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Pet Rock Band posted:Yeah, that near-parody song was a big hit for several months. Wasn't this a little soon after 9/11? It was written by Toby Keith after 9/11 and it is exactly what you would expect from a Southern redneck country star after that day. I mean, look at this poo poo. Now this nation that I love Has fallen under attack A mighty sucker punch came flyin’ in From somewhere in the back Soon as we could see clearly Through our big black eye Man, we lit up your world Like the 4th of July Not even South Park could top that one.
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Sep 18, 2014 03:50
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Thanks for doing these reviews, JGK. I've said for a while now that PGP needed its own Big Bob Pataki. You're well on your way to being that broken! (Seriously tho, thanks for these, but you're insane)
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Sep 18, 2014 04:12
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TNA #3: Senior Year PART 3 We're only about halfway through the show but apparently the big title match is next! 6. NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ken Shamrock (c) vs Malice Shamrock is out injured due to the assault from Malice earlier tonight. He challenger stomps him down as he enters the ring and focuses entirely on the neck. After a few minutes of squashiness Shamrock almost ensnares Malice in an armbar, but the challenger pulls his hand free. They head outside the ring and the champ gets his head bashed into the announce table. Back inside he slaps on a surprise leglock, but Mitchell makes the ropes as Mitchell screams at him from the outside. Malice sets up for a vertical suplex, but Shamrock reverses into a fantastic snap suplex of his own. They return to their feet and Shamrock hits his belly-to-belly. Malice almost kicks out in time, but the referee just about manages to count three. Winner and STILL NWA World Heavyweight Champion: Ken Shamrock 1/5 - THAT was the title match!? Shamrock bails to the outside as Malice springs angrily to his feet. He grabs his title, sells the neck heavily, and walks triumphantly to the back. Next up we have the X Division title match. AJ will be defending against...David Young!? How the gently caress did he bag a title shot? All he did was lose to Apollo last week - I can instantly think of about five more deserving challengers on the roster. Nevertheless, he's out with his attention-stealing manager Bobcat. 7. TNA X-Division Championship: AJ Styles (c) vs David Young Styles starts by doing normal moves better than they usually are. A dropkick turns into a backflip. An armdrag has a little more pizazz put on it. Bobcat is on her phone - this gimmick of her being an awful manager is really weak. Styles prepares for a springboard move from the apron, but Young pushes him as he jumps and his neck hits the top rope! Now Young gets on the apron and hits a springboard moonsault to the outside! I didn't know he was capable of that. The challenger lets everybody know he's going for a spinebuster by yelling "spinebuster!", which AJ easily avoids. He flips out of a German suplex and lands on his feet, but Young hits a belly-to-belly into the turnbuckles! Ouch. Young hits some nice moves now - I didn't realise he was a good wrestler last time! A brainbuster follows a great enziguri, but neither can pick up the three count. The pair slightly botch AJ's springboard into the inverted DDT, but they hit it anyway and it's not so bad. AJ busts out some martial arts kicks but Young ducks the final one to the head...only for Styles to knock him down with a vicious knife-edged chop! It must suck wrestling AJ by the way. His transitional striker of choice is a chop. He leaps towards Young looking for a DDT or something, but the challenger stops his momentum and DRILLS him with a spinebuster! It's much better than last week's effort and I now feel bad. Sorry David. Styles kicks out and Young is pissed off. He puts AJ on the top rope and goes for a headscissors...but AJ holds him in place as he vaults backwards! Styles Clash from the top rope! 1...2...3! Winner and STILL TNA X-Division Champion: AJ Styles 3/5 - Some awkward little moments of miscommunication but a good match overall. The finish was very impressive. Good work Young, you've redeemed yourself. Bobcat gets in the ring and dances around, stealing all the attention. AJ pushes her over and poses with the belt to a small pop before leaving. She's really proved a needless distraction to a good match. Goldilocks is backstage with the Rainbow Express and Joel Gertner. Joel hits on her in his creepy way and explains that, since there are no more teams left for his boys to face (after Harris and Storm's beatdown backstage) his tag team are automatically about to be crowned NWA tag champs. They head to the ring for their coronation, but not before Gertner forces a kiss on Goldilocks. Uncomfortable viewing. The Express head out to be awarded the championship but Borash has other ideas. He announces that the following team will face them for the titles. It's AJ Styles and Jerry Lynn! 8. NWA World Tag Team Championship: The Rainbow Express vs Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles AJ sells the effects of the match he's just been through, the poor lamb. He gets beaten down upon entering the ring but Lynn takes control, backdropping one Dupp onto the other outside and springboarding onto both of them. Styles joins in with a twisting springboard which doesn't connect properly, but we'll let him off because he's usually awesome. Lynn grabs a waistlock on Lenny in the ring, but the dastardly homosexual swivels his hips and enjoys it. Jerry instead hits a brilliant headscissors and a drop toehold into the middle turnbuckle. He charges at Lenny in the corner...and stops!? Slight miscommunication there, and he instead stomps a mudhole. Bruce comes in to make the save but predictably takes a drop toehold into his partner's crotch. Jerry slams his head down a few more times for good measure, and Don West muses that they're probably enjoying it. Lazy humour. Lynn goes to the apron and kicks off the grabby hands of Joel Gertner. Bruce tries to headbutt him through the middle rope but Lynn jumps up and hits the axe kick! Holy poo poo, that's a regular spot of his!? AJ tags in briefly to hit a spinning heel kick but doesn't last long before he gets tired. Jerry comes back with a bulldog from the top rope, but Lenny breaks up the pinfall. He tags in and locks Lynn in the...ahem...Tigertamer. AJ runs in to break it up with a running clothesline. Lenny hits Lynn with a very VERY delayed vertical suplex and goes for a sexy pin, but the babyface kicks out in time. Bruce tags in and he has quite a boring exchange with Lynn featuring a lot of messy brawling and restholds. I'm really not a fan of Bruce. Lenny is clearly the better of the two. Lynn reverses a powerbomb attempt into a cradle piledriver attempt, but Bruce rolls him up for two instead. AJ finally gets the hot tag and comes in like a house on fire to face Lenny, rocking him with a hurricanrana, a superkick, and a discus clothesline all in ridiculously quick succession. He gets caught with what looks like a version of Jarrett's stroke, only with a full nelson applied, but Lynn narrowly breaks up the pin. He hits the cradle piledriver on Lenny and takes Bruce out of the ring, leaving AJ to hit the Spiral Tap for three! Winners and NEW NWA World Heavyweight Tag Team Champions: Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles 2.5/5 - A hard match to judge. Lenny and Bruce acted as punching bags for the most part, but the match grew and became more even as it went on. The faces were predictably impressive, while Lenny put in some good work too. Bruce is a very inconsistent performer unfortunately, and the match dragged during sections in which he featured prominently. AJ's a double champion! He and Lynn hug it out in the ring with their new titles as sparks shoot from the turnbuckles. We get an ACTION SHOT backstage of a security team running through the building, the camera in hot pursuit. They find NWA President Jim Miller tied up and gagged, "FU" written across his big belly in red letters. COULD THIS BE THE WORK OF MEGA-HEEL JEFF JARRETT!? We'll find out soon enough, because he's in the main event up next. Oh, also, Goldilocks was there for no reason. She told us she had no idea what was going on. As per loving usual.
