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Hack's going all out with the "deep ramifications".
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Dec 14, 2014 09:23
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Part 10: Distortion Earthbound OST - Magicant  Before we tackle the final dungeon, it’s best to prepare a bit. The Sword/Cloak of kings gets handed to OP for safe handling. The Moldy cap, on the other hand, gets sold because it reduces OP’s defense to 0. Not to mention that it’s moldy.  After that, we want to pick up an H20/Fire Pendant for each of our party members. Magic taffy’s are optional, but you want to fill up everyone’s inventory with Cocoon pizzas. They’re worth the money, and considering what’s coming up, 40 HP to the entire party is much obliged. As long as they aren’t Hawaiian pizzas, I’m fine with that. Don’t worry, we’ll get to that soon enough. Noooooooooo Earthbound OST - Deeper into Ness's Subconscious  With our preparations complete, it’s time to enter the final dungeon of the game. Note that you can’t go back once entering, so prepare wisely. It is true, however, that you can go back once you wrap up the dungeon, so there’s that. Where do we buy escape ropes?  When we last entered Magicant Road, we hit a dead end filled with Dr. Doom underlings. Now that we’ve recruited everyone though…  ...A root-teleport device thingy pops into existence. Well, nothing left for it, I suppose. Time to Alice in Wonderland the poo poo out of Dr. Andonuts’ conscience. I’ve seen enough hentai to know Mom is in for some deep trouble I...no. Just no. Why would you make that reference, you sick bastard? Because I’m an awful person.   : “(That feeling of the monster is starting to come back, slowly.)(You can almost smell him again.) (...) (This tentacle can’t do anything.) …(But your legs propel you forward.)  And with a dittly sound effect, it’s time to enter the final phase of the game. Earthbound OST - Giygas’ Lair  ...Ah. I’ve had some bad trips before, but daaaaaaamn. You’ve never done drugs in your life. That you know of. Are you counting the food from that Thai restaurant?  Welp, welcome to the final dungeon of the game. Despite it’s... unsettling scenery, the place is pretty easy to navigate through. And if you can’t...well that’s the least of your worries here.  The enemies, rather, are what you should be worried about. They can hit hard, and considering how the dungeon is laid out, they’re designed to wear down your characters. While the Trandimension Terminate is nowhere near the most annoying enemy in the dungeon, later obstacles get much more irritating and Cocoon-pizza costly. Like the 6 eldritch abominations we fight at the end.  Ban | Offense: 1 | IQ: 2 | Luck: 1 | HP: 2  Why is a Magic Butterfly here? Because it can be.  And then we get attacked by a half-shifting Starman. Groovy. Get the hell out of my way, vermin -I’ve got a doctor to murder!  Meet Jerkass of the Jungle: the Giegue League. If you’re too lazy to put two and two together, the thing’s probably Dr. Andonuts’ mental interpretation of Earthbound. Indeed, the eldritch abomination here is probably the second-most lethal enemy in the dungeon. Which isn’t saying much, considering that it’s the endgame. But meh…  One of the first abrasions the Giegue League will cast on our party is hemlock. The jerk here loves screwing around with poison, and can ruin our day with extreme prejudice.  Next, it can follow up with a punch to the face, or a heal to itself. At this point in the proceedings, a punch to the face can straight up murder any party member under 50-60 HP.  Finally, the Giegue League, from time to time, will attempt to aggravate us with political fury. However, it’s utterly futile due to the lack of PP and an excessive amount of Obamacare. He used Michelle Obama’s bullshit school lunch program against us. Can’t get Cheddar Sunchips anymore thanks to her. I am annoyed. Sure.  If PSI Obama Alpha does work for some reason, all you need to do is chow down a Cocoon Pizza.   And with a few thumps to the noggin, Jerry and his comrades have successfully vanquished the Giegue League to the ether.  