Weird News Headlines: Twerk will set you free

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Ninurta: Sep 19, 2007; What the HELL? That's my cutting board.

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

Somebody must have been really drunk:
Drunk NJ Driver Found Behind Wheel Of SUV Missing Both Passenger Side Tires, Police Say

"The vehicle was missing both of its passenger-side tires, and it appeared that the driver -- Renu Chauhan, 38, of Secaucus -- had been driving only on rims "for quite some time," Miller told Daily Voice."

https://dailyvoice.com/new-jersey/m...ice-say/808645/

Video of the scene has been found.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORiUP1ZPLB0

# ? May 11, 2021 05:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 04:39

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

Lobok posted:

When cops arrived, the guy had enough time to load a tiger into his SUV and drive off? Were the cops sitting in their car waiting until a good song finished playing?

Dude had a tiger. They weren't messing with him.

# ? May 11, 2021 05:43

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

The Lone Badger posted:

Dude had a tiger. They weren't messing with him.

Yeah, it's not like it was a dog

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://twitter.com/nytimes/status/1391679483732766729

I keep reading this headline, then looking at the picture, then rereading the headline and hoping I'm not reading the headline right

# ? May 11, 2021 06:15

aardwolf: Apr 27, 2013

Lobok posted:

When cops arrived, the guy had enough time to load a tiger into his SUV and drive off? Were the cops sitting in their car waiting until a good song finished playing?

...yes? I'm pretty sure that if you are macho or macho-adjacent in a tiger-based situation you have to crank this up:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4&t=11s

# ? May 11, 2021 07:04

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Lobok posted:

When cops arrived, the guy had enough time to load a tiger into his SUV and drive off? Were the cops sitting in their car waiting until a good song finished playing?

They thought it was a white tiger at first

# ? May 11, 2021 12:26

Sighence: Aug 26, 2009

It's the eye of the tiger, the chill of the fight, sitting out all because of our rival

# ? May 11, 2021 14:50

Yngwie Mangosteen: Aug 23, 2007

Sir Lemming posted:

They thought it was a white tiger at first

# ? May 11, 2021 15:04

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Russia Is Going to Try to Clone an Army of 3,000-Year-Old Scythian Warriors
:byoscience:

# ? May 11, 2021 18:10

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

What would they do with an army of year old toddlers? Doesn't matter if they got 3000 f the little guy.

# ? May 11, 2021 18:24

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

By popular demand posted:

What would they do with an army of year old toddlers? Doesn't matter if they got 3000 f the little guy.

Real-life Attack of the Clones/Honey I Blew Up The Kid crossover remake

# ? May 11, 2021 19:06

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

How do you "load" a tiger into an SUV, or anywhere it doesn't want to be, without lots of tranquilizers?

# ? May 11, 2021 20:35

pik_d: Feb 24, 2006; follow the white dove

TRP Post of the Month October 2021

zakharov posted:

How do you "load" a tiger into an SUV, or anywhere it doesn't want to be, without lots of tranquilizers?

First you load a goat into an SUV

# ? May 11, 2021 20:35

Atticus_1354: Dec 10, 2006; barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark

zakharov posted:

How do you "load" a tiger into an SUV, or anywhere it doesn't want to be, without lots of tranquilizers?

Open the back and throw a hotdog in.

# ? May 11, 2021 20:42

Ellie Crabcakes: Feb 1, 2008; Stop emailing my boyfriend Gay Crungus

Atticus_1354 posted:

Open the back and throw Saff's arm in.

Fixed this for you 🙃

# ? May 11, 2021 20:43

bunnyofdoom: Mar 29, 2008; Jaxxon: Still not the stupidest thing from the expanded universe.

Fatty Crabcakes posted:

Fixed this for you 🙃

I was waiting for the first Tiger King reference.

For what it's worth I was gonna go with Carol Baskin's husband

# ? May 11, 2021 20:57

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

Milo and POTUS posted:

I keep reading this headline, then looking at the picture, then rereading the headline and hoping I'm not reading the headline right

Behold Her Royal Highness, Queen Vittoria:

I also really this bit of the article.

