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tlarn
Mar 1, 2013

You see,
God doesn't help little frogs.

He helps people like me.

Waffleman_ posted:

Agreed 100%. Let's go court Queen Lean Cuisine and become our own ancestor.

This. Close the circle of the ouroboros that is your family line.

Also, realtalk, I always thought the spell Luminaire was supposed to be the Spirit Bomb. v:v:v

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Chard
Aug 24, 2010




C. Everett Koop posted:

We need to Cuck the King.

Kavak
Aug 23, 2009


Seize the throne by whatever means you see fit then switch to Glasses Goku.

Cosmic Afro
May 23, 2011
Skip all that dialogue garbage and go straight for that Cathedral over that, it looks fancy.

Kaboom Dragoon
May 7, 2010

The greatest of feasts

Meet with the Queen and try and do the nasty in the pasty. And in the pasta, if at all possible.

mauman
Jul 30, 2014

Whoever's got the biggest whiskers does the talking.
Screw the kingdom, find this Lord Mags and help him TAKE OVER THE WORLD

Ratoslov
Feb 15, 2012

Now prepare yourselves! You're the guests of honor at the Greatest Kung Fu Cannibal BBQ Ever!

See if the queen is up to get high and make out. Goddamnit, this is going to work eventually.

AJ_Impy
Jun 17, 2007

SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?
Yam Slacker
Steal the Queen, take over Mags' position, start a new dynasty of terror.

Carl The Shivan
Mar 23, 2009

programmed with a
variety of trusting
emotions

:h: :roboluv: :h:
Play the game as the designers intended. If you do you'll marry the princess and become king when the old man croaks anyway.

Geemer
Nov 4, 2010



Carl The Shivan posted:

Play the game as the designers intended. Marry the princess and kill the king.

Natural 20
Sep 17, 2007

Wearer of Compasses. Slayer of Gods. Champion of the Colosseum. Heart of the Void.
Saviour of Hallownest.
Steal the queen. Kill Slash. Masquerade as Slash. Become buddies with Magus.

I Am Just a Box
Jul 20, 2011
I belong here. I contain only inanimate objects. Nothing is amiss.

Blind Sally posted:

It's some fellow in ancient Lean armour. The Blue Portal must've taken you back in time to the past! Back to Lean's medieval age! Goodness!

Well, what does GOKU think?

GOKU just smoked a dank buttman and never paid much attention in history class, especially since Lean doesn't seem to have a school. But you know what he does remember?

Blind Sally posted:

You bet all of your money on the Steel Runner, a man dressed in a full replica suit of armour. For whatever reason, you felt this was a better choice than lithe dinosaur man, the cat, and trained military officer. Yup, Goku bet on the fella jogging around in his own body weight worth of metal.



You have lost all your money!

Get your money back from this Ren Faire motherfucker. GOKU got to get paid.

Karatela
Sep 11, 2001

Clickzorz!!!


Grimey Drawer

Geemer posted:

Play the game as the designers intended. Marry the king and kill the princess.

tinkerttoy
Dec 30, 2013

by XyloJW
Locate and bang CHCH's great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandma.

Elfface
Nov 14, 2010

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

Tuxedo Ted posted:

Ok, what you do do doesn't matter as much as what you DON'T


This is very true. So follow this advice to the letter:

Choco1980
Feb 22, 2013

I fell in love with a Video Nasty

Krad posted:

Tell the guard that you come from the future and that you need his clothes. Then take them by seduction.

I'm changing my vote.

Xenav
Feb 21, 2012

After what we've seen, we're going to need more than THAT to save us...
You know something Goku, This *gentleman* in front of you kinda looks like the person who made you lose all your money because he sucked at running. Kick his rear end, maybe he has some of it on him. Also, if we're in the past, Time to screw with history in EVERY way possible!

doing the obvious
Jun 7, 2004

The Y2K problem? Well, I've created a very large microwave. It's about two hundred square...cubic , cubic yards. New Years eve, I intend to enter this
Try to get in contact with Al Gato and ask what it is you need to do in order to leap to a different time.

cucka
Nov 4, 2009

TOUCHDOWN DETROIT LIONS
Sorry about all
the bad posting.

C. Everett Koop posted:

We need to Cuck the King.

I approve

CowboyAndy
Aug 7, 2012

tinkerttoy posted:

Locate and bang CHCH's great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandma.

Bang somebody!

Or Motorboat the guard's chest piece

Carl The Shivan
Mar 23, 2009

programmed with a
variety of trusting
emotions

:h: :roboluv: :h:

doing the obvious posted:

Try to get in contact with Al Gato and ask what it is you need to do in order to leap to a different time.

No, Gato is clearly Ziggy. GOKU is Al.

Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!

C. Everett Koop posted:

We need to Cuck the King.

You look around. There isn't actually any princess or queen nearby. Heck, you don't even see a king around, just some dead imps and this guy in the armour suit.

Gonna have to put this one on the back-burner, you suppose.

I Am Just a Box posted:

Get your money back from this Ren Faire motherfucker. GOKU got to get paid.

Xenav posted:

You know something Goku, This *gentleman* in front of you kinda looks like the person who made you lose all your money because he sucked at running. Kick his rear end, maybe he has some of it on him.

