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Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

i fucking love scoops




Welcome friends! Once more Lordsuga has gathered a rich selection of arseholes, yes-men, lickspittles and media whores to entertain us with their fine examples of business acumen colossal fuckups and general twattery. The zoo opens on Tuesday 14th October 9pm on BBC1. Bring popcorn!


Bianca Miller, 25, Owner – Personal Branding Company
+ve: Hard on herself rather than her colleagues
-ve: Excessively large forehead
?ve: Oprah Winfrey is her role model


Chiles Cartwright, 35, Company Director
+ve: Black belt in karate
-ve: Might well be boringly competent
?ve: Lives in Shropshire


Daniel Lassman, 27, Owner – Pub Quiz Company
+ve: Doesn't rate Roy Keane as a footballer
-ve: Likes “banter” and “practical jokes”
?ve: Seriously, a pub quiz company?


Ella Jade Bitton, 23, Business Management Graduate
+ve: “Innovative”, “Hardworking”, “Ambitious”
-ve: You don't actually have any business experience, do you?
?ve: So very, very naïve


Felipe Alviar-Baquero, 34, Lawyer
+ve: Look at that beautiful goddam name
-ve: Looks like a politician
?ve: One of top 100 Colombians as elected by the government???


James Hill, 26, Multiple Business Owner
+ve: Hard-luck life story suited for the Final 5 special
-ve: Overexciteable
?ve: Self-described Del Boy


Jemma Bird, 26, Operational Manager
+ve: ...
-ve: ...
?ve: ...Well ok then.


Katie Bulmer-Cooke, 28, Fitness Entrepeneur
+ve: Never studied business, doesn't know jargon
-ve: Sucks up to Karren Brady in her bio
?ve: That blouse looks like it's infected


Lauren Riley, 29, Solicitor
+ve: Designated Totty
-ve: Designated Totty
?ve: Regrets not travelling to SE Asia before it got commercialised :confused:


Lindsay Booth, 30, Owner – Swimming Academy
+ve: Opportunities for water puns
-ve: Best business skill is... remembering stuff
?ve: Reverts to actress Lindy Booth in a Google image search


Mark Wright, 24, Sales Manager – Digital Marketing
+ve: He's the arrogant cockbag one!
-ve: Business experience likely limited to updating his Facebook
?ve: Has not appeared in even one episode of TOWIE


Nurun Ahmed, 37, Marketing Officer and Fashion Retailer
+ve: Religious diversity
-ve: Blatant sharkbait
?ve: “Spicy”


Pamela Uddin, 23, Assistant Brand Manager
+ve: Highest words-to-thoughts ratio of any candidate
-ve: :siren: ”Creative” :siren:
?ve: I am very jealous of her hair


Robert Goodwin, 25, Marketing Manager
+ve: He's also the arrogant cockbag one!
-ve: Pubebeard
?ve: Moonlights as a 60-year old MP?


Roisin Hogan, 32, Accoutant
+ve: Irish accent
-ve: Arrogant veneer probably hides boring competence
?ve: I originally typoed accountant as arrogant, wtf?


Sanjay Sood-Smith, 27, Senior Manager – Banking
+ve: Hates people who lack self-awareness
-ve: Lacks self-awareness
?ve: The “good-looking” one


Sarah Dales, 32, Former PA
+ve: Jaw made of iron
-ve: Likes going to “high end places” and “private members clubs”
?ve: Also a hypnotherapist :psyduck:


Scott McCulloch, 25, Clinical Development Strategist
+ve: He's also also the arrogant cockbag one!
-ve: Proud of bollocking a VP in front of the people who work for him
?ve: No seriously, this guy is an absolute shithead

:3::3:
Solomon Akhtar, 23, Technology Entrepeneur
+ve: Tom Pellereau 2.0
-ve: “Overenthusiastic”
?ve: I've been assured by Taff that Solomon is actually forums poster Paperhouse, but he's unable to talk about his time on the show till the series ends due to signing an NDA


