did. I'm not rewinding to find out. More dancing girls. They're looking a little bored now, especially one brunette who barely moves.
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Sep 14, 2014 23:22
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Ahem, her name is Fluff, not Flo. 
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Sep 14, 2014 23:35
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Yeah Fluff sorry. I'm sure I'll be seeing a lot more of her. I actually have no idea. I'm bracing myself for potentially any non-WWF contracted wrestler to come through the curtain next. That segment with Jarrett, Shamrock and Hall was a prime example.
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Sep 15, 2014 00:27
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See first you think, hey, TNA had some good people in it and I'm sure some of it had to be entertaining! This will be fun. And then ... JGKing posted:Is this supposed to be a racist angle!? Jesus Christ, TNA, I hope not. One of the NASCAR dudes tells him to shut up to a big pop. He says nobody can take R-Truth seriously because of how he's dressed. He's in a bandana and baggy jeans. The NASCAR guy is in a smart polo shirt. This is making me deeply uncomfortable, especially with the whole crowd cheering him on. R-Truth grabs him by the collar and prepares to teach him a lesson, but Brian Christopher runs out for the save! He's in full Too Cool attire, so everybody knows who it is. He hits a couple of moves on K-Krush and the NASCAR guys throw him out of the ring. Christopher gets on the mic and challenges Krush to a match next week, except he says it in a horribly pseudo-racist way. This is awful. I can't believe I've never heard of this segment before. Krush is dragged to the back by about four security guards even though he was just standing on the ramp. And it gets worse.
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Sep 15, 2014 00:43
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Blasmeister posted:The true tragedy of TNA is that they have always had the necessary talent to stand out from WWE and put on great matches, it's just the everything else about the promotion that was the problem. I strongly disagree with this in the early days. They had 3 really talented juniors and a dearth of talent at heavyweight. Guys like AMW had promise but they needed some serious ring time before they got to be a team you'd pay money for.
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Sep 15, 2014 01:02
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JGKing posted:I'm bracing myself for potentially any non-WWF contracted wrestler to come through the curtain next. good because it feels like every other week there's a shocking debut
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Sep 15, 2014 01:04
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It always gets worse. And one of the Dupps was Trevor Murdoch, I believe.
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Sep 15, 2014 01:27
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Xerzes posted:It always gets worse. YES! Thanks, I knew I recognised him from somewhere.
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Sep 15, 2014 01:55
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York was Matthews/Mercury's regular tag partner for a good part of their early career. They actually started out alongside Shannon Moore and Greg Helms, basically doing the 3-Count gimmick as a 4 man crew, before the latter pair ended up on the WCW main roster, and York & Matthews ended up in ECW.
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Sep 15, 2014 02:01
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How can you not get behind those poor persecuted white people being unfairly insulted and attacked by that bigoted black man?
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Sep 15, 2014 05:02
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Prepare for a descent into madness, OP. You'll know when the Dark Lord has risen when Mr. Wrestling III takes off his mask to reveal the endless abyss of insanity behind it. You will see fear itself, and it will break you. Oh yes.
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Sep 15, 2014 05:40
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Gaz-L posted:York was Matthews/Mercury's regular tag partner for a good part of their early career. They actually started out alongside Shannon Moore and Greg Helms, basically doing the 3-Count gimmick as a 4 man crew, before the latter pair ended up on the WCW main roster, and York & Matthews ended up in ECW. York was actually in TNA again a couple years ago, carrying about 30 lbs more muscle than his body was built for and was generally really slow and sloppy. I remember he had a pretty bad match with Rob Van Dam on PPV.
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Sep 15, 2014 06:05
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Chokes McGee posted:when Mr. Wrestling III takes off his mask to reveal the endless abyss of insanity behind it. You will see fear itself, and it will break you. Oh yes.  *watches* THATS NOT.... it begins 
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Sep 15, 2014 10:39
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I'm glad Sonny Siaki broke from the Flying Elvises pretty fast. I remember him being pretty good. I forgot James Storm teamed with Psichosis and America's Most Wanted wasn't even formed until later. They always felt like one of the tag teams that was always in TNA.
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Sep 15, 2014 12:33
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Hope you like misogyny and racism!
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Sep 15, 2014 12:34
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This was on Challenge a few weeks ago. Although I had it on out of interest, I can't imagine having to actually watch it all properly to give a report on it. Enjoy!