The Giegue League almost always drop a Cocoon pizza, so even if you use one, there’s a good chance you’ll get it back. Is it literally made out of cocoons? Nah, I think the description said it was made out of sugar.  Mom | Defense: 1 | Speed: 2 | HP: 2 | PP: 2 | Learned Freeze Beta  OP | HP: 1 | Learned PSI Magnet Omega Dammit, OP. That was a sucky level.  Immediately after our barroom brawl with the Giegue League, we get into a fight with a scorpion. Hey, if we could get into fights with Mel Brooks’ Dracula, I’m sure we could get into fights with venomous, inferior beings.  Say hi to the Brain Buster. The little Metroid knock-off is probably the most harmless enemy in the game. It does crap 50% of the time, and when it does do something, it usually utilizes Brainshock Omega and vomit. Really, the only noteworthy thing about the bastardized football is the fact that it has a shield. Reminds me of Spikeweed from Plants Vs. Zombies.  It looks like -*takes off sunglasses*- appetizer is ready to be served. Unless it doesn’t meet the standards of Michelle Obama’s school lunch program.  Don’t worry about anything in the black portions -they serve as walls to the landscape.  Da-na-na-naaaaahh! “Planet Buster” Jerry can equip this weapon. The most powerful weapon in existence. A sword so strong, it has the power to destroy planets. Galaxies, universes can be felled with a single blow from such a weapon. Just holding it causes your hands to tingle. It gives you an incredible surge of power when used in battle.  The Planet Buster was Jerry/Ares’ best weapon in Brandish 1, not to mention that it served as a plot device in Brandish 2. It’s obviously inferred that it’s Jerry’s best weapon in the game, upgrading his attack by...a measly two points. Kind of a let down, considering that it utterly destroyed everything in the Brandish games, but I’ll take what I can get.  Hell’s Bells it’s infested. Quick, someone call the exterminator!  Ban | Offense: 1 | Defense: 2 | Speed: 3 | Guts: 2 | Vitality: 1 | IQ: 1 | HP: 6  If you’ve played Earthbound, you should know what the Neutralizer does (neutralizes buffs, debuffs, and shields on everyone). It gets handed over to Ban.  Jerry levels up after pummeling a Giegue League into the ground. Jerry | HP: 3  OP does as well. Hopefully, he’ll do a bit better this time.  Surely OP will deliver. OP | Offense: 1 | Defense: 2 | Speed: 1 | IQ: 1 | HP: 1 | PP: 5 | Learned Lightning Beta | Learned Lifeup Omega | Learned Cleanse Gamma Much better. Considering that he’s the only one who learns Lifeup Omega, OP gets put on healer/support duty for the rest of the game.  Geezy Chreezy, the whole thing is mindblowing. Who did Andonuts’ hire for renovations…?  Generic healing item, but better than a Sky Nectar. Ditch and retrieve.  The Sea of Eve, or whatever you want to call it, isn’t all that bad, despite how it looks. Really, if you prepare well, the most difficulty you’ll have is trying to ease your way through the area. Also: the walking Anubis-Hieroglyph down there isn’t an enemy -it’s a warp point.  One teleport later, and we’re in Earthbound’s final dungeon. Considering the scenery, the party-member-turned-robots, and the Phase Distorter down in the bottom right...yeah it’s a throwback to Earthbound. igetthatreference.jpng  Like in Earthbound’s final dungeon, the Phase Distorter will allow you to rest up and/or save. Since you can’t backtrack to Magicant anytime soon, a break point is much obliged.  As such, it provides an excellent grinding spot if you’re slacking in that department. Considering that the enemies drop massive amounts of money, as well as experience, the Sea of Eve is an ideal spot to wreak havoc and unleash your inner evil.  The reason why I’m pointing this out? The last shop has the most expensive stuff in the game, and you’re likely to spend every nook and cranny on it. I don’t think you used that phrase right...  Mom | Speed: 1 | Guts: 2 | Vitality: 2 | IQ: 2 | Luck: 2 | HP: 28 | PP: 8 Now if only Jerry could have that kind of luck...  Ban | IQ: 1 | HP: 1 Dammit, Ban.  