Steven Ugoalah, 29, Social Worker
+ve: He's also also also the arrogant cockbag one!
-ve: But he's a social worker, that's not even a business job what?
?ve: Would literally be excellent on Mars :psypop:

Rarity fucked around with this message at 17:41 on Oct 10, 2014

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Andre Le Fuckface
Oct 4, 2008

:pwm:


Whoa the foreheads on the first 2 are immense

Strom Cuzewon
Jul 1, 2010



Andre Le Fuckface posted:

Whoa the foreheads on the first 2 are immense

As the proud owner of a shiny five-head I can only say one thing.

"Woah! That's a big forehead"

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid


Scott looks like his face is melting and sliding off the front of his head.

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Shall we dance?


I am already all about Solomon.


Chiles Cartwright
+ve: CHILES CARTWRIGHT

It's Myles Mordaunt all over again.

gorki
Aug 9, 2014


I wonder which Apprentice candidate from years past is doing worst right now

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Shall we dance?


gorki posted:

I wonder which Apprentice candidate from years past is doing worst right now

Katie Hopkins?

No hang on she's saying the worst.

The Big Taff Man
Nov 22, 2005


Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16


Fan of Britches

I'm not impressed with this OP. Wheres the links to the candidate introduction video.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

i fucking love scoops


The Big Taff Man posted:

I'm not impressed with this OP. Wheres the links to the candidate introduction video.

Do you want professional journalism or a scantily clad woman in her underthings? You don't get both :colbert:

The Big Taff Man
Nov 22, 2005


Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16


Fan of Britches

Watching all the videos on the website now

Bianca - Awful, boring.
Chiles - Possible Winner. Seems confident and sensible.
Daniel - "I will outsell them, I will outclass them, and I will beat them by being me" - this guys video is by far the best. 100% he will use the "Im like you Sir Alun" line
Ella - "I dont need a sentance, Im Me, and thats who I am". Rubbish
Felipe - Talks about himself in 3rd person at the start. Brilliant. "I was voted in the top 100 Columbians in 2012, which was good because I was among people like Shakira"
Jimmy Hill - "I AM HIM WHEN HE WAS MY AGE". Nickname is Del Boy. Lol I hate this guy. Hes definately using the I'm like you line.
Jemma - looks much better in video than her pic. I really like her but shes a dumb blonde.
Katie - Reminds me of Charlotte from Geordie Shore.
Lauren - Unattractive and I hate her voice. Why the gently caress does Rarity think shes totty? Seems a right cow. Hope she fucks off early
Lindsay - Her make up is weird in her video. Compares herself to Shugs. Says shes hates chauvenistic men. My 2nd most hated after Lauren right now. Also theres spelling mistakes in her Bio and they spell her name two different ways and its annoyed me

Will watch the rest in a bit

The Big Taff Man
Nov 22, 2005


Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16


Fan of Britches

Mark Wright - A bigger wanker than the real Mark Wright. I hate this guy.
Nurun - Awful. She'll get overrun by the dominant women.
Pamela - Shes my favourite of the women so far. But describing herself as bubbly annoyed me
Robert - What a posh oval office. If you dont hate him within 15 seconds of his video starting then youre a better man than me. Wanted to stab myself in the eyes watching this one. It gets worse as it goes on
Roisin - Nicks going to love her. I think I do too. My new favourite woman.
Sanjay - loving HELL HES MORE HATEABLE THAN ROBERT
Sarah - She could sell ice to Eskimos. I hate her. loving hell why are there so many hateable contestants
Scott - My girlfriend was sat behind me while I was watching these and when Scotts video started "A funny thing about me is I was the only boy in my primary school to volunteer for the talent show, and I sang Wet Wet Wet" and she said "you love him already dont you" AND YES I DO
Solomon - Will get overrun by the men. Hes a candidate for week 1 elimination. Really annoying because he talks with his hands.
Steven - "I was the only social worker in the arctic" - I have no clue what to make of this guy. I think I hate him. Actually the last 15 seconds hes so unbelievably camp that yes, I hate him

My favourites from the video - Pamela, Roisin, Daniel, Scott.