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Sep 20, 2014 00:25
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TNA #3: Senior Year PART 4 9. Jeff Jarrett and K-Krush vs Scott Hall and Brian Christopher K-Krush and Christopher both dance down to the ring. I hope they have a CHIKARA-style dance off during the match. The faces charge the ring and hurl the heels to the outside. For the past two shows I've been trying to work out what's on the back of Hall's trunks - now I see it. "KLIQ". They brawl into two different sections of the crowd, which is twice as annoying as usual. Hall bashes Jarrett into one of the dancer's cages, a unique spot in fairness. They battle into the cage (the girl runs away) and Hall continues the beatdown. They finally get back to the ring where Christopher and Krush start things off properly. Meanwhile, Jarrett gets thrown into the announce area. Ferrara reassures him that all three commentators are rooting for him. Christopher goes for his guillotine legdrop but K-Krush rolls out of the way. Hall enters and tries a hiptoss, but Krush flips out of it. Scott nicely modifies it into a chokeslam and Jarrett's back in the ring now. He gets beaten down by Christopher in the corner but evades a bronco buster-type move, leaving Lawler Jr to crash crotch-first into the ringpost. Jarrett causes a miscommunication between the two faces (rare!) and eats a flailing elbow from Hall. Krush wants the tag. Krush gets! He flies with a (poo poo) missile dropkick. West goes off on the heels, saying "they've taken on the NASCAR fans, they've taken on the country and western fans. Who is there left!?". Quite a sizeable demographic I think. Jarrett hits a crossbody on Hall, who rolls through into a pinfall attempt. The pair exchange sleeper holds - the exact same spot they did last week - before Jeff counters with a stunner. Krush comes in and applies a chinlock to the veteran. He yells "SHUT UP LADY" to somebody in the crowd. Fantastic. Heels should do that more often. Hall stands up and hits an electric chair drop. He crawls to make the tag to Christopher...and tries to hit him? Christopher ducks out of the way and yells back as if to say "what the gently caress!?". I thought that was a swerve, but Hall continues to beat down the heels. He turns and knocks his own partner off the apron too. What is going on? Is this some kind of tweener-turn? Hall drags Christopher into the ring and slams him down. He hits the Razor's Edge on Krush but there's no ref - he took a bump somewhere in the mayhem. Jarrett blindsides Hall and hits the Stroke. Christopher's up top and hits the guillotine legdrop!? Oh it IS a swerve. Just a really poorly executed one. What the gently caress? Anyway, the ref recovers. That's three. Winners: Jeff Jarrett and K-Krush 1/5 - A decent match, but points deducted for that awful, awful finish. I'll list my issues with it below. 1. How did Hall know Christopher was going to turn on him? From what I can tell, Brian didn't refuse to let him tag out. They just held their hands in the air for a while before Hall swung at him. Scott definitely attacked first. I thought he was turning heel until he continued to beat up Jarrett and K-Krush. 2. Why did Christopher turn? He and K-Krush hated each other a week ago and now they're hugging it out. It makes little sense. What's even more confusing is that Christopher started the feud by coming out to defend the NASCAR guys. So he started a feud with Krush entirely of his own volition and then immediately agreed to ally with him two weeks later? What!? 3. What on earth is the purpose of this swerve? What does Jarrett gain by screwing over Hall? Scott doesn't hold a title or much (kayfabe) power in the company. This achieves absolutely nothing for Jeff and K-Krush. I'm not even sure what it does for Christopher. Maybe we'll find out some answers. Jarrett has a mic... He says he's proved his point tonight and that Hall ain't worth a poo poo. He beat his rear end in '95, '97, ran it out of WCW, and he's going to run him out of the NWA. Jarrett compares Hall to all the other legends in the NWA - not worth anything. He runs down Jim Miller, Harley Race, Dory Funk, etc etc. He takes the trophy presented to TNA right at the start of the show and smashes it over Hall's head. It's sold terribly. I think Christopher and K-Krush went backstage a while ago. EMTs bring a stretcher down to tend to Hall. Jarrett repeats his threat to run him out of the NWA (he accidentally calls it the nWo) if it's the last thing he does. He hits an elbow drop from the apron onto Hall's stretcher before continuing. He says that on the first night he was screwed out of the NWA title in the Gauntlet for the Gold match. He tips Hall's stretcher over as it's being wheeled up the ramp and storms off. What the gently caress? Without spoilers, can somebody explain to me what just happened? I feel overly-optimistic asking for no spoilers, because that implies that there'll be some sort of closure in future episodes. I wouldn't actually be surprised if TNA expected us to accept this as valid reasoning. I get that Jarrett has an issue with the NWA and its legends - that part makes sense. But what on earth does Scott Hall have to do with them? He's not particularly affiliated with them; he's the same as any other member of the roster. Jarrett might as well have beaten the poo poo out of Psicosis - it would be just as relevant. Also (this is my last point, I swear) we can't assume that Jarrett orchestrated the whole K-Krush/Christopher feud, because their rivalry began before he was eliminated from the Gauntlet by Hall. This means that Jarrett instead contacted Christopher after the feud had started and convinced him to turn heel, entirely letting go of his hatred of K-Krush. And Chistopher agreed, becoming Jarrett's henchman for no discernible reason. And WHO THE gently caress BEAT UP HARRIS AND STORM BACKSTAGE!? (I think we're supposed to assume it was the Rainbow Express). JGKing fucked around with this message at 01:46 on Sep 20, 2014 |
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Sep 20, 2014 01:42
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TNA #3: SENIOR YEAR SUMMARY Match Of The Night AJ Styles vs David Young - AJ clearly led the way in this match, but Young surprised me by keeping up with him and making it a good contest. Wrestler Of The Night 1. AJ Styles - The best wrestler on the card for the second show in a row. Yet to place outside of the top five. 2. David Young - Proved that he's a good worker with some surprising offence befitting the X-Divison style. Needs a better manager. 3. Jerry Lynn - Continued to impress, this time in tag team action alongside AJ. 4. Lenny - The better half of the Rainbow Express. Consistently solid throughout both his matches. 5. Apollo - A comparatively brief role tonight, but stood out the most in his match alongside Buff and the Rainbow boys. Great superkick. James Storm did well in his tag match too, but just misses out here. Jarrett was building up some steam in the main event, and could well have bagged some points were it not cut short by that STUPID finish. Wrestler Of The "1st Tenth" Standings 1. AJ Styles - 12 2. Jerry Lynn - 10 3. Low Ki - 7 4. Jimmy Yang - 5 5. David Young - 4 6. Psicosis - 2 Lenny - 2 7. Sonny Siaki - 1 Brian Christopher - 1 Apollo - 1 TNA #3: Senior Year - 3/10 This should really have been TNA's first show to break the 3/10 ceiling. It probably had the best in-ring action of the three episodes overall (just), but the booking prevents it from scoring a 4. It was that detrimental to the overall quality. Firstly, this show was a slog to watch. Everything was broken up by seemingly pointless backstage segments, only a handful of which were actually resolved. The amount of times we ended a segment with Goldilocks saying "I have no idea what's going on here" was ridiculous. The tag team tournament provided better action than I first feared, and the X-Division title match was great fun, but the supposedly "big" NWA title bout was horrendously short. I'm not sure why it appeared so low on the card either - it was almost an afterthought of the show. I've already ranted about the main event enough, but I'd like to point out that I don't have an irrational hatred of swerves. A good swerve can be fantastic and thrilling. I hate swerves for the sake of swerves, and I hate illogical storylines even more. This show combined the two. Guitars Smashed: 0 Swerves: ONE! We had our first swerve. And it was really stupid. JGKing fucked around with this message at 03:19 on Sep 20, 2014 |
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Sep 20, 2014 02:58
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The biggest shocker from this recap is that Jarrett didn't hit anyone with a guitar in the first three shows. Also I forgot how fast AJ got the first two legs of the TNA Triple Crown.