OP | Offense: 1 | Speed: 1 | Luck: 1 | HP: 2 | PP: 1  A two-for-one deluxe combo set! OP | Offense: 3 | Defense: 2 | Vitality: 2 | IQ: 2 | HP: 26 | PP: 9 | Learned Cleanse Omega | Learned Barrier Omega Welp, it looks like OP is stuck playing as support. Support characters suck. Case in Point: My skillset is Mastermind in Payday 2. The only time it doesn’t suck is in Killing Floor. Also Eris has zero idea about anything I just said.  Ban | IQ: 1 | Luck: 1 | HP: 2 Come to think of it, IQ is completely useless for Ban, since there isn’t anything to fix in-game.  And thus Badass Falcom Protagonist raises a level. Jerry | Offense: 1 | Defense: 1 | IQ: 1 | HP: 1 | PP: 5  Alright, I think it’s time we moved on. Given that I’m going to run through the dungeon twice, I’ve been spending way too much time here.  Mutilating a Brain Buster results in a level for Mom and OP. Mom | HP: 1 Gee that was worth it.  OP | HP: 2 | PP: 2  *sigh* Ban | IQ: 1 | Luck: 1 | HP: 3  Same noise, different tune. OP | Defense: 1 | Speed: 1 | HP: 3   Jerry | Speed: 1 | Guts: 1 | Vitality: 1 | Luck: 1 | HP: 8 | Learned Whiteshock Omega You know what? At this point, I think I’ll just inform you of the important level ups.  At the end of the path, a teleporter blocks our way. I suppose there’s no other way to proceed, is there? It’s the Dirty Bubble! One teleport later...  I believe that we’ve just entered the third-last area of the dungeon. A Magic Butterfly usually spawns here, so you can enter/exit as many times to refill your PP. Yet another teleport later...  The next area is a straight path forward. No hijinks, detours, or psychological mind-screws. Just a straight path across.  And the tiny enclave here is the final portion of the dungeon. The triangular gap leads to the real Sea of Eve, and it’s what I consider to be the hardest part of the game. It’s prudent that you save and fill up on PP before jumping into the fray…  Earthbound OST - Sea of Eden  Alright, here we go. In order to get past the area and into the final town/rest area in the game, we have to beat up 6 mini-bosses. They’re all the same enemy, and despite how I’ve been treating the game’s difficulty thus far, these guys are the real deal. Also, that water can’t be sanitary. Grape Kool-Aid, sponsored by Jim Jones.  And here’s mini-boss #1. Despite looking like Krakens, they, in fact, look nothing like Krakens. Gee, so much for artistic license… Earthbound OST - Frank's Theme  Instead, they look like an amalgamation between a ghost and a saggy Tonberry. Despite how it looks however, the Robot Master here can kick my arse seven ways sideways.  To ruin your day with relative ease, the Amalgamate has a ton of aggressions up its sleeves. From firing thunderbolts in every direction, to axing someone for 50+ damage, to roasting the party with PSI Obama Alpha/political injustice...the list never ends.  Really, the only strategy I can offer is to duke it out and stay alive. Feel free to use as many Cocoon pizzas as you feel necessary, in order to keep everyone’s HP up. This cannot be healthy in the waistline department.  And so Jerry Toraernos shredded a mechanical-monstrosity into tiny little pieces, and sent it to the junkyard. With condolences to the garbage man, of course.  Mom | Offense: 1 | IQ: 1 | HP: 3 | PP: 5  Ban | Offense: 2 | Defense: 3 | Guts: 2 | Vitality: 1 | IQ: 3 | Luck: 1 | HP: 9 Level 16 is the target zone to tackle the final boss. Once we get everyone else up to speed, we’ll be able to wrap up this game once and for all.  Surprisingly enough, I was able to get to our next destination without encountering any more Amalgamates. Save scumming probably helped in that regard. But there’s...one right there...   : “Oh, wait, didn’t need to tell you that. *giggle* *kiss*"Screen fades to white… Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Twoson Love Theme  Well, here’s the end of the road. Our final stop for today is in the humble abode of...wherever the grassy landscape is. I don’t know, do I look like a doctor to you? The star does absolutely nothing, so feel free to ignore it.   : “It’s even okay if you barf on the customers.” : “Yeah...screw that. It’s rear end kicking time.” : “Would it not hurt to be a little...less violent?”: “...I don’t follow.”  : “Go get that monster!”You know...as much as I hate Pirkle, I have to admit that the comment was pretty uplifting.  