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i wish shower sex was fun, i really do. solution for awkward showers = DOUBLE SHOWER HEADS, you fuckin plebs.
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Nov 28, 2014 06:21
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Devil Wears Wings posted:The point wasn't to talk about pooping habits, but rather as an example to stress the fact that you need to communicate with your partner. Working off of "implied relationship confidentiality" is great and all until you realize that, surprise, you and your partner assumed completely different things and never communicated about them and now you're furious at each other for completely stupid poo poo. The idea of someone looking longingly at the open bathroom door, hoping against hope that their partner will realise that what they truly want is to be stink-bombed out of the shower, but unable to say so because they have bad communication skills and just becoming slowly more and more furious is really hilarious to me. (Also I think what was meant by "implied relationship confidentiality" is "why the gently caress are you telling everyone on the internet what your wife's pooping is like.")
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Dec 9, 2014 04:16
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Couples who dont poop together will never know true love. Loving this thread. HOW CAN YOU DO [THING] YOU ARE INSANE. HOW CAN YOU NOT DO [THING], CRAZY PERSON. Every person and relationship is different jesus christ.
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Dec 10, 2014 20:58
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KoB posted:Couples who dont poop together will never know true love. I stand with poo poo.
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Dec 11, 2014 00:00
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so im guessing 2 months after this thread was created, he's moved in? how's it working out?
throwAway712 fucked around with this message at 23:35 on Dec 11, 2014 |
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Dec 11, 2014 22:28
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throwAway712 posted:so im guessing 2 months after this thread was created, he's moved in? how's it working out? We all wanna know let us know OP
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Dec 13, 2014 20:15
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im still like really curious
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Jan 12, 2015 07:15
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gently caress da Mods posted:im still like really curious Same. Where are things now, my darling feet?
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Jan 15, 2015 03:37
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I came to Ask/Tell to post this thread... And have appreciated reading the advice from everyone. Some questions: 1. How do you feel it affected your relationship? How did it change, good and bad? We have talked about what we want from each other and the future and have both been very open with communication. 2. I'm afraid of being a nag, as I am a bit tidier than he is. What are the household battles you all have found are worth fighting, and the ones you have found better to let go? 3. How long would you say it took to get comfortable with your living arrangement? 4. How did you handle different interior design tastes? 5. Is it possible to be too soon? We've been dating for 7ish months which seems like it should feel way soon, but it feels right to him and I. I'm 28 he is 32. It seems like a lot of folks that responded had lived with their SO's four years before. I'm buying a house sometime soon, and we talked about living together even before a house was an option. I am very excited to live with him! But there are just these things that I was curious about from folks that have been living with their SO. Also, I'm on the same boat as the last few replies; how is the living situation going, OP??
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Apr 6, 2015 23:08
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Amber Atkins Again posted:I came to Ask/Tell to post this thread... And have appreciated reading the advice from everyone. Some questions: Mostly positively. We get to spend a lot more time with each other which is great, and less time traveling to and from each other's houses. Not much has changed for the worse for us. Amber Atkins Again posted:2. I'm afraid of being a nag, as I am a bit tidier than he is. What are the household battles you all have found are worth fighting, and the ones you have found better to let go? Only nag about : A) things that really bother you, and B) things that you think your partner can actually change. If he's forgetful and is always leaving the toilet seat up, maybe cut him a break because it's really just a minor inconvenience for both of you. If he never does the laundry and it drives you absolutely insane because now you're doing four loads a week and feel put upon, talk to him about it. I think the best answer to this type of question is "if both people are making their best effort, no battle is worth fighting." Real world example: my girlfriend is always a little behind schedule when it comes time to head out the door for work, so she often leaves something on the bathroom counter (a couple of q-tips or whatever). It's a minor annoyance to me, but it takes me all of two seconds to solve the problem so I don't bother her about it. On the other hand when I was the one who cleaned the cat litter six times in a row and it was starting to seriously annoy me, I talked to her and she's been better about helping out more. Amber Atkins Again posted:3. How long would you say it took to get comfortable with your living arrangement? Immediately, granted my girlfriend was staying at my place pretty much every day for a month or so beforehand. Amber Atkins Again posted:4. How did you handle different interior design tastes? We're both opinionated about this but thankfully have pretty similar tastes so it hasn't been too difficult to find pieces we agree on. However there are certain places where we've acquiesced to the other's wishes (ie. my desk is off limits to her interior design shenanigans because I'm the one who has to work at it every day, stuff like that). Amber Atkins Again posted:5. Is it possible to be too soon? We've been dating for 7ish months which seems like it should feel way soon, but it feels right to him and I. I'm 28 he is 32. It seems like a lot of folks that responded had lived with their SO's four years before. I'm buying a house sometime soon, and we talked about living together even before a house was an option. If you both feel comfortable with it, then it's fine. The idea of it being "too soon" is your mom/dad/whoever's voice in your head. So sure, be a little careful, but this is a question only you can answer. The one thing to keep in mind is that living together makes a breakup way, way worse. Consider where your relationship is at when you make your decision, don't worry about what other people are doing. kedo fucked around with this message at 00:03 on Apr 7, 2015 |
