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Infamous Sphere
Nov 8, 2010
Blargh oh my god yes, I have read fanfiction, in a way it's a guilty pleasure/so bad it's good thing. I can't read trashy romance though. Fanfiction..oh god..some of the anatomical limitations are..well..let's just say these women don't very much und

thrawn527 posted:

The Watcher is such a strange movie to me. It's a movie about a serial killer being hunted by an FBI agent, starring Keanu Reeves and James Spader. And James Spader doesn't play the serial killer?! What the gently caress?

Alcohollywood definitely brought it up in their review of it.
It probably would have made far more sense if the roles were reversed. Spader is creepy, and Keanu is about as threatening as a golden retriever wearing a party hat. But if they'd done that, the movie wouldn't have been so gloriously awful.

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Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 3696 days!


Their discussion of Keanu as a villain surprised me because they didn't bring up his role as an abusive redneck wife-beater in The Gift, which he was actually OK in.

FistEnergy
Nov 3, 2000

DAY CREW: WORKING HARD



Fun Shoe

Great, great The Watcher episode.

The Gillman
Jul 8, 2004
Beaten with a sack of sweet Valencia oranges

Grimey Drawer

Sleeveless posted:

Their discussion of Keanu as a villain surprised me because they didn't bring up his role as an abusive redneck wife-beater in The Gift, which he was actually OK in.

They didn't bring up The Man of Tai Chi either, which he also directed. I thought it was a pretty solid movie. Most of the fight scenes were really well done

Illinois Smith
Nov 15, 2003

Ninety-one? There are ninety other "Tiger Drivers"? Do any involve actual tigers, or driving?


Yeah, Man of Tai Chi is super underrated. Keanu's direction is solid and his portrayal of the Evil Fight Club Owner / End Boss is just right. The protagonist is a veteran fight choreographer / stunt guy who became best buds with Keanu while shooting the Matrix and it's his only starring role to date, he does a great job too.

Gyges
Aug 4, 2004

NOW NO ONE
RECOGNIZE HULK


The Vosgian Beast posted:

So is Olympus Has Fallen the white house takeover movie people like, or the one they don't like?

Olympus Has Fallen is a Die Hard Movie staring a Sylvester Stalone impersonation of Steven Seagal aping John McClane.

White House Down is a Leathal Weapon riff of a Die Hard Movie starring John McClane by way of 80s Arnold(with a daughter in danger) and Bad Boys Will Smith playing President Young Murtaugh.

Corek
May 11, 2013

by R. Guyovich


Gyges posted:

Olympus Has Fallen is a Die Hard Movie staring a Sylvester Stalone impersonation of Steven Seagal aping John McClane.

White House Down is a Leathal Weapon riff of a Die Hard Movie starring John McClane by way of 80s Arnold(with a daughter in danger) and Bad Boys Will Smith playing President Young Murtaugh.

If you have to go to the TVTropes well that hard, you barely even have a movie.

Grondoth
Feb 18, 2011


I love the one off characters who become super important in their episodes, but they never come back again(Cloudy, Jeremy). I feel like it's been a long time since one of those.

Gyges
Aug 4, 2004

NOW NO ONE
RECOGNIZE HULK


Corek posted:

If you have to go to the TVTropes well that hard, you barely even have a movie.

They are both entertaining in their own way. Also, Olympus Has Fallen teamed up with the Red Dawn remake to insist North Korea is totally a threat guys. No really. Guys?

sub supau
Aug 27, 2007



I think you mean China

The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

I like the assumption that Chinese audiences are too dumb to realize the villains are basically them, but with the serial numbers filed off.

sub supau
Aug 27, 2007



The Vosgian Beast posted:

I like the assumption that Chinese audiences are too dumb to realize the villains are basically them, but with the serial numbers filed off.
Frankly, make the villains Korean or Japanese and Chinese audiences will be more than willing to suspend disbelief for the chance at Two Hours Hate.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 3696 days!


The Vosgian Beast posted:

I like the assumption that Chinese audiences are too dumb to realize the villains are basically them, but with the serial numbers filed off.

It's not about the audiences so much as it is the Chinese government refusing to allow foreign movies that portray China in anything other than a glowing light to get released in China and miss out on that fat international ticket money.

