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Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002
you want some kind of pun? bitch? little baby bitch? Live on Gastric Fightpass. Hunt for the Land Whale. THey're loving fat folks.

vs
Mark Hunt vs Roy Nelson

this is "the big one" folks, two fat people biting and scratching each other

vs
Takanori Gomi vs Myles Jury

former wwe champion takanori gomi takes on his toughest challenge yet: a supporting character from the dan quinn universe

vs
Yoshihiro Akiyama vs Amir Sadollah

yoshihiro akiyama re-visits the scene of his greatest triumph: getting outstruck by jake shields. if you're a fan of a sentient leather sofa getting his rear end kicked by guys who kind of suck then there's one thing for sure, jet fuel doesn't burn hot enough to melt steel proving 9/11 was an inside job

vs
Miesha Tate vs Rin Nakai

if you're some kind of sex pervert then you'll be in love with this garbage fight between miesha tate, who constantly looks like she's sniffing farts and never does anything interesting during a fight, and Pimple, strongest of the three Battletoads. THere's never been a better time to be a gamer.

vs
Kiichi "Strasser" Kunimoto vs Richard Walsh

All my life I have been searching for a certain ephemeral feeling. An emptiness in my soul that I could never fill with love nor laughter. Now, at last, a fight between a Japanese guy who named himself after Dave Strasser, that guy who lost to Karo Parisyan that one time 15 years ago, and somebody I've never heard of fills the void and completes me.

Prelims:

Alex Caceres vs Masanori Kanehara
Katsunori Kikuno vs Sam Sicilia
Hyun Gyu Lim vs Takenori Sato
Michinori Tanaka vs Kyung Ho Kang
Kazuki Tokudome vs Johnny Case
Maximo Blanco vs Dan Hooker

PRELIMS BEGIN AT 12:30AM EDT / 9:30PM PDT

MAIN CARD BEGINS AT 3:00AM EDT / 12:00AM PDT

https://www.ufc.tv

mma snack rating (rofl) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gySc2qLhrw

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Eat This Glob
Jan 14, 2008

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Who will wipe this blood off us? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent?

loving :lol:

Novum
May 26, 2012

That's how we roll
Everyone get hype for japam

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"
Joe Silva not letting old wounds heal by filling the undercard with Japan vs Korea fights

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man


They should replace tuf with weekly japan cards featuring fat guys, cosplayers, criminal mismatches, and other miscellaneous freak shows. Make Belfort the "Japan Champion", give him all the T he wants, and let him fight Chris Camozzi every month.

Isn't that the world you want to live in?

eshock
Sep 2, 2004

Also Horiguchi's fighting some guy on the prelims, that didn't get cancelled did it?

Brasseye
Feb 13, 2009
Thats a humdinger of an OP, and this card deserves it. I love UFC

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002

eshock posted:

Also Horiguchi's fighting some guy on the prelims, that didn't get cancelled did it?

no, but apparently it is on the main card. apologies, all

Intel&Sebastian
Oct 20, 2002

colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!
Oh Alex Caceres is back too? Yay?

colonel_korn
May 16, 2003

Triticum Guzzler posted:

Katsunori Kikuno vs Sam Sicilia

This is going to be such a stupid, ugly fight. I wish Kikuno would get his crescent kick mojo going again :sigh:

LobsterMobster
Oct 29, 2009

"I was being quiet and trying to be a good boy but he dialed the right combination to open the throw-down vault and it was on."

"Walter Foxx is ten times brighter than your bulb at the bottom of the tree merry xmas"

Intel&Sebastian posted:

Oh Alex Caceres is back too? Yay?

It's funny because he got the fight Faber had after Faber beat Alex

Neurosis
Jun 10, 2003
Fallen Rib

Triticum Guzzler posted:

Miesha Tate vs Rin Nakai
if you're some kind of sex pervert then you'll be in love with this garbage fight between miesha tate, who constantly looks like she's sniffing farts and never does anything interesting during a fight, and Pimple, strongest of the three Battletoads. THere's never been a better time to be a gamer.

lol

-Atom-
Sep 13, 2003

Contrarian Dick

Bad At Everything

Intel&Sebastian posted:

Oh Alex Caceres is back too? Yay?

Confirmed yay over here. Bruce Leeroy is all kinds of awesome.

david carmichael
Oct 28, 2011
i am laughing at the thing, and also i think jack slack wrote some words kikuno giving up everything that made him good but they appear to be spread out over a bunch of different articles

-Atom-
Sep 13, 2003

Contrarian Dick

Bad At Everything
Gomi is gonna lose and this forum is gonna be sad which will be funny

Brasseye
Feb 13, 2009

-Atom- posted:

Gomi is gonna lose and this forum is gonna be sad which will be funny

no.

parthenocarpy
Dec 18, 2003

does miles jury have a real connection to dan quinn?

