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Making breakfast? Being a loving father/mother to your kids? Being a tender lover? Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble? Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski Walking your dog? Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from?
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Dec 31, 2014 02:01
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My opinion 1. I would have to say Haruki Murakami easily takes this one 2. At first I was thinking pynchon but I'm not so sure because do I really want him to raise my children, what if he tried to teach them about sex by leaving out gravitys rainbow? Going to go with Faulkner on this one. 3. José Donoso but then again I'm sure that Frank O'Hara would keep things interesting 4.Stieg Larson quote:She drove to IKEA at Kungens Kurva and spent three hours browsing through the merchandise, writing down the item numbers she needed. She made a few quick decisions. 5.  6. Miguel de Cervantes or Tao Lin 7.David foster wallace but he can not come in the house to pick up/drop em off and I will mail his check. 8. I feel like Pynchon would have no idea right away, he would research and find out for me. I feel like its the effort that matters
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Dec 31, 2014 02:03
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Why would Haruki Murakami make the best breakfast? I'm only aware of him because my sister keeps trying to get me to read Norwegian Wood
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Dec 31, 2014 02:25
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Making breakfast? - Gertrude Stein Gertrude Stein posted:BREAKFAST. Being a loving father/mother to your kids? - Nathaniel Hawthorne; he understood empathy and he understood kids. Being a tender lover? - Walt Whitman Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? - Borges Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble? - No fair choosing Mishima. I guess I'll go with Hemingway. No, wait. Benvenuto Cellini. Benvenuto Cellini posted:Having got into the castle in this way, I attached myself to certain pieces of artillery, which were under the command of a bombardier called Giuliano Fiorentino. Leaning there against the battlements, the unhappy man could see his poor house being sacked, and his wife and children outraged; fearing to strike his own folk, he dared not discharge the cannon, and flinging the burning fuse upon the ground, he wept as though his heart would break, and tore his cheeks with both his hands. Some of the other bombardiers were behaving in like manner; seeing which, I took one of the matches, and got the assistance of a few men who were not overcome by their emotions. I aimed some swivels and falconets at points where I saw it would be useful, and killed with them a good number of the enemy. Had it not been for this, the troops who poured into Rome that morning, and were marching straight upon the castle, might possibly have entered it with ease, because the artillery was doing them no damage. I went on firing under the eyes of several cardinals and lords, who kept blessing me and giving me the heartiest encouragement. In my enthusiasm I strove to achieve the impossible; let it suffice that it was I who saved the castle that morning, and brought the other bombardiers back to their duty. Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski - Rimbaud Walking your dog? - Marianne Moore Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from? - Neal Stephenson
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Dec 31, 2014 03:20
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Mishima skipped leg day all the loving time, he'd get dominated.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:11
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Making Breakfast - Karl Ove Knausgård. Eating too much at breakfast makes me feel sluggish for the rest of the day. I can trust Karl Ove to keep it simple. Being a loving father/mother to your kids? - Saunders. There is a moral certainty in his work that makes me feel comforted. I would like my own children to have this sense of comfort. Plus I think he would have great "Dad" style jokes. Being a tender lover - Bronte. I didn't want to look for the umlaut key, sorry about misspelling her name. Anyway I don't think she ever took a lover, so I bet she would be really slow and gentle. That would work well for me. Building Ikea Furniture - Thackeray. This one is obvious. Royal Rumble - Bataille. I think if you gave him an opening he would probably just flip out and kill people, you know? Ounce of Weed - I want to also vote for Tao Lin, except I don't think he is an "okay" dude at all. He really isn't okay. Walking Your Dog - Sorry, I'm not a dog person at all. Evangelion Subs - Malcom Gladwell: 
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Jan 2, 2015 22:18
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the black husserl posted:Being a loving father/mother to your kids? - Saunders. There is a moral certainty in his work that makes me feel comforted. I would like my own children to have this sense of comfort. Plus I think he would have great "Dad" style jokes. Good call. the black husserl posted:Evangelion Subs - Malcom Gladwell: For a second I thought this was Georges Perec, who I would buy weed from, or allow to walk my dog
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Jan 3, 2015 15:36
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See? Georges Perec
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Jan 3, 2015 15:38
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I think that actually is Georges Perec.
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Jan 3, 2015 15:39
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Can't be. He said Malcolm Gladwell.