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Sep 20, 2014 07:59
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TNA #4: High Noon at Mega Mountain - July 10th 2002 - Nashville, Tennessee PART 1 No messing around this week. We kick things off straight away with an NWA World Tag Team Championship match featuring James Mitchell's new recruit, TEMPEST! (Don't worry, it's just Crowbar under a different name.) His partner isn't Malice, no, he's the top man of the stable. It's the other one, the ridiculously named Slash. 1. NWA World Tag Team Championship: Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles (c) vs The Disciples of the New Church Jerry Lynn and Slash face off. The old timer takes control with Spike Dudley's finisher while Ferrara and Tenay talk up the change that has come over Devon Storm. He's now wide-eyed and vacant, almost a different person. Of course his name has changed too - now he's AJ drop toeholds Tempest under the bottom rope to the floor in a nice spot, before faking a dive to the outside. What a cocktease. Back in the ring they have a chop battle, which Tempest wins to gain control of the match. AJ goes for the Styles Clash but gets backdropped onto the apron, before springboarding back in with a nice dropkick. I imagine it's a pain in the arse being told you're wrestling AJ that night - he must work his opponents so hard to keep up with him. It all breaks down and all four men end up in the ring, where the faces whip the heels into one another. This is like a reverse squash match almost. The Disciples have had almost of offence. The heels get thrown to the outside and AJ flies with a crossbody, but they catch him! Here comes Lynn with a senton to knock all of them down. Jerry gets back in the ring and Tempest tries to follow him, but he busts out his fantastic axe-kick spot through the ropes. He rotates the suspended heel into an inverted rope-assisted DDT position, allowing Styles to come off the top with a lionsault. A convoluted spot to describe - sorry about that. Tempest decides to show that he's a good wrestler too, hitting a brilliant death valley driver and following it up with a spinning elbow. Slash gets the tag and the heels hit a double chokeslam for two. Styles hits a discus clothesline and tags in Lynn who clears house. He sets up Tempest for the cradle piledriver but Slash boots him in the face. He collapses against the ropes and AJ blind-tags himself in. Spiral tap on Tempest - not the cleanest contact, I think the heel might have actually tried to get out of the way. Coward. It's still good enough for the three. Winners and STILL NWA World Tag Team Champions: Jerry Lynn and AJ Styles 2/5 - A decent opener marred by the occasional sloppy spot. The Disciples aren't the most compelling pair of wrestlers but they did okay. AJ and Lynn are still great. Lynn looks a little pissed off. He didn't appreciate AJ's blind tag, which makes sense as Styles was the legal man for the vast majority of the match anyway. AJ celebrates with both title belts in the ring until Lynn comes in and joins him. He receives his belt from Styles but doesn't join him in posing on the turnbuckles, instead walking to the back alone. AJ looks worried. Tenay recaps the awful swerve from last week. Read my review of that show for a breakdown of exactly why I hated it (there were a lot of reasons). He interviews Scott Hall on an awful phone line. He says something along the lines of not being down for long - he's going to get his revenge. He's coming after Brian Christopher first, then K-Krush, and he's saving Jarrett for last. He hangs up. That was blatantly a pre-recorded promo as Tenay didn't say a word. Ferrara explains that Hall is an idiot for picking Christopher as his partner last week - he and Jarrett grew up together. Their fathers were great friends and business partners in the wrestling industry. Tenay says that, now he's had a week to think about it, the betrayal makes total sense. That's NOT how you do a swerve, TNA! You should try and get it right WHEN IT HAPPENS. Don't rely on your commentators to fill in the details a week later. That's probably a sign that it didn't come across very clearly. Here comes Christopher down to the ring with a mic. He says that there comes a time in life when you transition from a child to a man. He claims he's been labelled a child all his life, specifically Jerry Lawler's son. He says he's lived his entire life in Jerry Lawler's shadow, and explains that people think he only got into the business because "The King" got him in. After 14 years in the industry he can finally say screw Jerry Lawler. The crowd are booing and he tells them to shut up; none of them were in his shoes. All he wanted was a father to look up to, but every time he looked up...Lawler was never there. GREAT line! This is a good heel promo. He runs down his dad for giving Vince McMahon all the attention he should have been giving his son. He says that it's time for a change, something Scott Hall learned last week. It's going to be all about him from now on; he's going to make himself famous. He's not Jerry's kid anymore. It's now all about Brian Lawler. 2. Brian Lawler vs Norman Smiley That name change makes no sense by the way. Surely if he's stepping out from his father's shadow, it would have made more sense to go from Brian Lawler to Brian Christopher. Not the other way around. ANYWAY I digress. Lawler jumps Smiley at the bell and stomps a mudhole before mocking his own dancing. Norman gains control with a big swinging powerslam before dancing his own dance. This infuriates Lawler, but he misses with a big right and takes an atomic drop which sends him into the 619 position across the middle rope. Norman approaches him from behind and...pretends to gently caress him up the arse!? Okay... Lawler ain't happy. He folds up Smiley with a hard DDT and is getting some big heat here, chants of "Jerry's kid, Jerry's kid". He takes off his bandana and uses it to choke out Norman until the ref snatches it away. Smiley hits a ridiculous comedy headbutt and a stiff elbow, before going up for ten punches. Low blow by Lawler out of sight of the ref! Smiley collapses to the canvas and Lawler heads up for the hip hop drop...but he throws the goggles away before dropping the leg. That's enough for three. Winner: Brian Lawler 2/5 - A pretty short, simple match, but Lawler did a great job of heeling it up here. He got some really good heat from the crowd. Smiley looked good as well. He knew his role (and shut his mouth). Lawler has a mic and calls out Scott Hall for next week.
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Sep 26, 2014 03:09
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Smiley did that rear end grind thing in wcw too. It was one of his gimmicks along with screaming like a little girl.
