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  • Locked thread
Cache Cab
Feb 21, 2014


Sorry to bother the thread again, but how do I get another avatar? My last one was not very pleasant and I feel like it misrepresented my views about child rearing, but it at least made it easy to find my posts in threads. I like to be able to scroll through a thread quickly and find my last post so that I can continue reading the rest of the thread from that point. Without an avatar, it is very hard to find my last post because I have to read all the names. I have looked in my settings but I do not see anything. At the top of the page there is a link to pay for premium avatars, but I just want a basic one with an icon. Thank you.

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HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Clear off, fatso, this is a respectable establishment





Fallen Rib

Cache Cab posted:

Sorry to bother the thread again, but how do I get another avatar? My last one was not very pleasant and I feel like it misrepresented my views about child rearing, but it at least made it easy to find my posts in threads. I like to be able to scroll through a thread quickly and find my last post so that I can continue reading the rest of the thread from that point. Without an avatar, it is very hard to find my last post because I have to read all the names. I have looked in my settings but I do not see anything. At the top of the page there is a link to pay for premium avatars, but I just want a basic one with an icon. Thank you.

this is not a very good story.

Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?


HopperUK posted:

this is not a very good story.

I've read worse.

I've written worse.

StealthArcher
Jan 10, 2010

This post is a problem I can't live with. And I'm fucking dead.
- Norman "Sweetheart" Rockwel



Nap Ghost

Cache Cab posted:

Sorry to bother the thread again, but how do I get another avatar? My last one was not very pleasant and I feel like it misrepresented my views about child rearing, but it at least made it easy to find my posts in threads. I like to be able to scroll through a thread quickly and find my last post so that I can continue reading the rest of the thread from that point. Without an avatar, it is very hard to find my last post because I have to read all the names. I have looked in my settings but I do not see anything. At the top of the page there is a link to pay for premium avatars, but I just want a basic one with an icon. Thank you.

Congrats, that's the basic avatar.

That'll be 5 bucks.

E: Hah, your post history in here speaks volumes. I've written in REAL books you gaiz how dare you not give me all the wins

Megazver
Jan 13, 2006


Cache Cab posted:

Sorry to bother the thread again, but how do I get another avatar? My last one was not very pleasant and I feel like it misrepresented my views about child rearing, but it at least made it easy to find my posts in threads. I like to be able to scroll through a thread quickly and find my last post so that I can continue reading the rest of the thread from that point. Without an avatar, it is very hard to find my last post because I have to read all the names. I have looked in my settings but I do not see anything. At the top of the page there is a link to pay for premium avatars, but I just want a basic one with an icon. Thank you.

CTRL + F

Type in Cache Cab.

Or press the star in the top left corner of a thread page. This makes you subscribe to it. Then go to http://forums.somethingawful.com/usercp.php (it's a link up top). It'll give a button to read from the first new post.

I am one helpful motherfucker.

Blue Wher
Apr 27, 2010

The Smart Baseball Dargon Sez:

"Baseball is chaos!"

His bat is signed by Carl "Yaz" Yastrzemski


Sorry for missing my toxx. I've been stressed out as gently caress for a few days and I'm not 100% sure why, but it was enough to keep me from working on my story. I honestly forgot how quickly the deadline was coming up until I was almost asleep last night.

Dunno if I'll be able to afford the right now, so I may be gone a while.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Kaishai
Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.

Cache Cab posted:

Sorry to bother the thread again, but how do I get another avatar? My last one was not very pleasant and I feel like it misrepresented my views about child rearing, but it at least made it easy to find my posts in threads. I like to be able to scroll through a thread quickly and find my last post so that I can continue reading the rest of the thread from that point. Without an avatar, it is very hard to find my last post because I have to read all the names. I have looked in my settings but I do not see anything. At the top of the page there is a link to pay for premium avatars, but I just want a basic one with an icon. Thank you.

Short of losing Thunderdome or inspiring someone to give you one out of friendliness or spite, there's no way of which I'm aware to get a free avatar. If the issue is one of keeping track of posts, Megazver's suggestion should work, or you can jump to the earliest unread post in a thread by clicking the number to the right of its name on the subforum index.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

crabrock posted:

Brawl: WherMonster

oh hey u guys.

