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  • Locked thread
Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should!

td19



Yay! Cyberpunk Fairy Tales and Religious High Fantasy! There's an adventure there for sure!


Yay! Buddy Cops and Zombies sound like a blast!

Fumblemouse posted:

Spin!

Spin!

Yay! Can't go wrong with either Dystopian Detective or Vampire Weird Fiction!


Yay! There is so much to do with Magical Realism and Historical Fiction! Excellent!


Yay! Supernatural Romance could be just the kick in the pants your writing career needs!

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Aug 25, 2015 around 19:31

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should!

td19


Here's all the people signed up so far:
WeLandedOnTheMoon!
Chairchucker
C7ty1
Killer-of-Lawyers
Jonked
epoch.
Broenheim
Martello
Thyrork
A Classy Ghost
HopperUK
Cingulate
Meinberg
Thranguy
Entenzahn
SlipUp
docbeard
Grizzled Patriarch
skwidmonster
Fumblemouse
Megazver
worlds_best_author
Sebmojo
J.A.B.C.
magnificent7
ravenkult
SadisTech
Djeser
spectres of autism
kurona_bright
SurreptitiousMuffin
Bompacho
Morning Bell
After The War
Nikaer Drekin
Obliterati
Kaiju15
JuniperCake
Halbey
jon joe
newtestleper
Ovaltine
Dr. Kloctopussy
N. Senada

I like it!

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Aug 28, 2015 around 17:16

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

In

J.A.B.C.
Jul 2, 2007

There's no need to rush to be an adult.


Put me IN, coach!

magnificent7
Sep 22, 2005

THUNDERDOME LOSER


I'm in, no tox. I'll take whatever.

ravenkult
Feb 3, 2011


yo, spin that bitch

SadisTech
Jun 26, 2013

Clem.


spin

Djeser
Mar 22, 2013



Hi I'm in

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should!

td19



Yay! Political intrigue and Bangsian Fantasy must be a dream come true for an imaginative writer!


Yay! Someone ordered up a Paranormal Police Drama! It was me!


Yay! Someone's going to create a delightful piece of Multicultural Military/War Fiction! It's you!


Yay! Finally! I think we've all wanted to see Fabulist Wuxia for a long time!


Yay! Who doesn't love Biopunk Chick-Lit? Sweet!

Djeser posted:

Spin!

Spin!

Yay! Cosmic Horror Children's Fantasy or a Lost World Historical Drama! The only downside is that you have to choose one!

ravenkult
Feb 3, 2011


spin!

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should!

td19



Yay! You decided to spin the wheel a second time! I hope you love Multicultural Spy-Fi because that's your other choice!

Thranguy
Apr 21, 2010

With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls,
For stony limits cannot hold
H U L K A M A N I A

SUPER SUMMERSLAM
THUNDERDOME 2019


I'll spin again, too.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


Judgeburps for Sins Week

Hi guys, I really enjoyed a lot of the stories this week, and the ones I didn't enjoy were mainly just inoffensively bland, rather than horrible plotless messes. Even the losing story was actually a story.

Now these are unedited, and in some cases they are somewhat mean-spirited. I have two excuses. The first is that there were a lot of words to judge, and the second is that I hate you personally.

They are also, in almost all cases, very short. I probably won't be posting any crits over and above these, but I would genuinely love to discuss your story in a more constructive way in IRC. Just hit em up via PM. If I'm at work it might take me a while to get back to you.

Oh- also these were all written prior to turning off judgemode.


