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Heaf posted:
wait what why
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Oct 11, 2014 21:18
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WhiskeyJuvenile posted:wait what why worse than hitler
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Oct 11, 2014 21:20
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This is amazing and I usually walk right by the NHL threads in here.
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Oct 11, 2014 21:27
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Baw gawd, it's  DOUBLE FLAMES GOALIE SATURDAY  33. JONAS HILLER Team: Calgary Flames Nationality: Swiss Age: 32 Draft Class: Undrafted Hardware: NHL All Star Game (2010-2011), U2 "How Long How Long Until I Can loving Stand Up And Get Back In The Net Again" Award 2013-14 GAA: 2.48 2013-14 SV%: .911 2013-14 W/L: 29-13-7 in 50 games Goaltenders who overcome normally debilitating ailments to come back to the NHL and continue to play are just the coolest thing in the world to me. It just happens to be a coincidence that Jonas Hiller is also a loving badass with a loving awesome mask who used to be one of the really great goaltenders in the league, at least in my estimation. Hiller started his career in the 2007-08 season on the (then defending champ) Anaheim Ducks as the backup to Jean Sebastien Giguere, his performance as backup convincing enough to Brian Burke to get him to waive goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov (who won't be appearing in these essays so I'll just take this opportunity to say - hey, remember when Philly paid him all that money?  ). From there, it wasn't long at all until Hiller asserted himself as the Ducks starter and in the 2009 playoffs, played an integral part in an absurd upset. The San Jose Sharks, President's Trophy winners, Joe Thornton, Patrick Marleau, Devin Setoguchi, Joe Pavelski, Milan Michalek, Christian Ehrhoff, Marc-Edouard Vlasic, Evgeni Nabakov. Didn't mean a drat thing. Hiller pitched two shutouts. Only gave up more than two goals once en route to a defeat of the Sharks in 6 games. Before anyone even knew what the hell had happened, the best team in the league was going home in the first round and the 8th seeded Ducks were going on to face the defending champs, the Red Wings. As he did to the #1 seed, Hiller almost did to the champs as well, 59 saves in a Game 2 triple overtime victory. 46 saves in a Game 3 victory. 39 saves in Game 6 to keep the Ducks' season alive. 36 saves in Game 7 in Joe Louis Arena to almost, almost pull off another insane upset but come up just one squibber that he lost sight of under his pads too short. Regardless of the result, when you look at the Ducks in 2009, how far they made it and how far they could have made it if they'd come up with one more goal against the Red Wings, a lot of it circles back to Hiller putting on a simply phenomenal preformance, to the tune of a .943 SV% in 13 games. 2009-10 was a considerably more auspicious year for Hiller and the Ducks and despite him posting 30 wins, the Ducks failed to make the playoffs. 2010-11 was a year that started out great for Hiller, named to the All Star Game, but immediately after the break, he began suffering from lightheadedness which eventually came out to be symptoms of Vertigo. Hiller was off and on sidelined due to the symptoms throughout the rest of the year, the frustration of the symptoms' stubbornness only eventually topped by him being forced to watch Dan Ellis and Ray Emery flounder around for the Ducks in net as they were chewed up and spit out by the Predators in the first round of the playoffs in 6 games. The Ducks as a team were godawful in 2011-12 and Hiller wasn't really any better, despite posting nearly 30 wins again (to go with 30 losses and 12 OTL, eugh) and in the shortened 2013 season, he found himself splitting time with newcomer Viktor Fasth. Despite the Ducks finishing in the number 2 seed and Hiller being named the starter for the playoffs, the Ducks were defeated in 7 games, again by the Detroit Red Wings, but by a much, much less potent iteration of the team than 5 years prior. Hiller finished the year with a .913 and the playoffs with a .917 and things didn't really improve from there. In 2013-14, he continued to lose time to Fasth and newcomers Frederik Andersen and John Gibson. Hiller would wind up outright losing his job in the playoffs and not ever getting it back, leaving the Ducks for good to sign with the Calgary Flames as a free agent. It's overly simplistic to say that Hiller "just hasn't been the same" since his vertigo and it's similarly disingenuous to say that he's a one-hit wonder whose only truly impressive moment was the 2009 playoffs. The nightmare 2011-12 season for the Ducks certainly seems like it was the beginning of Hiller's descent into mediocrity, but who knows, maybe he'll catch on with the young, rebuilding Flames while the Ducks keep on finding new ways to have an awesome regular season and then blow it in game 7 at home in front of a huge crowd that's almost half composed of their own fans. He seems to do his best work as an underdog anyway. Count: 782 Words Total Count So Far: 3196 Words