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Apr 7, 2015 00:00
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kedo posted:If you both feel comfortable with it, then it's fine. The idea of it being "too soon" is your mom/dad/whoever's voice in your head. So sure, be a little careful, but this is a question only you can answer. The one thing to keep in mind is that living together makes a breakup way, way worse. Consider where your relationship is at when you make your decision, don't worry about what other people are doing. Breaking up while living together may be a giant pain in the rear end but it's still way easier than a divorce. I think every serious couple needs to live together for a while before legally binding themselves to their SO. No matter how well you think you know someone they could always have weird annoying habits you never noticed till you were with them 24/7, and you can't just go home or call off plans and sit at home by yourself if you're in a bad mood or they piss you off or you're not feeling well, etc. Ideally your lives should just sync up and you won't need a roommate-esque "I do X, you do Y" chat. When you live with your SO it's not "yours vs mine" it's "ours".
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Apr 7, 2015 00:30
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Me and my GF moved in together like a month after first meeting, since I needed to move and she'd split up with her ex who she lived with. It was an absolutely terrible idea on so many levels ("I'm not sure if I'm totally comfortable with not being just flatmates yet"), and the first six months to a year was an unholy mess. But once everything fell into place and we'd finally addressed every nightmare issue, now, two years later, it's like "we might as well get married, loving nothing can faze us anymore". It was a relationship wormhole.
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Apr 7, 2015 00:53
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kedo posted:If you both feel comfortable with it, then it's fine. The idea of it being "too soon" is your mom/dad/whoever's voice in your head. So sure, be a little careful, but this is a question only you can answer. The one thing to keep in mind is that living together makes a breakup way, way worse. Consider where your relationship is at when you make your decision, don't worry about what other people are doing. Thank you for the comments/advice! I am a little less worried about breaking up as the house will be in my name, and I'm buying something I can afford on my own (given I retain my current employment). He could also afford something instantly on his own at this time. Stuff happens for sure, but for now it's good peace of mind. He's paying for utilities/extras, I am paying for rent/renovations that are needed. What is the worst thing (generally) that women do when moving in with their male spouses? Anything that people have found common that I should really avoid? I know a lot is purely situational, but if there's some common mistakes I can avoid I would like to! Aquatic Giraffe posted:Breaking up while living together may be a giant pain in the rear end but it's still way easier than a divorce. I think every serious couple needs to live together for a while before legally binding themselves to their SO. No matter how well you think you know someone they could always have weird annoying habits you never noticed till you were with them 24/7, and you can't just go home or call off plans and sit at home by yourself if you're in a bad mood or they piss you off or you're not feeling well, etc. We are on the same page there; we've talked about marriage and how that is something we would both want with each other... but that it would be better to live with one another and have that time together before we make a serious emotional/financial commitment. I've really tried to stress to him that this is OUR house, even though I will be purchasing it. Interest rates are just so good right now, I am jumping on it while it's still low. THAT for me was way too big of a financial commitment to go in on with someone. That is another concern of mine: somehow making him feel comfortable in 'my' house and that it is 'our' house.
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Apr 7, 2015 01:47
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Amber Atkins Again posted:What is the worst thing (generally) that women do when moving in with their male spouses? Anything that people have found common that I should really avoid? I know a lot is purely situational, but if there's some common mistakes I can avoid I would like to! I don't think you can say "women do x annoying thing, men do y annoying thing" - it's completely individual. I'd say the biggest tensions I've seen, both in my own relationships and those of others, are things around housework. Inevitably someone will be messier than the other person, and it can take a while for both people to compromise. Or someone will be particular about the way they want something done, so they get frustrated if it's not up to standard. These are things you have to figure out and talk about, since they're the sort of thing that can turn from a minor gripe into a real resentment if not addressed. It isn't useful to try to avoid 'common mistakes' - you'll slip up eventually if you're not being yourself, so you should just go for it and see what comes up as an issue - then talk about it. Communication is way better than trying to avoid something that you don't even know will piss off your partner.
