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PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

MY PAPER SOLDIERS
FORM A WALL
FIVE PACES THICK
AND TWICE AS TALL




Asiina posted:

Thanks, but its okay.
If you're hungry, then you should eat. That includes accepting gifts from internet friends who think you're neat and like playing internet games with you.

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Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


Yeah! Or we can chip in and get you some groceries delivered tomorrow? Do you have a delivery service or Google Delivery or whatever?

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011



Grimey Drawer

I went to the store today. It cost more because I didn't get the 10% student discount they give on Tuesdays, but I still needed to go. I usually do work between my mid-day and evening commitments, but I rushed off to the store, back home, and just made it back to campus in time.

I am feeling better today, but I'm pretty sure I have depression (not just feeling sad) so it feels like a chemical thing. When I'm fine, I'm fine. When I'm bad it's like a dark pit from which there is no escape. Even knowing that in an hour or two I'll probably think the mood I was just in was ridiculous, it doesn't matter in that moment. It's also really impossible to know when those moments are going to come.

It's like if you've ever had a panic attack. You can know logically exactly what is happening to you. Your nervous system is going crazy and you are flooded with adrenaline. You can know in your mind that you are totally fine and that it'll pass if you just wait it out, but none of that matters to the chemicals in your body that are screaming YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE RIGHT NOW!!!! You can't fight chemical reactions with logic in that moment. You just gotta ride it out and wait for your body chemistry to fix itself.

It's a lot like that.

One of the things I blew off yesterday in my altered state was my appointment with my therapist. I've rescheduled though, so hopefully I'll get to see her next week.

Thanks for the nice thoughts and offers of pizza though, I appreciate it.

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011



Grimey Drawer

Also sorry if this is making anyone uncomfortable, but I think that hiding mental illness only works to stigmatize it, so I try to share my actual state whenever I can.

PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

MY PAPER SOLDIERS
FORM A WALL
FIVE PACES THICK
AND TWICE AS TALL




Asiina posted:

It's like if you've ever had a panic attack. You can know logically exactly what is happening to you. Your nervous system is going crazy and you are flooded with adrenaline. You can know in your mind that you are totally fine and that it'll pass if you just wait it out, but none of that matters to the chemicals in your body that are screaming YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE RIGHT NOW!!!! You can't fight chemical reactions with logic in that moment. You just gotta ride it out and wait for your body chemistry to fix itself.

It's a lot like that.
Yeah. There isn't a lot you can do to stop it. You just kind of have to learn to manage it as best you can. Glad to know you're doing a bit better, Asiina.

Chic Trombone
Jul 25, 2010



Yeah, depression bites. Still learning to deal with it myself, though meds have really helped me out w/ it. Maybe you should consider something like that to help you, Asiina?

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


I think it's great that we have a community where we can support and talk about things like this and as far as I'm concerned you should continue to do so, no apologies! Talking always helps~

hexwren
Feb 27, 2008



Asiina posted:

Also sorry if this is making anyone uncomfortable, but I think that hiding mental illness only works to stigmatize it, so I try to share my actual state whenever I can.

Nah, talk about your piece. I have spent most of today and quite a lot of days recently being utterly terrified. I should probably talk about it more.

GulagDolls
Jun 4, 2011



ive been spending my recent days playing triple triad. which iis worse -_-

PMush Perfect
Sep 30, 2009

MY PAPER SOLDIERS
FORM A WALL
FIVE PACES THICK
AND TWICE AS TALL




I've spent my recent days six months living with a terrifyingly unstable woman who also always has some new excuse to wring some extra money out of me with my rent.

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


Quidnose posted:

I think it's great that we have a community where we can support and talk about things like this and as far as I'm concerned you should continue to do so, no apologies! Talking always helps~

Brene Brown has an amazing Ted Talk that helped give me a lot of perspective on this. I can't recommend it enough.

This community is great! I'm well past my gaming years and figured I was too old to have "internet friends", and the fact that I like so many people from a group based on games where we all lie to each other is shocking but nice. I have gotten (and given) life advice that was genuinely helpful from people I met from Mafia/FRGs, and am genuinely thankful that, when I want low-risk company, it's just a click away. ESPECIALLY in a winter like this where leaving the house is a chore.

I've had at least two nights that I can think of where I was stuck with insomnia, very much in my own head, and going on Skype to talk to people from this group helped ease my mind a lot. That's really cool.

To Asii - sending you good vibes, and as someone who credits therapy as something that saved my life, I hope you get out there next week

Chic Trombone
Jul 25, 2010



Chic Trombone posted:

##check cool hangout mafia's pulse

MMM Whatchya Say
Aug 10, 2011

This doesn't taste like anything you've licked before


A rhythmic, if relaxed heart beat.

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011



Grimey Drawer

##stab cool hang out mafia to death

Pinterest Mom
Jun 9, 2009

In a sense, aren't all my posts worth reading?


You should modkill Asiina for faking a day action.

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011



Grimey Drawer

Pinterest Mom posted:

You should modkill Asiina for faking a day action.

that works too

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


Is the trick to this game that all "fake" actions actually cause mod responses?

##un-toxx MMM

HiipFire
Sep 1, 2013

JENNY DEATH LIVES


##cop Murmur Twin

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


HiipFire posted:

##cop Murmur Twin

Pinterest Mom
Jun 9, 2009

In a sense, aren't all my posts worth reading?


scumclaim spotted ##vote mmt

Murmur Twin
Feb 11, 2003

An ever-honest pacifist with no mind for tricks.


It's true, I'm scum.

MMM Whatchya Say
Aug 10, 2011

This doesn't taste like anything you've licked before


Cool Hang Out Mafia has ended in Moderator Defeat

Join me in Too Many Ramones

Asiina
Apr 26, 2011



Grimey Drawer

We did it guys!

Go team!!!

HiipFire
Sep 1, 2013

JENNY DEATH LIVES


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo

hexwren
Feb 27, 2008



yay


okay, spill

were we actually all town?

Quidthulhu
Dec 17, 2003

Stand down, men! It's only smooching!


I never got a role PM, sooooooo....

MMM Whatchya Say
Aug 10, 2011

This doesn't taste like anything you've licked before


Allen Wren posted:

yay


okay, spill

were we actually all town?

two people were double voting 3P. If they made it to the end then town would lose. The town was split between VT and loved voteless folks. I forgot to put the standard "You win when all threats are eliminated" thing in because I thought it was implied but it lead to some great stuff. There were no scum.

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hexwren
Feb 27, 2008



awesome

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