Ok so here's the score, both of you have 6 stories that haven't been DQed for some reason. Both of you have 1 brawl loss. One of you has 2 DMs, and the other has nothing. Slight advantage to BlueWher, but easily anybody's brawl here, so don't save this til the last minute, and ACTUALLY WRITE YOUR rear end OFF.

Prompt: too little, too late.

that's it. do with that what you will, but god dammit if I can't see that in your story I'll be loving angry.

words: 800

due: Wednesday, June 17, 2015 11:59 pm EST.

Skwid, looks like Bluewher is gonna eat a toxx and get banned, so you'll probably win by default (unless this is an elaborate ruse to get you to give up). Still, you should work on your story and post it by the deadline and I'll give you an in-depth crit.

or if it's the worst story i've ever read I'll make you lose to nobody.


NEVERMIND, BRAWL IS ON.

crabrock fucked around with this message at Jun 15, 2015 around 19:56

Blue Wher
Apr 27, 2010

The Smart Baseball Dargon Sez:

"Baseball is chaos!"

His bat is signed by Carl "Yaz" Yastrzemski


I should have never accepted my first brawl! I knew it was a bad idea at the time, even.

God drat I am so frustrated. Sorry.

E: IRC is convincing me to write for this brawl. So I will try to put up something.

Blue Wher fucked around with this message at Jun 15, 2015 around 19:20

hubris.height
Jan 6, 2005



Pork Pro

theblunderbuss posted:

Honour Among Thieves, or Two Short Fights And Some Filler
1,488 words

OK, so I’ve finished reading this, and I’m not entirely sure how to put into words exactly what I feel is wrong with this story. The character of the narration and the charm of the way its written wears out its welcome at about 75% of the way in. I’m not sure how they are on an iceberg after the titanic sinks, I’m not sure why they’re having a conversation. I’m not sure why the Titanic is sinking and they don’t really have anything to say about it. Is it the actual Titanic, or is the character just trying to be cheeky? That’s part of the problem with the narration joking with the reader, it’s really hard to know what is real. The joke becomes what the setting is, without some kind of clear communication like looking at the name of the boat in the distance.

The Good:

-Charming Narration
I really liked how the main character was paling about with the reader, I think that there are a few genuinely good moments in the way the character thinks that are fun to read.

-Opening Action had me smiling
It was fun to read and it had a lot of fun stuff in it. It’s the highlight of the entire story.

The Bad:

-Ending
I’m not sure what your ending is. The main character doesn’t kill her, and he just chills on an ice berg with this lady and her two unconscious goons, presumably while the boat is sinking nearby?

-The middle
There isn’t really an explanation for how leaving behind a pearl necklace is setting them up, and I’m not sure why they had to just jump from the window, if they had some kind of entrance plan in the first place that wasn’t just walking in the front door? Even if they didn’t, presumably whoever set them up would have police crawling around all over the outside of the building too.

StealthArcher
Jan 10, 2010

This post is a problem I can't live with. And I'm fucking dead.
- Norman "Sweetheart" Rockwel



Nap Ghost

crabrock posted:

Skwid, looks like Bluewher is gonna eat a toxx and get banned, so you'll probably win by default (unless this is an elaborate ruse to get you to give up). Still, you should work on your story and post it by the deadline and I'll give you an in-depth crit.

or if it's the worst story i've ever read I'll make you lose to nobody.

Crabs ol fruit, I don't really give a goddamn about winning or losing the run this week, I just want to know if you're hatred of Benny lives on through my write/voiceup.

Blue Wher
Apr 27, 2010

The Smart Baseball Dargon Sez:

"Baseball is chaos!"

His bat is signed by Carl "Yaz" Yastrzemski


Blue Wher vs Skwidmonster Brawl
441 words

The young man sighed as he flopped into his chair and opened up his laptop. Just like every other day for the past week, it was going to hit triple digits outside, so he was sure to spend his entire day inside to escape the ridiculous heat.

Check email. Check Facebook. Check various other sites. He repeated these steps several times, entirely stupefied by the internet. It didn’t really matter for the time being, there was really nothing else to do other than to find any way to waste time for the boring, miserable day. Perhaps one day there’d be an opportunity to do something else - preferably getting a job, though all the applications he had sent in seemed to be going nowhere - but for now, he was stuck at home, with usually very little to occupy his time.