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Apr 7, 2015 11:35
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Amber Atkins Again posted:I've really tried to stress to him that this is OUR house, even though I will be purchasing it. Interest rates are just so good right now, I am jumping on it while it's still low. THAT for me was way too big of a financial commitment to go in on with someone. That is another concern of mine: somehow making him feel comfortable in 'my' house and that it is 'our' house. See, this is what you should be worrying about. Well, not you, actually, since you're the one actually owning the place, but him. A typical trap that unfortunately women mostly fall into, is the "oh, he owns the place, so he pays the mortgage, while I pay groceries and utilities! That seems fair!  " Then if everything goes tits up after a few years, the person who owns the house will be in a sound financial position because they've spent the last few years paying off their debt on a property that has probably increased in value, while the other person is back to square one after having wasted all their money on stuff that has been jointly consumed. It's not very romantic to plan for a worst case scenario, but it's very sensible, so you should definitely have a proper talk about this and ideally draw up an agreement covering these issues.As for "too soon", I think that if you're 28 and 32 years old, you've been around the block a bit, and you know that you want and don't want. If it feels right, go for it. Admittedly I'd known my husband for 8 years or so before we actually became an item, but I basically moved in a week after we realised that we were mutually interested in each other, and I quit the lease on my apartment a month later. (As for chores and such, the big mistake that a lot of people do, is to just quietly seethe about some minor thing for ages, then blow up at the other person, who hasn't a clue that they've unwittingly annoyed the other person for weeks. It's unfair to get mad at someone for not changing a behaviour they don't know is annoying you. If something bothers you, TALK ABOUT IT. That goes for both men and women. And learn how to compromise. He'll annoy you, you'll annoy him. If you both make an effort to change the bigger stuff that bothers the other person, it's easier to let the little stuff slide.)
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Apr 7, 2015 12:04
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Sockmuppet posted:It's not very romantic to plan for a worst case scenario, but it's very sensible, so you should definitely have a proper talk about this and ideally draw up an agreement covering these issues. Thank you so much for the advice! I was looking into if getting his name on the mortgage was possible, if we decide to get married. It's definitely not the best position for him currently, but we both agreed now is the time to buy, a house would be better money spent right now, and I'm more in a position to do it than he is. Kedo definitely pinned it; the pressure about it being 'too soon' is from family. They are with good intentions, and looking out for my best interest. They really like him a lot, but are worry warts. But it's our decision and I'm excited, these were just my own reservations. I'm actually most worried about interior design tastes! His is awful. Just awful. I want him to feel like it's his place... But I shudder at the thought of DOTA 2 characters in the living room. I could see many fights from this. I understand there are worst things to fight about.
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Apr 7, 2015 14:37
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Amber Atkins Again posted:I'm actually most worried about interior design tastes! His is awful. Just awful. I want him to feel like it's his place... But I shudder at the thought of DOTA 2 characters in the living room. I could see many fights from this. I understand there are worst things to fight about. Is there any extra space you could designate as just his? For example, you can jointly decorate the shared spaces, but the computer room can be his with all his lovely posters. I find this works for cleaning too. Kitchen/bathroom etc are kept clean, you can do whatever you want with your computer desk/work space/some other designated area. This is of course for day to day mess, you should still tackle all areas on the big cleans! Edit: Also, don't worry about too soon. Splitting up while living together sucks, but it's completely doable. As long as you've been together long enough to determine that he's a good person, there is no too soon. Worst case scenario, you just find out earlier that you don't work together, which is better than finding out years down the road! Pelvic Floor Wax fucked around with this message at 17:00 on Apr 7, 2015 |
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Apr 7, 2015 16:56
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Amber Atkins Again posted:Thank you so much for the advice! I was looking into if getting his name on the mortgage was possible, if we decide to get married. Short answer: leave it in your name. Here's a good article explaining why. http://www.freecreditscore.com/blog/can-add-spouse-home-loan/ I already posted in this thread about joint bank accounts, but it sounds like this might be a good idea for you. You don't need to be married to open one, and the money that goes in there will belong to both of you. How much you put in and how you spend the money in the joint account is up to you. We each put 50% of our paycheck in the account and pay all our mutual expenses like mortgage, groceries, utilities, etc. The other 50% is our personal spending/saving money that stays in our own accounts. You have to figure out a fair financial agreement before you move in together. My boyfriend and I bought a house together three years ago, both our names are on the title but the bank loan is in my name because I had better credit. We lived together for a year before deciding to buy, and I'm really glad we did as renting an apartment is kind of neutral territory since you can't do major redecorating, and if something breaks, the landlord fixes it. We knew we were compatible living together, and the additional stress of buying a house and fixing it up wasn't going to harm our relationship. It might be worth it to see if you could find a month-to-month apartment or something with a six month lease to see if you like living with each other before someone buys a house. If you do end up breaking up, you can move out of an apartment relatively quick and leave the memories behind, but it's a lot harder to leave a house. If you buy a house intending for it to be "our" house, it would be tough to live there by yourself. Maybe take a step back from the excitement of home ownership for a minute and think about getting an apartment first. Another article for reading: http://www.chicagotribune.com/classified/realestate/chi-marriage-home_chomes_0123jan23-story.html Amber Atkins Again posted:What is the worst thing (generally) that women do when moving in with their male spouses? Throw this thought process out the window. Just be yourself. This is TYOOL 2015, you don't need to worry about being a perfect housewife.
