|
ValleyGirl posted:Not really, no. I like the body I have - I'm more comfortable now than I ever was at any point in my life. The status quo works for me. I meant literally, not figuratively haha. I think you have a fantastic attitude, and even though it really sucks that this has happened it's great that you've been able to accept it so well. What I was asking though was about your dreams. Are you in a chair when you dream or do you walk around in your dreams? I live in SF and I have no idea how people that are temporarily or permanently unable to walk deal with it. Like, being on crutches seems near on impossible and that's way more maneuverable than a chair. Lots of hills, most apartments are walk ups, tiny doorways and bathrooms.
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2014 17:06
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 07:44 |
|
|
Aradekasta posted:When you left rehab, how well prepared did you feel for returning to independent life? Anything in particular you wish you'd been told? Leaving rehab: I am not so sure I was 'fit' for it. With the rehab guys, we did a functional evaluation of my apartment - which passed with flying colors. That was a lucky break. One thing I did do was circumvent the system a little bit - typically when people with cord injuries like mine get injured, the DMV gets notified and pulls your driver's license. I actually knew this detail ahead of time, and as such I basically lied when the question came up: do you drive? Nope! I don't even have a license... which flew because I was living in San Francisco at the time, in an area extremely well served by public transit. My biggest problem was getting my car converted over to hand controls. None of the companies locally who dealt with hand controls were willing to install them for me, because I lacked an "adaptive driving certificate" from a certified instructor. Eventually, I had my car shipped to Las Vegas to a vendor who was willing to do the work without asking for paperwork, and flew out and drove it back home when it was done. I had the car converted and back to driving within a month. I did it by breaking the rules. Most paras take 6+ months, or a year or so... but I was wholly dependent upon my own vehicle, and I was too much of a snob to go with the proletariat horde on BART or CalTrain, and... busses? Ewww. Social group: a good number of my 'friends' disappeared when this occurred. I actually had a very good friend who was a paraplegic before this happened to me, so from the moment it happened, in the emergency room I was on the phone with her. She guided me and gave me a tremendous amount of support, knowledge transfer, and hand holding - and I am blessed to have had her in my life during the transition period. Unfortunately, the dynamics of my relationship with her changed over the longer term - now that I was in a chair, she was no longer the sole focus of attention - which was something she enjoyed and played up. Now she shared the spotlight with me, and things between us deteriorated quickly. I do have a good number of friends in the spinal cord world - for a while I was co-hosting a spinal cord support group with a local Los Angeles based organization, and did some volunteer work - and some very good friends came from that. But as it pertains to my old social circle? It pretty much disappeared. Dried up faster than the Aral Sea. That, coupled with my relocation to the Los Angeles area, and I've had to seek a completely different group of cronies and henchmen to do my bidding. Also driving my relocation was the fact that my company ousted me as soon as I came back to work for them. Officially I resigned for reasons related to health, but I was forced out. They immediately made it so I was no longer visiting or interacting with clients, and I was effectively reassigned to do the same job that they were giving to the 18 year old interns. Prior to the injury, my arrangement with them was to work remote from home 4 days a week. That changed immediately, and they demanded my daily presence in the office - knowing full well that I would have to pay $25 a day to park the car, and could barely get myself halfway up the hill to the entrance to the building. And then, they scheduled a meeting with HR, the VP of the division, and my boss - I knew it would be some sort of ambush, and I was correct. They unveiled a "performance improvement plan" citing my lack of performance (mind you, this came 3 months after a $10,000 performance bonus, and glowing annual review) - I had prepped an ambush of my own. I let them do their song and dance, and then whipped out my document that I'd prepared, which opened with the heading "In Exchange For Not Suing You", in which I outlined my demands for a severance package. Took them 3 days and an emergency board meeting to chew it over, but they took my offer - which, grr, means that I didn't ask for enough money. But that was that... photomikey posted:This is one of my biggest pet peeves, but as an able bodied person, all you ever hear is "OH DON'T JUDGE, THEY MUST HAVE A DISABILITY YOU CAN'T SEE!". Yeah, the 'invisible disability' thing: well, in some cases it is genuine. Those people would need to sit down, or rest - I really believe that handicap parking should be segregated into two kinds - parking for those with mobility issues, and without. It won't ever happen. Disability groups do not have the political clout - might be worth noting that something like 80% of people with spinal cord injuries are unemployed - there's no money for lobbying, and the organizations involved demand entirely on charity to finance their operations. Also, organizing the disabled community is like herding cats... fork bomb posted:I meant literally, not figuratively haha. I think you have a fantastic attitude, and even though it really sucks that this has happened it's great that you've been able to accept it so well. In my actual dreams, I am in my chair, I don't walk. Took like a year before that happened, and I don't distinctly remember the chair featuring in any of my dreams, really. But it doesn't really distinctly feature in my life, it's in the background, just a fact of life. I do know what in dreams, when I interact with other people, I see them from the same vantage point where I see and interact with them now - from the 4 foot and change level. I've gotten myself in standing frames from time to time, and when I see the world from 6 feet, it's like, WHOA, I can't believe this is what it used to look like... SF: I just don't visit people's homes very often. I meet them out in public places. If we want to do something, they come to my place, or I qualify their place for access based on some questions - if it's a step or two, I will need help to get the chair up, but it is doable. San Francisco is NOT wheelchair friendly though, and that was another factor behind my departure.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2014 22:35
|
|
|
Yeah, please don't give people dirty looks because you think that they're able bodied, I have an invisible illness, i sometimes use my walker when just going to the store, but not always. I also don't really limp or anything, or have to sit often in the store, as long as we're not there too long. But I avoid extra walking the entire trip, no going over to one side of the store, then the other, then back again because I forgot the eggs. The extra walk in the aparking lot, especially if it's full, can mean just skipping a store trip and going somewhere else sometimes. I never park in the wheelchair loading zone, though.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2014 22:48
|
|
|
I had a rare autoimmune disease when I was 6, which meant I couldn't move any major muscle properly (fortunately my heart and lungs were okay). I couldn't push myself and there wasn't much point in getting a wheelchair, so my parents used to push me around in a pram. I still have memories of people looking down on me with a combination of pity and disgust, thinking I was just incredibly lazy and refusing to walk. They only showed contempt for my parents because they were allowing me to be so lazy. Entertainingly this hasn't stopped my parents from making judgements when they see large kids or toddlers in prams.
|
|
#
?