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Jan 3, 2015 15:39
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That's hosed up.
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Jan 3, 2015 15:40
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In answer to all of the OPs questions: G K Chesterton.
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Jan 3, 2015 15:41
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CestMoi posted:I think that actually is Georges Perec. 
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Jan 3, 2015 18:16
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Stravinsky posted:Making breakfast? -Marquez -that little fag Ginsberg, and I would whoop his rear end for it -I'll take marquis de Sade for his advanced tactical knowledge -flannery O'Connor -sun tzu -that little fag Kerouac, and I would whoop his rear end for it -the meticulous Mr. Nabokov -Pynchon obviously
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Jan 5, 2015 19:50
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Murakami tricked you into thinking he was your breakfast man by describing how to make pasta for 3 pages straight. poo poo ain't hard nigga you boil water and put a Lil oil in, get the poo poo al dente. Now Marquez will whip you up not only a flawlessly balanced mole sauce but also a perfect cup of south american Joe with locally sourced cream
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Jan 5, 2015 19:56
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Ooooh Saunders is a great call for being a good dad but I would pick Robert cormier for boys and Toni Morrison for looking after my daughters. If its a combo I gotta go with my main man Adolf Hitler of course
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Jan 5, 2015 20:01
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Stravinsky posted:Making breakfast? Leslie Knope quote:Being a loving father/mother to your kids? Ray Romano quote:Being a tender lover? G. K. Chesterton quote:Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? Lena Dunham quote:Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble? His Holiness the Dalai Lama quote:Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski Tom Wolfe quote:Walking your dog? I don't have a dog. If I did, the answer would have to depend on what kind of dog it was. quote:Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from? Cory Doctorow
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Jan 5, 2015 20:33
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Making breakfast? Knausgaard and Murakami come to mind first because they go on for pages and pages, but let's get real here. Neither of them is going to serve up a real breakfast. I don't want a tiny European portion of gravlax and a light cigarette, and I definitely don't want loving natto while a cat stares at me. [b]Larry McMurtry[b], though, now there's a writer who knows a good breakfast: homemade sourdough bread, thick slabs of bacon, beans cooked up by some mysterious Mexican, whiskey in a jug, maybe a quick poke at the saloon right after.
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Jan 5, 2015 21:16
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Stravinsky posted:Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? Probably the dude who wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance assuming the motorcycle maintenance was an actual thing he knew about and not metaphorical (I have not read it)
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Jan 5, 2015 23:17
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Thats still Perec dude
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Jan 6, 2015 00:09
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Big Anime Fan Here posted:-that little fag Ginsberg, and I would whoop his rear end for it There is zero chance in me procreating (micro penis w/ phimosis, extremely ugly and gay) but I would not let him anywhere near my children Big Anime Fan Here posted:Murakami tricked you into thinking he was your breakfast man by describing how to make pasta for 3 pages straight. poo poo ain't hard nigga you boil water and put a Lil oil in, get the poo poo al dente. Now Marquez will whip you up not only a flawlessly balanced mole sauce but also a perfect cup of south american Joe with locally sourced cream Are you saying you actually don't want pancakes with coke spilled all over them? Earwicker posted:Lena Dunham There's no way she would not throw a tantrum while doing this Stravinsky fucked around with this message at 01:14 on Jan 6, 2015 |
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Jan 6, 2015 00:18
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It actually turns out I once met tao lin at a christmas party a couple of years ago and the only thing I remember about him was that he kept hitting on underage girls and asked me five different times if I had any xanax
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Jan 6, 2015 00:20
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Well did you have any Xanax?
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Jan 6, 2015 09:07
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This is my favorite thread in the bookbarn, thanks Stravinsky
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Jan 6, 2015 11:45
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If I met Alan Ginsberg in real life I would beat his smug little rear end just on principle. I hate the beat generation so much
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Jan 6, 2015 11:46
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Big Anime Fan Here posted:This is my favorite thread in the bookbarn, thanks Stravinsky
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Jan 6, 2015 15:22
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I decided to do all sci-fi/fantasy authors for this, since that's 99% of The Book Barn anywayquote:Making breakfast? quote:Being a loving father/mother to your kids? quote:Being a tender lover? quote:Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? quote:Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble?  quote:Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski quote:Walking your dog? quote:Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from?