Warring Within
Wrath

hubris.height
The author seemed to get bored of this story. It set up a simple conflict, a relationship that made us care, and then,
FIGHT
yadayada
REVOLUTION THE END
amazed this wasnít a situation where the author just ran out of words- it certainly felt like that. Dedove was a terrible name.
LOW MID/DM

Loomer
Spectres of Autism
[size=109]This is a cool story! I think the only issue I have with it is that the modern, laid back voice doesnít really interact with the other elements very well- it feel like there is slightly too much going on. I like that you ďwoveĒ LOLZ a real plot in to this monologue in a way that kept it interesting, kept the action ticking over.
[size=109]High mid/HM

Capitalism is the one true ideology of Freedom
Wrath
Jonked
This would have benefited from section breaks.
Ayn Rand is a bit of an easy target, and used here as a sort of short-hand for Ďthis guy is a jerkí.
You actually had me with the doll stuff, but I am an easy target for stuff about little kids atm.
THere was noone to root for in this story. Unlikeable characters. Prose fine, though.
MID

Aptera
Lust.
HopperUK[/size]
The opening paragraph was very good, and while there were a few pieces that were a little flat, this was a great story overall. Really lush imagery, and a story arc that was compact while spanning ages.[/size]
HM

Her Caged Song
Lust
dmboogie
This was oddly emotionally disconnected for a story about love. It WASNíT about lust at all. The actual story arc was qute nice, completely competent. There was at least one proofreading error, and Rahul was confusing.
MID

Gut Instinct
Gluttony
Screaming Idiot
doesnít really start until just before the section break.
farted wetly.
This is 90% setup, then an unearned punchline that skips all of the interesting action.
LOW MID/DM

Closing Day
Wrath
Poshalligator
There wasnít enough setup to the shadowy G-men coming in, but the opening wasnít too important. This lived and died by the action scene, and it wasnít clear enough for me to follow. Cool idea, but Iím not sure I like the ending. I think there are problems with inconsistent tone- I think I would have liked the silliness to be pushed and the ultraviolence to be jettisoned.
Low mid

Divided we Orbit
Greed
anime was right
I enjoyed this story from start to finish, even though Iíve seen the ďdivide the roomĒ thing on saturday morning cartoons and sit-coms. It was funny when I found out the narrator was the insane one, and the way their insanity just escalated and escalated further was great. This is a great way to do flash, just pushing things as far as you reasonably can, and finishing with a skinny fist raised to the sky.
Win/HM

Saved by the Bear
Sloth
Divided We orbit
This was boring, and took ages to get going before it got to stuff happening. I think the problem with it was that it didnít evoke her mental health issues very well, so it was hard to be invested in the story. Some clunky prose, too.
Mid

Mamaís Beautiful Boy
Gluttony
Mons hubris
I liked this story quite a bit. I think it needed a bit more action, like maybe some kind of a struggle to get the keys. I also didnít quite feel the love between the protag and Teddy, but maybe that is intentional- she was rescuing him because she knew she needed to.
High Mid

Sleep, a Song, then Sleep again
Sloth
Broenheim
This was an okay childrenís story. I like that he didnít realise monkeyís lesson till he applied it to bird. Sloth was kinda unlikeable right from the start, which hurt the story a bit as well.
Mid

The Gentlewoman Caller
Sloth
Thyrork
I didnít understand what letter she was looking for. This could be a perfectly reasonable adventure story- it has all the elements- the problem is the prose is reallyÖ. prosaic. Itís not slick, itís not interesting, there is no surprising detail or anything to make the words sing in any way. I mean this is fine but I think this is one of those ones where the only prescription is read more because thereís no music here.
Mid

Sins and Stones
Lust
Morning Bell
This moves so quickly that we never get a chance to know the characters. Needs to drop half the plot or more, tell less, and give us some interesting detail to connect us to it. It sounds sort of like a high school history textbook at the moment.
Low MId

The Kill.
Gluttony
magnificent7
This story is revolting, and not in an interesting way. Describing someoneís hair as poo poo-brown really turned me off your protagonist, and none of the other characters are interesting enough to pull off their awfulness either. This was just drab and dingy and not in a good way.
DM candidate

July 2026, Sestercentennial Fireworks
Wrath
Thranguy
I actually kinda liked this. I like the way the characters movements are sort of assumed- it reminded me a bit of the chaos caused by the heath ledger joker. I would have liked the motivations to be clearer, I think, to connect me more to whatís going on.
High mid


