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Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Portal will clear longstanding D.C. traffic snarl.

I was extremely disappointed to learn no Apperture Science technology was used.

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Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Left Ventricle posted:

That is precisely what I expected such a man to look like.

Bill Gates Bin Laden

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Lime Tonics posted:

Frozen hash browns recalled due to possible golf ball contamination

http://www.ktvu.com/news/250122190-story

If the current thread title wasn't funnier I'd suggest:

quote:

Eating pieces of golf ball could pose a choking hazard or cause physical injury to the mouth.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



for side view of fat naked man...

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/35267...hy-photo-shark/

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



http://metro.co.uk/2017/05/17/cyclo...-india-6643422/



Cyclops goat owns.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



zoux posted:

https://twitter.com/CharlestonPD/st...624683038646272

The Freckleses of South Carolina can rest easy today.

If you ever visit historic Charleston S.C., riding in one of those carriages down the cobblestone streets is a hoot.

Edit:

Your perpetrator...

Cartoon Man has a new favorite as of 21:17 on May 19, 2017

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Speaking of Neo Nazis:

‘Alt-right’ leader loses gym membership after confrontation

quote:

A leading figure in the “alt-right” movement had his gym membership revoked after a Georgetown University professor confronted him during a workout and called him a neo-Nazi.

Professor C. Christine Fair told The Associated Press on Monday that the Old Town Sport&Health club in Alexandria, Virginia, informed her that it terminated the membership of white nationalist Richard Spencer following last Wednesday’s confrontation in the gym.

http://wtop.com/virginia/2017/05/al...-confrontation/

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Turn up the heat: National Zoo’s giant panda Mei Xiang ready to breed

quote:

WASHINGTON — The National Zoo’s giant panda Mei Xiang appears to be in heat, and zookeepers are making preparations for the small window of opportunity they have to get her pregnant.

Female giant pandas are able to conceive for barely 36 hours each year in the spring, usually some time between the months of March through May, according to the Smithsonian’s National Zoo and Conservation Biology Institute. Once the pandas are ready, zoo staff want to give Mei Xiang and the zoo’s resident male panda, Tian Tian, a chance to breed naturally.

“The pandas haven’t successfully bred in the past, but we still give them the opportunity,” Laurie Thompson, assistant curator of giant pandas, said in a news release.

Scientists also plan to artificially inseminate Mei Xiang with Tian Tian’s semen, she said.
http://wtop.com/dc/2017/05/13964591/

If you live in and around D.C., the National Zoo pandas having sex and making babies is more important than elections, protests, impeachment, or the (horrible) Redskins.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Lime Tonics posted:

Man Wins Desperate Struggle to Free Penis From Toilet Python

It was less than a good morning for Atthaporn Boonmakchuay today. Not after a python slithered out of his squat toilet, bit his penis and refused to let go.

Atthaporn, who just regained consciousness, spoke from his hospital bed Wednesday afternoon to recount the ordeal he experienced in the bathroom of his home east of Bangkok in Chachoengsao province, which he’d entered for his morning routine of a shower and protracted bowel movement.

Atthaporn said he had just squatted over his toilet for his usual 30 minutes of morning business, according to Khon Khao Bang Pakong, when the python rose from the depths to fasten its jaws around the end of his penis.

http://www.khaosodenglish.com/life/.../25/1464165135/

Scroll down and look at the bloody bathroom pictures...like something from a CSI episode...

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004






W

T

F

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Here's your follow up article on GIANT PANDA SEX.

9 things you never wanted to know about giant panda sex (but we asked anyway)

http://wtop.com/science/2017/05/9-t...anyway/slide/1/





I tried urine hoping once, but it was after I downed six beers and I failed to mate too.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Are we sure this isn't fake news?

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



SpacePig posted:

While it's not exactly out of the realm of possibility that something like this could happen, the article itself almost goes out of its way to not mention the club by name, or identify the witnesses in any reports.

e: Just searching "Border Herald" to see if it's real or not had Snopes as the 2nd link, addressing the article specifically.

