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ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010





  1. Allen Wren
  2. Amoeba102
  3. Asiina
  4. Chic Trombone
  5. Dr. Hurt
  6. Dugong
  7. Epsilon Plus
  8. Ernie.
  9. EXAKT Science/zzyzx
  10. fiery_valkyrie
  11. HiipFire
  12. KhyrosFinalCut
  13. Little Mac
  14. merk
  15. Murmur Twin/Byers2142
  16. Opopanax
  17. Pinterest Mom
  18. Quidnose
  19. Rarity
  20. Somberbrero
  21. Tremendous Taste, Kumbamontu
  22. uranus
  23. Winged Orpheus
  24. Your Personal Muse

LIST OF THE DEAD:
Opopanax, CS-Aligned Pubbie was lucksprayed to death d1!
Somberbrero, CS Aligned Pubbie, has been kicked from the server d1!
Quidnose, CS-Aligned Baiter, has died of a ragestroke from grenade spam on his person in a ceasefire period n1!
Epsilon Plus, CS-Aligned Pubbie, has been pwned n1!
Dr. Hurt, CS-Aligned Pubbie, has thrown his keyboard and mouse against the wall n1!
Byers2142, Self-aligned Diehard 1.6 Player, has been run train on and lost all will to keep playing video games n2!
Ernie., CS-Aligned Pubbie, has been followed everywhere he went and left out to dry at the first sign of conflict, leading to butt frustration of the first order n2!
Merk, n00b aligned Flashbang Spammer, has been ka-pwned d3!

zzyzx, CS-Aligned Tryhard, has been votekicked off the server d3!

fiery_valkyrie, CS-aligned Pubbie, has been shamed out of the server d4!
Allen Wren, CS-aligned Opinionated Noob, has been MODKILLED d5 for being a shitter!




You find yourself in an empty temple. Where there were once ornate sculptures of heroes and tales of valor etched into fine marble, now you find piles of rubble and a fine dust that finds its way into everything. Where you would once see the stars dance in beautiful rhythm as the sweet aromas of petunias and lilacs lifted you to a wondrous place you had never before known, now you find only clouds and compost. Where once streams of clear water meandered through a beautiful valley as if nature itself was urging the beauty of your soul to sing with it, now you find only cracked dirt lightly salted by tears.

*snap*



This is the state of competitive FPS games today. An entertainment sector devoid of creativity and looking to find ways that make the game easier while maintaining the illusion of difficulty. A community unwilling to try with a low interest in outperforming their peers. A medium that has remained stagnant since the early 2000s. A society obsessed with instant gratification that a game that requires learning and effort simply cannot meet. Mini-transactions that look to gentrify the last frontier of competition.

Against all of this, there stands but one force.

You.

You are the final bearer of the torch, the last bastion of the dream of actual competition on the amazing thing we call “the internet”. Even now, there are subversive elements looking to snuff you out, to drive out players and bleed you dry. You must not let them. You must keep the game you love alive. This...

This is your story


*loud clang that startles you and then cuts itself off midway through to symbolize an unfinished story*

Welcome to Counterstrike: Global Offensive Mafia, a game for 23 players!

Standard rules apply but I’ll list some anyway.
DONT:
Post after Hammers
Post your role PMs
Use Truth or Dare or Encryption or any bullshit like that
Communicate with anyone, alive or dead, OOT unless I say you can
Edit your posts
Talk about Anime. Illegal. I’ll ban you. I count as Anime too so don’t talk about me. I’ll ban you. I’ll ban you!!
DO:
PM me night actions as quickly as you risk doing nothing if you neglect pming me for 24 hours.
Have Fun

I'm going to gently caress up lurkers. Although I'm sure one or more of you may test me on that front, know that I am a man without mercy. By lurking, you will almost certainly be hurting your team and the game at large, and that is going to Make Me Mad. Ask for a replacement if something comes up as soon as you can.

:siren: This game will not be using a buy menu. I have another CS setup that requires too much drat effort right now that will involve that in the future. :siren:

Replacements(?):
1.) Windshipper (1/10/15 or later)

I'll leave the signups open until we're a little bit overfull. I'll take replacement signups as well and if you sign up for that, feel free to specify when you'd be ready by (day 2, 3, etc).

ASAPRockySituation fucked around with this message at 00:28 on Jan 20, 2015

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ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Important: I will probably wait until a bit after New Years Day to launch this game. Until then, signups are wide open.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Chic Trombone posted:

hi diqnol!! i will play in your game

:wave:

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Somberbrero posted:

(We should probably discuss now whether or not we're going to be a RP only server. You can guess which way I'm voting, gentlegoons.) <-- ooc

*peers over precision goggles* Only a filthy casual would buy an AUG. Go back to Call of Doody, clown.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Apologies if I stepped ahead of you in line. If only...if only there was a queue for this...a big game queue...?