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Sep 30, 2014 09:21
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TNA #4: High Noon at Mega Mountain PART 2 We cut to the back where Jarrett is arguing with a backstage official. He seems to think he should have a title shot tonight against Shamrock, but the suit suspends him for what he did to President Jim Miller last week. Jarrett storms off and passes a half-open door, inside which we can hear Father James Mitchell berating his team for losing their earlier match. Goldilocks stood around with a microphone and looked useless for this whole segment. It's now time for the big match between K-Krush and that racist NASCAR guy. We haven't seen the other racist NASCAR guy for a week or so. I think he was the bigger star of the two, but perhaps the less enthusiastic about wrestling. Krush comes out to the ring and cuts an old-school heel promo on the crowd, calling particularly angry fans into the ring with him to fight. Luckily we're prevented a race riot by the arrival of Hermie Sadler and his pit crew, who are carrying assorted racing-themed weapons (stop signs, chequered flags, etc). 3. K-Krush vs Hermie Sadler The pair have a stare down and exchange shoves and slaps. Krush begins to smack Sadler around and whips him into the ropes. He hooks his arms and ducks a spinning heel kick, allowing Krush to crotch himself on the top rope. This looks like it's going to be a highly choreographed match, but when you have non-wrestlers involved that's probably for the best. Sadler shoves Krush to the outside and jumps off the apron with a right hand. Krush regains control easily and chokes him against the ringpost, but Sadler ducks the incoming right hand and the stupid heel accidentally punches the steel instead. Comedy! They head back inside and Sadler hits ten punches in the corner, followed by a near fall!? Thankfully Krush kicks out at 2, before planting Hermie into the mat with an axe kick. He covers Sadler with one finger for a two count, hahaha. Hermie kicks out of both a vertical suplex and a powerslam, so Krush resorts to the signature move of Jeff Jarrett's Justice Leage (JJJL), a figure four leglock. Sadler, a NASCAR driver, reverses the hold and forces Krush to grab the ropes. He's getting way too much offence here. Krush goes for a hurricanrana...reversed into a huge powerbomb! What the gently caress is going on!? 1...2...and again he kicks out just in time. Hermie tries to press the advantage, but Krush trips him into a pinning predicament and puts his feet on the ropes for leverage. That's the finish. Winner: K-Krush 1/5 - Hermie Sadler is easily one of the best non-wrestling workers I've seen, but the booking here was all wrong. He got way too much offence and K-Krush now looks incredibly weak, especially as he had to resort to cheating. Sadler's pit crew jump up on the apron to protest the cheap finish. Krush has his hand raised and sticks a few extra cheap shots on Hermie in celebration. WAIT A SECOND, WHAT!? The referee consults with the pit crew outside the ring and reverses the decision!? Sadler wins!? Winner: Hermie Sadler 0.5/5 - Extra half mark deducted for an even stupider finish than I first thought. Now Krush is buried even further. wWo motherfucker. We cut to the back where we have our first glimpse of Takao Omori, the challenger to Ken Shamrock's NWA title. He's doing some intense squats until he's interrupted by Alicia (Ryan Shamrock), who again seems to be demanding money. He pays her without much fuss while Don West again pressures Ferrara to tell us what's going on. Ferrara plays dumb. When is this angle going to end? We cut back to the ring and there's already a team in there. Borash announces "and their opponents..." without us having a clue who the first team are. Great formatting TNA. 4. The Briscoes vs The Hotshots Holy poo poo! It's a very very young Mark and Jay Briscoe. They're both in red singlets. The Hotshots consist of Chase Stevens and Cassidy O'Riley, a pair of bleach-blonde pretty boys. Tenay reveals that the Briscoes are 18 years old! Jesus Christ. Chase takes Jay down with a big spinebuster but Mark saves his bro with a sloppy missile dropkick from the top. Jay gets hurled onto Mark on the outside and the Hotshots hit a sick couple of planchas over the top rope onto their opponents. All four men return to the ring and start chopping each other, but here comes Malice from the back. He hits an ugly slam on Chase Stevens and the ref calls for the bell. Winner: No Contest NA/5 The Briscoes whip O'Riley into Malice, who almost boots his bleached head off his shoulders. He takes down the future ROH legends with a double clothesline and stands dominant in the ring. Malice starts dishing out huge clotheslines as James Mitchell, Slash and Tempest look on from ringside with evil grins. Malice clears the ring and the rest of the stable step inside. Mitchell claims that they're not leaving until the blood of Ken Shamrock is on Malice's hands. He says Shamrock has two options - come and face annihilation like a man, or stay in the back like a coward. If he chooses the latter, Mitchell promises that Malice will pulverise every single person in this arena until he answers the challenge. I'd back the thousands in attendance over Malice in all honesty, even if he is well over 6'5". Mitchell says Shamrock has ten seconds, but immediately declares that time's up. What's the point of that? He wonders who the first victim will be, before pointing at the timekeeper. He gets dragged into the ring and set up for a powerbomb by Malice, but they're interrupted by Shamrock's entrance music. That was a relief. The timekeeper was a big fat guy - I'm not even sure Malice could have lifted him properly. Shamrock runs down to the ring and is immediately overran by Slash, Tempest and Malice. He's set up for a chokeslam and Malice waits...and waits...and waits...and FINALLY Omori runs down to the ring to make the save. Well, runs is an overstatement. He jogs lethargically down. At least pretend to care dude! The NWA Champion and number one contender clear the ring of heels before staring one another down warily. We head backstage for an interview with The Dupps. Goldi is so disgusted by them she can barely get her questions out. They cut a very generic hillbilly promo, saying they're going to make their opponents squeal like pigs and so on. They're scheduled to face The Flying Elvises next. Borash is in the ring to introduce the next match, but the Dupps' theme music is interrupted several times by a sexy saxophone track. Here comes Jasmine St Claire from the back, whom Tenay describes as renowned for her ECW appearances and "so much more". Oh she's a porn star. Okay. West and Ferrara finally agree on something, both lusting after her in a way that would make Jerry Lawler turn away in disgust. Ferrara says that she's his favourite actress. West replies "I know, I borrowed that tape from your house". To masturbate over, you guys. Jasmine says that she's been at home for the last three weeks watching this show, but she's also been patiently waiting to see some real TNA. She asks if there's any guy in the building that wants to see that. An arena of disgusting wrestling nerds whoops and cheers. She asks for a chair and a ref hurriedly throws it into the ring. She drags Borash into the chair and gives him a lapdance, taking off her thong and putting it around his neck. Don't worry, she's wearing a long dress - we can't see anything. You wouldn't know that from the commentators' overreactions though. Jasmine is interrupted by that suit who keeps hanging around backstage. He's the NWA Vice President - I should really learn his name. I think it's Bill something. He slides in the ring to stop the lapdance...but Ferrara charges in and spears him! The VP is furious and shoves Ed away, before wrapping a coat around Jasmine to protect her modesty (she's still fully covered anyway, so I'm not sure why he did that) and leading her out of the ring. A furious Ferrara is held back by a bewildered Borash. Professional wrestling.
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Sep 30, 2014 15:25
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JGKing posted:When is this angle going to end? For your mental health, please stop assuming that angles are going to end, or have any kind of payoff.
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Sep 30, 2014 16:04
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dsriggs posted:For your mental health, please stop assuming that angles are going to end, or have any kind of payoff. Maybe stop thinking of them as angles, even. Angles have a point.
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Sep 30, 2014 16:14
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Gaz-L posted:Maybe stop thinking of them as angles, even. Angles have a point. Should we call them circles instead? Going around over and over again, never stopping, never ending.
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Sep 30, 2014 16:16
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Writer Cath posted:Should we call them circles instead? TNA has never been over.
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Sep 30, 2014 16:17
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Great White Hope posted:TNA has never been over. It's an imperfect simile, okay? 
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Sep 30, 2014 16:21
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Writer Cath posted:Should we call them circles instead? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEhS9Y9HYjU&t=5s
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Sep 30, 2014 16:32
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TNA doesn't have angles so much as line segments. They start, they go on for a bit, they stop.
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Sep 30, 2014 17:39
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TNA is a flat circle.
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Sep 30, 2014 19:34
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Writer Cath posted:It's an imperfect simile, okay? That's maybe the best description of TNA of all.
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Sep 30, 2014 22:27
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Pet Rock Band posted:TNA is a flat circle. If that had been what True Detective was about, it would've ended with Matthew McConaughey killing himself after conceding that the darkness was winning.
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Sep 30, 2014 23:17
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Pet Rock Band posted:TNA is a flat circle. Imagine four angles on the edge of a cliff. Nothing happens and they stay in the same place.