Oh well, no diarrhea cha cha cha for us.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Here's a special delicious diarrhea headline we can all get behind.



‘Special,’ ‘delicious,’ ‘diarrhea’: Google reveals states’ most misspelled words

http://wtop.com/living/2017/05/spec...sspelled-words/

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



That's a Disney movie that writes itself. That bee guy needs to sell his movie rights. Get The Rock to star and you've got liquid honey Hollywood gold.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



chitoryu12 posted:

He's lucky he didn't get thrown off the top into a street full of molten lead.

https://i.imgur.com/tm923JZ.gifv

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Lime Tonics posted:

Kid Rock Subpoenaed To Produce Glass Dildo As Evidence In Insane Clown Posse Lawsuit

http://www.stereogum.com/1693871/ki...m_medium=button

That's not Kid Rock, that's Jeff Foxworthy.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Monkeys swarm (Florida) man's property

http://www.wftv.com/news/local/monk...perty/552589371

https://mobile.twitter.com/LSeabroo...428838914568193

quote:

Pritchard had put out a feeder with a camera to catch photos of deer, but instead, he got monkeys.

Cartoon Man has a new favorite as of 16:55 on Jul 10, 2017

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Collateral Damage posted:

I'm usually not bothered by spiders, but even I would start considering nuke it from orbit based options at that point.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Millennials Unearth an Amazing Hack to Get Free TV: The Antenna

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/techn...enna/ar-AApmLwm

Millenials!!!!!

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004




The dude who fought a bald eagle in his hot air ballon owns.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Lime Tonics posted:

uhhh...

Scientists Use Vibrators To Get Stubborn Turtle Penis Out Of Shell

http://www.nationalgeographic.com.a...t-of-shell.aspx

One of them was showing his penis in like 4 seconds.

science got weird.

ONE OF THEM WAS SHOWING HIS PENIS IN LIKE 4 SECONDS.

They had to put that in caps cause its serious science stuff. Also, there's your thread title please.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Here we go again!


Panda-monium! National Zoo’s panda might be pregnant

Federal law requires all news articles about panda pregnancy at the National Zoo to use the word "Panda-monium" in the headline.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



If you want to know what the Washington D.C experience is like these days under the Trump administration, any given day can look like this:


http://wtop.com/dc-transit/2017/09/...daches-weekend/

Juggalos, a pro Trump rally, an anti Trump rally, an airshow, and a Latino cultural festival.

God forbid you plan to drive your car and try to park somewhere in this insanity, just stay home.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004





http://www.nature.com/news/sexual-c...is-size-1.22648

“If they were alone with a female, the males just grew a normal-sized penis, but if there were other males around, they had the ability to change dramatically,”

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



German zoo hopes to cure panda's bad walking habit with sex

http://www.reuters.com/article/us-g...Breuters.com%5D

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



“Guys, I know we’re about to go into the Molten Core and beat Ragnaros, but the girlfriend wants sex. Let me go tell her no, and I’ll be right back.”

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



The Lone Badger posted:

How do we know that though?

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science...arate-chopping/

Turtles evolve to use flippers like hands and karate-chop prey

No word on whether they were taught by a wise old rodent.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...iger-stick.html

Indian woman saves goat after fighting a tiger off with a stick… and then takes selfie of her injuries

I don’t know which to post.

or

So I’m posting both.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004





http://www.techtimes.com/articles/2...ace-station.htm

FOR SCIENCE!

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004





https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world...s-baba-12336654

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Cythereal posted:

To be fair, those jingles can be annoying as gently caress.

My dad always told me they play music to let kids know when the ice cream is sold out.

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



I thought it now said “and remember, gently caress Facebook.”

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Do you know what they call a cheeseburger in Paris?

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004




She lost the weight so she could go gently caress a Bigfoot or something and is now suing to prove it was real?

Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/sha...n-fence-1866009




Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004



Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004





for those with the phobia...

https://www.mirror.co.uk/science/te...tinger-12883024

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Cartoon Man
Jan 31, 2004




WHY WOULD YOU CHOSE THIS CAREER PATH???

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