Weird News Headlines: Twerk will set you free

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Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Lime Tonics posted:

"I had the microphone and the shock jumped into the sound system and my hand just lit up and I saw the spark," he told the CBC.

"And I'm looking at my hand and it's all flared up… It was like I was holding a lightning bolt in my hand, it was amazing."

"But that was pretty terrifying for a second."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-40585510

The Canadianest superhero origin story.

# ¿ Jul 13, 2017 14:22

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 00:26

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Randaconda posted:

Bad enough that they force us to wear seatbelts, friggin nanny state

# ¿ Jul 13, 2017 18:17

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

This is just inspired.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2017 19:00

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

These Loss edits are getting out of hand.

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 13:36

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Solice Kirsk posted:

This may be the murder that leads to body cameras having to be on at alhahahahahahaha! I can't even finish typing that.

But she wasn't black?

# ¿ Jul 19, 2017 13:57

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

catlord posted:

I just want to note that the top comment is about how Pakistan is now "Sans Sharif."

drat. Best I could come up with was "Sharif don't like it, rock the Caps Lock"

# ¿ Jul 31, 2017 14:28

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Sheriff: 12 escaped Alabama inmates used peanut butter to fool guard. http://www.cbsnews.com/news/sheriff-12-escaped-alabama-inmates-used-peanut-butter-to-fool-guard/

quote:

JASPER, Ala. -- An Alabama sheriff says a dozen inmates escaped from his county jail by covering up the numbers identifying an outside door with peanut butter, and then persuading a new jail employee watching them on closed-circuit television to open it from his control booth.

"Changing numbers on doors with peanut butter - It may sound crazy, but these kinds of people are crazy like a fox," Walker County Sheriff James Underwood told a news conference. "He thought he was opening the cell door for this man to go in his cell, but in fact he opened up the outside door."

# ¿ Aug 1, 2017 02:30

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

I didn't realize Erwin Schrödinger was a reporter

# ¿ Aug 3, 2017 15:16

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

TheBigAristotle posted:

Joe Osteen Sued Over 'Body-Slammed' Baby At His Church

Came for Stone Cold Joel Osteen, left disappointed at improper use of the term "body-slam"

# ¿ Aug 10, 2017 13:57

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

I mean... Why not?

# ¿ Aug 14, 2017 16:03

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

I want to see the article for that, because if the writer didn't make a carrot/karat pun they should be fired on the spot.

# ¿ Aug 16, 2017 13:58

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Facebook Aunt posted:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/edmonton/engagement-ring-found-on-carrot-alberta-1.4248131

Fire the bastard

# ¿ Aug 16, 2017 14:05

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Baron Corbyn posted:

People actually believed that Big Ben was going to be renamed ‘Massive Mohammed’

Cue the face-saving "WELL UH THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING THESE DAYS I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED IF IT WERE TRUE ANYWAY" and then a few years later they repeat the story as if it were true anyway, adding something like "people were mad about it so they ended up not doing it, but can you believe it"

# ¿ Aug 20, 2017 21:25

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Man Who Ran Into Flames At Burning Man Festival Has Died
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4848026/Man-ran-flames-Burning-Man-festival-died.html

# ¿ Sep 4, 2017 00:44

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Eat This Glob posted:

It is called "internal posession"

Now that's a stoner metal band name if I ever heard one.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2017 17:51

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Woman expecting yoga mat, gets $400,000 in illegal drugs in mail instead
http://www.wsoctv.com/news/local/woman-expecting-yoga-mat-gets-400000-in-illegal-drugs-in-mail-instead/618398335

Either way, she's feeling relaxed.

# ¿ Oct 3, 2017 12:37

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

china bot posted:

Well that's it, 2017 has officially out-2016'd 2016

# ¿ Oct 5, 2017 13:16

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

trapped mouse posted:

He's not becoming senator anytime soon.

Dude, you're just asking for it.

# ¿ Oct 12, 2017 07:36

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

ultrafilter posted:

Will Pumpkin Spice Destroy Us All?