Aspiration
Sloth
epoch.
I really wanted to hate this, with the stilted drug and video game references, but I didnít really. The protag was a little obvious, but his actions were interesting. I would have liked to delve more into his exís parting statement - it seemed likely to be something that was said in a hollow way, but it was treated very straight.
The prose isnít quite there. There were actually some lovely lines, such as ďTears cut a shiny river on her impeccable makeup,Ē but this is another one where the writerís feeling for flow still seems to be developing, as well as some poor word choice, using overly dramatic words where simple ones would serve.
Mid

In the Land of the Blind
Envy
C7ty1
So this is a super cool setting with absolutely wretched execution, plot, character, etc etc etc etc. Wtf happens? what does he find? What is he loving done with? This is vague and terrible. Even the detail of the braille makes no sense- you can see the bumps! They correspond directly to letters!
What is he doing writing in his cellar? GAH STUPID.
DM/LOSS

All That Glitters
Greed
N. Senada
This is a very workmanlike story. Itís annoying that itís comprised of two car crashes, without that really being thematically important. There is a small amount of characterization. I would have liked to see the meeting between greg and Ollie, instead of having to fill in the blanks.
MID

War Pigs of Mars
Wrath
Martello
There are SO MANY WEAPON NAMES. I actually think the writing was very competent but any plot got lost behind the endless sci-fi weapon words and corporation names. Laying it on a bit less thick will let the story come to the fore.
MID

Debt
Greed
After the War
This was a really good story, apart from one thing: I didnít understand the narratorís motivation. It didnít actually kill the story- it was still good, with good use of voice and a really interesting plot, but it meant that the ending didnít really have as much impact- the bit where Ed dies seems like the real ending.
HM candidate

Rainmaker
Lust
docbeard
Thereís a bit too much going on here for me to follow. The storm is some sort of ET/other dimensional being whoís in love with the protagonist. He asked for rain, and boy did she give it to him in spades. Thereís casey as well- he goes with her after the storm leaves him? something like that?
I like the writing here, but itís packing a bit too much in for my taste.
MID

Whatís theirs is mine
Envy
A Classy Ghost
This is so dull dull dull. Why does it even matter theyíre on a spaceship? Everything sci-fi about it was bad. I couldnít DM it, but itís a pointless boring story. Also the main character was horrible, and the plot made little sense. Okay I just convinced myself to put it in DM contention.
DM

The Opening of Rodeo Hercules
Lust
Benny Profane
This is a pretty fun thing. Itís gross, but hilarious. Would have been better suited to robot week, but it still fits the prompt well enough. This is borderline HM contention for me, just because of how well paced it was. Some of the humour was maybe a little too OTT for me, but I think thatís just a personal taste matter.
HMÖ...just

Would you please step into the box
Sloth
WLOTM
I donít see where the sloth is here, really.
Also there are major clarity issues throughout, and some errors in the prose.
Apart from that this is fine. It has decent bones, just the execution is poor.
MID

The Sepulcher Out of Sea
Envy
Grizzled patriarch
Arrr, tis a fine tale. Seriously though this moves with a really nice pace, and the dead captain is really creepy and enigmatic. It suggests greater, deeper horrors in an almost lovecraftian way. A very very solid story.
HM/Win

For Mine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory, For Ever and Ever Amen
Pride
Obliterati
This was a pretty decent adventure tale. I like the idea, though i was a little unclear as to why the soldiers joined him (because they werenít palace guards and therefore under the control of the evil Vizier?)
High Mid

August Widows Anonymous
Envy
Ironic Twist
I think this story is good, and that it will need a bit of time to settle with me. The depiction of the interactions of the women is very precise and interesting, and the whisky cubes are such a nice, surprising detail that they carry the thematic weight well.
I just donít understand why CHarlie reminded her so much of her husband. I re-read a few times and I still couldnít piece it together.
HM candidate maybe