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Oct 12, 2014 01:24
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 32. KARRI RAMO Team: Calgary Flames Nationality: Finnish Age: 28 Draft Class: 2004 Hardware: Psychic Hockey Players Association Player Of the Year Award For: "Telekinetically Making A Puck Hit Dave Bolland in the Crotch" 2013-14 GAA: 2.65 2013-14 SV%: .911 2013-14 W/L: 17-15-4 in 40 games Who? ....the dude that replaced Kiprusoff? Wait, Kiprusoff retired? No, no, no, I'm sure he's still playing. I would've heard about it if he had retired. Yes, I'm sure, the dude is a loving hall of famer! He deserved to win the Conn smythe in 2004! He's a Vezina winner! He didn't just loving retire and nobody said anything about it, I'm sure. A YEAR AGO? What the gently caress, we'll do a farewell tour for Teemu Selanne's old busted rear end, nobody will shut up about him for a year, he'll turn into the motherfucking Derek Jeter of hockey, but one of the best finns to ever put on the mask and pads retires and nobody even says anything about it?! And the Flames wouldn't even trade him to a contender to give him a shot at a cup? For God's sake, he led their team in Wins, Shutouts and Games Played! Miika Kiprusoff was so loving good for the Flames in 2004, he had 15 wins, a 1.85 GAA, a .928 SV% and five shutouts. You wanna know what that team was? That team was him and Jarome Iginla pulling a big fat wagon of WHO GIVES A gently caress all the way to Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals! Yeah, we'll give Giggy and Selanne a victory lap before the start of a game when neither one's doing poo poo, we'll go on ~Iginla Watch~ for seven months to see what team he's gonna blow a tire on in the 2nd round this year, but we can't even get something more than "oh yeah, well, I guess he told a Finnish magazine he's done" for the motherfucking Kipper? Okay. Whatever. Screw all of you. What? Karri Ramo? ... Who? Count: 292 Words Total Count So Far: 3488
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Oct 12, 2014 01:29
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these are the best. i wish there were 60 goalies ahead of jimmy on the list
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Oct 12, 2014 01:52
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These are amazing. The Rämö one is and will forever be the best thing written (or otherwise) about Karri Rämö.
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Oct 12, 2014 15:01
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I'm in love with the fact that there will be Ramo-esque essays for Thomas Greiss, Al Montoya, Robin Lehner, and Jhonas Enroth.
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Oct 13, 2014 00:30
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CBJSprague24 posted:I'm in love with the fact that there will be Ramo-esque essays for Thomas Greiss, Al Montoya, Robin Lehner, and Jhonas Enroth. I don't like using the same joke too many times, but it may be hard to avoid for a couple of those guys. But not this one!  31. JHONAS ENROTH Team: Buffalo Sabres Nationality: Swedish Age: 26 Draft Class: 2006 Hardware: Silver Medal (Team Sweden, 2014 Olympics), Gold Medal (Team Sweden, 2013 World Championships) Five Time Champion at the First Niagara Center Family Restaurant Placemat Maze Tournament 2013-14 GAA: 2.82 2013-14 SV%: .911 2013-14 W/L: 4-17-5 in 28 games I'd be absolutely stunned if Jhonas Enroth hasn't knitted a quilt that says "Always the bridemaid, never the bride." at some point in his life. He's certainly had the time to do it while he's spent most of his career on the bench. Every year since Enroth entered the NHL on a permanent basis, Sabres franchise goaltender Ryan Miller has started 66 games, 61 games, 40 games (shortened season) and 40 games (traded mid-season). He's had about 20 minutes of playoff experience in his entire career, coming only in game 7 of a 2011 series between