It was already past noon when a thought struck him: he was supposed to meet his best friend over an hour ago for brunch! He grabbed his phone, palms sweating, and took called his friend.

“Oh, there you are, Brandon,” came a frustrated voice from the other end of the phone.

“Sorry, Adam,” Brandon said, “I got distracted this morning. Been a bit miserable. Do you still wanna eat and hang out?”

His friend sighed. “I guess we could hang out for a little while. Meet me at the mall ASAP.”

“I’ll be there as fast as I can,” Brandon said. He hung up the phone, and hurried to dress into something decent. He put on plenty of deodorant and baby powder to try and mask the fact that he didn’t shower before he rushed out the door and into his car.

The heat of the car in the sun quickly made him sweat profusely, and it took several minutes of driving for the air conditioner to get up to speed and cool him down. By then, he was already almost at the mall, and he was quickly thrust back into the heat when he got out of his car.

By the time he found Adam in the mall, sweat stained his shirt. “Sorry, I’m here.”

Adam gave him a sad look. “I’m glad you’re here, but I just got a phone call from my sister. I have to go pick her up from the airport. Guess we’ll have to catch up some other time.”

Brandon sighed. “Yeah, sure. Sorry, man. Catch you later.”

Adam left, and Brandon had no desire to stay and look around the mall, so he, too, returned home to sit on the computer to try and dull the sting of disappointment of his ruined day.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

StealthArcher posted:

Crabs ol fruit, I don't really give a goddamn about winning or losing the run this week, I just want to know if you're hatred of Benny lives on through my write/voiceup.

my hatred of you using the wrong form of your is alive and strong at least.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Cache Cab posted:

If somebody could give me a critique I would appreciate it, only please make sure to say things in plain English, because most of the time I cannot understand what the person is trying to say. Keep in mind that I did not go to college and have very little understanding in terms of writing jargon, and I don't know why things have made you confused. Its your brain I can't make you understand something even when I wrote it clearly. Just tell me your favorite parts of my story or maybe if there is a section that you do not like, but in all honesty I probably can't delete it out before I send it to publishers because that will make the story even more confusing for people who already understand it and like it.
Sure.

Cache Cab posted:

The Termolenator
1500 /1500 words

My father is tripping on LSD, splashing around in a kiddie pool wearing arm floaties, when the President steps up to the podium. Your opening paragraph should be either striking or informative; preferably both. This is more striking than informative but implies a fair bit of the relationship between the narrator and his father so I give it the okay.

“Dad! The President’s speech is on!” I call from inside the apartment we share. Cracks in the plaster run the length of every wall, a side effect from the “settling” that New York City has been experiencing. Each time the Earth groans and shakes, the city falls a few inches. Presumably a ground floor apartment.

“You mean the guy who ignores all the warnings I’ve been trying to give him?” asks my father.

I roll my eyes at him.

“My fellow Americans,” the president starts. “Our scientists have worked tirelessly to study the settling phenomenon. They have discovered a large abyss beneath New York. We do not know how deep it goes, but because of global warming, the thin crust over the abyss has started to collapse.” You try to dress this up as the presidential address but it's still the same tired old trick of the television conveniently talking about what's most pressing to the story. This at least has the benefit of being a major event so why not the headline of a discarded newspaper?

Also you'd think most people would clear out of New York after learning this. I'm surprised there's not panic in the streets.

My father stands dripping wet in the doorway. “Bullshit,” he says. “Global warming’s fake. It’s the mole people.”

“Not again with that, please Dad,” I say.

My father already can’t hold down a job or have a steady relationship. He went missing for a few days back in ‘69. We found him in a manhole that somebody had forgotten to cover. Now I’ve got to support his crazy rear end when I should be focusing on my boxing career. Show, don't tell.

The ground rumbles, cutting off the power. It’s stronger than the previous quakes.

“The mole people are attacking!” He runs into the living room and to his old Army trunk.