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Jan 6, 2015 15:27
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Stravinsky posted:Making breakfast? quote:Being a loving father/mother to your kids? quote:Being a tender lover? quote:Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? quote:Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble? quote:Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski quote:Walking your dog? quote:Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from?
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Jan 6, 2015 21:42
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Fellwenner posted:Well did you have any Xanax? Yes and he knew it but no way in hell was I going to give him any.
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Jan 8, 2015 05:21
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It's not that he saw it or heard it or anything but he was like a bloodhound when it came to pills
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Jan 8, 2015 05:23
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Let's use exclusively pre-modern authors.Stravinsky posted:Making breakfast? Giacomo Casanova quote:Being a loving father/mother to your kids? Snorri Sturluson quote:Being a tender lover? Shi Nai'an quote:Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? Herman Melville quote:Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble? Miyamoto Musashi quote:Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski Cornelius Tacitus quote:Walking your dog? Daniel Defoe quote:Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from? Niccolo Machiavelli
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Jan 8, 2015 06:30
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Stravinsky posted:Making breakfast? William Carlos Williams. Stravinsky posted:Being a loving father/mother to your kids? Thomas Hardy. Stravinsky posted:Being a tender lover? William Blake. Stravinsky posted:Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? Maximimilian Voloshin. Stravinsky posted:Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble? Ernest Hemingway. Stravinsky posted:Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski Christina Rosetti. Stravinsky posted:Walking your dog? Germaine de Staël.  Stravinsky posted:Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from? Ezra Pound!
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Jan 8, 2015 12:38
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Stravinsky posted:Making breakfast? William Carlos Williams quote:Being a loving father/mother to your kids? Beatrix Potter or Kenneth Grahame quote:Being a tender lover? Tough one. Lots of authors might be good lovers but I suspect most wouldn't be attentive, tender lovers, just because they're going to be thinking about their writing too much of the time. Edit: after consideration, Vladimir Nabokov, because of his attention to the small beautiful details. quote:Could build all of the ikea furniture in your apartment without getting frustrated? Steig Larrson would've been my pick even without that amazing quote above. quote:Who would win in a no-holds barred royal rumble? Yeah Mishima is the obvious answer unless he disqualifies himself and commits seppuku over some trivial failure halfway through the tournament. quote:Most likely to stiff you on a ounce of weed but you will still go to them because you know what they are ok dude whose parents own a jetski Knut Hamsun, except he's not an ok dude. quote:Walking your dog? Obvious best and only answer is James Herriott. Loves dogs and if there's a medical emergency during the walk he's right there to help. quote:Explaining which subs group is the best to get the evengalion rebuilds from? David Foster Wallace, no question. Hieronymous Alloy fucked around with this message at 16:40 on Jan 8, 2015 |
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Jan 8, 2015 16:37
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Stravinsky posted:It actually turns out I once met tao lin at a christmas party a couple of years ago and the only thing I remember about him was that he kept hitting on underage girls and asked me five different times if I had any xanax this is the second story i've heard from someone who met tao lin at a party and the other one is like this too (also he wanted to know whow as "in charge" of weird twitter)
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Jan 8, 2015 17:47
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Big Anime Fan Here posted:If I met Alan Ginsberg in real life I would beat his smug little rear end just on principle. I hate the beat generation so much wish they wer ethe beaten up generation haha
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Jan 8, 2015 17:49
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dogcrash truther posted:this is the second story i've heard from someone who met tao lin at a party and the other one is like this too (also he wanted to know whow as "in charge" of weird twitter) hahahahahah
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Jan 8, 2015 19:08
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I've never read any Tao Lin, but now I've heard these stories, I am sold.
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Jan 8, 2015 19:09
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he used to post in this very forum actually
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Jan 8, 2015 19:14
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Earwicker posted:he used to post in this very forum actually hahaha he posted pretending not to be himself. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3257918&userid=160190. Where should I start with this intriguing, and very cool, writer.
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Jan 8, 2015 19:29
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CestMoi posted:hahaha he posted pretending not to be himself. i used to work on barnes and noble's website and authors creating accounts to pose as "fans" or "reviewers" just people "looking for information" was sadly common. most of them were self-published authors of course not Literati like tao lin
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Jan 8, 2015 19:48
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