What it says on the tin -It teleports you back to Magicant. The upside of this is that you can go through the dungeon again. The downside of this is that you have to go through the dungeon again.   Mr. Arms Dealer here is the main purpose of the area. He sells the best stuff in the game, including Hawaiian pizza and Horn of Life (revival item). I’ll probably make another round of the dungeon in order to stock up. There’s also an ATM here if you need it. Weren’t you just question mind-ATMs, like, three updates ago?   : “Wouldn’t it be nice to go on a date sometime? … come back to us, we all miss you! Use the portal in the middle of town.”The portal/star does absolutely nothing.   : “But you might not like what you see. Jerry… you know you don’t have to fight. You have a choice. Come back to Twoson. We all love you there. Just use the portal in middle of town and forget about what you’re doing now…” You heard the man. Once we enter, there’s no going back. This is the final destination. Great idea, terrible sequels. Variant_Eris fucked around with this message at 05:31 on Dec 20, 2014 |
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Dec 20, 2014 05:08
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Nice to see Obama being an enemy only attack. 
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Dec 20, 2014 07:44
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Part 11: FIN Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Twoson Love Theme  Everyone gets to level 17-18 offscreen. At this point, we’re overleveled for the final battle. With the amount of preparation I’ve done, it’s unlikely that anyone will actually die. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.  Said preparation entails a lot of Brain food lunches, a bunch of Horn of lives, and of course, a staggering amount of Hawaiian pizzas.  To the final battle. Silence.  : “As you step between those two trees, the world melts away around you. You’re used to this by now....but this time is different. As you make the step, you hit the ground hard. The world is beating purple and red around you. The ground is made of vile intestines. Oh, Lovely. You are inside the monster. Your heart is burning, but it does not seem to be beating anymore. Your body is made of metal rubber. Your eyes are black holes. Your arms move robotically, heavy. Your legs are pulled forward, as if by magnets… But they’re still so heavy. You’re in a dark vacuum. There is no air and no heat. There’s nothing except pulsating violet. You are inside the monster. The monster."  Earthbound OST - Giygas’ Lair  For some reason, we’ve reverted to Mother 1 sprites. With a few shadowy modifications to Jerry/Ninten’s face, of course. I blame the 90s nostalgatards.  I’m sure that stepping on a man’s intestines can’t be sanitary. Well, let’s see where the desolate road takes us, shall we? Is this ripping off Bowser’s Inside Story?  It looks like...this is the end of the road. Earthbound OST - Giygas' Intro  Suddenly, a hole opens up and a marshmallow monstrosity materializes out of nowhere. It’s like a really bad Doctor Who episode. Jesus Christ, kill that thing, now.   : “Look at what this world has done to me. LOOK AT ME. HAHAHAHA, DO YOU SEE THIS?”Yes...yes I have. You’ve turned into a marshmallow.  : “Jerry...do you really think you’re a hero? YOU’RE NOT A HERO...You kill people for money. Where’s the heroism in that? YOU WENT INTO AN OLD MAN’S MIND SO YOU COULD KILL HIM. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. LEAVE ME ALONE. but you won’t, Jerry"  : “he has to kill that monster, right? Jerry, even in this form i am shaking with feari don’t want to die leave me alone go away and leave me alone PUT PUT THE KNIFE AWAY you and your puny bodies...STAY BACK”  And so Jerry (and his cohorts) will finish this off once and for all. In other words, this is… The Final Battle. IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN *cheesy keyboard riff engaged* Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Id  : “Because I’ve got a job to finish. I probably should’ve asked for more pay…” Dictionary.com posted:[id] The Id, in its purest form, is a plot device that allows us to see the inner workings of Dr. Andonuts’ psych. All we have to do is thwack him around a couple of times until dialogue pops up. Stop reminding me of 11th grade English psychoanalysis. As such…   : “leave me aloneplease, please leave me be” : “Sorry, old time. No can do.”I’m not sure what Andonuts’ Id has to do with satisfaction, but it’s good at being instinctive and overly expressive.  : “whywhy do you have to hunt me down please just go away" Wait...are those eyes on his body? I never noticed them before. ...I noticed them immediately, Eris.  : “you would break down eventuallyyour eyes his eyes they are so full of bloodlust when you look at me i want to scream” One waling later…  : “don’t hurt mei have no weapon QUIT PICKING ON ME” : “A bit too late for that, pal.”  : “You’ve done a good job. You’ve slain the monster. I can feel the blood from my brain leaking into the rest of my body.It’s warm. It’s making me sad. I’m sorry I wasn’t much of a fight, Jerry.” : “Forgive you too, doc.”: “well... I… ohhhhhh urrrrrrgh…” The screen shutters to black. Welp, here goes nothing… There’s more? Earthbound OST - Giygas Stirs  Groovy.  : “it’s hatred for the person who came so far just to destroy an old man my mind is gone. all that is left is pure hatred."  : “wl” Let’s DO THIS.  Earthbound OST - Giygas’ Intimidation  Time for the final boss of the game: Dr. Andonuts’. Some people have a hard time with him, but if you prepare, this’ll go like a breeze. I think he’s constipated.  In Phase One of the battle, we should have Mom cast PSI Shield Zeta on everyone. Not Omega. Zeta. If we don’t, Phase Four will utterly wreck us. OP’s Barrier Zeta Omega is also a welcome reprieve, although it’s not as necessary.   : “YOU SEE THIS ULTIMATE, UNLIMITED POWER? Jerry.” Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Megalovania (Listen!)Clash With a Doctor Remix Best track in the game. : “I HAVE loving HAD IT WITH YOUR poo poo.”“I AM NOW TRIGGERED, YOU CIS WHITE SCUM”  : “i’ll shove your asses so far down your throatsthat when you crap you’ll sing loving beethoven tl;dr: eat poo poo, faggots” Oh hey, I didn’t know that /b/ created a romhack. : “Let’s finish this, rear end in a top hat.” Dr. Andonuts’s Offense is 24! Defense is 32! Vulnerable to PSI Fire! Vulnerable to PSI Freeze! Vulnerable to PSI Flash! Vulnerable to Paralysis! Open to Hypnosis! Throughout the fight, Dr. Andonuts will go through multiple phases, changing his stats and vulnerability each time. It’s in our interest to exploit those weaknesses. As for this phase… IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM.  ...Whiteshock Alpha (PSI Flash) fits the bill. With any luck, the spell will kill him instantly, moving us along to Phase Two.  I get it in two turns. In the meantime, all of his spells are being dispersed by PSI Shield Zeta. : “‘...go… b… a… c… k…’oof you you’re...But your attacks are meaningless here! I am the master of this dimension. Jerry, I’m going to burn you to such a crisp-”  : “After you.”Sandy, I need water....  We’ve just entered Phase Two. This time, he’s weak to Freeze. The strategy here is to cast Freeze Alpha/Beta and smack him until Phase 3 slides in.  But before that, we’ll have everyone equip the Fire pendants from last update. Just in case a shield sputters out and Mom doesn’t have enough PP.  As you can probably tell, each Phase has its own gimmicks. Phase Two’s gimmick is fire attacks.  Occasionally, Andonuts will bypass our shields with an attack. However, due to the Fire pendant, this is rendered a moot inconvenience.  Soon enough, we kick Phase Two straight out the gutter. : “‘It’s not right… not right… not right...’argh! you fags You’re all fags and if fire didn’t extinguish you"  : “enjoy the freezing temperature of space Jerry!” : “...” Now is a good moment to equip the H20 pendant instead.  Phase 3’s gimmick is all about ice. And do you know what’s effective against ice? Andonuts seems more like a schoolground bully than a massive threat.  Cold. Hot. Fire. Since I don’t have Flame Beta however, it deals a meager amount of damage. At that point, it’s better to stick with physical attacks.  