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Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


So I'm getting a parrot very soon, and I've been reading a crapton of books and articles and whatnot, and I, like many here have noticed just how much ridiculous advice is out there. Be it, crazy hippy bullshit, or wacky pet masturbation, there is no shortage of terrible advice. Keep an eye out for the red-flag terms "healthful" or "holistic" or "alternative". Let's compile it all here.

Parrots for Dummies

quote:

Most veterinarians will tell you not to allow your bird to touch the ground for any reason. There's a fear of parasites and illness from filthy conditions. However, parrots that are allowed on the natural ground get the benefit of the earth's biomagnetism (which is heathful for everyone).

Guide to the Senegal Parrot and its Family

quote:

Traditional Western medicine falls show when it comes to many of the avian customers' complaints. I have gladly allowed my birds to be "guinea pigs" of alternative therapies. Several of my birds have had their lives saved by acupuncture, homeopathy, and Chinese herbs.

Various Posters on TheParrotForum.com

quote:

Their body registers the time difference between seasons - this is done so very exactly that tropical birds (and all other birds) are able to register a difference of a mere 20 minutes (which is the difference in the tropics -it's not 12 hours of light and 12 hours of darkness, it's 11:40 hours of light and 12:20 hours of dark or 12:20 of light and 11:40 of darkness). BUT their main breeding trigger is food availability instead of the length of dayhours so they only breed when food is abundant (usually at the beginning of the dry season when everything sprouts after the rainy season -which also has weather not propitious for breeding). The problem with this is that, in captivity, the weather is always good and the food is always rich and plentiful so, if you keep a parrot at 12 hours of light and 12 of dark, the parrot will produce sexual hormones all year round, year after year after year. Thankfully, all tropical birds revert to photoperiodism as their main trigger when exposed to longer differences which is great for us, parrot keepers, because producing sexual hormones all the time is something that 1) never happens in Nature (birds have a 'resting' season when they don't breed) and 2) creates physical problems because Nature made it so birds sexual organs are dormant and small during the resting season until the breeding trigger acts and they start producing sexual hormones which make their gonads (sexual organs) active and large. When you keep a bird producing sexual hormones without rest, these organs can become hugely enlarged, pushing other organs from their rightful place and causing chronic pain.

quote:

The correct bulb has a CRI of 94+ with a K temp of 5000to 5500. But to use them you will have to slowly increase the brightness over a period of at least 30 minutes until the light is fully on and then dim it over the same period of time in the evening.

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FluxFaun
Apr 7, 2010


This thread is already amazing.

Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?

http://healthypets.mercola.com/sites/healthypets/archive/2013/03/11/parrot-healed-with-essential-oils.aspx

Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


Clicker Training for Birds

quote:

Make sure your birds food is organic and not genetically modified.

^^^

Unfuckingbelievable :psypop:

Grraarrgghh fucked around with this message at 23:31 on Dec 7, 2014

Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?

Oh god I clicked through to the article that "vet" wrote on it. It is extremely professional and scientific.

quote:

 Well I am not one to everdo something to an animal that I wouldn’t do to myself.  So, I sprayed it directly
into my eyes.  Nope, no pain ☺  Test one, completed…

edit: ohohoho

quote:

Please remember – that I only recommend the use of Young Living Essential Oils for your human family and your animal family.


...so I guess at least she doesn't recommend you use them on strangers?

Pile of Kittens fucked around with this message at 00:23 on Dec 8, 2014

Official Bizness
Dec 4, 2007

wark wark wark



Anecdotal story, but I watched a local vet throw a woman out of her clinic for screeching that having the clinic's rescue cockatoo on the same floor as the adoptable cats' room. Was the issue that the cats could theoretically escape and endanger their lives trying to approach a psychotic umbrella cockatoo hurt the poor bird? No, the cockatoo was going to be stressed by seeing the cats through the door window.