Oct 27, 2014 02:29
|
|
|
I hope this isn't offensive, but I can't fathom your attitude of "if I had the choice, I wouldn't undo it." or not being interested in future advances in treating spinal cord injuries. While I respect and agree with your pragmatic perspective on your injury and becoming comfortable in your own skin, if you were really offered a magic pill to give you the use of your legs back - would you really turn it down? You got coerced from your job, many things are now inconveniencing to you or even impossible, your dating pool has shrunk massively, people treat you differently. I can't imagine any of these things will get better as you get older. I guess the heart of my question is why are you more comfortable now than when you were able-bodied?
|
|
#
?
Oct 27, 2014 12:42
|
|
|
Plucky Brit posted:I had a rare autoimmune disease when I was 6, which meant I couldn't move any major muscle properly (fortunately my heart and lungs were okay). I couldn't push myself and there wasn't much point in getting a wheelchair, so my parents used to push me around in a pram. I still have memories of people looking down on me with a combination of pity and disgust, thinking I was just incredibly lazy and refusing to walk. They only showed contempt for my parents because they were allowing me to be so lazy. I think maybe once my mom and I did that, saw a kid, and made a comment to each other out of hearing or shared a look, then immediately realized "Whoa, we have no idea why that kid is being pushed like that, and hell, maybe the kid is just a lazy brat, still probably easier for the parent than not in that case."
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2014 02:17
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 23, 2024 07:44 |
|
|
Plucky Brit posted:I had a rare autoimmune disease when I was 6, which meant I couldn't move any major muscle properly (fortunately my heart and lungs were okay). I couldn't push myself and there wasn't much point in getting a wheelchair, so my parents used to push me around in a pram. I still have memories of people looking down on me with a combination of pity and disgust, thinking I was just incredibly lazy and refusing to walk. They only showed contempt for my parents because they were allowing me to be so lazy. Hopefully you've recovered. See though, there goes society's implicit assumptions. Even if some people are educated, they still fall back on the stereotypes. Jeza posted:I hope this isn't offensive, but I can't fathom your attitude of "if I had the choice, I wouldn't undo it." or not being interested in future advances in treating spinal cord injuries. Not offensive. Lots of people can't understand it, and I'll readily admit it isn't the most logical thing. A magic pill: I might turn it down. Honestly, my inclination would be to turn it down... But when it comes to a realistic fix, the answer is definitely no. I was coerced from my job, things are inconvenient sometimes, my dating pool is smaller, and yes I do get treated somewhat differently. You are correct that as I age, I will have more issues. I'm fairly sure my shoulders will be burned out by the time I'm 55-60, requiring me to go to a power chair. My hands have developed carpal tunnel syndrome, and I've had two surgeries on them to mitigate the issue - but it continues to be a problem. There's the inconvenience of occasional bladder accidents, the inconvenience of having to take my chair apart and throw it into the car every time I want to go somewhere, the inconvenience of having to make sure my legs are moved every hour or two to make sure I don't get pressure sores... these are problems. But, in the context of all the problems I could have, my current set of them seem pretty minor. I had plenty of inconveniences before this happened, too. Some of those disappeared. And I got new ones in place of them. I suppose my comfort with my body has mostly to do with psychological issues, and perhaps situation - I'm in a better place, mentally, than I have ever been in my life. It was such a change of circumstance that it brought all my values and life decisions into question, and gave me a chance to make significant changes for the better. It opened me up to new possibilities - and friendships that I've made as a result of the circumstance have been the best of my life. Its given me the opportunity to find a new career - I *HATED* my old job; I was deeply depressed with my life at the time everything happened, had no romantic luck at all. I was almost 300 pounds, fat and ugly, all I had in my life was a penchant for spending money on fast German cars. A good thing arose from the bad - it triggered the ultimate attitude adjustment. I'm now down to 190ish pounds, I have grown to like the fact that I can't feel anything. I like can't move - so much so that I no longer even possess the mental capability to move them, even if I wanted to. I have come to like the way sex is now. People may treat me differently, but I think overall I receive better treatment than I got before. I find it hard to explain it all, but, I don't like change. I've found comfort in my routine, in my new social circle, in my new life. All of that would be subject to change if I got a magic pill. As far as dating goes: The pool is smaller, but it ensures that I'm not going to be dealing with a superficial jerk who just wants to tap some sexy arse when I do find a guy. I'll find someone who appreciates me for me, and what I have to offer. Same goes for jobs - while it's much harder to get hired now, any company that would hire me is going to be one I want to work for. Any company that would pass on me because of the titanium I'm anchored to is not a firm I would want to work for, able bodied or not. It's not entirely logical. A Vulcan wouldn't approve. But, I value my mental health - and my status quo and projected future is one in which I am stable, happy, and comfortable. If my body were to be suddenly fixed, everything would change... So that's my rationale. Take it as you will. 
|
|
#
?
Oct 28, 2014 09:08
|
|