the Sabres and the Flyers, when the Flyers had spanked Miller so thoroughly, Lindy Ruff had no choice but to pull his ace and put in Enroth in the desperate hope that it would spur his jackass can't-get-past-the-first-round can't-do-poo poo-unless-hasek-is-dragging-them-by-the-ears wah-wah-our-tummies-hurt-please-stop-throttling-us-hurricanes no account pack of losers to do something in a series that they at one point had a 3-1 lead while being up 3 games to 2 in. They didn't. They lost 5-2 and the honor of getting their clocks cleaned by the Bruins went to the Flyers instead of the Sabres. And that was the last time the Sabres would make the playoffs until now and likely for a very, very long while. And Enroth just continued being a footnote in thee Sabres' descent into mediocrity. Ryan Miller kept playing his balls off and Enroth kept getting 15ish games a year, but the Sabres just sucked way too much to get anywhere relevant again, missing by just 3 points in 2011-2012 and then pretty much bottoming out, posting the 4th worst record in the East in 2013 and an alarming, hilarious, '75 Caps-esque record of 21-51-10 to secure far and away the worst record the NHL had seen in some time. More on that in a minute though. The Sabres aren't the only team that Enroth has played for in his career, though and in that story lies his sole moment of relevance. After the 2013 lockout shortened regular season ended with all the GOOD Swedish goalies going off to play for the Stanley Cup, the Tre Kronor tapped Jhonas Enroth to represent his country in the World Championships. He was, simply put, sensational. In 7 games, he posted a 1.15 GAA, a .956 SV% and had two shutouts en route to backstopping Sweden to the gold medal and earning himself honors of best goaltender in the tournament and a place on the tournament all-star team. That chump Lundqvist couldn't have done it better himself. Probably in no small part due to his outstanding performance in the 2013 World Championships, Enroth was named the backup in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi... ...where he didn't play a single minute in the tournament behind Henrik Lundqvist and the team lost its top 3 centers, including losing Nicklas Backstrom the day of the gold medal game because somebody loving forgot to tell him sudafed is a banned substance or whatever stupid poo poo went down then. So yeah, they lost and Enroth got to relive his routine as a Buffalo Sabre overseas, watching his team get spanked from the bench. Not to say silver's bad. Silver's good, especially when you lose Henrik Sedin and Henrik Zetterberg like, freakin' immediately. When he got back to the NHL, he resumed duties as the Sabres backup until the Sabres did what they should've done like two years ago and finally loving traded Ryan Miller, offloading him to the St. Louis Blues for picks, prospects and a streaky goal scoring winger. In the absence of Miller, Enroth played mop-up duty (the only reason he even played enough games to qualify for this essay in the first place) along with trade deadline pick-up Michal Neuvirth for the rest of the garbage fire of a season and going into the 2014-15 season, finally seems to have won his shot to be an NHL starter... ...for the worst team the NHL has seen in the last, like, 10 years. Eugh. Better luck in the McDavid era, eh, Jhonas? Eh, they'll probably just replace him when they're done rebuilding. Count: 693 Words Total Count So Far: 4181
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Oct 13, 2014 02:30
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Lovin'' that a guy with 4 wins last season made the "better than Howard" gravy train.
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Oct 13, 2014 15:05
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Oh my god this thread
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Oct 13, 2014 18:51
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#1 goaltender is Josh "broke my foot" Harding
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Oct 13, 2014 19:05
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These are really good and I'm glad you made a stupid prediction last year.
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Oct 13, 2014 19:32
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I rarely post in hockey threads but this is loving glorious, never stop.
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Oct 13, 2014 21:01
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The highlight of my day the last few days had been getting to read these as you post them.