Eternity
Envy
Bompacho
This was so annoying. Just sort of catty back and forth not-very-witty dialogue with loads of cute look-at-me-iím-omnipotent annoyingness. Didnít really have a plot at all, and really no redeeming features.
DM

Stalking Bathory
Wrath
Fuschia Tude
ďa specific fruitĒ
Of the straightforward action/adventure stories this was among the top half. It still wasnít that interesting. This is something I find hard, too- making an actiony, plot driven flash that hangs together thematically as well. Itís a lot of moving parts to fit into a small space. You missed out on the theme.
MID

Paper Jam
Sloth
Killer-of-Lawyers
So meta, but when I give it some time it it is actually not as obvious one might think. Thereís not really a story here, but I think it actually works as a vignette, because of how easygoing and how the references, while glaring, are not approached directly- there is no moral to this story. It actually reminds me a bit of some of the less annoying moments of linklater films in a way. Itís easy to wax on about this because the writing is effortless and light- it doesnít try to do a whole lot but does it well. I really have no loving idea, but this is very memorable regardless of where it places.
???

Night Swimming
Wrath
skwidmonster
This is a good one. I enjoyed the characters, though I would have liked to have seen the dad struggling with his condition more during the caper. Hereís an adventure story that combines theme and action really well. Iím guessing Benny P.
HM candidate.

Summer Broken
Pride
Erogenous Beef
I really like this apart from the ending. I really identified with Sandy, and I donít feel like the photo redeems whatís happened to her enough for her to just accept her fate like that, despite the thematic stuff with dead eddie.
Thatís a bit of a nitpick- itís a nice coming of age kind of story.
HM

I found a bird when I lost God but maybe I found God again later Iím not sure I guess we'll have to wait and see
Envy
Tyrannosaurus
Wow this is great. For a start i rolled my eyes and thought it would be another cliche TD anti-religion story, and to an extent it IS, but the main character is handled so incredibly deftly that I couldnít stop reading. The depiction of depression is so insidious, it is extremely powerful.
Win

Ken & Jake
Pride
SlipUp
Wow. So we go from the peak of a story that is beautiful and sensitive in its depiction of people struggling with their sexuality, to one with all the subtlety of a handful of batteries in a sock. This is truly awful. THe dialogue between the mum and Jake in the middle made me want to gag. At the end I kept wondering where the story would deviate from its horrifically predictable path, and it just never did. The storyline itself is no more played out that in ďI found a birdĒ, but it just goes to show that itís all in the execution. In this case hopefully itís you who gets executed.
Loss

Goeth Before
Pride
SadisTech
This is really cool. The action at the end is unexpected, yet it makes perfect sense. I get a really powerful feeling for the enormous sense of drive that these two have. It all seems plausible but still incredibly dramatic.
HM/Win

Just So
Pride
Fumblemouse
THis was really confusing. Were the scourge actually a thing? Why were people spontaneously vaporizing? What was the thing with the antlers? This was all a bit of a mess.
DM

The Maskless Man
Pride
Crabrock
The start of this is fantastic, well observed and funny and completely horrifying. The meeting with the Mum is bit less so, then the ending is bad - all so nicely wrapped up. Overall this is a MID but it runs the gamut from HM to DM across it.

Soul Food
Greed
curlingiron
I liked this, but I think it flubbed the ending- it needed to be more immediately, viscerally, shocking and horrifying. It also needed to be telegraphed a bit less. The rest of it did well at making us feel his psychosis.
MID

Actually, Itís About Ethics.
Greed
Entenzahn
This was pretty sweet and nice. I didnít like the way the distraction was yadayadaíd. It was a really nice depiction of the childís headspace.
MID

Soapy Smith
Pride
kurona_bright
This was another story that committed the sin of boredom. There was just nothing interesting or surprising about it.
Mid

newtestleper fucked around with this message at Aug 25, 2015 around 21:31

take the moon
Feb 12, 2011



spin

kurona_bright
Mar 21, 2013


Fumblemouse posted:

According to the cyborg's number crunch thing:

Newt ranked Kurona_bright above me in score
Sebmojo ranked us the same in score but me above k_b in ranking
You, Blood Queen, gave us both the same very low score. But you must have hated one of us more.