# ? May 11, 2021 21:00

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

https://twitter.com/ianIDEO/status/1392096971075190784

# ? May 12, 2021 00:40

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

https://twitter.com/dallasnews/status/1391466251986378754

# ? May 12, 2021 01:28

freeedr: Feb 21, 2005

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://twitter.com/dallasnews/status/1391466251986378754

George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere

# ? May 12, 2021 01:33

Byzantine: Sep 1, 2007

Captain Hygiene posted:

Russia Is Going to Try to Clone an Army of 3,000-Year-Old Scythian Warriors

Somebody got a little too into the Rome Total War remaster.

# ? May 12, 2021 02:27

Super Nintendo 64: Feb 18, 2012

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

https://twitter.com/dallasnews/status/1391466251986378754

EAT SHOE

# ? May 12, 2021 02:47

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

https://twitter.com/7NewsPerth/status/1392417014082248704

# ? May 12, 2021 12:32

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Not a single one of those cases have ever held up to half a second's scrutiny

# ? May 12, 2021 18:54

Cartoon Man: Jan 31, 2004

# ? May 12, 2021 21:45

Captain Hygiene: Sep 17, 2007; You mess with the crabbo...

Put those cocks to work, farmers!

# ? May 12, 2021 21:53

Taeke: Feb 2, 2010

Carthag Tuek posted:

Not a single one of those cases have ever held up to half a second's scrutiny

I seem to recall reading about legitimate cases where someone woke up with a speech impediment that would kinda maybe sound like an accent to a lay person but that would be the result of like trauma to speech centres of the brain, but yeah, that's not the same thing.

# ? May 12, 2021 22:00

Facebook Aunt: Oct 4, 2008; wiggle wiggle

Cartoon Man posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sVVl2EKgUU

# ? May 12, 2021 22:07

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Taeke posted:

I seem to recall reading about legitimate cases where someone woke up with a speech impediment that would kinda maybe sound like an accent to a lay person but that would be the result of like trauma to speech centres of the brain, but yeah, that's not the same thing.

I've been convinced that I had a Spanish accent while very drunk. Does that count?

# ? May 12, 2021 22:15

Atticus_1354: Dec 10, 2006; barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark

Taeke posted:

I seem to recall reading about legitimate cases where someone woke up with a speech impediment that would kinda maybe sound like an accent to a lay person but that would be the result of like trauma to speech centres of the brain, but yeah, that's not the same thing.

Brain damage can make you sound welsh.

# ? May 12, 2021 22:57

Phlegmish: Jul 2, 2011

Cartoon Man posted:

Before I saw the rest of the image I thought it was Tyson the boxer

Boxing is actually a really hosed up sport that gives you permanent brain damage so it seemed plausible

# ? May 12, 2021 23:04

Yngwie Mangosteen: Aug 23, 2007

https://twitter.com/pleasebegneiss/status/1392323826654978051?s=21

# ? May 13, 2021 03:15

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

That�s the same steakhouse that a capitol insurrectionist worked at.

# ? May 13, 2021 03:23

By popular demand: Jul 17, 2007; IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!

That's an outrage!
Not one single video of this blessed incident?!

# ? May 13, 2021 07:19

I would blow Dane Cook: Dec 26, 2008

https://twitter.com/USCPSC/status/1392482092823502849

# ? May 13, 2021 09:19

Nckdictator: Sep 8, 2006; Just..someone

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-57091253

quote:

A 28-year-old woman has been arrested after allegedly entering a Florida school and posing as a student.
Police say Audrey Nicole Francisquini snuck into American Senior High School in Miami on Monday and began to hand out fliers for her Instagram account.
Ms Francisquini allegedly carried a backpack and skateboard to blend in.
She has been charged with burglary, interference with an educational institution and resisting an officer without violence. She appeared in court on Tuesday and pleaded not guilty to the charges.
According to prosecutors, Ms Francisquini recorded herself inside the school on Monday morning as she handed out pieces of paper promoting her social media.
They say her suspicious behaviour was eventually challenged by school security officials but she left the scene without stopping.

Police later tracked her down using her Instagram handle.
Footage from the now-private account, obtained by Fox affiliate WSVN, appears to show her wearing a devil-style mask inside a car and later recording the police as they approached her home to take her into custody.
"It's crazy. It's very creepy," a student told the television station. The Washington Post newspaper reported that Ms Francisquini is a former police officer who lost her job in 2017.
In a statement to the newspaper, a Miami-Dade County Public Schools spokesperson described the incident as "unfortunate" and said the district would conduct a thorough security review.

How do you do, fellow kids?

# ? May 13, 2021 12:58