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Big Huski Boi
Jun 28, 2007

Huski Chocolate is a lifestyle, not only a product. It's about adventure & expedition. Living life to the fullest. It's a perfect recovery drink after training, because of the healthy carbohydrate and protein content, easy to digest and perfect for replenishing tired muscles.

darth cookie posted:

How will we know the difference?

more awful

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Carth Dookie
Jan 28, 2013



Grimey Drawer

Isn't that in Revelations or some poo poo? A sign of the apocolypse?

Diet Crack
Jan 15, 2001



No just standard fare for the worst thread ever.

Pablo Bluth
Sep 7, 2007

I've made a huge mistake.


cheesetriangles posted:

Decided to start following F1 this year since I already pay too much money for a cable package with NBC Sports. What is a good team to follow?
If you're a fan of Corporate Buzzwords: McLaren
If you think the ability to suck your own dick is the peak of human achievement: Ferrari
If you're an annoying hipster with an inflated sense of self-likeability who leaves a wake of people thinking "What a nob", and you have a taste for poo poo drinks: Red Bull
If you look at hipsters with an inflated sense of self-likeability and think "I want to be their friend": Torro Rosso
If you're either a glory-seeker or a middle-aged man going through a midlife crisis: Mercedes
If you like foreign art-house movies even though deep down you know they a bit poo poo: Sauber
If you're a virgin who lives in his mum's basement and are destined for a life without achievement: Manor
If you're a non-caucasian and you want an end the anglo-saxon hegemony: Force-India (even those it's a team of Anglo-Saxons, based next door to Silverstone)
If you're always pretending to be somebody you're not: Lotus.
If you have a soul: Williams

Brainwrong
Mar 20, 2004

RIP Bobby K
Poland's Rose. Like a cabbage in the wind.


be nice wicka posted:

god, i'm going to be so awful if mclaren wins a race

McLaren will win more races than Kimi this year.

eriddy
Jan 21, 2005

sixty nine lmao


cheesetriangles posted:

Decided to start following F1 this year since I already pay too much money for a cable package with NBC Sports. What is a good team to follow?

I asked this same question three years ago.

The process of getting into this sport is unique. It's not like plucking a rare orchid from weeds but rather its like stomping the whole loving garden into the earth until only one remains.........

And as the dust settles you glimpse a lone Australian dandelion untouched by your hatred. Before your eyes that dandelion blooms into a rose named Mark Webber. You care for him for years, blind to the evil spreading just below the roots. Then you blink and the venus fly trap snaps its talons around him.

And like that, *poof*, Webbah's gone.

What remains is a darkness.....well, I guess sort of a half-darkness.... In the distance you see an orchard of gnarled index fingers pointing at the heavens. You seek shelter around a burning Marussia. A tumbleweed bounces into your dick.

Welcome to Formula 1.

Myrddin_Emrys
Mar 27, 2007

by Lowtax


*Notice Me*

Romain Grosjean –

Starting his Formula One career in 2009 for Renault he happily left at the end of the year but sadly returned in 2012. The driver with a face reminiscent of a sun dried piss mat took his first podium at the 2012 Bahrain Grand Prix for Evil Lotus whom he remains with to this day. He then immediately concentrated his racing career on trying to kill or maim the rest of the field becoming the first driver since 1994 to be given a race ban for causing a multi-car pile-up at the 2012 Belgium Grand Prix.

These days Romain spends his time trying to coax a piece of poo poo car to the finish line with varying degrees of failure. Though the man with the ‘about to burst into tears at any given moment’ face assures us that his car for 2015 is much better and may put him in an F1 driver murdering position once more.

Following 2014 rules changes that allowed the drivers to pick their own car number, Romian settled for number 8. Reflecting on this Romain said "Simply I like this number, plus it has some signification to me. My wife was born on 8 December, we started dating in 2008 and besides, to my eyes my son is the 8th wonder of the world. That's why I picked up number 8.", demonstrating he talks like he drives; complete poo poo.

Now teamed with the equally destructive Pastor Maldonado since 2014, once again Lotus promises its viewers a fun filled year of hilarity and mayhem.



Myrddin_Emrys fucked around with this message at Mar 8, 2015 around 15:21

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester
Oct 3, 2000


Brainwrong posted:

Bad Manors:
My fav so far. Only thing missing was a youtube of Le Jules's completely deadpan sarcastic response to winning Mo' Russia's first points ever in Monaco. What an awful unlikable driver.

Aqualung
Oct 10, 2005

Don't worry guys, Ron knows the guy who drives the crane.



Brainwrong posted:

McLaren will win more races than Kimi this year.

Not saying much.

Norns
Nov 21, 2011

Senior Shitposting Strategist



As a pretty new F1 fan I greatly appreciate the effort going into these bios. gently caress that guy who was all like "just make these leet speak bios for old jaded assholes"

Thanks.