(and in your dark heat of hearts, it was Kurona_bright, wasn't it?)
I'm a bit scared to know the answer.


So spin me up!

PoshAlligator
Jan 9, 2012

When SEO just isn't enough.


Fuschia tude posted:

Karma, what?

You have as many DMs and losses as me on 2/3 as many stories. The meaning of that is clear to me, but since it's apparently not to you, let's settle this one on one, without any of those pesky "other, better writers" getting in the way.

I'm if you are

You're correct, I've managed to acquire just as many harsh lessons as you much faster.

If anything I'm glad I got handed the DM this week as now you have no excuses.

I'm prepared to on this too. Let's lay 'em down.

Anyone want to step up to the plate with officiating this Brawl?

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010


You poor deluded fool, you made a handout week. Enjoy judging 50+ entries.

In with a .

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should!

td19



Yay! Thanks for a second spin! I know that Southern Gothic Biopunk is just the genre mashup this world needs to read!


Yay! Cosmic Horror and Ghosts/Hauntings is sure to be a spooky delight!


Yay! Medical Drama and Weird Fiction sound like two really fun things to play with!


Yay! Both Supernatural Medical Drama and Zombie Wuxia have the makings of something great! Good for you!

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at Aug 25, 2015 around 21:43

docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





Fuschia tude posted:

Karma, what?

PoshAlligator posted:

Anyone want to step up to the plate with officiating this Brawl?

How you doin'

Posh Tude 2015 - This Time It May Or May Not Be Personal

Ghosts. Secrets. Indecision. Using these elements, tell me a real story, with real characters (plural) and real stakes. Between 750 and 1750 words.

Due no later than 5 AM CST on September 4, 2015. Sadly, I will likely be awake, but if not, I can read timestamps and do simple math, and there will be no leniency. You're both toxxed and I can learn from the past.

docbeard fucked around with this message at Aug 26, 2015 around 16:20

hubris.height
Jan 6, 2005



Pork Pro


Hey! Thanks for the crit! You read right between the lines and found the truth behind the curtain.

Bompacho
Nov 28, 2005


I'm ready for a twin spin . Put me in with a


------------------------------------------------
Through some inexplicable mercy on behalf of the judges. I dodged the envy DM despite having the lowest score so heads up:

Grizzled Patriarch
Tyrannosaurus
A Classy Ghost
C7ty1
Ironic Twist

Crits coming your way.

Morning Bell
Feb 23, 2006



Illegal Hen

In
edit: with a , spin me twice

Morning Bell fucked around with this message at Aug 25, 2015 around 23:32

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Fumblemouse posted:

According to the cyborg's number crunch thing:

Newt ranked Kurona_bright above me in score
Sebmojo ranked us the same in score but me above k_b in ranking
You, Blood Queen, gave us both the same very low score. But you must have hated one of us more.

(and in your dark heat of hearts, it was Kurona_bright, wasn't it?)

eh, the mouse wins by the skin of his tail.

kurona_bright
Mar 21, 2013


Sitting Here posted:

eh, the mouse wins by the skin of his tail.

Better start recording, then.

(Any particular story you want to hear, Fumblemouse?)

Fumblemouse
Mar 21, 2013


STANDARD
DEVIANT


Grimey Drawer

Sitting Here posted:

eh, the mouse wins by the skin of his tail.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSsssss!!!

I always felt that what the ThunderDome needed was more readings of my work in "whiny baby voices". And now we take the first step to achieving that purest of dreams.

Get on right that, K_b.



