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Apr 27, 2024 13:40
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- Snooze Cruise
- Feb 16, 2013
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![](https://fi.somethingawful.com/safs/titles/a1/9a/00196283.0007.png)
hey look,
a post
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Okay, then.
Having just recently dropped out of college in 1998 for being a drunken e-tard I was 19, living with my parents, unemployed, no car, and generally just living the true loser lifestyle. I smoked cigarettes bought with money from my dad's change drawer, drank his beer and booze, and played lots of Starcraft. Slept from about 8am-4pm every day, this was during a real winning phase in my life if you can't tell.
So anyway my one social outlet at this time was to unsuccessfully troll for chicks in the "San Diego" chat rooms on yahoo and AOL. It's kind of hard to explain what the internet was like back in those days. Digital cameras and webcams still weren't very common at all so there was a lot of anonymous chatting and reading of profiles being done in chat rooms populated by complete idiots. Imagine youtube comments but in a chat room format where almost everyone lives in your town. People liked to distinguish themselves with fonts and colors. We had cable internet but still paid for AOL access. It was a dark time.
I was getting squirrely being at home and vegging out so much so I found some nerdy guy with an old Cadillac who had a thing for this rather homely exotic dancer who both frequented that chat room. On the promise of liquor I got him to agree to pick us both up and we would hang out. He came and got me and I took the only bottle of booze my dad currently had on-hand: an unopened bottle of Bacardi 151.
We were all so poor that we couldn't afford a chaser and had to share cigarettes. Drinking 151 straight is an experience, let me tell you. I'm surprised I didn't light my face on fire. I don't consider myself a violent man typically but after an hour on the beach in Coronado I had already consumed enough fire water that I was getting aggressive. The cadillac dude had said something disparaging to me and in the ensuing argument I ended up flicking a cigarette in his face. Somehow cooler heads prevailed and we didn't fight, and I ended up apologizing. In our drunken haze we decided to go back to his place (a dorm at UCSD) and all 3 of us sit there and alternate talking in the chat room.
Yes, that's right. Two male nerds in full estrus in the company of a stripper whose attitude on life seemed to consist of "gently caress it" decided that instead of drinking free booze at the beach we should go to his house and chat on the internet instead.
So, we get there and alternate taking turns typing from the girl's account. She's getting rather abusive PMs from some guy I had recognized from being a known rear end in a top hat in the chat room before. Messages are shared, poo poo is talked, and before I know it, I have volunteered to kick this guy's rear end if he was man enough to meet the three of us at a place of his choosing. To make this even more retro, the place of his choosing to meet and fight was Tower Records. Are we in the 90s yet?
There's not much to say after that. We went at the allotted time and stood in the new releases section drunk while he probably sat home and laughed at us. They eventually asked us to leave because we were drunken retards in Tower Records scaring the hippies. He of course claimed he was there the whole time and the question of who the best defender of a stripper's honor in the San Diego 3 chat room on yahoo was left unanswered for the ages.
this is like the opposite of a coming of age movie
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Oct 28, 2014 00:59
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Apr 27, 2024 13:40
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