We need to keep Mom’s PP up for the next phase, in order to reinforce the shield. So bottoms up the Brain food lunch, I suppose.  Sure, why not? It’s his world -he can probably do Matrix-level crap in here.  Unfortunately, I kill him too fast to show off his Freeze Omega. Oh well. : “...I’m h… a… p… p… y…”arrrgh! I Jerry you are going to die here your puny psychic abilities are nothing compared to mine you are going to suffer the greatest psychic attack prepare to have your mind beg for mercy”  Throughout the next couple of turns, Dr. Andonuts will start drawing in an incredible amount of power. While you might think that it’s a free reprieve to bank and tackle him to the ground, it’s not a good idea. “Dr. Andonuts used Focus Energy! Dr. Andonuts is pumping up!”  Every time we try to hit the slippery bastard, he dodges out of the way like Ciaphas Cain on crack. On top of that, any spells we try to lay on him will only do 1 hit point of damage.   Every 3-4 turns, Dr. Andonuts will unleash his special PSI attack: PSI Bitchkill Omega. It’s the most powerful spell in the game, dealing damage upwards to 15,000+. And that’s just Jerry.  However, if you did as I said and reinforced everyone with PSI Shield Zeta, the spell should dissipate harmlessly. If you disregarded my warning and cast PSI Shield Omega, you’re going to see a game over screen soon.  So how do we counter this? Whiteshock Alpha. We just have to cast and pray that the spell will screw him over.  Got him in three tries this time. : “‘...Jerry...’”: "At your service.”: “‘It hurts, Jerry...’”: “Being stabbed does that to you.”: “NO! why can’t Iyou I AM DONE FOOLING AROUND I AM JUST GOING TO KILL YOU NO MERCY”  After the thwarting of his plans, Dr. Andonuts resorts to kicking us in the crotch really hard. No, I’m not joking. He really does that.  Getting his face caved in somehow diamondized OP.  The last phase is more of an annoyance than anything else. In addition to the physical attacks, the good doctor likes to heap status effects with the efficiency of a phone salesman. Then could you call this...Death of a Salesman?  Everyone’s HP is brought back to max.  Dr. Andonuts somehow misses. Welp, I guess that’s a death sentence for him.   And Jerry ends the battle with a SMAAAAAASHHHH! An appropriate conclusion, wouldn’t you say? Earthbound OST - Giygas Disintegrates  : “Even when I’m in my own mind. Even when I’m fighting for my life. I guess… I guess I’m better off dead.… You remind me a lot of my son’s friend. Hahaha. I’m...I’m going to go now. I feel really exhausted. So… … Jerry! If we ever meet again… You’re going to...get the...sh…”  : “Parkour, bitch.”…poo poo beaten out of you?  And that’s a wrap.  Lies and slander.   : “He’s dead. ...not really feelin’ that much about it. You feel a little like this situation could have been avoided.Oh, well. You really did have a choice...You could have stopped altogether… Or kept going. He’s lying there still, looking up. He’s probably in heaven now, or something. Oh well, mission accomplished.” : “Time for a beer.”  : “You probably should have worn a little bit more. Sure, there are monsters running around, but what’s the big deal?You’re a bounty hunter. You smile a little. It’s kind of funny how you eradicate the rest of your monsters on the walk back. On the way, a SWAT team comes into the area and thanks you. They give you an airlift back to Twoson.” Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Twoson Love Theme  : “There are kids running around talking about their costumes,-”: “...Minus four or five.”: “-and pumpkins lining houses. Absolutely nothing’s changed. It’s Halloween today, I guess. That’s pretty cute. Jerry, you’re probably just gonna drink and find some cute girl to spend the night with.Pretty boring existence.” But it’s fun. You’ve had a pretty rough day. Why don’t you take a rest?" Earthbound OST - Because I Love You : “You sleep and think a little. Pirkle’s trying to take credit for the fact that you killed the monster and get re-elected.Predictable. The people are smart enough in this town to vote for someone who isn’t a fearmongering crook. Well, okay, you don’t really sleep. You’re having a little