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chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Mescal posted:

Was expecting this to involve a hibachi magic wand

Hitachi*

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chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



BattleMaster posted:

What I've always heard about durians is that they taste good but smell like Satan's unwiped rear end in a top hat so you have to overcome that to have a taste.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V5mWjOzkgk

This is a man who's made a career off of eating strange and disgusting foods.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Elohssa Gib posted:

This happened at my work last night, I find it funny for the allegedly, is it still alleged when we found parts of her car still in the store during cleanup?
http://www.kezi.com/news/Women_Driv...ook_KEZI_9_News

I think there's so much caution around accidentally publishing an incomplete or incorrect story that virtually every story now from every publication except tabloids begins with "allegedly" until they either admit it or it's absolutely proven, which usually only comes long after the fact after a full investigation.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Blue Footed Booby posted:

I was just coming here to post this, so instead I'll have to go with:


http://m.palmbeachpost.com/news/new...wn-woods/nsSYg/

I'm more worried by the article mentioning that there have been several other clown sightings in the area, including a clown attempting to lure children into the woods with candy and a clown with a machete trying to lure a woman into the woods.

Is Winston-Salem the latest real life horror movie setting?

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



RandomFerret posted:

I am filled with questions

I haven't been able to find a legal source. If true, it may be one of those archaic laws that got implemented because of one really specific incident that a legislator wanted to punish, and they never got around to removing it.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



zedprime posted:

Needs the quote

So do the bakers lie down in beds made up to look like sacks of anthrax disguised as flour or something?

"Some kids want to make food, others want to shoot down passenger jets. We're inclusive!"

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Powaqoatse posted:

true

so ill modify my statement: its wrong to piss on trees in the name of someone who might want to do it themselves if they were told about the trees

Are they paying you?

If yes, do it.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Fathis Munk posted:

Sydney home destroyed in error after letterbox 'boo-boo' - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-38247435

The quotes are all so amazingly Australian.

Did the crew really just show up and start smashing up a fully furnished house without question? That's amazingly dense.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



ThisIsJohnWayne posted:

It could be worse. It could be the schadenfreude thread.






Like I had.

Which thread is going to reveal to someone that Carrie Fisher died today?

It's this one.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Aesop Poprock posted:

Eh I can see that being ok if the kid actually has celiac disease considering she doesn't seem to hate gluten in general according to the article snippet. Looks like it runs in their family

The snippet I see in the picture talks about how there's no evidence to suggest that a gluten-free diet is beneficial if you don't already have a disorder that makes you sensitive to it and the mom mentions other people showing resistance to her kid's gluten-free diet, which suggests that she's putting him on a gluten-free diet "for his health" when he doesn't need it.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Lime Tonics posted:

Lettuce 'black market' emerges amid national salad shortage

On Thursday Tesco and Morrisons launched a crackdown to prevent customers from buying more than three Spanish-grown iceberg lettuces at a time in a bid to preserve stock.

But the ban has led to markets and causal sellers taking advantage of desperate salad fans by flogging them salad and vegetables for up to 10 times the usual price.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/201...salad-shortage/

That's that.

edit :

https://twitter.com/Parveen_Comms/s...src=twsrc%5Etfw

You know when you see a news story and think "Yes, this is the most British thing I've heard all day"?

An iceberg lettuce black market due to a shortage is one of those.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Microwave Weapons a New Threat to South African Farmers

Not sure if this site is satirical or not.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Lime Tonics posted:

German woman 'decapitated lover with circular saw in bizarre sex game'

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/201...zarre-sex-game/

The headline makes it out to be BDSM gone wrong. I was not expecting a tale of revenge.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Blue Footed Booby posted:

I remember reading about a dude in Florida that committed suicide by cutting off his own head with a chainsaw. This apparently involved an electric saw and a timed switch, like the kind that turns lights on and off when you're on vacation.

Back in the 90s there was a Darwin Award for some macho men (I think in Spain or Central/South America) who were having a competition to see who was toughest while drunk. The winner decapitated himself with a chainsaw.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Der Kyhe posted:

Similarly there was a Darwin Awarded for competitton on who was the machoest by heavily stepping/jumping on a live anti-tank mine.

Oh yeah, I remember that. It was Russian Roulette, but rather than a revolver they would stomp on an old mine they had found. Consequently, the "loser" just blew up the whole table.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Lime Tonics posted:

Police warning: Don't open doors to 'any unfamiliar cattle'

http://www.wcvb.com/article/police-...rending+Content

Those are definitely not "suspicious males".

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



The important part is that with the Oxford Comma, people who pack the boxes and the people who actually drive the trucks are both denied overtime (they are both separate entities in the group that gets denied overtime). Without the comma, it says that only the people who pack the boxes are denied overtime and thus the truck drivers who don't pack anything are entitled to it.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

Vice is so absurd, it makes it almost impossible to tell when people are making fun of it.

There is a real article on furries fighting fascists.

The Fantastic Fascist-Fighting Furry Force Five.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Absurd Alhazred posted:

From the SCOTUS thread:

This is pretty lovely to me as well because I've ended up on the wrong side of it. I was born in Canada to American parents. Should be really easy for me to get my naturalization completed after my parents divorced and my mom and I moved down to Florida, right?

Nope. Came back with a big rubber stamp denying it for "lying on the form". Turns out my dad had renounced his US citizenship after my birth without telling anyone. He was still a citizen at the time, but because we had put down that he was a citizen on the form we ended up getting rejected.

The ensuing paperwork has taken so long that we've switched presidents twice since then and I'm 25 without a passport or any other documentation demonstrating citizenship. I'm stuck getting annual ID cards with Canadian citizenship paperwork until it gets sorted out.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Absurd Alhazred posted:

That really sucks.