(Bonus story: one time a parakeet that was being fostered in the clinic escaped and flew into the cockatoo's cage. The poor thing was trapped for two hours under the beast's massive wing as the cockatoo tried to preen and regurgitate for the tiny baby suddenly in its home and lunged at any vet tech brave enough to reach into his cage. I love this bird.)

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009
My dog's breeder is a font of this poo poo. Not only did she recommend a diet of cheese, mince, cereal and Beneful, when I visited my local vet one of the vet techs told me she had ended up with one of her puppies - it's mum had cancer and couldn't feed it (because when you find out your dog has cancer you must get it pregnant immediately to 'at least preserve the bloodline') and she thought that feeding the 4 week old puppy evaporated milk and sweetened condensed milk was an appropriate response. By the time the vet tech got the pup it was half dead and pissing blood.

It's funny how you only find this crap out afterwards. Sigh.

My Lil Parachute
Jul 30, 2014

by XyloJW

Official Bizness posted:

(Bonus story: one time a parakeet that was being fostered in the clinic escaped and flew into the cockatoo's cage. The poor thing was trapped for two hours under the beast's massive wing as the cockatoo tried to preen and regurgitate for the tiny baby suddenly in its home and lunged at any vet tech brave enough to reach into his cage. I love this bird.)
This is the greatest thing I have ever read in a decade of SA.

where the red fern gropes
Aug 24, 2011


Remember that it is cheaper to neuter your pets yourself rather than paying somebody else to do it

Official Bizness
Dec 4, 2007

wark wark wark



My Lil Parachute posted:

This is the greatest thing I have ever read in a decade of SA.

One last derail: Rio the 'too swears like a sailor and calls everyone who comes to the second floor a motherfucker (and calls down into the foyer that you're a son of a bitch, rear end in a top hat! if you're not visiting him) and laughs maniacally at dogs to unnerve them.

Instant Jellyfish
Jul 3, 2007

Actually not a fish.



Don't work with rams/buck goats when you're on your period because they can smell it and get the blood lust/regular lust and go after you. Really women just shouldn't work with male livestock at all because they can tell you're female and won't respect you.

Coolguye
Jul 6, 2011

Required by his programming!

Official Bizness posted:

One last derail: Rio the 'too swears like a sailor and calls everyone who comes to the second floor a motherfucker (and calls down into the foyer that you're a son of a bitch, rear end in a top hat! if you're not visiting him) and laughs maniacally at dogs to unnerve them.

I didn't know I needed video of profane, insane cockatoos in my life but now I know the truth.

Yo, imma blob
Apr 29, 2007

have you any wool
I've read a lot of people use apple cider vinegar in their birds' water for health at something like 8 tablespoons/gallon. And it has to be LIVE apple cider with the "mother" still in it or else it doesn't work. It's healthy because of acid.

It sounds like folk wisdom and I've never seen any actual studies on it. I have a hard time believing that there's a magic zone of acidity that will kill Bad Bacteria and not Good Bacteria in a bird's gut.

Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


Yo, imma blob posted:

I've read a lot of people use apple cider vinegar in their birds' water for health at something like 8 tablespoons/gallon. And it has to be LIVE apple cider with the "mother" still in it or else it doesn't work. It's healthy because of acid.

It sounds like folk wisdom and I've never seen any actual studies on it. I have a hard time believing that there's a magic zone of acidity that will kill Bad Bacteria and not Good Bacteria in a bird's gut.

The lady who wrote Parrots For Dummies doesn't shut up about using Grapefruit Seed Extract to clean literally everything, and even recommends putting it in their water.

A cursory Google on GSE shows that it's basically Drano.

http://www.mommypotamus.com/the-ugly-truth-about-grapefruit-seed-extract/

Battle Pigeon
Nov 7, 2011

I am dancing potato
give me millet


I haven't read Parrots for Dummies in ages and didn't remember all of that crap, just that it was useful for practical advice like lists of unsafe foods and unsafe household products, first aid, advice on toys and cage sizes, etc. Now I feel a little awkward about recommending it to people but it was the best book I found out there at the time... which doesn't say much for the others.