-Atom-
Sep 13, 2003

Contrarian Dick

Bad At Everything

Takanori Gomi just wants to hang out and smoke cigarettes and drink with Sakuraba post-fight, and Jury is going to expedite that process

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002

parthenocarpy posted:

does miles jury have a real connection to dan quinn?

yes, the first time i ever heard of myles jury, sometimes referred to as "niles jury", was in dan quinn videos years ago

TheRationalRedditor
Jul 17, 2000

WHO ABUSED HIM. WHO ABUSED THE BOY.
Best GDT by an infinitely unmeasurable amount *Salutes before walking back & forth down stairway to the master UFC fight archives situated behind the nearby couch*

coconono
Aug 11, 2004

KISS ME KRIS

<--- Sex pervert

am0kgonzo
Jun 18, 2010
Hunt and Gomi, I don't know or care or want to know who anybody else is.

Hunt and Gomi goddamnit

Gregor Samsa
Sep 5, 2007
Nietzsche's Mustache
Can't stop laughing.

Intel&Sebastian
Oct 20, 2002

colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

coconono posted:

<--- Sex pervert

Bluedeanie
Jul 20, 2008

It's no longer a blue world, Max. Where could we go?




Yes in the sense that Gomi will lose, no in the sense that I won't be sad

DoombatINC
Apr 20, 2003

Here's the thing, I'm a feminist.





GDT theme

http://youtu.be/DYph7_70xl4

willie_dee
Jun 21, 2010
I obtain sexual gratification from observing people being inflicted with violent head injuries

TheRationalRedditor posted:

Best GDT by an infinitely unmeasurable amount *Salutes before walking back & forth down stairway to the master UFC fight archives situated behind the nearby couch*

Can you imagine if JT vs Kongo was on this card?! Heaven

DumbWhiteGuy
Jul 4, 2007

You need haters. Fellas if you got 20 haters, you need 40 of them motherfuckers. If there's any haters in here that don't have nobody to hate on, feel free to hate on me


I really can't help but feel uncomfortable everytime I look at this person

Intel&Sebastian
Oct 20, 2002

colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!
Rin Nakai is a gateway drug to the dark dirty world of female bodybuilding fetish.

CRISPYBABY
Dec 15, 2007

by Reene

Triticum Guzzler posted:

yes, the first time i ever heard of myles jury, sometimes referred to as "niles jury", was in dan quinn videos years ago

You can't say that without giving us a video. First two pages of google aren't getting me anywhere but I wanna see this.

-Atom-
Sep 13, 2003

Contrarian Dick

Bad At Everything

DumbWhiteGuy posted:



I really can't help but feel uncomfortable everytime I look at this person

I know what you mean. Whenever I see Mike Ricci I get the same feeling.

Gregor Samsa
Sep 5, 2007
Nietzsche's Mustache

DumbWhiteGuy posted:


I really can't help but feel uncomfortable everytime I look at this person

Intel&Sebastian
Oct 20, 2002

colonel...
i'm trying to sneak around
but i'm dummy thicc
and the clap of my ass cheeks
keeps alerting the guards!

-Atom- posted:

I know what you mean. Whenever I see Mike Ricci I get the same feeling.

You can nurture this nascent feeling with the scenes from Spiderman where Peter Parker had emo hair, fyi.

Triticum Guzzler
Jun 16, 2002

attackmole posted:

You can't say that without giving us a video. First two pages of google aren't getting me anywhere but I wanna see this.

i can and i will. however, have this wonderful post instead

WET BUTT posted:

Disheveled man: [resting against large white stone] Thank god... it's over. I've lost him. It's finally over now.
[the stone suddenly moves, entire interior begins shifting]
Echoing, booming voice: What's up homeboy
Disheleved man: Who said that... it can't be. Where are you? No!!!!
[shot pans up to reveal the backs of dan's eyeballs, dan's tongue whips Niles Jury up into the air, sending him flying towards the hard surface of dan's studly cheeks]
Niles Jury: [vainly clawing at the non aged wall] No!!!! No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dan Quinn: [echoing, rumbling] Tip of the cap, stud. this is an offer to you and your crew

A Keg
Jan 7, 2014

by Ralp
#mma told me to bet on Hunt by decision, so I will.

Diddie
Sep 1, 2001

What the heck is going on in here???

A Keg posted:

#mma told me to bet on Hunt by decision, so I will.

please dont bet on mma

-Atom-
Sep 13, 2003

Contrarian Dick

Bad At Everything

Diddie posted:

please dont listen to #mma

A Keg
Jan 7, 2014

by Ralp
The payment processor people at 5dimes wanted me to call them, so I did, and they got me to verify my account number. Then they got me to verify my password. The password I chose was swear words. Then I had to spell the password.

Then I was told that I have to send them extra info like a scan of my driver's license, so I decided not to bet on mma.

coconono
Aug 11, 2004

KISS ME KRIS

A Keg posted:

The payment processor people at 5dimes wanted me to call them, so I did, and they got me to verify my account number. Then they got me to verify my password. The password I chose was swear words. Then I had to spell the password.

Then I was told that I have to send them extra info like a scan of my driver's license, so I decided not to bet on mma.

its for the best. I'm still mad that Chael blew it against Rashad costing me an easy $50.

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Solomonic
Jan 3, 2008

INCIPIT SANTA

A Keg posted:

Then I was told that I have to send them extra info like a scan of my driver's license, so I decided not to bet on mma.

Please don't use Nigerian oddsmakers

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