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Oct 2, 2014 02:50
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TNA #4: High Noon at Mega Mountain PART 3 5. The Dupps vs The Flying Elvises The Flying Elvises are tonight represented by only Jorge Estrada and Sonny Siaki, as Jimmy Yang is touring in Japan. It's a shame we haven't seen these guys since the first show - they were very entertaining. The same can't be said of the Dupps, as Stan immediately botches a spinebuster on Siaki. Mortimer Plumtree strides down to the ring (he's the guy who was managing The Johnsons), cricket bat in hand. Estrada and Bo square off in the ring, the latter vaulting outrageously into a backflip from the top and following it up with a superkick. He got serious elevation there. Stan tags in and gets a two count as Plumtree insists that he and his tag team are fine despite their argument last week. Estrada escapes a pinfall following a vicious Alabama slam by sneaking a foot onto the ropes. Siaki gets the tag and hits a sprinboard moonsault on Bo for two, but Stan does a surprisingly good job of clearing house after becoming the legal man. He plants Siaki with a massive full nelson slam for two while Estrada springboards onto Bo outside the ring. Siaki hits a nice suplex on Stan and Estrada dashes back in to hit an OURTRAGEOUS SPRINGBOARD SENTON! Christ, he almost landed on his head. That was so nearly botched, but it turned out awesome. I'm not sure whether to praise or criticise him for that. It gets the three anyway. Winners: The Flying Elvises 1.5/5 - Too short to be considered better than the opening tag match of the night, but contained some impressive performances from Siaki and Estrada. The Dupps aren't very good are they? We cut to the back where Jerry Lynn is attacking his tag partner AJ Styles in the catering area. TNA don't do slow-burns apparently. AJ fights back and whips Lynn over a table. He dives across with a crossbody (nice) and they continue brawling. Lynn regains the upper hand with the time-honoured tactic of smashing his opponent's head into various hard surfaces, before dragging Styles onto a metal box and hitting the cradle piledriver right on the top of it! He calls AJ a "glory hound", throws one of the tag belts at him and leaves. Harley Race is out to watch the big title match. It's next. 6. NWA World Heavyweight Championship: Ken Shamrock (c) vs Takao Omori Omori hasn't been built up at all. We know nothing about him other than what we saw from his brief run-in earlier. Shamrock dominates from the start with some nice strikes and a great DDT. Resthold time immediately!? A headscissors is broken as Omori rolls into the ropes. He picks himself up and hits a spinning heelkick and a nice dropkick. The dude's big but he can move. The brawl slowly for a while until Omori hits a running neckbreaker, which Shamrock turns the wrong way to sell. Aghhh it looked so sloppy. Omori heads up top and misses a double knee drop as the champ rolls out of the way. Shamrock charges and is taken out with a MASSIVE lariat! Apparently that's Omori's signature "axe bomber" and it looks vicious. Ken just about kicks out at two and hits a dropkick. "That's the Ultimate Fighter we know of" quips West, because obviously you see dropkicks busted out in the UFC all the time. Omori hits a hard elbow and sets up for a cradle piledriver, but Shamrock low blows his way out. Um...ref!? The commentators pretend it didn't happen and Ken reverses a full nelson into Jericho's favourite submission, the ARMBAR~! He quickly releases it and transitions into the ankle lock, but...uh oh. Here comes The Chosen One down to the ring with chair in hand. Jeff Jarrett (for it is he) slides in and decimates both men with chairshots as the bell rings. Winner: No Contest 1.5/5 - Decent I suppose, but TNA need to stop treating the championship like a mere feature of their show rather than its centrepiece. Unfortunately they'd need to push it to the top of the card to do that, and I don't think Shamrock has the ability to compete at that level. Omori looked decent by the way. Harley Race gets in the ring to stop this madness but EATS A HUGE CHAIRSHOT TO THE HEAD! Jesus! Jarrett swings for the referee, who action rolls out of the way and heads to the back! Hahahaha that was an unintentionally awesome moment. It was like something from The Matrix - legitimately one of the best action rolls I've ever seen. A team of NWA security head for the ring but Jarrett takes all of them out with his chair. He's burying TNA! Somebody stop him! Call the White World Order! Shamrock staggers to his feet and Jeff smashes the chair into his skull. Goldi is in the back and approaches a fuming Jerry Lynn. I'll have to transcribe this promo because it's amazing. quote:Goldilocks: Moments ago we saw you violently attack your tag team partner. Can you give us some... I didn't realise TNA had Eugene O'Neill writing their scripts. That was literary brilliance. Goldi turns to leave but is interrupted by The Disciples of the New Church. Mitchell asks her to let Jeff Jarrett know he needs to speak to him. I've made that sound far more pleasant than it was - he was actually quite mean to her because he's a heel. Just when I think the segment is over, Goldi hears a muffled yelling. She rushes into a darkened room and finds Vice President Bill hog-tied and stripped to his underwear, FU painted in red on his stomach. The same thing happened to Jim Miller last week and Jeff Jarrett was blamed, but we just saw him in the ring. Maybe this wasn't his doing. Maybe we'll never find out and the angle will just fizzle out after a while (see you guys, I'm learning).
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Oct 2, 2014 03:28
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TNA #4: High Noon at Mega Mountain PART 4 The last match is going to determine the X-Division rankings, with the winner getting a title shot at AJ Styles. 7. Six Man Elimination Match: Low Ki vs Elix Skipper vs Kid Romeo vs Tony Mamaluke vs Chris Daniels vs Jerry Lynn We've already seen Low Ki and Jerry Lynn. Skipper and Romeo were the first ever WCW Cruiserweight Tag Team Champions, while Mamaluke was a member of ECW's Full Blooded Italians. Chris(topher) Daniels is awesome. There's still 25 minutes of the show left, so this one's gonna be loooooong. Daniels and Romeo start off with some moderately impressive lucha stuff and Don West loses his poo poo. He's really starting to annoy me. Elix Skipper blind tags in and backflips into a great spinning heel kick. I love dem heel kicks. Mamaluke comes in and has a sloppy battle with Skipper. It's Mamaluke's fault. Lynn comes in and Mamaluke miscommunicates some moves with him as well. Get him eliminated now. Lynn hits a couple of huge backbreakers and tags in Low Ki to hopefully finish Tony off. He hits a few of his stiff kicks to the chest but Mamaluke nails a double-arm DDT and transitions into a guillotine. The referee breaks it up!? Why? Mamaluke tags in Romeo by slapping him in the face, which would be an effective spot if Romeo actually remembered to come into the match. He doesn't though, and Mamaluke tags in Daniels instead. Daniels and Low Ki have a nice exchange before Romeo and Lynn take over. Romeo narrowly escapes a vertabreaker and kicks out of a nice tornado DDT from the top. Daniels gets the tag and he can FLY! He misses a long diving headbutt and Romeo tags Lynn in. The pair battle to the outside where Daniels hits an amazing split-legged moonsault off the apron! Now Romeo dives onto both from the top rope, followed by Mamaluke with a senton. Low Ki and Skipper decide not to join in. Just kidding, they do with stereo slingshots over the top rope. Back inside Lynn his Daniels with his rope-assisted axe kick (so awesome) before heading up top. Mamaluke pulls him out to the outside and attacks, before heading back inside. He brawls with Daniels...and the ref counts Lynn out!? Elimination #1: Jerry Lynn (by Tony Mamaluke) What a lovely piece of booking! Skipper jumps in and blasts Mamaluke with MVP's playmaker (which Tenay calls as "the play of the day") for another elimination. Elimination #2: Tony Mamaluke (by Elix Skipper) Low Ki jumps in and whips Skipper into the ropes...and he collapses