Instant Jellyfish
Jul 3, 2007

Actually not a fish.



Livestock folks are also in love with ACV and use it for everything from treating anemia to increasing the percentage of female offspring you have born each year.

Supercondescending
Jul 4, 2007

ok frankies now lets get in formation
Yeah apparently I don't need to worm any of my livestock, I simply need to wave some apple cider vinegar over their water and feed them handfulls of pumpkin seeds every once in a while, and they will forever be parasite free.

Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


:sigh:

Just took the bird to an avian vet who recommended ACV in the water to help digestion.

She is the head of the local universities veterinary department. :negative:

Kerfuffle
Aug 16, 2007

The sky calls to us~
What is with people and apple cider vinegar as a cure all for every possible ailment? I come across this constantly. It's like a stinky acid version of homeopathy.

Yo, imma blob
Apr 29, 2007

have you any wool
:psyduck: Did she say what the ACV was specifically supposed to do?

For what it's worth, my feather-picking lovebird is on a Chinese herbal supplement from his avian vet, and he has stopped being stressed out ever since. I don't think it has ACV in it though.

Velvet Sparrow
May 15, 2006

'Hope' is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune, without the words, and never stops--at all.

Lots of people I know believe that hummingbirds never land, but spend their entire lives flying. Disregarding things like sleep, mating, raising young...

Also, my mother thinks that if she doesn't take down her hummingbird feeder in the winter that the hummers will refuse to migrate because food, and will then die of the cold. :suicide:

And then there are the folks that claim rice thrown at weddings will be ingested by birds and then swell within the bird, causing a bird explosion. A literal EXPLOSION.






VVV Oh fer crissakes. That's a new one on me.

Velvet Sparrow fucked around with this message at 08:11 on Dec 16, 2014

LITERALLY A BIRD
Sep 27, 2008

I knew you were trouble
when you flew in

Velvet Sparrow posted:

Also, my mother thinks that if she doesn't take down her hummingbird feeder in the winter that the hummers will refuse to migrate because food, and will then die of the cold. :suicide:

reminds me of this:

Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


Yo, imma blob posted:

:psyduck: Did she say what the ACV was specifically supposed to do?

She said it would not only aid digestion, but if there was an issue with stomach parasites, it would take care of them as well.

Sekkira
Apr 11, 2008

I Don't Get It,
I Don't Get It,

So basically quackery :v:

Tim Jong-un
Aug 22, 2008

:shepface:God I fucking love Diablo 3 gold, it even paid for this shitty title:shepface:

I use apple cider vinegar to make teriyaki and put it on all kinds of animals, they all end up tasting delicious so dunno what ya'lls problem is.

aerialsilks
Nov 28, 2013

please stop telling me about how you "humanely euthanized" your hamster by drowning it in its ball

Grraarrgghh posted:

:sigh:

Just took the bird to an avian vet who recommended ACV in the water to help digestion.

She is the head of the local universities veterinary department. :negative:

I've heard a lot of this for helping digestion/other stomach-related things, but only in very very very small amounts in very short amounts of time. Something about helping Ph, maybe...? I don't remember.

Staryberry
Oct 16, 2009

Kooky Website posted:

Healing pets and animals requires a very strong and centered mind. Animal's minds are not like humans. Humans related to pain whereas animals react to pain. Any fear you have can also be sensed by an animal and amplified by the crystals. It is very important to be balanced, centered, grounded and have good intentions before you attempt to heal your pet with crystals or stones. Crystals amplify effects and you need to be cautious until you find out how your pet reacts.