BUT I'm picking Chiles as my winner.

eating only apples
Dec 12, 2009

Shall we dance?


The Big Taff Man posted:

Solomon - Will get overrun by the men. Hes a candidate for week 1 elimination. Really annoying because he talks with his hands.

Tim Stillwell was the same last year and he went out week 2. He was also kind of adorable so I don't hold out much hope for Solomon.

The kid's either the next Tim or the next Tom. If he's as nice as he seems in his interview he'll be eaten alive. But gosh.

The Big Taff Man posted:

Robert - What a posh oval office. If you dont hate him within 15 seconds of his video starting then youre a better man than me. Wanted to stab myself in the eyes watching this one. It gets worse as it goes on
Sanjay - loving HELL HES MORE HATEABLE THAN ROBERT

:lol:


There is notably no Jason this year, but I think Jason was generally a brilliant one-off. The eyebrows are disappointingly boring in this lot.


e: loving hell, the ears on the other hand...

eating only apples fucked around with this message at 20:24 on Oct 10, 2014

The Big Taff Man
Nov 22, 2005


Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16


Fan of Britches

The start of Sanjays video is him talking about how attractive he is. I'm still irritated.

He's the new Syed

Paperhouse
Dec 31, 2008

I think
your hair
looks much
better
pushed
over to
one side


What kind of a name is Chiles? You can have Charles or Giles, idiot parents

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002

by VideoGames


"You're foired" -Lord Sugar, to most of the contestants.

ass cobra
May 28, 2004

by Azathoth


What does +/-ve mean?

Gyro Zeppeli
Jul 18, 2012

sure hope no-one throws me off a bridge


Chiles "Chiles Cartwright" Cartwright to win, and blind all other contestants with that big ol' loving melon.

That, or just sticking that dome into the bridge of Sanjay's nose.

Wingon
May 7, 2007

LETS GO DRINK DRUNK


The Apprentice. Finally. I've been waiting for this for what feels like almost a year.

I just watched the candidate interviews. And I have to say it's gotta be Steven for me. He's the best. The best. The best. There's nobody better than him. Nobody, nobody. Nobody. He's the best at what he does. People talk these bits and bobs, but he delivers. In minus 50, AND plus 10. He's gonna win, we all know. Lord Sugar's gonna love him. What's there not to love?

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

i fucking love scoops


Wingon posted:

In minus 50, AND plus 10.

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!?!

The Big Taff Man
Nov 22, 2005


Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16


Fan of Britches

Rarity posted:

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!?!

Wow the op doesnt even watch the candidate videos. Shame this thread has turned into such a sham *scribbles in notebook*

Strom Cuzewon
Jul 1, 2010



Rarity posted:

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN?!?!

As in temperature? So he'll do business whether it's a bit nippy, or instant frostbite.

Can he do warm weather at all?

One_Wing
Feb 18, 2012

Handsome, sophisticated space elves.

Were I the BBC, I would be advertising this series with a tasteful teaser poster of a tiny Emirati flag draped over a box on wheels against a black background.

That's just me though. And I'm pessimistic that this series will hit the absurd highs of the last one.

Rondette
Nov 3, 2009

Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.





Grimey Drawer

Wahey!! So happy this is back on. can't wait for the ensuing madness!

gorki
Aug 9, 2014


i am Bridge Cafe



:catstare:

Comrade Fakename
Feb 13, 2012




I used to go past the Bridge Cafe every time I walked to the cinema when I was a kid. It always warms my cockles to see it, especially since it was literally never open ever.

gorki
Aug 9, 2014


Are there usually so many contestants? :eek: I am guessing the last episode is going to be just before Christmas?

ass cobra
May 28, 2004

by Azathoth


More than usualy, but Lord Sugar is probably just going to have a massacre episode where he takes out like 5 tremendous morons contestants

Devol_Tettran
Sep 3, 2011





Clever Betty

Not going to be able to watch the first episode live tonight, so I'll have to catch up before tomorrow night.