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



It appears LM wanted to run his game a couple of weeks ago but was scared off by Ecco. Ecco is a grinch, Little Mac.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



merk posted:

I will play.

I clicked that link thinking you really setup a private server. :(

PM me if you want to be an admin and we will discuss associated fees.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Grenades are also very important but they aren't something to honestly focus on while you're learning. They can very easily get you killed or cause you to waste money so my advice is to only buy smokes for now and put them in places where enemies have to run through. If they have to run through smoke at, say, long A on dust2 and you're watching it, you have a huge advantage.

Never push through smoke unless you're flashing the poo poo out of it with a full team.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



merk posted:

How do you dethrone an AWP guy without flashes/HEs? Like on dust2, how do you take long A if they have an AWP and you don't unless you can get a flash in?

Frankly, you don't, but it depends what you mean. AWP guy watching doors at long can be beaten by a good T spawn location; you get there first and thus have the advantage. You can also quick peek him to bait his shot and then push while his gun resets immediately after. If you mean an awp on A site, you have to outshoot him regardless. Always smoke the crossing between long A and A site if you're pushing that way, btw.

Flashing "right" to beat that awper involves you running out as a teammate throws the flash; that is to say, before the flash detonates. You also have to run out backwards. From there you abuse your mobility advantage and pray he misses or you hit.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Well, that's kind of advanced because you have a single shot to beat him with. Ymmv

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



UT, Quake, and Tribes are all dead now, you blind fool!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



merk posted:

The best compliment you can receive in life is to be called a hacker in CS: GO.

I am called a hacker very often, but actually, I hack :twisted:

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Hacking is indeed boring. I learned that back in starcraft vanilla when I maphacked some UMS games.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Ernie. posted:

why was half of that sentence even relevant in your head?

unless it's to make a statement like 'liking me is the first step to throwing away your life!~!'

Was this directed at me? I was an adventurous youth (8 at the time) who wanted to know what it'd be like to see my enemies more clearly on Snipers maps. Joke was on me when the map makers added something to crash me for doing it!!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



It's complicated, but suffice it to say cheating is lovely and that there is always a chance you're playing with or against a cheater. But you probably aren't, so don't shout that every time you get p0wn3d.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



._.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Ty.

I'm going to start recruiting people now.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



YES

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Allen Wren posted:

the gun you take to shoot yourself if you play counterstrike

:catstare:

uranus posted:

i recently played a game of 'werewolf' which is mafia but with wolfs. i played it in real life with real people sitting in chairs in a circle. it was fun. also i played a card type game called saboteur in which one person is a badguy and you call each other liars and yell and stuff. it is also fun.

thankyou, good day.

As long as you weren't screaming.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Quidnose! It's me, Diqnol!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Ye

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



First off, it shouldn't do that. I play on my badge alt and include my single AK brother and his silver friends. Second off, it's not hard to tank games. Purposely miss grenades, aim above heads, run while you shoot etc and you'll plummet within 5 games.

Rarity posted:

Yeah sure I'm in

Heck yeah!!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



You could also make an alt like I did. CS:GO is on sale :haw:

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



:peanut:

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Ernie. posted:

It gave us a weird message that's all like 'we won't let you play together unless you lobby 5 people'.

But the problem is it doesn't say how close the ranks should be for us to lobby together again. I mean, realistically, I don't know if I have to tank 1 game or 20 to play with him again and it seems like WAY more work than convincing 3 people to play with us.

Well at any rate I'll play when I get home at 6 if you guys are still at it.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



CS Elo is complicated. You can win every game for a week and not rank up if your score is always bad or if the game thinks your fundamentals are that off (and yes, it can calculate these things based on shots missed and such). It's also largely dependent on the strength of your opponents. If at the end of a match you look at the ranks for everyone and it seems like you were chosen by the matchmaker to lose and you won, you'll more quickly rank up. I've gone from DMG to LE in 3 games and I've done it in 100. Playing with good people only helps a bit, you can't be dragged into a good rank too much, though I have a friend who would argue against that.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



I, uh, torrent those . . .

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Yeah, um, controller . . . . .

:h:

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



I use a controller to play Dark Souls, Super Meat Boy, and Bethesda games. Using one to play FPS games is putting yourself at an insane disadvantage unless your thumb reflexes and control are so insanely on point that your slightly shaky hand can't match it.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



You were one of the best at mastering a handicap. MLG console gamers would get crushed by mediocre PC gamers because the mouse is so very much better at aiming. What I'm trying to say is, perhaps you should try KB+M again and see if you hate it less since it's good stuff.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



So I'm not gonna launch until tomorrow night. I have more invites out, so if we get a sufficient number of additions, I can tweak the setup to accommodate. Otherwise, make sure ya'll have time to still play this (the game opened a while back so I understand if you don't!) and I'll send PMs out tomorrow night. Hurt, if nobody else signs up (unlikely) and nobody decides "nah..", then I have to put ya on the replacement list.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Okay, guys! I'm all done writing up the flavor stuff, so we're ready to launch later tonight. Expect PMs around 7-8pm EST unless we get some signups and can expand it.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Okay, looks like we'll go with what we have then. I'm sorry Hurt! PMs going out shortly.