through to the floor? Tenay explains that Skipper is so weary that he couldn't keep himself from falling. What!? First of all, that's not how kayfabe wrestling physics usually work. Secondly, he's barely featured in this match so far! Why are we supposed to believe he's exhausted? Low Ki brings him back into the ring and dodges a play of the day. He scoops Elix up onto his shoulders - kind of in a muscle buster position - and RUNS WITH HIM INTO THE OPPOSITE TURNBUCKLE! Holy poo poo! Low Ki springs off the ropes and Skipper low bridges under! Belly to belly! These two are stepping into a higher gear. Skipper hits a perfect missile dropkick, sending Low Ki into the corner where he inadvertently tags in Daniels. He anticipates a leapfrog from Skipper and catches him in a fireman's carry (nice!) before dropping him down and hitting a rolling inverted neckbreaker. That was a really sick move - Tenay calls it the last rites - and it gets Daniels the three count. Elimination #3: Elix Skipper (by Chris Daniels) Kid Romeo scores a couple of near falls on Daniels before dropkicking Low Ki off the apron and heading up top. Daniels crotches him and heads up to intercept, but Romeo hits a really sick death valley driver from the top! 1...2...Daniels gets a foot on the ropes, but Romeo thinks he's pinned him! Low Ki tags in and ambushes the celebrating Romeo with some kicks, the last after a cartwheel. It's the cartwheel kick apparently (go figure). He drops to the mat and applies a nasty looking reverse-headlock type thing called the dragon clutch, and Kid Romeo taps. Elimination #4: Kid Romeo (by Low Ki) We're down to the final two, which is quite fitting considering they've probably been the best two guys in the match. They have a vicious chop battle in the corner before Daniels pounces with a lightning fast head-smash into the mat (what is that move actually called, where you grab your opponent around the neck and fall backwards to drive their face into the mat? Anyone?). He heads up top, potentially looking for a moonsault, but Low Ki crotches him and tries to apply a top rope dragon clutch. Daniels shoves him off and hits an outrageous springboard moonsault! If you've seen him do that move you'll know the one I mean - it's not easily forgotten. He's too slow to make a cover however, allowing Ki to barely kick out on the stroke of three. Daniels goes for the angel wings (I think) but Low Ki pops out and applies the dragon clutch. Daniels fights him off and sets him on the top rope...BIG uppercut! Bam. He grabs Ki's arms and lofts him into the middle of the ring, apparently a move called the fall from grace. Again it's only good enough for two. Daniels sets up for the last rites again, but Ki rolls with it and scoops him up for a Ki crusher! That's what Tenay called it anyway, and it's good for the win! Elimination #5: Chris Daniels (by Low Ki) Winner: Low Ki 3.5/5 - Great performances here from Ki, Daniels, Skipper and Romeo. Lynn didn't have much to do and his elimination was pretty stupid booking, but the rest of the match delivered. With the exception of Marmaluke. He was completely out of his depth. A good display by the young talent of the company to close the show as fireworks shoot from the turnbuckles. I'm just waiting for Jarrett to come out and ruin it. Oh, here come the Flying Elvises. Well that's not what I expected. Estrada stomps a mudhole in Daniels while Siaki destroys Low Ki with a huge gorilla press. He heads to the outside and grabs a mic, complaining to the announce table that the Flying Elvises weren't part of the X Division match. Ferrara is great here, immediately agreeing with Siaki and playing the cowardly heel to perfection. Skipper runs out to even the odds but Siaki dashes back into the ring and helps Estrada beat him down. Romeo and Mamaluke come out too and finally the numbers are too much. The Elvises bail but the damage has been done. The announcers hype next week's card as the show gets set to end. AJ Styles vs Low Ki for the X Division title, Scott Hall vs Brian Lawler, and...ahem...Puppet The Psycho Dwarf vs Meatball (the largest midget in the world). Oh here's Jarrett. He storms down to the announce table, chair in hand, and demands a title shot for next week. He then starts mouthing off at random - "screw you Tenay, screw the Church, screw the Titans". I didn't know he had beef with any of those people. The Disciples of the New Church were asking after him earlier in the show, but I presumed it was to form a heel mega-stable. Tenay's annoying I guess, so I understand that one. Some of the Tennessee Titans are at ringside but I didn't mention it because I didn't think they'd actually be a part of the show. Jarrett runs down the Titans for blowing their shot at the Super Bowl until they jump over the barrier and attack him. The New Church run down to join in the beatdown, and suddenly it's everbody vs Jarrett. Jeff grabs a chair and just starts dropping fools, Titans and Disciples. Eventually Malice gets involved and the pair of them brawl into the crowd. "WE'LL SEE YA NEXT WEEK! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" What kind of ridiculous ending was that?
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Oct 3, 2014 15:09
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JGKing posted:
Gotta tune into Thunder to see how it all played out!
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Oct 3, 2014 16:04
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TNA #4: HIGH NOON AT MEGA MOUNTAIN SUMMARY Match Of The Night 6 Man Elimination Match - Of course. Daniels and Low Ki were great, Lynn, Skipper and Romeo were good, and Mamaluke was awful. Wrestler Of The Night 1. Chris Daniels - A wonderful début, probably the best talent we've seen on show so far alongside AJ Styles. 2. Low Ki - Just a shade below Daniels here, but still impressive with his hard-hitting style and unique moveset. 3. Elix Skipper - Had a limited role in the match but executed everything he did to perfection. Really promising. 4. AJ Styles - Was the primary reason for dragging the Discliples to a halfway decent tag match. 5. Brian Lawler - Heeled it up very well in his match with Norman Smiley and looked capable enough wrestling-wise. Kid Romeo perhaps deserves a spot on here as he looked pretty good in the main event, but he didn't factor into the match too much (and stood out the least in terms of character). Lynn pulled double duty but had a pretty small role in both matches. Wrestler Of The "1st Tenth" Standings 1. AJ Styles - 14 2. Low Ki - 11 3. Jerry Lynn - 10 4. Jimmy Yang - 5 Chris Daniels - 5 5. David Young - 4 6. Elix Skipper - 3 7. Psicosis - 2 Lenny - 2 Brian Lawler - 2 8. Sonny Siaki - 1 Apollo - 1 TNA #4: High Noon at Mega Mountain - 4/10 Hooray! For the first time in TNA a main event delivers, finally pushing the show into 4/10 territory. Unfortunately the rest of the card was pretty terrible. The NWA title was again treated as a sideshow, while every other match beyond the opening tag and Lawler vs Smiley fell very flat. Hermie Sadler actually proved to be a decent worker (as far as an untrained NASCAR driver can be considered a worker), but the decision to have him actually beat K-Krush was utterly ridiculous. The Dusty finish didn't protect Krush, as he'd already resorted to a roll-up and feet on the ropes to beat such an inferior opponent. Lots of stupid segments of course, and Jarrett once again ended the show by decimating people with a chair. They seem to be setting up Malice vs Jarrett, which I'm not excited for. At all. Guitars Smashed: 0 JGKing fucked around with this message at 00:56 on Nov 1, 2014 |
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Oct 3, 2014 16:24
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Daniels move you're thinking of is called the Complete Shot. Why I don't know.
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Oct 3, 2014 23:22
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C. Everett Koop posted:Daniels move you're thinking of is called the Complete Shot. Why I don't know. Thanks. That makes no sense.
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Oct 4, 2014 01:30
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Never stop writing these. Great stuff.