trouble. You sit on the edge of your bed, thinking. You laugh a little, because you just realized you sleep in chain mail. You’re a pretty ridiculous person. Anyway… You think that it’s pretty cool...What you mean to say is… … well… Even though you don’t have a wife or kids...People still like you. You have good self-esteem, and you’re strong and pretty smart. Even though there’s no real meaning to your life, you enjoy it. Heheheh. What’s up with all this moral crap? Let’s just go to sleep now, really… Your eyes are normal, you have a working head. Nothing’s on fire or made of concrete or something stupid… So why can’t you go to…"   : “!!!!!!!Then you just kinda laughed, ‘cuz it was dumb. You slept pretty well after that. And that’s the end.” ...Oookaaaay. Radiation’s Halloween Hack OST - Megalovania   We did.  Welp, Megalovania plays here, but you know what? Let’s end this, typical Brandish fashion.  Jerry Toraernos Level 18 HP: 93 PP: 91 Offense: 37 Defense: 36 Speed: 8 Guts: 90 Vitality: 6 IQ: 9 Luck: 24 And, because I’m a lazy idiot, I’m letting UltraViolence take the “Where Are They Now?” Epilogue. Thanks Eris. Jerry Toraernos was arrested five years later for beating a homeless man to death, and for having a stupid surname. He’s currently living out the rest of his life in a prison somewhere in Greece.  Mom Polestar Level 17 HP: 83 PP: 85 Offense: 21 Defense: 30 Speed: 15 Guts: 10 Vitality: 5 IQ: 17 Luck: 70 Mom Polestar married into the family of a wealthy Foursidian and spent the next few years as a prominent socialite. However, the great recession that hit the city rendered them bankrupt. Now she works at a pharmacy in Threed.  Ban Andonuts Level 19 HP: 81 PP: 2 Offense: 29 Defense: 34 Speed: 11 Guts: 10 Vitality: 5 IQ: 23 Luck: 8 Ban Andonuts turned to his other true passion in life; professional gambling. Learning to card-count quite effectively, he made over $2 million before he was caught. After donating most of the winnings to charity, he now leads a quiet life somewhere in South America. OP Dalaam Level 18 HP: 101 PP: 63 Offense: 34 Defense: 37 Speed: 16 Guts: 6 Vitality: 6 IQ: 12 Luck: 6 OP Dalaam found inner peace by traveling to Tibet, where he reached spiritual enlightenment through meditation. He wanders throughout Southeastern Asia, preaching the empowerment he received from his travels. Pirkle McPirkle eventually rose up the political ladder. He was elected as a Democratic senator from Eagleland and served four terms. He passed away just last year, hailed as one of the most enigmatic congressmen in recent memory. I’d just like to say that I hate you. But I love you.  Anyways, that's it.  : “Hi, do you mind telling me where the nearest laundromat is? I need to wash all this blood off…”
Variant_Eris fucked around with this message at 21:46 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Dec 25, 2014 22:55
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Dumbest joke hack ever?
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Dec 25, 2014 23:22
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Suddenly, a hole opens up and a marshmallow monstrosity materializes out of nowhere. It’s like a really bad Doctor Who episode. Jesus Christ, kill that thing, now. Is that Uboa?! Christ, no wonder UV wanted you to kill Andonuts.
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Dec 26, 2014 01:33
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First time around, you usually screw up somewhere. Once you know Andonuts's weakness however, the entire battle is basically a stroll in the park.
Variant_Eris fucked around with this message at 02:57 on Dec 26, 2014 |
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Dec 26, 2014 02:54
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Man, this hack has some dumb parts. But I just can't stay annoyed at that ending.
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Dec 26, 2014 02:59
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Eh. Also, Ares Toraernos is still the best name ever, and I refuse to change my opinion. 
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Dec 26, 2014 03:03
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