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Oct 13, 2014 21:18
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 30. EDDIE LACK Team: Vancouver Canucks Nationality: Swedish Age: 26 Draft Class: Undrafted Hardware: Depends' Protective Undergarments "Guard Man of the Year" 2013-14 GAA: 2.41 2013-14 SV%: .912 2013-14 W/L: 16-17-5 in 41 Games Oh, goodie, we're to the part of this thing where we get to start talking about whatever the gently caress happened in Vancouver the past three years. Spectaular. Eddie Lack is a young, swedish goaltender who, despite being ranked 9th among European Goaltenders (which, I dunno, seems pretty good to me? At least enough to make it worth snagging him over some truculent punchman shmuck that's never even cracking the AHL), went unselected in the 2009 NHL Draft and went to play in Sweden instead, where he garnered the attention of Vancouver Canucks scouts and was signed to a two year entry-level contract to play in their organization. This is in 2010. He's behind Cory Schneider and Roberto fuckmothering Luongo on the depth chart. You've gotta believe that this poor kid is never making it to Vancouver as the backup muchless anything else, right? Well. You're gonna wanna sit down. This is where things get a little convoluted and a lot crazy. So on June 15th 2011, Mike Gillis lost his flipping mind, Roberto Luongo became a scapegoat (that's putting it lightly) for the failures of a bunch of chumps who wouldn't know how to check Patrice Bergeron or Brad Marchand if the instructions were written on the back of their jerseys, which the Canucks stared at, bleary-eyed, as they continued into the slot uncontested and scored another loving shorthanded goal, became increasingly lambasted for the team's failures and started ceding more and more time to Cory Schneider, culminating with Schneider becoming the starter in 2013 and it looking like Luongo would be traded at some point or another. Then, uh, Schneider was the one who got traded and Luongo became the starter again! So Lack was called up to be Luongo's backup under new coach, John Tortorella. As backup, Lack proved he had the chops to play in the National Hockey League, but he and Luongo were pretty much the only ones. Due to a combination of injuries and...whatever the hell Tortorella had them doing that he apparently construed as "standing up for themselves", the Canucks faltered to the worst season they'd had in years. Lack continued to earn time, culminating in a prestigous start at the Heritage Classic in B.C. Place. ...which then directly led to him earning a lot more time, because Lack getting the start over Luongo burned the latter so much, he was traded to Florida and Lack became the starter for the rest of the year. This got Lack playing time, but didn't really help his stats much as the Canucks were still mired in a torrent of injuries and drama that you'd expect more out of Toronto than Vancouver and, as you might've guessed, led to some lovely, lovely hockey and the Canucks missing the playoffs for the first time in, god, I dunno, six years? But what was done was done. The Canucks had entered a rebuilding period and even after casting off Luongo and Schneider, they somehow, still had a pretty decent goaltender to lean on. Lack had shown what he was - a big, young goaltender with mobility, the ability to keep his team in games (I was particularly impressed at his play against my team, the Red Wings, late in the season. Seemed like he was the only guy in blue who was even half-engaged) and if nothing else, he was at least a guy that could go out and eat up some starts while they focused on getting their team back to a competitive state, as several consecutive years of aging, injuries, ill-advised trades and free agent departures had pretty much rendered the Canucks inert. Lack was by no means an elite starter, but he had the chops to become a drat good one and the trade of Roberto Luongo had also secured blue chip goalie prospect Jakob Markstrom, so at least the Canucks wouldn't have to worry too much about their 'tending as they went into this transitional phase. So naturally, they signed Ryan Miller (and Radim Vrbata  ) in free agency, relegating Lack back to the role of the backup. Because...Ryan Miller. And Radim Vrbata. Are gonna fix ALL of the Canucks problems. Sigh. Well, on the bright side, the way this organization works, Lack'll probably be the starter again by this time next year anyway. Count: 729 Words Total Count So Far: 4910
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Oct 14, 2014 02:09
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Hate to tell you this but Radim Vrbata's played very well for the 'Nucks so far. Miller, not as much
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Oct 14, 2014 02:18
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grack posted:Hate to tell you this but Radim Vrbata's played very well for the 'Nucks so far. How he plays isn't really the point, the point is that Vrbata and Miller aren't really what the Canucks need right now, at least in my estimation. Also, it's like two games into the year.  Although I see his contract is a lot better than I initially thought, although I also see it has a partial NTC.