Some movies even go a step further and actively pander to China in hopes of getting released there, like Looper having JGL go to China instead of France and the whole scene about how in the future they're totally the new world leader. Or Iron Man 3 shooting a bunch of extra footage for the Chinese release where Tony Stark goes to China because they have the best doctors in the world and he's totally wowed by how great everything is there.

sub supau
Aug 27, 2007



Honestly my favorite thing about all this talk of 'pandering' to China in recent years is that it's usually by people Hollywood has pandered to for decades.

The Vosgian Beast
Aug 13, 2011

Business is slow

TetsuoTW posted:

Honestly my favorite thing about all this talk of 'pandering' to China in recent years is that it's usually by people Hollywood has pandered to for decades.

They really really liked Pacific Rim, and that has lead to so many vaguely racist articles trying to figure out why that is.

The Deleter
May 22, 2010


It's because Pacific Rim owns.

Really enjoyed the mailbag this month, the slow slide into depravity throughout the emails was fantastic. I don't have any cinema horror stories on that level to share but I've got a lot of movie-going left in me! Might write in something for next month.

Illinois Smith
Nov 15, 2003

Ninety-one? There are ninety other "Tiger Drivers"? Do any involve actual tigers, or driving?


I'm still giggling about a bunch of teens having their mass makeout session ruined by Schindler's List. Nothing will top that girl bleeding all over her date in a theater though.

Brocktoon
Jul 18, 2006

Before we engage we should hang back and study their tactics.


I forgot how much their Keanu impressions sound like Hank Hill.

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

Ask me about my dream Frasier episode where Frasier and Bulldog oil their heads and then rub them together. It's definitely not a fetish of mine, I swear!

We Hate Movies slowly turns into an advice podcast over 20 years, in 2036 it's just called "WHM", the letters don't stand for anything, movies are never mentioned, every episode is reader mail.

Calaveron
Aug 7, 2006
:negative:


cheerfullydrab posted:

We Hate Movies slowly turns into an advice podcast over 20 years, in 2036 it's just called "WHM", the letters don't stand for anything, movies are never mentioned, every episode is reader mail.

We Have Mailbag

Teriyaki Hairpiece
Dec 29, 2006

Ask me about my dream Frasier episode where Frasier and Bulldog oil their heads and then rub them together. It's definitely not a fetish of mine, I swear!

Calaveron posted:

We Have Mailbag

Dear WHM:

What do the letters in your name stand for?

Well, that's a funny story. You see, the first 1100 episodes of this show were actually comedic reviews of bad movies! Of course, that was back when we all still had only organic, human organs and New York City wasn't called "Robo New York 2032".

kdrudy
Sep 19, 2009



cheerfullydrab posted:

We Hate Movies slowly turns into an advice podcast over 20 years, in 2036 it's just called "WHM", the letters don't stand for anything, movies are never mentioned, every episode is reader mail.

My Critic, My Critic and Me

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.




That podcast is so terrible. I have no idea why it's popular.

Evil Mastermind
Apr 28, 2008



Yeah, and I can never tell the hosts apart.

sean10mm
Jun 29, 2005

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, MAD-2R World


Evil Mastermind posted:

Yeah, and I can never tell the hosts apart.

I like Mr Smith but not Mr Smith or Mr Smith, and Mr Smith hardly even shows up anymore.

Punkin Spunkin
Jan 1, 2010

MALCOLM SEX


"Jesus Christ is a vicious night spirit"- Eric Szyszka

Also my dad snuck me into The Brown Bunny and I once watched Irreversible and also Visitor Q with my parents so I think I might be able to beat that cosmic exception
My dad's a huge intellectual film snob and both my parents were the intelligentsia types so yeahhhhh. I've seen some weird rear end movies with my parents

Punkin Spunkin fucked around with this message at 21:11 on Feb 18, 2016

Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT



"Let's dispel with this fiction that Jeff Dunham doesn't know what he's doing. He knows exactly what he's doing."

Punkin Spunkin
Jan 1, 2010

MALCOLM SEX


I physically shuddered once they cruelly brought the concept of a Jeff DunhamxLarry the Cable Guy mashup/mutant to life by thinking about it

bango skank
Jan 15, 2008

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS


What's with the WKUK hate in this month's mailbag? Is there some sort of Private Cabin/Whitest Kids beef I'm unaware of? I only ask because I've literally never met anyone who was aware of them that wasn't a fan, but I'm willing to believe there's people who aren't into their stuff. Is that a thing?