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Oct 4, 2014 01:46
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TNA #5: A Good Day To TNA - July 17th 2002 - Nashville, Tennessee PART 1 We open with a hype package detailing Jarrett's reign of terror over the past few weeks. It consists of him coming out at the end of every show and beating up everybody. He's so cool. Tenay welcomes us to the show and hypes a ladder match (Jarrett vs Malice) for the number one contendership to Shamrock's title and WAIT A MINUTE! THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON IN THE BACK, CAN WE GET A CAMERA OUT THERE!? Scott Hall and Jeff Jarrett are brawling very messily. Security mercifully arrive to break it up and the Vice President of the NWA is involved too. He says that Jarrett has forfeited his match. Just for that!? He was only having a backstage brawl - wrestlers do that all the time. I'm starting to understand why Jarrett is feeling so aggrieved with the NWA's authority. They really have it in for him. The Disciple of the New Church head out to the ring. James Mitchell announces (with deep regret) that Jarrett will not be able to bleed here tonight. However Malice is still very much in the mood to "wash his hands in the crimson life essence of another victim". Mitchell therefore issues an open challenge for anybody to face Malice. Rusev did this last Monday on Raw and The Rock came out. Maybe we'll see the Brahma Bull here tonight! Suddenly the lights go out. Maybe it's the Undertaker! NO, IT'S SABU! He's in the ring! The bell sounds and we've got a match. 1. Ladder Match: Malice vs Sabu I think this could well be TNA's first shocking début. The ECW legend hits a tornado DDT to kick things off, but Malice regains control with his considerable size and strength advantage. Tempest throws him a chair from the outside, but Sabu steals it from him and hurls it into the big man's face. He opens the chair out and uses it as a platform to leap into a crossbody, but Malice catches him and slams him down. Tempest wedges the chair in between two turnbuckles, allowing Malice to drive Sabu's head right into it. He's such a good henchman. Malice botches...something, jumping at Sabu and tumbling comically to the outside. He gets a few "you hosed up" chants in response. Sabu does his signature springboard from the chair to the top rope, followed by a dive onto Malice. Tempest very audibly tells Sabu to reverse an Irish whip into the crowd barrier, which he does, before springing off the ring steps and crushing Malice with a heel kick. James Mitchell is livid and screams at his disciple to get up. The heels balance a ladder between the ring apron and the guardrail, which Malice drops Sabu onto a couple of times. West commends Sabu for being the only person brave enough to accept Malice's open challenge. Why is it always just one wrestler who accepts an open challenge? Do they race from the locker room to Gorilla position? Sabu is busted open hardway from his loving FACE. They get back in the ring and Malice lifts both Sabu and the ladder at once, slamming the ECW alumnus down back-first onto the ladder. Not seen that spot before, good work. Sabu regains control by being Sabu. He uses weapons and jumps off things for a while until Malice is down in the corner. He climbs and tries to reach the number one contender contract, but Malice recovers and powerbombs him back down to the floor. drat! Malice leans the ladder against a turnbuckle and drives Sabu onto it with an overhead suplex. I was terrified for a second, but they actually pulled it off! Malice climbs the ladder while Sabu is down and out, but the debutant magically recovers and scampers up to the top rope. A missile dropkick to the ladder knocks Malice to the mat. Sabu throws a few more chairshots and hits a poetry in motion, sending Malice back-first into the ladder. Tenay exclaims that we haven't seen Malice dominated like this in the short history of TNA. What about when he lost clean to a weakened Ken Shamrock in week three? Tempest attempts to jab pathetically at Sabu with a chair through the ropes, which Sabu conveniently snatches away from him to hit the Arabian facebuster on Malice. Sabu hits some weak-rear end chairshots (now I see why he usually throws them) and charges, but Malice reverses into a spinebuster and points up at the contract. He places the ladder suspiciously close to the ring ropes and begins to climb. What could he possibly be up to? Sabu rises and pushes the ladder over, sending Malice crashing through a table at ringside! That looked nasty. He almost took it feet-first for some reason. Sabu climbs and wins. Winner: Sabu 2/5 - A sloppy, uncoordinated mess saved by a few impressive big spots. Sabu's alright, I can't hate him. Tempest and Slash jump Sabu immediately. Like, immediately. It's the shortest transition from match to post-match beatdown I've ever seen. Sabu fights back with a springboard lionsault thing, but Malice comes back to help out with a chair. They set him up on the apron and Malice chokeslams him through a table on the outside. We cut to outside the building where Jarrett is being ejected from the building by a security team. No such treatment for Scott Hall, who is presumably still inside. Why not? They were both brawling. We didn't even see if Jarrett started it.
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Oct 9, 2014 19:39
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TNA #5: A Good Day To TNA PART 2 Tag Team and X Division champion AJ Styles heads out to cut a promo. Uh oh. That's not what he does. "AJ" chants greet him - he's popular round these parts. Luckily he's cut off immediately by Jerry Lynn who storms to the ring. He asks Styles how long he's been wrestling; AJ answers three and a half years. Now Lynn wants to hear how long his own career is in comparison. Styles answers truthfully - fourteen years. Tenay chimes in saying "that's a shoot!". Kayfabe is lying in pieces on the floor. Also, apparently every time something true is said in a promo that means it's a shoot? Lynn rips into AJ for not paying his dues and says he refuses to let him steal all the victories and glory. The crowd are getting behind him - I'm not sure that's the intention here. AJ reluctantly accepts this verbal beatdown and Lynn seems satisfied. Jerry turns to hand the mic over to somebody at ringside...and AJ hits an enziguri kick to the back of the head! MINI-SWERVE (doesn't really count). Discus clothesline! Styles clash! Lynn is out cold and AJ storms to the back. Goldilocks heads into the women's bathroom to interview Jasmine St. Claire (the porn star who tried to strip in the ring last week), who is applying her makeup in the mirror. It's still quite intrusive, but at least she isn't straining out a huge poo poo or anything. In typical TNA fashion, Goldi barely gets a question out before the interview goes to hell. Francine bursts in and beats the crap out of her, before shoving her onto the floor of a shower-area and turning on the water. K-Krush's music hits and he dances to the ring. He's one of the few non-X Divsion workers I never dread seeing. He could probably compete in X Division matches as well - he's certainly agile enough. Unfortunately he's been stuck in lovely feuds and lacklustre matches since the start of the thread, but he can certainly do better. Krush demands that everybody shut up and look at him. He looks like a star (one woman screams in agreement), sounds like a star, and moves like a star. He even smells like a star, so he demands to know why he isn't yet the biggest drat star in the business. He runs down the WWE for letting him go, surely therefore admitting that they're a bigger company. How strange. He says he's been kept down his whole life and treat like a second class citizen. Oh no, not the racism angle again. I smell a return of the White World Order. Krush promises that he's not an angry black man, he's The Truth, and The Truth will no longer be denied. I've just thought, if Krush was a face he could be seen as representing the fans' search for truth. Then his nickname could be Our Truth. 2. K-Krush vs Norman Smiley Krush jumps Smiley at the bell but quickly falls victim to his comedy dancing offence. He gets spanked and isn't amused, drilling Smiley with a spinning heel kick and chopping him in the corner. The pair slow it down - not intentionally, they just both hit a series of lacklustre moves. It's not the most enthralling match in the world at all. K-Krush hooks up Smiley and hits an inverted sitout suplex, smashing his face and torso into the mat. At least that's the theory, but Smiley takes the bump like an absolute pussy and makes the move look half as effective. It's enough for three. Winner: K-Krush 0.5/5 - Horrible. Really sloppy apart from the first minute or so. Mainly Smiley's fault, which is strange because I thought he was usually a dependable wrestler. Krush rips off his belt and whips Smiley a few times, before wrapping it around his neck and hanging him over the top rope. Brutal, and the announce team sell it very well too. Smiley's...rather hefty wife runs out from the back and begs K-Krush to stop. He does so...but tries to attack her instead! TNA security finally arrive on the scene and drag him away. Goldilocks is backstage interviewing Puppet The Midget Killer. He's inside a bin - we can only see his head, but it's heavily implied that he's masturbating. Is this a new low? Probably not. Goldi hypes his upcoming match with Meatball (the world's largest midget) and Puppet brags about his six inch pythons. He promises to show Goldi his "cobra" later if she's a good girl. She corrects him and says it's a garden snake. Goldi walks off and