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Oct 14, 2014 02:24
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VJeff posted:Eh, they'll probably just replace him when they're done rebuilding. woah woah. goalies better than jimmy howard dont just grow on trees now also if you think vrbata doesnt own you're the worst person alive
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Oct 14, 2014 08:26
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Verviticus posted:woah woah. goalies better than jimmy howard dont just grow on trees now If 2 goals makes all Canuck fans think you own, I need to get in on that. Don't get me wrong, Vrbata is a great player, I know from watching him for years, but I am pretty sure that 22+% shooting percentage is not very sustainable. If I've learned anything over the years, he is streaky as gently caress and you'll be lamenting the signing when he goes goalless for 10 games. Then he will score 5 in 4 and he is back to being Hockey Jesus. Have you gotten to see him in a shootout yet? He is automatic when he does 'his move', but for some reason about every 3rd time says 'nah, gently caress that noise, lets try something new!' and fires it into the crowd. That is fun.
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Oct 14, 2014 09:15
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darkwolf220 posted:If 2 goals makes all Canuck fans think you own, I need to get in on that. Don't get me wrong, Vrbata is a great player, I know from watching him for years, but I am pretty sure that 22+% shooting percentage is not very sustainable. If I've learned anything over the years, he is streaky as gently caress and you'll be lamenting the signing when he goes goalless for 10 games. Then he will score 5 in 4 and he is back to being Hockey Jesus. gently caress you. Vrbata always owns.
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Oct 14, 2014 09:29
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If the most controversial thing I wind up saying in this whole thing winds up being a totally offhand remark about Radim Vrbata, 1) lol 2) I think that means I'm not trying hard enough.
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Oct 14, 2014 10:35
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VJeff posted:If the most controversial thing I wind up saying in this whole thing winds up being a totally offhand remark about Radim Vrbata, well i mean we all already know there are about 3 dozen goaltenders better than jimmy howard, so there's no controversy there
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Oct 14, 2014 10:53
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I wish this had come about a few years earlier so we could have got a Rick diPietro essay.
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Oct 14, 2014 11:39
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I was going to say you left the part out about how Luongo was NOT traded at the 2013 Deadline and was suicidal in his presser, but then I remembered Luongo is still to come.a false posted:well i mean we all already know there are about 3 dozen goaltenders better than jimmy howard, so there's no controversy there 
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Oct 14, 2014 17:40
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Sashimi posted:I wish this had come about a few years earlier so we could have got a Rick diPietro essay. It probably would have been waaaay too long and hampered VJeff from writing better essays down the line.
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Oct 14, 2014 17:43
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darkwolf220 posted:If 2 goals makes all Canuck fans think you own, I need to get in on that. Don't get me wrong, Vrbata is a great player, I know from watching him for years, but I am pretty sure that 22+% shooting percentage is not very sustainable. If I've learned anything over the years, he is streaky as gently caress and you'll be lamenting the signing when he goes goalless for 10 games. Then he will score 5 in 4 and he is back to being Hockey Jesus. He looked a natural fit with the Sedins from their first pre-season game together, easily the quickest they've ever meshed with a single winger. There's still plenty of time for the lustre to come off of him, but he looks like a slam dunk for 30g right now. quote:Have you gotten to see him in a shootout yet? He is automatic when he does 'his move', but for some reason about every 3rd time says 'nah, gently caress that noise, lets try something new!' and fires it into the crowd. That is fun. He tried and failed at it in on Saturday.
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Oct 14, 2014 17:54
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It's not like they traded for Miller and Vrbata. At this point as long as they're not ignoring young players to fill the team with old guys, it doesn't really matter. The Sedins aren't ever winning a Cup (with Vancouver) so let them get a few more unimportant trophies.
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Oct 14, 2014 17:59
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Sashimi posted:I wish this had come about a few years earlier so we could have got a Rick diPietro essay. Shockingly, there is no year where both DiPietro and Howard played full-time (like, even as backups) in the NHL and DiPietro put up a better save percentage than Howard. DiPietro was better in 2008-2009, but Howard only played 1 NHL game (and DiPietro only played 5).
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Oct 14, 2014 18:02
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Aphrodite posted:The Sedins aren't ever winning a Cup (with Vancouver) so let them get a few more unimportant trophies. That's what you think! Dark Horse Victory 2015!