Your pet will let you know when they’ve had enough. Watch for signs such as tail swishing, foot stamping, ears back, teeth-baring, hair-raising, attempts to flee and other such warning signals. If they present any of these signs, slow down or stop the healing temporarily. Crystal healing can sometimes be too fast for an animal to integrate. It can also be too intense and actually cause more pain or other discomfort. As crystal healing promotes rapid healing in animals, easing off may help alleviate the stress caused by a healing crisis. When the healing is good, the animal will show signs of comfort and affection such as drooping eye lids, teeth gnashing, drooling, general softening of muscle tissues and sighing.
...

Place up to three stones or crystals under your pet's bed for up to two weeks. You can put them in a pouch if you'd like. Position the stones so that they are comfortable. If the crystal energy is too intense, your pet won't want to rest in their bed. If your pet likes the crystals, you should see an improvement within a few days.


Yeah, I'm sure it is the "intensity" of the rocks in their beds that the pets dislike.... :catstare:

https://www.naturesforyou.com/shoppingcart/pages/Healing-Crystals-and-Stones-for-Pets-and-Animals.html#.VJClDckow3g

froward
Jun 2, 2014

by Azathoth
Here's a co-op article about various solutions for chickens, vinegar among them.

Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


So either the vet gave me a snow job, birds fight fungal infections themselves (likely) or ACV is a ~*!WoNDeR DruG!*~. My parrot had a minor fungal infection, the vet told me to put him on 2 weeks of water with 1cc per 100ml ACV cut in, and lo and behold, his second fecalgram is clean.

Anyway, doing more bird research. Guess what? Your parrot can READ YOUR MIND :psyduck: From an article about finding a bird that has flown the coop:



Don't forget to call your local parrot telepath!

Pile of Kittens
Apr 23, 2005

Why does everything STILL smell like pussy?

Actually, depending on the particular fungus, it may help to raise the acidity in the crop slightly, making the environment more hostile to it. On the other hand, maybe using actual medicine would yield slightly more reliable results.

Shark Sandwich
Sep 6, 2010

by R. Guyovich
Man, if birds are that in need of this stuff it's amazing they've managed be around for over 65 millions years

Suspect Bucket
Jan 15, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR
I used ACV and balsamic to make chicken adobo for dinner. I conclude that vinegar is GREAT FOR BIRDS. Throw some soy sauce in there too while you're at it.

We give the goats apple cider vinegar in their water because they like the taste, so it makes them drink more in the summer.

Tasty_Crayon
Jul 29, 2006
Same story, different version.

Grraarrgghh posted:

So either the vet gave me a snow job, birds fight fungal infections themselves (likely) or ACV is a ~*!WoNDeR DruG!*~. My parrot had a minor fungal infection, the vet told me to put him on 2 weeks of water with 1cc per 100ml ACV cut in, and lo and behold, his second fecalgram is clean

I was always told not to use medicines, supplements, ect that go into the birds water because it is pretty much impossible to know how much of it they have consumed

Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


Tasty_Crayon posted:

I was always told not to use medicines, supplements, ect that go into the birds water because it is pretty much impossible to know how much of it they have consumed

It's even dumber when you consider that he is still being handfed, which means a huge majority of his daily hydration comes from formula.

Triangulum
Oct 3, 2007

by Lowtax
The "about us" section for a local dog trainer:

quote:

1) THERE ARE 2 MASTERS
My dog is not below me on the totem pole, he is my equal, just a different species. And for those who have to choose a hierarchy, my dog is above me in terms of his soul growth. We come from the perspective that our dog, albeit an animal, has probably more to teach us than we can teach him. Sure we can teach our dog the signals for “sit”, “stay”, "down" and “come” which are all important behaviors for our dogs to know in order to keep them safe in our world... but how can that begin to compare to what they’re teaching us?
The power of unconditional love, how to truly live in the present moment, how to accept ourselves as is...(just to name a few). Keep in mind, this agreement does NOT preclude us from becoming our dog's guardian or guide, a position we must be willing to hold at all times. What it simply allows us to do is to remember that all interaction with our dog should be based on trust, cooperation and mutual respect rather than by force and intimidation.