How dare a thing be popular. MILLENNIALS :argh:

# ¿ Oct 21, 2017 19:59

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

dumb. posted:

Explorer, not Exploder

# ¿ Oct 24, 2017 16:16

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Man locked in store's beer cooler stays, drinks all night

:cheers:

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 21:03

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Absurd Alhazred posted:

Double-posting because HOLY poo poo

https://twitter.com/GWillowWilson/status/925903124274933760

Well drat, maybe that quote about Kim Jong Un learning the word "Dotard" from a goon who plays DOTA was true all along.

# ¿ Nov 2, 2017 12:49

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

SpacePig posted:

I really like that real headlines are starting to become indistinguishable from Onion headlines.

Trump feeds fish, winds up pouring entire box of food into koi pond

# ¿ Nov 6, 2017 16:11

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Collateral Damage posted:

I don't think people are addicted to using the phone per se, they're addicted to the information flow. They feel a compulsive need to stay on top of messages, facebook updates, twitter feeds, etc.

Which means this device is completely useless and designed by someone who doesn't understand the problem.

Yeah, this. A phone-shaped slab with "things" you can touch doesn't address the issue at all. It'd be closer if it somehow had an analogue to notifications that you can clear away. But to do that... well it'd pretty much have to be a phone of some sort, so...

# ¿ Nov 27, 2017 14:07

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

SpacePig posted:

So does a preteen mean girl have control of Trump's twitter account today?

You're thinking of Roy Moore's phone

# ¿ Nov 27, 2017 15:53

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

UPI: Police recover human-sized David Bowie nutcracker in Ohio

quote:

A human-sized nutcracker modeled after David Bowie has been recovered after being stolen from an Ohio exhibition.

Steubenville police said "The Starman," a nutcracker painted in the style of late musician David Bowie, was stolen at 2:16 a.m. Saturday from the Steubenville Nutcracker Village.

Security camera footage shows a woman dragging the giant nutcracker to an SUV, which drives off with the artwork.

Police said Mycal Morin, 21, and Alexis Lynch, 20, were arrested on theft charges after turning the pilfered nutcracker over to police.

A photo posted to the Steubenville Nutcracker Village's Facebook page shows police officers posing with "The Starman" after it was returned to its rightful place.

# ¿ Dec 5, 2017 20:04

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

After losing family’s $846K inheritance, UPS offers to refund $32 shipping fee

But don't worry, it's Canadian dollars :canada:

# ¿ Dec 14, 2017 21:21

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

The headline, of course, is quite a bit funnier than the story

# ¿ Dec 15, 2017 01:25

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Every Bitcoin story makes me feel old

# ¿ Dec 22, 2017 15:15

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

I wonder if those were also the dots floating in Orbitz

# ¿ Jan 9, 2018 14:02

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

More like Sean Saltier

# ¿ Jan 11, 2018 13:49

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

*ADR overdub* "That's gotta hurt!"

# ¿ Jan 30, 2018 01:52

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

quote:
The second trailer was found in Lahr, also near the border with France. Two thirds of the chocolate — and the thief — were gone.

surely a man capable of consuming chocolate at this rate would be easy to catch.

I'm more concerned about the remaining third of the thief.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2018 17:08

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Plinkey posted:

Boy, is his face red.

# ¿ Feb 27, 2018 22:32

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Samuringa posted:

# ¿ Feb 28, 2018 13:39

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

il_cornuto posted:

Imgur isn't working for me so hopefully this works, here's the Daily Mail asking the most important questions:

It's cancer.

edit: of the penis

# ¿ Mar 1, 2018 17:05

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Do badass headlines go here too?

Famed physicist Stephen Hawking dies 55 years after being given 2 years to live

# ¿ Mar 14, 2018 14:22

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

The Kins posted:

Pop Star Convicted For Smuggling Migrants

Nooooo! Well at least he isn't a horrible sex monster, right?

# ¿ Mar 16, 2018 17:34

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Jaywalking to trigger the capitalist pigs

# ¿ Mar 21, 2018 11:07

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# ¿ Apr 24, 2024 00:26

Sir Lemming: Jan 27, 2009; It's a piece of JUNK!

Blue Moonlight posted:

Never invite 80s new wave bands to your hotel room.

Well, they ran so far away, but couldn't get away:

quote:

The startled birds "immediately started flying around and crashing into things as they desperately tried to leave the room through the small opening by which they had entered," Mr Burchill said.

# ¿ Apr 5, 2018 13:43

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