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Oct 14, 2014 18:10
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Aphrodite posted:It's not like they traded for Miller and Vrbata. At this point as long as they're not ignoring young players to fill the team with old guys, it doesn't really matter. The Sedins aren't ever winning a Cup (with Vancouver) so let them get a few more unimportant trophies. maybe you haven't heard about jake virtanen, hunter shinkaruk, dane fox, brendan gaunce, nick jensen, frankie corrado and uhhh thatcher demko? once those guys actually make the canucks they'll be unstoppable
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Oct 14, 2014 21:19
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thatcher demko got clowned on by the riverhawks this weekend and it was really cool
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Oct 14, 2014 21:23
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 29. ANTTI NIEMI Team: San Jose Sharks Nationality: Finnish Age: 31 Draft Class: Undrafted Hardware: 2009-10 Stanley Cup Champion, Bronze Medal (2014 Winter Olympics), Most Curse Words Ever Yelled in Finnish By Someone Living in San Jose (seriously, just read his lips when he allows a goal) 2013-14 GAA: 2.39 2013-14 SV%: .911 2013-14 W/L: 39-17-7 in 64 games Oh hey, we've gotten to the San Jose Sharks. I'm pretty sure that's swahili for "Repeated Misery in June". Antti Niemi was an undrafted goaltender, who signed a free agent deal to play in the Blackhawks organization in 2008. He then spent most of the 2008-09 season in the AHL, splitting time with another Blackhawks prospect, Corey Crawford before eventually making the team fulltime in 2009-10, splitting time with Cristobal Huet. After a very good regular season, Niemi was named the starter for the playoffs over Huet and only went on to spin two shutouts and carry the Blackhawks all the way to their first motherfucking Stanley Cup in 50 years! Not bad for your rookie season, huh? (I don't know if that actually counts as his rookie season) "But VJeff", I hear you say, "That Blackhawks team was more stacked than my grandma's gigantic tits! Any idiot could've backstopped them to a cup! Including my incredibly sensual, erotic grandmother!" First off, gross. Second, the team being good doesn't take away from how good Niemi was. Do you know how easy it is for a good team to be completely neutralized if their goaltending is poo poo? Take a quick look at the Hawks in 2012 and get back to me. Niemi had to face down the Canucks, Sharks and Flyers, all incredibly talented offensive teams and came out on top. He also beat the Preds. Remember that how the Preds had a 1 goal lead and a 5 minute PP and still lost? Man that was funny as poo poo. Anyway, Niemi was good for the Hawks in 2010 playoffs and that's worth something, dammit, so don't give me this "bleh bleh anybody could've won that cup" crap. Speakin' of the Sharks, this is where they enter the story. Suffice it to say, the Blackhawks had some, ahhhhh, accounting boo-boos in the 2010 offseason (I would think making sure your loving fax machine works when July rolls around is a priority for an NHL front office, but apparently not!) and when Niemi was given a 2.75mil award in arbitration, the Blackhawks walked away to sign, not makin' this up, Marty Turco instead. Because who wouldn't want to find a way to make room in their cap for their cup winning goaltender when you can sign a guy that was good 10 years ago?! Although the Blackhawks horeshitted their way to another cup a few years later anyway, so, shows what the gently caress I know. Anyway, when the Hawks walked away, Niemi became an Unrestricted Free Agent and the Sharks jumped on that, signing Niemi to a 1-year contract to help them replace long time goaltending mainstay that at this point was held together with cheap russian vodka and duct tape, Evgeni Nabakov. Niemi initially struggled with the Sharks, splitting time with phonetically similar goaltender and FHM superstud, Antero Niittymäki, but before long, he locked down the job as starter, along with a four year contract extension. Niemi picked up where he'd left off in the playoffs, dealing a swift defeat to the Los Angeles Kings and jumping out to a 3-games-to-none lead over the Detroit Red Wings. Some shaky play from Niemi and the Sharks saw the lead evaporate and a Game 7 at the Shark Tank, but there, Niemi locked it down with a vengeance, the only blemishes on him a goal by Henrik Zetterberg and a truly absurd, borderline-unstoppable backhanded tally from Pavel Datsyuk in a decisive 3-2 victory that sent the Sharks to the Western Conference Finals for the second year in a row, where he'd be facing a familiar opponent, the Vancouver Canucks. Things went differently this time as the Canucks, eventually on one of the craziest goals ever, where the puck bounced off the stanchion and everybody except Kevin Bieksa lost track of it, defeated the Sharks in 5 games, sending the