spirit4
2) I WILL WALK IN HIS PAWS
I treat my dog exactly the way I would like to be treated if I had to return in some future lifetime as the dog I now take care of.
What if you literally had to come back in some future lifetime and walk in your dog’s paws? When you participate in a cause, you will participate in it’s effect. The Universal law of cause and effect is called Karma in the East, and the Golden Rule in the West.
Because I believe in the law of Karma: what you sew, so shall you reap (what comes around, goes around) it’s not farfetched for me to believe that on some level, we may have to some day incarnate and experience the very life we are now providing for our dog. Keep in mind, this agreement does NOT mean that we are permissive with our dogs. Rather, as part of raising them correctly, we understand that setting rules and what we refer to as "Benevolent Boundaries" is what's in their best interest. The key distinction here is that we hold our dogs accountable so that we can take our dogs everywhere with us and they can have a full social life, not because we desire power over them.


dogwings
3) ANGELS IN DISGUISE
I choose to believe that my dog is actually an angel in disguise. We come from the perspective that your dog’s true reason for being here on Earth with you is to assist you in your spiritual growth. Your dog loves you so much that he has agreed to do this for you. Your dog has also brought with him the very lessons your soul needs most to evolve. In return, we believe in becoming our dog's "Alpha Angel" and embodying our "Higher Self" rather than simply being his "Alpha Dog" or "Pack Leader". This principle states that True Leadership is one where the individual in charge is truly looking out for your highest good and because of that, it's very easy to follow that energy.


mirrordog
4) MIRRORS
We understand on a deep soul level that one of the primary reasons our dog has come into our life is to reflect back to us both the positive and negative aspects of self. We understand that by learning to love and heal the frightened parts of our dog's personality, we're also learning a pathway to love and heal the frightened parts of our own personality. As we do this, we replace judgement with compassion as we're able to communicate with our dog from the highest vibrational frequency.


dogsoul
5) SOULS FIRST
We agree to see our dogs as souls first. What this means specifically is that we acknowledge and have reverence for the fact that our dogs are souls, just like you and I, who are simply wearing a dog's costume for this incarnation. Yes, they have their unique way of interpreting their world; namely through their nose, eyes and ears; and in that order. They also have their own distinct canine rituals and paradigms. However, this does not inhibit us from seeing them as divine beings first, dogs second.


heavengreeting
6) OWNING A DOG IS A SPIRITUAL PRACTICE
The lessons I’m learning by being a great dog owner are as valuable as any soul lessons I will ever learn in my lifetime.
It's my belief that the Universe uses the relationship between you and your dog as a metaphor and a road map to provide you with the most profound lessons you need to evolve. Such lessons as learning to foster harmony, creating balance, setting boundaries, practicing benevolent leadership, remaining calm in any given situation, being fully alive in the present moment, learning how to become a better parent, as well as the often overlooked power of our own thoughts to create a world of Love or Fear can all be learned by taking excellent care of your dog and becoming a conscious dog owner.
tencommand
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF THE KARMA DOG TRAINING METHOD


1) I never ask my dog to do, what I myself would not do

2) I never ask my dog to eat, what I myself would not eat

3) I never ask my dog to wear, what I myself would not wear

4) I never ask my dog to journey, where I myself would not journey

5) I never ask my dog to sleep, where I myself would not sleep

6) I never ask my dog to spend time with someone, I myself would not spend time with

7) I never ask my dog to learn, what I myself would not learn

8) I never ask my dog to drink, what I myself would not drink

9) I never ask my dog to endure, what I myself would not endure

10) I never ask my dog to inhale, what I myself would not inhale
karmasmall
HOW DO I ACTIVATE THE LAW OF KARMA?