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Sep 15, 2014 15:25
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Pet Rock Band posted:I'm glad Sonny Siaki broke from the Flying Elvises pretty fast. I remember him being pretty good. They turn him into a bad knockoff of The Rock almost immediately and he forms a boring tag team with "The Master of the Spine Buster" David Young
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Sep 15, 2014 17:56
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oatgan posted:They turn him into a bad knockoff of The Rock almost immediately and he forms a boring tag team with "The Master of the Spine Buster" David Young Also, I saw his valet "Desire" break her back in a pre-show match 
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Sep 15, 2014 20:49
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NWA-TNA Pay Per View #1 PART 3 Before the main event we get an extended clip of a music video from country singer Toby Keith (not familiar with him). It lasts for a while, but we finally get thrown back to the ring and it's time for the main event! Oh, no it's not. It's actually time for Toby Keith to come out on the stage and play us a different song of his. Fantastic. Oh wow. It's almost a parody of the sort of jingoistic redneck stuff Americans are lampooned for. "You'll be sorry you messed with the U S of A, we'll put a boot in your rear end, it's the American way". Everybody's whooping and cheering along though. gently caress. Somebody stop him. Oh my word, somebody actually DOES stop him! It's my hero Jeff Jarrett! He marches down to the ring and shoves over Toby's mic along the way, before cutting a promo in the ring. He tells him to get his angry American rear end out of here! gently caress yeah Jarrett! I didn't realise he was playing a babyface on this show. Toby tries to get down to the ring to "kick his rear end", but security stops him and takes him backstage. 5. NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Gauntlet For The Gold Well, Jeff Jarrett is already established as the number one entrant in this match. Here comes number two hurtling down to the ring - it's Buff Bagwell! Could this show get any better? Bagwell beats on Jarrett and almost throws him out, before hitting the Blockbuster from the second rope. Buff could press the advantage but instead decides to pose for the hard camera. He charges at Jarrett who backdrops him over and out. Elimination #1: Buff Bagwell (by Jeff Jarrett) That was quick. We still have 25 seconds to kill until the next entrant. Jeff antagonizes the crowd until number three makes his way out - it's Lash LeRoux, or Corporal Cajun of WCW's Misfits In Action stable. You know the one, led by General Hugh G. Rection. Jarrett throws him immediately out through the middle rope and whips him into a dangerously flimsy looking guardrail. What's the bet Jeff makes at least the final two here? They get back in the ring and Jarrett hits The Stroke, aka the least electrifying move in sports entertainment, before throwing a weakened LeRoux over the top. Elimination #2: Lash LeRoux (by Jeff Jarrett) Next up is Screamin' Norman Smiley, who clearly won't last long. Wasn't he a comedy jobber in WCW's later days? Smiley stops Jarrett mid-charge to dance - it gets a huge pop. He's really over apparently. Jeff isn't amused and flattens him with a clothesline. Smiley comes back with a surprisingly big powerslam but falls victim to a devious low blow. A second Stroke follows and Norman goes for a ride. Elimination #3: Norman Smiley (by Jeff Jarrett) Are they going to try and make the Stroke TNA's version of the Pedigree or Tombstone? It's knocking people clean out. The fifth entrant makes his way to the ring - it's Apollo, a big Puerto Rican hoss who comes out to no reaction. He finally gets the better of the dominant Jarrett, battering him with very tame looking clotheslines and a gentle neckbreaker. He hoists Jarrett up for a gorilla press to throw him out of the ring, but it's clearly meant to be broken up by the next entrant. Unfortunately Apollo does this WAY too early and has to hold Jeff there like an idiot, refusing to throw him out of the ring until K-Krush makes the save. Krush is teaming up with Jarrett because they're both heels I suppose, but I like to think he's thanking him for dealing with the racist country singer from earlier. Krush hits a nice axe kick to the back of Apollo's head, allowing Jarrett to recover in the corner. The heels then take turns beating on the Puerto Rican until the next entrant makes his way to the ring. It's the imaginatively named Slash (is this an e-Fed?), led by his stable's manager, Father James Mitchell. Mitchell looks to be Ministry-era Undertaker in smaller manager form, with maybe a shade of Bray Wyatt thrown in. Slash is a big boring hoss. The two big guys collide and Apollo looks to be winning the exchange with a jumping DDT. He goes to throw Slash out, but Jarrett intervenes to keep more heels in the ring with him. Tenay and West are baffled for some reason. Next is Del Rios, another hoss. This one looks exactly like Scott Steiner, and I mean exactly like him. I thought it was at first - I got unspeakably excited. Ed Ferrara explicitly points out that Rios looks familiar, but Tenay plays dumb. He hooks up Slash for a belly-to-belly but gets bitten on the forehead. Justice is our next entrant, yet another hoss - this time of the chubby variety. Wikipedia informs me that it's actually an early gimmick of Abyss! He starts dishing out big boots and drills Del Rios with the black hole slam, although I doubt it's called that yet.The next entrant (to a big pop) is Konnan. He beats on Justice for a while and hits a big facebuster. Orale. The next man out is Joel Gertner! He's not competing though, he's just here to introduce his new tag team - The Rainbow Express. They consist of Lenny and Bruce, but only Bruce will be entering the match. They stride out and...oh wow, it's horribly offensive. They're just two very stereotypical gay men, walking effeminately arm in arm down the ramp. The crowd are screaming abuse. Jesus. Next up we've got Rick Steiner to a pop - hopefully he'll clear out some of the ring. It's getting very crowded in there. He grabs Slash and hoists him very clumsily out of the ring for our first non-Jarrett based elimination. Elimination #4: Slash (by Rick Steiner) Justice charges at Rick, but the Dog Faced Gremlin picks him up with impressive ease and hits a big slam. A clothesline follows and takes Justice clean out of the ring. Elimination #5: Justice (by Rick Steiner) It's time for another entrant, this time Malice. He's Slash's tag team partner and is about as generic. He looks pretty much the same but with hair. Oh poo poo, wait a second. He's actually quite a lot bigger, as he scoops up Del Rios and plants him with a chokeslam. Bruce takes a chokeslam as well, followed by Konnan. K-Krush tries to make a heel alliance, but Malice doesn't give a poo poo and hits him with a chokeslam as well. Bruce goes for a ride over the top rope, as do Krush and Del Rios. Elimination #6: Bruce (by Malice) Elimination #7: K-Krush (by Malice) Elimination #8: Del Rios (by Malice) Konnan gets tossed as well, but it looks like he's going to land on the apron. He does, and then steps to the floor. Clearly didn't want to take a bump - coward. Elimination #9: Konnan (by Malice) Rick Steiner faces up to the monster now, and charges across the ring at him. Low bridge! The fan favourite is out. Elimination #10: Rick Steiner (by Malice) We'll continue this in part 4. WHO CAN STOP THE MIGHTY MALICE!? Find out next time.
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Sep 15, 2014 21:15
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Yeah, that near-parody song was a big hit for several months. Wasn't this a little soon after 9/11?
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Sep 15, 2014 21:35
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