POCKET CHOMP
Jul 20, 2003

me irl.

I'm not a huge betting guy because I am from a place that didn't allow it, but I just found out that Taiwan's official Sports Lottery does betting on F1 and I found the odds for the constructor's championship interesting.

Mercedes 1:1.03 (not even bettable)
Ferrari/Williams 1:10
McLaren/Red Bull 1:25
"Any Other" 1:200
Lotus 1:250

What did Lotus in particular do to deserve even worse odds than Sauber/Toro Rosso/Whatever other shitbox backmarker teams show up?

Myrddin_Emrys
Mar 27, 2007

by Lowtax


POCKET CHOMP posted:

I'm not a huge betting guy because I am from a place that didn't allow it, but I just found out that Taiwan's official Sports Lottery does betting on F1 and I found the odds for the constructor's championship interesting.

Mercedes 1:1.03 (not even bettable)
Ferrari/Williams 1:10
McLaren/Red Bull 1:25
"Any Other" 1:200
Lotus 1:250

What did Lotus in particular do to deserve even worse odds than Sauber/Toro Rosso/Whatever other shitbox backmarker teams show up?

Run a complete poo poo car last year im guessing.

Sulman
Apr 29, 2003

What did you do that for?

Bookies still have a very dubious understanding of F1.

Diet Crack
Jan 15, 2001



Probably has something to do with Pastor never being able to finish a race.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)


This thread is becoming good people, stop it. I even laughed, that's not good for my condition.
Are Williams going to be any good this year? Will Button get on the podium in wet/dry/moist conditions? Is Alonso effectively dead?
Wish I could go to Malaysia this season.

Mimetic
May 10, 2012

We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because fuck you.

Pablo Bluth posted:

If you're an annoying hipster with an inflated sense of self-likeability who leaves a wake of people thinking "What a nob", and you have a taste for poo poo drinks: Red Bull
If you look at hipsters with an inflated sense of self-likeability and think "I want to be their friend": Torro Rosso

Nah, Torro Rosso is the hipster one. Their drivers are more "indie" and if they get promoted to Red Bull you can say you followed them before it was cool.


Honestly for someone new to F1 I'd say it's best to get the lay of the land for the first year or two. You don't really need to follow one team because they all show up to each race weekend (when they're not out of money). Just by watching the races you'll be following all of them. And before you know it you'll be making GBS threads up this thread arguing over who's the biggest fraud with the rest of us.

thegasman2000
Feb 12, 2005
Update my TFLC log? BOLLOCKS!
/


Notice Me




Nico Hulkenberg
Born 19 August 1987
German / Nazi

Well what can I say about Nico that you haven't heard already in the press? Oh wait wrong Nico, not the Monoquesque fucktard, this one is both a half decent driver and not a total stinkyhole meaning we never heard about him. He won GP2 in his rookie year which only Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg have matched so he isn't poo poo. He joined Williams in 2010, then jumped ship to Force India for 2011 as a test driver. Then 2012 he raced for Sauber before rejoining the Force last year. He has never won a F1 race mainly due to the poo poo machinery he seems to sit in. I should also mention he is not Adrian Sutil which my brain gets confused. Both German and both midfield average. Nico isn't as punchy and neither turn green when angry.

The worlds most boring twitter https://twitter.com/nicohulkenberg

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester
Oct 3, 2000


Second best fraud of 2014 Nico Rosberg has made a deal with Satan himself.

https://twitter.com/nico_rosberg/st...516273494814721

Also notice that Bernie literally has a pickelhaube on his desk. He literally does.

Only registered members can see post attachments!

poopzilla
Nov 23, 2004



Lewis

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester posted:

Second best fraud of 2014 Nico Rosberg has made a deal with Satan himself.

https://twitter.com/nico_rosberg/st...516273494814721

Also notice that Bernie literally has a pickelhaube on his desk. He literally does.



That's a lovely messy office, expected better from Bernie.

Rhopunzel
Jan 6, 2006

Stroll together, win together


Bold prediction: The McLaren will be so bad Alonso will pull a Mansell and retire from F1 midseason.

Endymion FRS MK1
Oct 28, 2011


Rhopunzel posted:

Bold prediction: The McLaren will be so bad Alonso will pull a Mansell and retire from F1 midseason.

Only if Kimi does too and they join NASCAR together.

El Hefe
Oct 31, 2006

You coulda had a V8/
Instead of a tre-eight slug to yo' cranium/
I got six and I'm aimin' 'em/
Will I bust or keep you guessin'

If this illustration is right then Honda didn't copy anything from Mercedes.


http://www.formula1.com/news/features/2015/3/16858.html

blue is the compressor and red is the turbine of the turbo, green is the MGU.

Idiots.