Brocktoon
Jul 18, 2006

Before we engage we should hang back and study their tactics.


bango skank posted:

What's with the WKUK hate in this month's mailbag? Is there some sort of Private Cabin/Whitest Kids beef I'm unaware of? I only ask because I've literally never met anyone who was aware of them that wasn't a fan, but I'm willing to believe there's people who aren't into their stuff. Is that a thing?

I've found everything I've seen from them painfully unfunny, so, yes, we exist.

weekly font
Dec 1, 2004


Everytime I try to fly I fall
Without my wings
I feel so small
Guess I need you baby...





They have a fistful of good sketches but they're all from the beginnings of the show and that thing ran way more seasons than you remember.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 3696 days!


Sketch group grudges sounds like something Chrisropher Guest would make a movie about.

Also every sketch show makes a ton of garbage for every good one, if you judge them by their highs WKUK is amazing just for the John Wilkes Booth sketch.

kdrudy
Sep 19, 2009



Yep, way more misses then hits, though some of their hits are top notch.

WeedlordGoku69
Feb 11, 2015

by Cyrano4747


TheFallenEvincar posted:

"Jesus Christ is a vicious night spirit"- Eric Szyszka

Also my dad snuck me into The Brown Bunny and I once watched Irreversible and also Visitor Q with my parents so I think I might be able to beat that cosmic exception
My dad's a huge intellectual film snob and both my parents were the intelligentsia types so yeahhhhh. I've seen some weird rear end movies with my parents

You really need to write in, they're gonna poo poo themselves at that

thrawn527
Mar 27, 2004

Thrawn/Pellaeon
Studying the art of terrorists
To keep you safe



TheFallenEvincar posted:

"Jesus Christ is a vicious night spirit"- Eric Szyszka

Also my dad snuck me into The Brown Bunny and I once watched Irreversible and also Visitor Q with my parents so I think I might be able to beat that cosmic exception
My dad's a huge intellectual film snob and both my parents were the intelligentsia types so yeahhhhh. I've seen some weird rear end movies with my parents

LORD OF BUTT posted:

You really need to write in, they're gonna poo poo themselves at that

Yes, do this, please.

Heteroy
Mar 13, 2004

:fork::fork::fork:


Yam Slacker

My mom let me watch both Pink Flamingos and Crash before I was 10, because she thought they were hilariously hosed up and she was an unfit parent.

My dad didn't give a gently caress either so he would watch slasher films with me when I was little.

Although that all isn't fun mailbag material as it is exhibit A, in some kind of future psych evaluation.

Count Chocula
Dec 25, 2011

WE HAVE TO CONTROL OUR ENVIRONMENT
IF YOU SEE ME POSTING OUTSIDE OF THE AUSPOL THREAD PLEASE TELL ME THAT I'M MISSED AND TO START POSTING AGAIN


Just noticed that the new FYAD forum title is 'Please don't sing Dragula'. Dunno if it's a coincidence but I've had the WHM guys singing that stuck in my head since the Watcher ep. Not the whole song, just the bit they sing.

It's annoying.

GrandpaPants
Feb 13, 2006


Free to roam the heavens in man's noble quest to investigate the weirdness of the universe!



LIVING DEAD GIRL

Punkin Spunkin
Jan 1, 2010

MALCOLM SEX


LORD OF BUTT posted:

You really need to write in, they're gonna poo poo themselves at that

thrawn527 posted:

Yes, do this, please.
How do you do that again? Shoot an email at weallhatemovies@gmail.com ??

I'm sure they'll get a kick out of me silently eating breakfast cereal in my parents' living room on a Saturday morning while we all awkwardly distressingly endured Monica Bellucci being horribly raped for like ten minutes but for my money there's no movie more awkward to watch with your parents than loving Visitor Q.

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thrawn527
Mar 27, 2004

Thrawn/Pellaeon
Studying the art of terrorists
To keep you safe



TheFallenEvincar posted:

How do you do that again? Shoot an email at weallhatemovies@gmail.com ??

As far as I know, yeah.

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