Fumblemouse fucked around with this message at Aug 26, 2015 around 00:35

Fumblemouse
Mar 21, 2013


STANDARD
DEVIANT


Grimey Drawer

kurona_bright posted:

Better start recording, then.

(Any particular story you want to hear, Fumblemouse?)

Surprise me. And do voices, too!

After The War
Apr 12, 2005

to all of my Architects
let me be traitor


In. Spin.

a new study bible!
Feb 1, 2009



BIG DICK NICK
A Philadelphia Legend
Fly Eagles Fly


Fumblemouse posted:

Surprise me. And do voices, too!

I'd like to hear Embryo

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019


Broenheim posted:

Alright, so by estimations, these are the people I currently owe crits to. If there are any mistakes (aka you stole a flash rule and didn't say so before hand or in your submission), inform me by Wednesday midnight PST or I will assume I am correct and not give you a crit. preferably through SA PMs, if not available try to get my attention in IRC. also if you're part of or will be a part of this list and did not submit then gently caress you buddy, submit on time. also also please dont quote this big text of bullshit you assholes.

crits for the ers
slip-up
swarm (actually nvm he dead now)
pootietang (he's dead too, wow. some people just cant handle their s)
N. senada (not dead actually, nvm)
Me

crits for the flash rule stealers
hubris.height
dmboogie
PoshAlligator
Thyrork
Thranguy
C7ty1
Martello
Obliterati
Fuschia tude
Killer-of-Lawyers
skwidmonster
Fumblemouse
crabrock
curlingiron
Entenzahn

Line-by-lines for ing and stealing flash rules
A Classy Ghost
spectres of autism
Jonked
After The War

which brings me to... 20 stories I have to read (excluding mine and the people who can't write a 1.2k story in a week). Great work everyone, I can't wait to kill myself read all your stories

here you go everyone

https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


Thanks for the crit

Nikaer Drekin
Oct 11, 2012


And Nikaer Drekin makes his (presumably) long-awaited return to the THUNDERDOME!! I'm in for this week.

Fuschia tude
Dec 26, 2004

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019




Thanks bro

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Nikaer Drekin posted:

And Nikaer Drekin makes his (presumably) long-awaited return to the THUNDERDOME!! I'm in for this week.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should!

td19


Bompacho posted:

Spin!

Spin!


Yay! One the one hand you have Hard-Boiled Sports Fiction and on the other is High Fantasy Thriller! Both great hands!


Yay! I was hoping someone would get Heroic Fantasy Medical Drama or Detective Fiction Police Drama and here you got both! Choose the one you like the best!


Yay! Grimdark Urban Fantasy! What a wonderful mash up! Congratulations!


Yay! You came back just in time to receive Alternate History Disaster Fiction! What luck!

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

epoch. posted:

I'm just gonna say this once: If your lust story gives me an actual boner, I will give you a line-by-line critique of anything you loving want that you have written*

* up to 5,000 words.

? well

e: also, spin me again trex.

sebmojo fucked around with this message at Aug 26, 2015 around 11:28

epoch.
Jul 24, 2007

When people say there is too much violence in my books, what they are saying is there is too much reality in life.


sebmojo posted:

? well

e: also, spin me again trex.

I've only read two so far. No luck yet not even a chub.

After The War
Apr 12, 2005

to all of my Architects
let me be traitor


newtestleper posted:

Judgeburps for Sins Week



Thanks, y'alls is awesome.

Thyrork
Apr 21, 2010



WARNING:
Crushes tea, and tea-related rebels.


Slippery Tilde

After The War posted:

Thanks, y'alls is awesome.

What this goon said.

newtestleper
Oct 30, 2003


Judgebrawl

SlipUp - this brawl's for you to judge as penance for your sins against good taste.

**edited out for submission**

newtestleper fucked around with this message at Aug 31, 2015 around 08:40

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

I got a boner last week, but it wasn't related to any stories. Just thought I'd keep everybody updated.

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