Sharks home in the third round for the second time. This can't really be qualified as a choke. The Canucks in 2011 were an outstanding team, one of the best offensive teams the modern NHL has ever seen, maybe and the Sharks had just been through an incredibly grueling 7 games series while the Canucks had been sitting pretty the whole time although it certainly didn't help that the Sharks thought dressing Ben fuckin' Eager was a good idea. Niemi and the Sharks had a much more middling 2011-12 season, particularly down the stretch, eventually culminating in them getting dispensed by the St. Louis Blues in a pretty simple 5-game defeat. This was not a choke. The Blues in 2012 looked like world beaters until they ran into the Kings' buzzsaw and they caught the Sharks at the lowest point of their year, which just unfortunately to be as the playoffs started. It happens. 2013 was a very different story. Niemi was simply sensational the entire shortened season, posting 2.16 and a .924 to go with 24 wins in 43 games. He wound up a Vezina finalist and the Sharks went into the playoffs against the Canucks in the first round, where they took their pound of flesh back for 2011, sweeping Vancouver in brutal fashion (when Raffi Torres beats you, you know your rear end just got beat) and going on to face the defending champs, the Kings. What followed was a grueling series which saw the home team win every game. Unfortunately, the Sharks were the lower seed in this case. This wasn't a choke. The Kings were one year removed from a championship in both directions and this was a rough, rough series that just happened to wear down the Kings a little bit less at the end. The Kings wound up so worn down from beating the Sharks, they didn't have much of an answer at all to the Chicago Blackhawks and were dispensed in 5 games in the Western Conference Finals. 2013-14 was a great year for the Sharks but not a pretty one for Niemi. He posted nearly 40 wins, but didn't really look like the same Vezina finalist of the year before, ending the year with, for him, pretty pedestrian numbers of 2.39 and .913. It didn't look like it'd be a problem going into the playoffs as the Sharks absolutely pounced on the Kings, leaping out to a 3-games-to-none lead before the Kings had any idea what the hell had happened. A trip to the second round for the Sharks and a trip back to Hollywood for the Kings seemed inevitab-  Uh - as I was saying, the Sharks would be heading on to play Anaheim in no t-  On their way to play the Du-  What the gently caress is going on?! Yeah, so, apparently the Kings ate their loving wheaties after getting beat in overtime in Game 3, because they came like a goddamn wrecking ball at the Sharks after that to win three straight. But hey, Niemi had been in this situation before, against the Red Wings. It was the same situation: they'd lost 3 games in a row, but they were going back to the Shark Tank for game 7. He just had to do the same thing he'd done then and the Sharks would move on. It wouldn't be pretty, but what in hockey is?  Hoooooly loving poo poo. ... ....this one's kind of a choke! I mean, don't get me wrong. The Kings turned out to be an incredibly legit team, demonstrated by them winning the loving cup that year, but when you're up 3-0 and you're 3-0 in such dominating fashion, how the hell do you not manage to string together one more win in 4 attempts? And Niemi allowed 11 goals in 3 losses, getting pulled for Alex Stalock twice and outright ceding the start in game 6 to him. In a series of frustrating losses for Niemi since he's joined the Sharks, this one's gotta be the worst. Niemi was fortunate (or maybe not, depending on how you feel about the moves they made) to survive the crazy restructuring the Sharks underwent in the offseason and as of right now, it seems as though he's still the Sharks' #1 man in net, but if his 2014-15 is like his 2013-14 was, it seems hard to believe that he'll hold off up-and-comer Alex Stalock for long. His days as a Shark may be numbered one way or the other, with his contract expiring at the end of the year. You gotta believe the Sharks are just throwing crap at the walls at this point in the hope that SOMETHING will get them to the loving finals, and switching up their goaltender might just be next on the docket. Hell of it is, I dunno if I can blame them. I mean, I can blame them for signing John Scott and taking Thornton's C. That poo poo was dumb. But a change of scenery might be best for Niemi too. Since he joined the Sharks, it's just been one hard luck loss after another. Maybe somebody should check to see if the Shark Tank is built on native remains or some poo poo. .....who wants to look at Joe's dumb sad face again? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Stupid dopefiend. Count: 1578 Words Total Count So Far: 6488 Words
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Oct 15, 2014 01:03
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This made me sort of sad.