says that she's had it with this job. Once her singing career takes off she's out. As she walks down the corridor she passes the three Dupps sitting on the floor. Bo seems to be dry humping Fluff. Stan is amusing himself by flicking a lighter on and off. Goldi asks what the hell is going on, and Stan tells her that she has some pretty lips. She's quite flattered and thanks him, but he says he didn't mean those lips. This gets a loving HUGE CHEER! Wow. 3. The Flying Elvises vs Elix Skipper and Chris Daniels The Elvises made a statement last week by jumping the competitors of the X Division contenders match last week. Daniels and Skipper have joined forces to teach them a lesson. They kick off with a big brawl inside and outside the ring, which Skipper ends with a big senton over the top rope onto Estrada. "This is our house!" he screams. Estrada and Daniels throw down on the outside as Siaki and Skipper move into the ring...and Siaki CRUSHES Elix with amazing move. He hurls him high into the air and catches him with a slam on the way down, Cesaro style! Estrada gets the tag and hits a difficult running shooting star press for two while Siaki goes over to the announce table. He cuts an almost indecipherable mid-match promo which just about got his point across. He's only interested in three things, "me, me, and me", and wants to show all the ladies at home how he gets down. Silly Siaki, women don't watch Sonny heads back to the ring and gets the tag, dropping Skipper across his shoulder with a big backbreaker. Dude is strong. He tags back out and heads for the announce table again, leaving Estrada to eat a massive springboard-clothesline from Skipper. Tenay asks if Siaki realises this is a tag team match, but Siaki claims he's been carrying the Flying Elvises from the very first show. He heads back to the ring just in time to catch Daniels coming off a hot tag. The Fallen Angel clears house by being Awesome At Wrestling, but Estrada hits a backdrop suplex to leave him on all fours. Skipper hops off Daniels' back for what I assume is a poetry in motion type move, but instead he pulls out something loving INSANE! He uses Estrada's shoulders as a second platform, and leaps from those into a loving perfect hurricanrana on Siaki! Jesus Christ! The Elvises regain control and Estrada hits a second rope guillotine legdrop on Daniels for two. Chris hits an immaculate enziguri and both men tag out. Skipper goes to town on Siaki with a nice hiptoss and a hard belly-to-belly, but Estrada saves him from a pinfall. He tags himself in and...botches a springboard move off the second rope. He sort of saves it and turns it into a clumsy rolling thunder, but everybody knows he hosed up. Daniels gets the tag and busts out the best moonsault ever (actual name) on Estrada for two, but Siaki breaks it up and gets the tag. Daniels hits the complete shot out of nowhere and tags in Skipper, who hits a nice missile dropkick for two. Sonny responds with a nearfall of his own after a nice pumphandle suplex, but Daniels breaks it up, and the pair armdrag one another over the top rope to the outside. Skipper sets up for the play of the day in the ring, but Estrada fights out and hurls him overhead. He dances in celebration, but Elix has flipped out and landed on his feet! Play of the day connects and is enough for the three count, but the ref is distracted by the brawl on the outside. Skipper is pissed, allowing Siaki to slide in and ambush him. He hits a sick rolling neckbreaker for three. Winners: The Flying Elvises 3/5 - Should be a higher rating, but two things held this match back. 1. Estrada's slight tendency to execute sloppily and occasionally botch things. 2. That weird angle with Siaki going to commentary mid-match to big himself up. This would work in the hands of a super-charismatic worker like The Rock or CM Punk, but certainly not Siaki. Luckily he delivered in ring, as did Skipper and Daniels, to make for a pretty great little match. The heels pose and wiggle their hips in the ring...but here come the Dupps with planks of wood! Siaki immediately bails, leaving Estrada to take a wood shot from all three Dupps (even Fluff). This seems out of the blue, but Tenay reminds me that the Elvises beat the Dupps last week. Thanks Mike. Much is made of Siaki bailing as well - Tenay is on top form tonight. Shame the same can't be said of West, who really is dreadful. We cut to a standard shot of one of the dancing girls, but there's a slight difference. Teo is in the cage with her and seems to be having a great time. Major bonus points if you can remember who Teo is. Answer below He's the winner of episode one's Midget Match. We've literally not seen him since, so I'm not how he's managed to secure a paycheck tonight. Fair play to him though.
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Oct 13, 2014 01:16
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Pet Rock Band posted:TNA is a flat circle. Major coincidence here, I binge-watched True Detective over the past few days and now appreciate this reference so much. TNA is Carcosa. Jarrett is clearly Rust Cohle, jumping suspects and trying to get to the bottom of whatever the gently caress is going on here.
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Oct 13, 2014 01:19
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I uh. Recently found a way for me to watch all of these. I don't want to step on your toes, but I'm considering trying to watch through some or parts of them out of blind curiosity what the shows look like on TV opposed to live. Also to try to catch myself on camera.
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Oct 13, 2014 17:35
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Pet Rock Band posted:I uh. Recently found a way for me to watch all of these. I don't want to step on your toes, but I'm considering trying to watch through some or parts of them out of blind curiosity what the shows look like on TV opposed to live. Also to try to catch myself on camera. Go for it dude, as long as you don't post spoilers. I really want to see exactly how this car crash unfolds.
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Oct 13, 2014 18:01
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Reading through these, my memory isn't really the greatest either. I think I'd only really exactly remember some of the really huge match results.
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Oct 14, 2014 12:55
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What baffles my mind is that the company survived this era. Who were the people willing to shell out money every week to watch something so terrible?
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Oct 14, 2014 13:10
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Charles Gnarwin posted:What baffles my mind is that the company survived this era. Who were the people willing to shell out money every week to watch something so terrible? Survived is a strong word. No one really bought the shows and the whole thing was an abject disaster, saved only by Dixie Carter stepping into be their money mark. They can try to retcon it as some great victory over adversity, and they have tried to in "year 1", but the whole thing was a poo poo storm with no upside.
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Oct 14, 2014 13:22
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Charles Gnarwin posted:What baffles my mind is that the company survived this era. Who were the people willing to shell out money every week to watch something so terrible? It pretty much didn't. Bear in mind, this is pre-Dixie and Panda. That's why it's still around, Jerry and Jeff found a money mark.
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Oct 14, 2014 13:22
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I knew that Panda saved them, but the fact that anyone (even Dixie) saw these shows and said, "Worth my money" is insane. Daddy could have just bought her any other fed and then tried to secure a TV deal without all the baggage of jacking off midgets and racist NASCAR drivers.
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Oct 14, 2014 13:25
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Well, you have to keep in mind that one interview of Dixie's where she basically insults her fans and calls them racist, sexist turbonerds. She probably thought that that was what would appeal to hardcore wrestling fans. Sure, it sucks to *her*, but she's a functioning human being, not like wrestling fans.
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Oct 14, 2014 13:38
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Endorph posted:Well, you have to keep in mind that one interview of Dixie's where she basically insults her fans and calls them racist, sexist turbonerds. She probably thought that that was what would appeal to hardcore wrestling fans. Sure, it sucks to *her*, but she's a functioning human being, not like wrestling fans. "You know the 40 year old Virgin? That's kind of our demographic." Which is quite obviously bullshit, because when you go to TNA Mecca not one of them is as nice as Steve Carrell was in that film. 
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Oct 14, 2014 13:51
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 13:59 |
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Charles Gnarwin posted:What baffles my mind is that the company survived this era. Who were the people willing to shell out money every week to watch something so terrible? I was 15 years old and paid $10-15 to sit in the front row every night 
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Oct 14, 2014 14:55
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