It's one of the reasons I'm really sympathetic toward illegal immigrants and the like. I know firsthand how difficult it is even for a white boy from Canada with a clean criminal record and American parents to get citizenship straightened out, because even the slightest mistake will set you back years. And not everyone is lucky enough to have all the advantages I do when applying. I actually had everything taken care of, and then suddenly got a letter saying that I needed to submit a new passport photo because they had taken so long to process my paperwork that my photo was rejected for being too old by the time they were ready to use it.

The only reason I have a current ID card is because my mom included a certified, long form copy of my birth certificate with my dad's death certificate in the paperwork she used to get me Social Security. Our initial request for a birth certificate copy to get my new card was denied because of new rules requiring a guarantor (with Canadian citizenship and part of a limited number of professions, like a notary or lawyer) to sign off on my request to prove that it's not fraud. If we didn't find that copy buried in the bottom of a storage bin, I'd probably still be carrying around an expired driver's license and hoping nobody looked at the expiration date.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Solice Kirsk posted:

AT this point its probably easier to just get a fake ID.

As long as I have a copy of my birth certificate, I can continue going to the DMV every year and renewing my ID. But I won't lie and say I hadn't thought about making a fake ID with the card maker at work as long as I could find the right laminate.

The best part is having people try to tell me to my face that I'm wrong and need to just go get my citizenship that I already have, because didn't you know that being born in another country to American parents is automatic US citizenship and you're going about it all the wrong way?

chitoryu12 has a new favorite as of 23:26 on May 1, 2017

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Catberry posted:

Maybe I just fell for an Onion site but this:

FBI Agent Marries ISIS Terrorist She Was Investigating

They linked to CNN, which seems to suggest this is real.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Have you ever been so mad, you ate your vacation money?

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014




quote:

If gratuitous violence isnít how you like to show off your masculinity, Hirakata Park offers other packages where guests defuse a fake bomb, swap bodies with a stranger or offer their blood to someone who urgently needs a transfusion.

This is the best theme park ever.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



A Google Maps error is causing loads of tourists to accidentally show up at the wrong Norwegian village to see a famous cliff.

Related, last year a tiny English town got inexplicably swarmed with tourists.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Slime posted:

...30 minutes after biting him? Then it wasn't the guy that caused it. Food poisoning takes a like 1-3 days.

I thought it occurred within a few hours of eating, when your body begins digesting it. Food for humans takes roughly a day to pass through the body and be excreted. What's it like for komodo dragons?

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Actual photo of Spicer in the dark.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Burkion posted:

Spicer is just having a mental break down right?

Like that's what is happening?

SOme one get the poor guy some help

I think the administration is having a massive, combined breakdown.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Horrible Lurkbeast posted:

Except for the Don.
He's as coherent and controlled as he always was.

Technically true.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



The MSJ posted:

Ex-Ukip politician calls for death penalty for suicide bombers

http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/24/ex-uk...ombers-6658334/

The suicide bombers adamantly support her statement and are eager to put it into practice.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



swamp waste posted:

That's the old goon stereotype though. The new one is the one where you're married to someone who also has depression and the two of you have sexytimes while binge watching Hannibal if you're not both too tired after your 14-hour workday writing javascript for vape pens ($45k/year, thinking of buying a house soon)

I feel attacked.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



ZombieLenin posted:

I'm guessing it's not weed since the father wants it "classified." This says to me that it's a research chemical. Maybe a synthetic cannabinoid?

Edit

I stand corrected. It's literally what you said in this case.

I think the UK uses drug classifications for every drug ever (including recreational drugs) to determine legality.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



And he's nicknamed Tony Bees.

I love this city.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



He's lucky he didn't get thrown off the top into a street full of molten lead.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014




quote:

"We are furious," said the hotel's "Toe Captain," Terry Lee, in a news release. "Toes are very hard to come by."

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014




I knew giving Hermione the Time Turner would only end in trouble.

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Lime Tonics posted:

US priest pulls out gun in Florida road rage incident

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-40547137

Jesse Custer's adventuring again?

chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Facebook Aunt posted:

Rich old bastard with prescription drugs, a helicopter, and 8 dogs. Dude knows how to rich.

And he keeps multiple guns in his chopper!

I can understand keeping a gun in your car in case someone tries to carjack you or something, but are you trying to fend off Cobra troops skyjacking you on hoverbikes?

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chitoryu12
Apr 23, 2014



Lime Tonics posted:

Canadian father struck by lightning at daughter's wedding

JP Nadeau was reportedly struck by lightning mid-sentence in his apple orchard in New Brunswick, Canada.

"And just as I told my new son-in-law 'You're a lucky guy' - Boom!" he told the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation.

Aside from a small scar on his thumb, Mr Nadeau says he was unscathed and the wedding proceeded.

Storm clouds had gathered behind him at the ceremony on 8 July, he said, and his daughter saw lightning strike the ground nearby.

"I had the microphone and the shock jumped into the sound system and my hand just lit up and I saw the spark," he told the CBC.

"And I'm looking at my hand and it's all flared upÖ It was like I was holding a lightning bolt in my hand, it was amazing."

Everyone was stunned at first, but that didn't stop the happy couple from continuing with the festivities.

"It was a beautiful wedding," Mr Nadeau's wife, Maggy Thomas, told the CBC.

"But that was pretty terrifying for a second."

Mr Nadeau says he's a lucky-unlucky man - in 2015, a cruise ship he was working on near the Falkland Islands caught fire, and he was rescued by the Royal Air Force.

"I've had lots of brushes with death," said Mr Nadeau. "But death keeps ignoring me."

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-40585510

Huh, so this is why my fiancee wanted an outdoor wedding.

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