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Apr 7, 2015 17:09
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Koivunen posted:Throw this thought process out the window. Just be yourself. This is TYOOL 2015, you don't need to worry about being a perfect housewife. If you aren't trying to keep a nice home for your partner then you are selfish and should expect to be alone, long term
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Apr 7, 2015 18:18
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book of blue posted:Is there any extra space you could designate as just his? For example, you can jointly decorate the shared spaces, but the computer room can be his with all his lovely posters. Thank you! Yes the house I'm looking at has 4 bedrooms and he will use whatever one he wants for... Whatever. He's going to have another room with his current bed in it... For snoring  There's also a weird 2nd living room, that can be more fun. And I don't want to sound naive, but I'm confident living together will be a good thing, while it is an adjustment and I anticipate issues will arise. It still gives me very happy, positive thoughts to be moving in together despite all that can go wrong.Koivunen posted:
Thank you for your response! I remember thinking it was a good idea, and something to bring up. Right now I'm thinking of buying, so sharing an apartment is not a practical option, financially speaking. I'd rather just rough it the way it is now and hope this house works out. I could have worded that differently... I suppose I was just looking to avoid common issues/mistakes/etc. I can recognize early and avoid or change from a hetro perspective. I.e. Women commonly complain about a toilet seat being left up, etc. And I was just curious is there was a common thing women did to drive men crazy.
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Apr 7, 2015 20:53
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Amber Atkins Again posted:And I was just curious is there was a common thing women did to drive men crazy. One of the three closets in my bedroom is now entirely full of my girlfriend's shoes and she just "surprised" me the other day with an entire unpacked suitcase that was hanging out under our bed that... and this is the surprise... is full of shoes. Please, don't let the shoes take over. Think of the children.
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Apr 7, 2015 22:48
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Just ask him if there's something that drives him crazy, that will be a lot more productive than asking a bunch of strangers on the internet which gender stereotypes are truest in their experience. But, if you want an example... What annoys me most about my spouse is when they move my stuff without telling me; I've told them that, at a neutral time and in a calm voice, about how frustrating it is when I can't find something I know where I left it, and they explained that they don't like things left out. So we happily compromised where they will tell me to move things if they're in their way but otherwise leave them alone, and I try to clean up more often and consider them when I put things down. The important parts of this story are our communication and our mutual regard for the other's happiness, not the specifics of what annoys us. So talk to your SO, make sure you communicate your annoyances and frustrations, and that he's accommodating to your needs and happiness too. Communication can fix even toxic relationships. I don't know anything about this guy, but the story sounds plausible: http://www.richardpaulevans.com/saved-marriage/
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Apr 8, 2015 01:02
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Thanks for the jab before the content! Do one or the other... But both is just weird.