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Oct 15, 2014 01:41
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Oh God. I think I got some PTSD reading that one and I only pull for the Sharks as a Western team. And it's Nabokov.
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Oct 15, 2014 01:58
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Was it the pictures? It was the pictures wasn't it.
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Oct 15, 2014 02:02
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VJeff posted:Was it the pictures? Mostly that one at the end 
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Oct 15, 2014 02:25
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VJeff posted:
Thank you for this. I hate the loving sharks.
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Oct 15, 2014 02:32
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VJeff posted:
Just in time for him to give up 5 goals tonight
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Oct 15, 2014 02:40
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 28. ROBIN LEHNER Team: Ottawa Senators Nationality: Swedish Age: 23 Draft Class: 2009 Hardware: 2011 Jack A. Butterfield Trophy as Calder Cup MVP, Johan Franzen's Goalie of the Year 2013-14 GAA: 3.06 2013-14 SV%: .913 2013-14 W/L: 12-15-6 in 36 games Holy hot prospects, Batman! It's Robin, the Boy Goaltender! ...yeah, I'm pretty disappointed that there's no pictures out there of Lehner's head photoshopped on to Robin's body. Anyway. Robin Lehner's a bit of an odd case. A soccer player as a young man, he only became a hockey player very late, at the age of 10 years old. By age 17, he was touted as one of the top goaltenders in his age bracket and at age 18, he was drafted by the Ottawa Senators and no sooner did he get to Sault Ste. Marie did the Ottawa press annoint him a top goaltending prospect who would bring stability to an organization that had had to trust its cup hopes to Ray loving Emery and then proceeded to get exactly what you deserve when you trust your hopes to Ray loving Emery. The Senators were apparently super loving eager to get Lehner NHL time as soon as possible, because they moved him from the OHL to the AHL starting with the 2010-11 season then called him up to the NHL as an injury replacement not two drat days after his first AHL start! Playing a few minutes of mop up time at the end of the 3rd, Lehner became the youngest swedish goaltender to ever play in the NHL at age 19, beating out professional benchwarmer Jhonas Enroth by about two years. He spent most of the rest of the season in the AHL, culminating in an impressive Calder Cup run with the Binghamton Senators, where he posted a 2.10, .939 and 3 shutouts en route to the Calder Cup Trophy and the Jack A. Butterfield (awesome name) trophy as playoff MVP. Not bad for only 19 years old, eh? Since then, Lehner's bounced back and forth between Binghamton and Ottawa, getting a handful of starts and posting some decent stats (.935 in 2011-12, .936 in 2012-13), even getting some playoff time in 2012-13 because Craig Anderson couldn't stop getting blown the hell out by the Penguins, before eventually becoming a full-time player in the NHL in 2013-14 and putting together some.....less impressive stats at 3.06 and .913. Just like with Craig Anderson's awful year, it's hard to tell how much of that is the fault of the goaltender and how much of it is the Senators being awful. I'm inclined to go with the latter in this case because of Lehner's good track record the last few years and the Senators thinking Jared Cowen is a defenseman worth giving top minutes to, but unfortunately that doesn't really give good tidings because, much like with Anderson, it doesn't look like Lehner's getting the benefit of a better team around him anytime soon. But hey, maybe if he's as good as the hype that's been surrounding him for years, he can become good enough to win the Senators' games despite that, play himself out of the Senators budget and then they can lowball him and run him out of town while Melnyk tries to fleece the city for casino money or whatever in the tradition of the greatest players to don the Senators uniform before him! Count: 528 Words Total Count So Far: 7016
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Oct 16, 2014 00:28
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