You're still riding high, and this fellow does look an awful lot like the Steel Runner. You give him a beat down for losing the race.



Unfortunately, you only find a couple bucks on him.

Krad posted:

Tell the guard that you come from the future and that you need his clothes. Then take them by force.

You take some of his armour as payment. He won't be needing it.

Cosmic Afro posted:

Skip all that dialogue garbage and go straight for that Cathedral over that, it looks fancy.

This is actually a great idea. You're all about efficiency. Also, you're super baked. A baked GOKU is a lazy GOKU. You don't want to help out any people in some castle. That cathedral looks as good a place as any to be. You know, just sneak into the back during a service and take a nap in the crowd. It's the perfect plan.



You step into the cathedral just in time to see a sentient frog person behead a giant snake. You wonder if that Green Imp you smoked was laced with something.

The frog person looks at you. LOOKS AT YOU. Oh god. What are you gonna do--



Might be that Imp, but you have no idea what the frog-man is saying to you. You think he wants help? You're not sure.

You tell him your name is GOKU, and he introduces himself:

:megadeath: Chrono Trigger OST - Frog's Theme :megadeath:



What happens next on Dragon Ball?

Also, what shall FROG's name be?

Sally fucked around with this message at 04:35 on Sep 27, 2014

Waffleman_
Jan 20, 2011


I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna I don't wanna!!!

Let's keep the theme. GOKU's trusty animal friend shall be OLNG. Edit: PCLO is better.

Waffleman_ fucked around with this message at 04:45 on Sep 27, 2014

GorfZaplen
Jan 20, 2012

TOAD

Jenner
Jun 5, 2011
Lowtax banned me because he thought I was trolling by acting really stupid. I wasn't acting.
That's definitely PCLO.

ultrafilter
Aug 23, 2007

It's okay if you have any questions.


Him name is HPKN green frog.

Gildiss
Aug 24, 2010

Grimey Drawer
PCLO got really short dude.

Kavak
Aug 23, 2009


Mr. PCLO!

DoctorStrangelove
Jun 7, 2012

IT WOULD NOT BE DIFFICULT MEIN FUHRER!

Call him FRANK

Again, in NG+++++++ it should let you go over the character limit.

life_source
May 11, 2008

i got tired of looking at your edgy baby avatar that a 14-year old would be proud of
FRG


In the Original Japanese version of this game this character talked like an extremely brusque, rude, foul mouthed Yakuza member.

We will never know why they just did a literal translation and then poorly add "olde timeye suffixese'. If it was ever done correctly it was most likely an accident.

Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!

DoctorStrangelove posted:

Call him FRANK

Again, in NG+++++++ it should let you go over the character limit.

You're thinking of Chrono Cross.

Angry Diplomat
Nov 7, 2009

Winner of the TSR Memorial Award for Excellence In Grogging
Name him WEED, attempt to smoke him, and hit on some naga things. GOKU's way too high for this poo poo.

BlackPersona
Oct 21, 2012


Let's be silly and name him GLEN

ZiegeDame
Aug 21, 2005

YUKIMURAAAA!
His name is clearly PICL

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008


Gravy Boat 2k

ultrafilter posted:

Him name is HPKN green frog.

Lord_Ventnor
Mar 30, 2010

The Worldwide Deadly Gangster Communist President
Considering the frog's role in the story ahead, I think Krln is an appropriate name.

Qtotonibudinibudet
Nov 7, 2011



Omich poluyobok, skazhi ty narkoman? ya prosto tozhe gde to tam zhivu, mogli by vmeste uyobyvat' narkotiki
FROG?

TOAD?

GLEN?

GREN?

FROG and TOAD are FRIENDS.

You deserve a medal. Of some sort.



Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!
You follow your new found friend deeper into the cathedral, using a trap door unlocked by mashing your potato hands on the organ. It's more treacherous going than you expect. Well, PCLO takes care of most things in the way, GOKU just kind of watches. Only, PCLO dispatches enemies in the most horrific and gruesome ways possible.



I mean, seriously, you thought murdering and Imp and smoking it in front of its friends was hardcore. But no, PCLO is moreso. PCLO is--OH GODS, DID A CHUNK OF NAGA JUST GET STUCK TO YOUR FACE?!



You plod on, deeper and darker into this nightmare you go, becoming more drenched with the entrails of your foes. PCLO seems to be having fun. Right? Your high or buzz or whatever is definitely gone. This horror show has done more to sober you up than any amount of coffee or nap time in a Lean lock-up could ever hope to do--AHHHHHHHH WHAT IS THAT!?!?



Your mind has shut off by the time you reach the bottom level. You have found Queen Lean, captured by the chancellor who was actually a giant bug, YKRA, in disguise--or so the monster monologes before PCLO grabs hold of him. You see what PCLO does to the being--it is slow, and violent, and evil--but none of it registers. It sort of just washes over you.



You go stand with the Queen in the other room to wait while PCLO does his thing. She is grateful you rescued her. She calls you a great warrior and thanks you.



You mumble something, but it's half-hearted. She asks if there is anything she could do to help ease your apparent suffering.

What next?

Princey
Mar 22, 2013
Request that she have PCLO executed for war crimes.

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Carbon dioxide
Oct 9, 2012

Let's get meta here. Please do not do the thing most people will vote for.

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