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Apr 8, 2015 01:26
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Amber Atkins Again posted:I came to Ask/Tell to post this thread... And have appreciated reading the advice from everyone. Some questions: Well since you brought this thread back to life. We broke up. He cheated on me with his cat. Just kidding. We've been living together for 6 months now. His bastard cat has just joined us as of two weeks ago, and she's already peed on the bath mat twice! She and my cat don't get along well, and I think things will resolve themselves once she dies. Right now, they fight over who gets to be pet. We've been closing our bedroom door so his cat doesn't have an opportunity to piss on that, if she's so inclined. We were just gifted a very expensive mattress as a Christmas gift and would hate to ruin it. Unfortunately, this means my cat doesn't get to sit on top of the bed and watch the birds fly in and out of their bird's nest. I think the move has been hard on him; he misses his mother (wtf) and extended family, the calm backwater town he grew up with, and being able to see his friends for game nights. On the plus, he gets more regular sex and has a full-time job, schedule, and benefits, which is a change from his retail days. We've been doing some really awesome couples activities together - scuba class, gun certifications, and other things, so he's exploring. I've also had some friends who play his table top games and card games come around more, so he gets to rediscover MtG . I pointed him to Meetup.com and some interesting groups, so he found some acquaintances and activities that way. To answer your questions: 1. I think we're able to be more in sync, and I certainly noticed his ways. 2. Sliding into point 2, he's more laid back than I am about things like cleaning. He does laundry on his day off (Tuesday) so we have more things to do together on Sat/Sunday. That said, it pisses me off immensely when all he's done is laundry, put dishes in the sink, and arranged his cards on his day off when I get home. We're still working on that. I feel like I'm doing the majority of cleaning, because I'm more bothered by the layers of dust that came with his bedroom furniture from home and he's like, "Oh, how did that get there?" 3. We're still getting used to our living arrangement. He was living out of a suitcase for a while, and so when he brought the rest of his books and knickknacks and clothes and his furniture, it became a lot to deal with. I've only had to deal with a lot of my hoard, so it's a new situation to get used to (Half the stuff I got him because I thought it was cute in his room, not our room). We'll figure it out as we go along. He had a frantic day of packing when he brought the rest of his stuff up, so he ended up with a huge donation to goodwill of clothes and books. 4. We have vastly different interior design tastes. He has these super comfy couches purchased for him that are made from denim. Hideous denim. We argued for two days straight about how I was going to upholster them into something less visually repulsive. When he finally goes in to move them, the one love seat can't fit, and so my old roommate gets an unexpected couch with cat piss on it (washed, to get most of it away). I love ikea - it's easy to get matching furniture, for not spending a lot, and I love the crisp straight colors and lines. Him, not so much. It was only when the stores didn't have a lower cost on a bed frame that he finally agreed and we bought a drat thing. I made him three heavy handed rum cokes while he put it together one afternoon. He made me promise to never buy Ikea again. I think our solution will be to purchase furniture together where we both make demands and agree to the other's tastes too. 5. I think that 7 months is way too soon. You haven't seen each other across all the different seasons. Moving in at this stage seems like there would be too many complications. That's just my opinion, so you really need to self-examine your thoughts on that. So in general, it's going well. I like having his face here in a place of our own making. His cat is a sweetie when she's not a hellion. It feels like we're playing Real Adults and I think his relationship with his family is better now that he's away. He started taking pre-med classes after he saw the pittance he was making as an EMT, so he may make enough for his dream car some day.
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Apr 8, 2015 03:56
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Amber Atkins Again posted:I.e. Women commonly complain about a toilet seat being left up, etc. Oh, man, the toilet seat thing pisses me off. This is actually a valid complaint - why should I have to touch a dirty piece of toilet just because you don't want to sit when you pee? It's completely inconciderate to not put down the seat after you're done. Luckily, there's an easy way to fix this: A blanket rule that everyone puts down the lid after they're done. That way you're both slightly inconvenienced, so there is no resentment about an unfair rule that applies only to one person, plus it really does look nicer, and there is no danger of accidentally dropping stuff in the toilet.
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Apr 8, 2015 08:32
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kedo posted:One of the three closets in my bedroom is now entirely full of my girlfriend's shoes and she just "surprised" me the other day with an entire unpacked suitcase that was hanging out under our bed that... and this is the surprise... is full of shoes. Tell her "god drat bitch either half these shoes are gone or your rear end gots to go"
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Apr 8, 2015 10:19
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Sockmuppet posted:Oh, man, the toilet seat thing pisses me off. This is actually a valid complaint - why should I have to touch a dirty piece of toilet just because you don't want to sit when you pee? It's completely inconciderate to not put down the seat after you're done. You're touching a dirty piece of yourself anyway, and you'll be washing your hands afterward. I think one of my favorite things about my wife is that she doesn't care what state the toilet seat is left in. After numerous female roommates in the past, it's nice to not be hassled about that (I try to close it anyway but when I forget and don't she doesn't care.)
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Apr 8, 2015 12:38
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Amber Atkins Again posted:I've really tried to stress to him that this is OUR house, even though I will be purchasing it. Interest rates are just so good right now, I am jumping on it while it's still low. THAT for me was way too big of a financial commitment to go in on with someone. That is another concern of mine: somehow making him feel comfortable in 'my' house and that it is 'our' house.
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Apr 8, 2015 13:02
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Its your house, and letting someone else live in it opens you up to all kinds of fun potential future court cases, enjoy finding out laws and court cases from the 19th cent that are still applicable when he claims squatters rights or something stupid
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Apr 8, 2015 13:14
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nm
UnfortunateSexFart fucked around with this message at 11:01 on Apr 10, 2015 |
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Apr 9, 2015 22:10
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