The way to activate that law of Karma or what is also called spontaneous correct choice making, is to ask your heart, ask your body, what’s the right thing to do at this moment?
(My distinctions after recently being sick)

I have returned to health today much more compassionate and aware of my non-verbal soul mates needs and with an understanding that any one of them at any time might be physically sick. I have returned to health today with an understanding that my non-verbal soul mates need so much more love, so much more nurturing and so much more compassion from me in recognizing that any of one of them may be feeling as physically ill as I just was and need to be loved accordingly. I have returned to health today with an understanding that I need to be ten times more disciplined in my observation of them every morning and every night so that before I ever ask anything of them, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they are indeed feeling well enough and up to the task of following through with what I ask of them. Only when I am absolutely certain my non-verbal soul mates are feeling well and vibrant, will I treat them as such and ask them to do things as if they are feeling totally healthy and pain-free. I can tell you that Scottie is in physical pain is his knee area. This needs to be addressed before you ever ask him to do the things that you have been asking him to do such as walk like Cesar Millan taught you to do. I will always remember how my only thought and my biggest regret while I was sick is the fact that out of lack of empathy I have asked Louis or any of my other dogs to walk in the Cesar Millan Military style even while they might be feeling as sick as I was just feeling. If I have done this, which I am almost certain I have, then this is the most regrettable thing I could ever think of in my life. It sickens me so much. If that’s really the case, which I am sure that it has been, it’s my biggest regret ever! I woke up today with an understanding that that can never happen again and as long as I am NEVER attached to outcomes, and I always assume Louis or any of my other dogs have their reasons for slowing down and not being able to walk fast (including Scottie when he is limping!) and I never think ego, “rules”, future training goals or expectations over process, joy and the highest compassion in this moment, the only thing that counts! Then, and only then am I respecting the information I have just been given by having to go though this physical breakdown and feeling so ill the last 4 days. I have returned to health today with an understanding that not being able to empathize with my dog's physical pain is my greatest fear and so from this day forward, I am going to be ten times more sensitive than I have ever been to what they are telepathically communicating to me with their eyes, their body language, their physiology and their actions and I will RESPECT that non-verbal communication as much as if they were shouting it in my ear. I will also go out of my way to make feeding them the HEALTHIEST FOOD AND HEALTHIEST VITAMINS my #1 priority. Vitamin C and other immunity enhancing vitamins has to be just as necessary and a priority as paying the rent. Scottie’s mental fear, his anxiety NEEDS JUST AS MUCH COMPASSION AND EMPATHY AS THEIR PHYSICAL NEEDS. HE NEEDS REASSURING, HE NEEDS POSITIVE ENCOURAGEMENT, HE NEEDS YOUR 100% SUPPORT AND ASSURANCE. TRUST ME!

the page also contains this gem:

Avshalom
Feb 14, 2012

by Lowtax

Grraarrgghh
Feb 12, 2012

"Bernard, float over here so I can punch you."


"spontaneous correct choice making"

:wtc:

light_urple
Sep 26, 2002

Meow!

It fits.

ask your heart, ask your body, what’s the right thing to do at this moment?

Only registered members can see post attachments!

Staryberry
Oct 16, 2009
There is a petition going around to have PetCo stop selling an homeopathic product to help calm hyper dogs, called Good Dog.

"It has been shown that essences from selected flowers, when added to your pet's drinking water, aid in helping balance the emotions of pets with behavior problems. This is done easily, gently and with no harmful side effects with Good Dog!

Many veterinarians recommend the use of essences for pets with behavior problems. Pet owners continually report great success. The selected flowers are carefully harvested at the most optimal time, thus assuring essences with the fullest potency. Quality is assured through standardization and other recognized control methods.

Non-toxic, non-radiated. No binders, fillers, herbicide or fumigants. "


I hear it works pretty well, but not because of the flower's potency. Instead, it's because the stuff is 13% alcohol. Get your puppy drunk to cure his hyperactivity or anxiety! What could go wrong?

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Avshalom
Feb 14, 2012

by Lowtax

light_urple posted:

It fits.

ask your heart, ask your body, what’s the right thing to do at this moment?


:negative: Unfortunately this avatar was a "gift" and I promised not to change it until February, why is the universe so cruel?

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