Maud Moonshine
Nov 6, 2010



Devol_Tettran posted:

Not going to be able to watch the first episode live tonight, so I'll have to catch up before tomorrow night.

Ooh, that reminds me, does anyone have a link to Apprentice Bingo? I'll have to print it out before I leave work. Tonight is the only time I'm going to get a chance to watch live. drat choir also happening on Wednesdays.

Rondette
Nov 3, 2009

Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.





Grimey Drawer

Maud Moonshine posted:

Ooh, that reminds me, does anyone have a link to Apprentice Bingo? I'll have to print it out before I leave work. Tonight is the only time I'm going to get a chance to watch live. drat choir also happening on Wednesdays.



Ask and ye shall receive! Didn't somebody make one that auto-generated?? This is the only one I have.

I am at Drawing Club tonight till 9 so will probably catch the last half hour or so, but won't be live-posting I don't think. Leaving early to 'Watch the Apprentice' might not go down too well! :/

The Big Taff Man
Nov 22, 2005


Official Manchester United Posting Partner 2015/16


Fan of Britches

Looks like only 4 posters had the sheer balls to put their reputations on the line and pick their winners pre episode 1


eating only apples - Solomon
The Big Taff Man - Chiles
Hijo Del Helmsley - Chiles
Wingon - Steven

No one picks a woman to win, which is interesting because stats say a woman will win this season.

ass cobra
May 28, 2004

by Azathoth


Sarah Dales will win The Apprentice Season 10

Andre Le Fuckface
Oct 4, 2008

:pwm:


Paperhouse will win

Rondette
Nov 3, 2009

Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.





Grimey Drawer

rear end cobra posted:

Sarah Dales will win The Apprentice Season 10

drat I was going to pick her, ok I'll go for erm....Jemma Bird , that saucy looking one.

Maud Moonshine
Nov 6, 2010



Rondette posted:



Ask and ye shall receive! Didn't somebody make one that auto-generated?? This is the only one I have.

I am at Drawing Club tonight till 9 so will probably catch the last half hour or so, but won't be live-posting I don't think. Leaving early to 'Watch the Apprentice' might not go down too well! :/

Thank you kindly!

Rondette
Nov 3, 2009

Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.





Grimey Drawer

Ugh, just found out the team names.... the lads have picked 'Summit' and the ladies 'Decadence'. Really?!?!?

Slash
Apr 7, 2011



Pre-Ep1 prediction: Chiles will win.

Or maybe Roisin.

Slash fucked around with this message at 20:00 on Oct 14, 2014

gorki
Aug 9, 2014


Rondette posted:



Ask and ye shall receive! Didn't somebody make one that auto-generated?? This is the only one I have.

I am at Drawing Club tonight till 9 so will probably catch the last half hour or so, but won't be live-posting I don't think. Leaving early to 'Watch the Apprentice' might not go down too well! :/

talking about Nick perving, he is awful for making innuendos out of everything on Countdown :stare:

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.


Rondette posted:

Ask and ye shall receive! Didn't somebody make one that auto-generated?? This is the only one I have.

Automagic bingo card, you can make suggestions and I'll add them to the draw.

Looking forward to this, schadenfreude at its best. :haw:

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Devol_Tettran
Sep 3, 2011





Clever Betty

Rondette posted:

Ask and ye shall receive! Didn't somebody make one that auto-generated?? This is the only one I have.

Is this still the link to Nettle Soup's auto generating one?


Ninja E: Checked the UK TV thread. Yes, yes it is. And beaten!

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