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Hi, still closed for now. Someone doesn't have plat and someone doesn't have any room in their mailbox. We wait!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



You know what? Everyone can post for now but the game won't start/votes won't count until I say so. Enjoy!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



Well, that resolved itself more quickly than I anticipated. Two things worth noting - Dr. Hurt IS in fact in the game now, I found a way to work him in, the other? I'm about to start the game!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



The server is quiet. Not a single person is populating it. The server runs lag free and happy. Soon this will change. The announcement is made about its opening, and suddenly players from all walks of CS begin to join. Before long, the server is full and bodies are fragged more frequently than rain falls in the plains of Spain. But not all was well in this capitalist shooting paradise. Lag had come, and the server god would not increase the bandwidth. So it fell upon the denizens of this fair field to solve the issue. There was only one way, spake one.

The server population must diminish.

And so a bright man, a man named fatal1ty, a man far ahead of his time, created the system by which this goal would be achieved. The undesirables, the noobs and the hackers, would be sought after and rooted out of the community by way of The Holy Instrument Of God: Vote kicks. These votekicks would be given the power to permanently ban those who faced their wrath; a truly ominous power. But who were these undesirables? How would they determine who they might be? And it was so that a ceasefire was signed. A counterstrike server without shots. This uneasy peace could only last so long…


It is now Day 1!

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



(the server pauses and a holographic green head appears on everyone’s screen)

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME VIDEO GAMES? *crowd snorts and sniffles* I CANT HEAR YOU!!!! *crowd begins to demand free Bawls products* YES! YES! YES! BAWLS FOR EVERYBODY!!! *the crowd is insatiable* TODAY WE HAVE A VERY SPECIAL EVENT! IN THIS CORNER, A GAMER IF I’VE EVER SEEN ONE. FAT, PUSTULE LINED EYEBROWS, HAIR COMBED STRAIGHT DOWN. THIS IS A DISGUSTING MAN. SURELY HE GOT TO THIS STATE...BY BEING A CHAMPION! INTRODUCING OUR CT COMMANDER, :siren:merk:siren:!!!

AND IN THIS CORNER, AT 4’11” AND AN INVERTED PENIS, WE HAVE OUR CHALLENGER. THIS IS A MAN WHO CANNOT AIM TO SAVE HIS LIFE, BUT THE MIND GAMES. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS SOME KIND OF JEDI, AND HES GOING TO FORCE THROW THIS MATCH BECAUSE HE SUCKS. INTRODUCING THE TERRORIST TERROR, :siren:Opopanax:siren:!!!

WELCOME TO THE CHESS MATCH OF THE CENTURY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLACE YOUR BETS NOW! YOU CAN “##Bet T all”, “##Bet CT all”, or “##Abstain”. YOU CANT WIN IF YOU DONT PLAY. WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU WIN OR LOSE? STAY TUNED!

(the head winks at you and disappears like the great gazoo)

You have 24 hours to submit your choice in thread! No submission will be assumed to be an abstaining vote! Merk and Opopanax, you have 48 hours to complete a game. Good luck to you both.

ASAPRockySituation fucked around with this message at 01:38 on Jan 3, 2015

ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



uranus posted:

go is superior to chess in all ways except actually being able to find anyone to play it with

I bet you play GunZ

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ASAPRockySituation
May 9, 2010



*voice commands are suddenly replaced by the quirky green head's voice again*

IT SEEMS WE HAVE A WINNER! GIVE IT UP FOR YOUR GREASY DISGUSTING MONSTROSITY, CT MERK! HE HAS WON A SPECIAL PRIZE! BUT WE ARE GOOD SPORTS HERE, SO WE AREN'T GOING TO PENALIZE OUR FRIEND T OPOPANAX IN ANY WAY AT ALL! THAT'S RIGHT! HE GETS OFF SCOT FREE!

I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL WONDERING WHAT YOUR SUDDEN GAIN OR LOSS OF FUNDING IS GOING TO DO TO YOU IN A CS SERVER WITHOUT SHOOTING. THOSE OF YOU WHO BET INCORRECTLY ARE UNAFFECTED WHATSOEVER. THOSE OF YOU WHO BET YOUR SOULS FOR THE WINNER, HOWEVER, ARE :siren:LOVED FOR THE DAY:siren:! EVERYONE LOVES MONEY! LET'S GO COUNTERSTRIKE!!!

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