Big Huski Boi
Jun 28, 2007

Huski Chocolate is a lifestyle, not only a product. It's about adventure & expedition. Living life to the fullest. It's a perfect recovery drink after training, because of the healthy carbohydrate and protein content, easy to digest and perfect for replenishing tired muscles.

australia prediction: one mclaren on the podium, the other on fire

pik_d
Feb 24, 2006

follow the white dove



Rhopunzel posted:

Bold prediction: The McLaren will be so bad Alonso will pull a Mansell and retire from F1 midseason.

What if Alonso is faking this injury so he doesn't have to drive the McLaren at all?

The Croc
Dec 19, 2004

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird!


be nice wicka posted:

australia prediction: one mclaren on the podium, the other on fire

Ron will sacrifice a driver a race until he gets the title sponsor he deserves.

The Croc fucked around with this message at Mar 8, 2015 around 17:25

RALF
Mar 15, 2009



Grimey Drawer

Apparently Adrian "The Gay Heidfeld" Sutil has now also sued Sauber because they dropped him for this season. I guess four drivers will race for them this year.

Fumble
Sep 4, 2006



El Hefe posted:

If this illustration is right then Honda didn't copy anything from Mercedes.


http://www.formula1.com/news/features/2015/3/16858.html

blue is the compressor and red is the turbine of the turbo, green is the MGU.

Idiots.

If only Mercades ran a split turbo last year, how did their customer teams make it work?
Don't customer engines have the be identical spec? because they would have had to supply them different manifolds and turbo unit.
I am surprised no one got the lawyers involved.

Brainwrong
Mar 20, 2004

RIP Bobby K
Poland's Rose. Like a cabbage in the wind.


Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester posted:

Second best fraud of 2014 Nico Rosberg has made a deal with Satan himself.

https://twitter.com/nico_rosberg/st...516273494814721

Also notice that Bernie literally has a pickelhaube on his desk. He literally does.



Is that a German Kaiser helmet on his desk?

Big Huski Boi
Jun 28, 2007

Huski Chocolate is a lifestyle, not only a product. It's about adventure & expedition. Living life to the fullest. It's a perfect recovery drink after training, because of the healthy carbohydrate and protein content, easy to digest and perfect for replenishing tired muscles.

Fumble posted:

If only Mercades ran a split turbo last year, how did their customer teams make it work?
Don't customer engines have the be identical spec? because they would have had to supply them different manifolds and turbo unit.
I am surprised no one got the lawyers involved.

they all got the split turbo, only mercedes had the luxury of building their car around it for the entire previous year.

this is what ron meant when he said you can't win as a customer team. pat symonds mentioning brawn is just banter, he knows full well that was an incredibly unlikely scenario and an utterly meaningless comparison. sure, you can win a title as a customer team, but it's exceedingly difficult.

Ayem
Mar 4, 2008


Brainwrong posted:

Is that a German Kaiser helmet on his desk?

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester posted:

Also notice that Bernie literally has a pickelhaube on his desk. He literally does.

I had to look up what pickelhaube was, but that's what it is.

julian assflange
Jul 29, 2010

She's offering me a ride....



To new people: the only way to enjoy this sport is to hail satan and hope for its destruction.

NtotheTC
Dec 31, 2007

Ignore my post and just imagine the sound of me gargling Lewis Hamilton's dick, for I am the Andrew Benson of the Worst Thread.


There is no way Bernie actually has a desk. It even has a laptop on it.

Kilmers Elbow
Jun 15, 2012



Bernie is literally saying "give me money".

Rev. Dr. Moses P. Lester
Oct 3, 2000


Hail Bernie

poty
Jun 21, 2008

虹はどこで終わるのですか? あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?


Kilmers Elbow posted:

Bernie is literally saying "give me money".

Bernie knows how to say "give me money" in 57 languages

cheesetriangles
Jan 5, 2011



I had a dream a few weeks ago I was in a car with Sepp Blatter only he had Bernies body and face and I think it will take a while for my metal scarring to heal. I was yelling about Qatar and he kept saying back in the day players had to deal with sniper fire so a little heat is nothing.

Brainwrong
Mar 20, 2004

RIP Bobby K
Poland's Rose. Like a cabbage in the wind.


NtotheTC posted:

There is no way Bernie actually has a desk. It even has a laptop on it.

Yep, I agree. There's no way that he has a desk. Desks are for poor people who have to work for a living.

Also it's very interesting to see Nico being so open about his need to cheat this year and befriend Satan in order to try to get an advantage.

#notblessed

Uncle Jam
Aug 20, 2005

Perfect


That's actually Rosberg's desk but Bernie already negotiated for it to be given to him for free. Makes the nazi helmet more understandable.

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krushgroove
Oct 22, 2007

Disapproving look



Best thing I've seen all weekend.

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