“God dammit, dad, there’s no such thing as--”

The ground lurches. I make my way over to our government-installed handles that are fastened to the walls. I give mine a sturdy shake, and grip it tight. So the government was concerned enough to install these things but not evacuate anybody?

My father tucks something from the crate into his pants and runs to his handle. He grabs it, but it comes off the wall. “I think my screws are a little loose.” lol

Before I can say anything, the ground gives out underneath us. It doesn’t stop. We are free falling amongst the bottles and empty pizza boxes that had been stacked around our living room. I see my boxing gloves and reach out for them.

“This isn’t the time to be playing your little games,” my father shouts. “We have to disguise ourselves!” my father yells over the noise.

I look out the window to see the blue skies and clouds replaced by a looming shadow. The rim of the crater blocks the sun. The entire city falls.

“Disguise ourselves?” I say. “From gravity?”

“No! From the mole people!” My dad pushes off the floating couch and flies out the front door. I can see him hanging on to the grass as his feet trail behind him toward the surface. He rips out large sections of the lawn and smears the wet dirt on his body. “Trust me, son.” He rips out large sections of the lawn and smears the wet dirt on his body with one hand while holding on to a tuft of grass while free falling. New Yorkers must grow the strongest grass in the world.

I expect us to smash into the bottom of the abyss at any second, but to my surprise the city suddenly lurches and I slam into the ground. The sound of screeching metal and snapping rocks forces me to cover my ears, but within a few seconds the city grinds to a halt. I stand up and run outside. Why is our narrator not injured in any way?

My father is still smearing dirty over his skin. “They can’t see good, only smell,” he says. “You have to smell like a mole!” Why is our narrator's father not injured in anyway? Holding on to the ground one-handed, his feet trailing behind him towards the surface, he should slam straight down into his face.

I don’t say anything, and wonder if I can find his meds our mess of an apartment. Why is our narrator incapable of expressing any emotion other than disdain for his father? The entire city just collapsed into a hole and he isn't freaked out or scared or bewildered or anything. This is presumably a much more interesting/strange/unnerving experience than his dad being crazy, which is implicitly all the time. Gotta get them pills though, sheesh dad, you're embarrassing me in the apocalypse.

He looks at me with sad, tripping-the-gently caress-out puppy-dog eyes. “Please, for me?”

“Fine,” I said, “as long as you stay with me and promise not to wander off.” Last thing I need today is to have him fall to his death through another manhole. I sit down next to him on the lawn and grab a handful of dirt. There are worms wriggling around in it, and I close my eyes and stick out my tongue when I rub it on my leg. “Yuck!” Why is our narrator twelve? Why is he failing to act like any real human being would act in this situation? His father at least has the excuse of tripping balls. New York collapsing into a crater with millions potentially dead and our lives in danger, yes well, but smearing dirt on my legs EW GROSS.

My disgust is interrupted by the thumping of helicopter blades overhead.

“We’re saved!” I shout, but my dad shakes his head.

“Smear faster!” he says. “Don’t look up!”

One of our neighbors runs out of his house or did you mean apartment?, waving his arms at the helicopter. “Help! I’m alive!” he screams. At least someone in this story is reacting normally to a disaster.

Out of the ground moves three brown streaks. Hmm, descriptive. They tackle the man to the ground, and gnaw his face off. He screams as blood pools on the sidewalk. The helicopter turns and through the window I see a mole person. I shake my head and smear the dirt on even faster. Why is our narrator such a tool?

After they finish feeding, the moles stand up and notice us. My first instinct is to run back into the house and grab my gloves. But not anything from my dad's army chest. They’re fast, but I think I could make it and knock them out. I sit up on my knees and get ready to make a break for it. So his father's just been vindicated, we're inside his head, and he doesn't have a thought to spare on this development?

My father grabs my arm. “No,” he whispers. “Let me handle this. I’ve learned their customs.” When. How.

I sit back down. The moles sniff the air and scamper over to us. They surround us, three hulking bodies of matted hair, long claws, and milky eyes.

My father stands up and nods to them. “Sup?” he says.

I cringe, sure they’ll eat us. Why is our robot acting like a wait, nevermind. They smell like dirt and death, and still have entrails hanging from their jaws. But instead of eating us, the moles nod back to my father. “You smell like human,” says the lead mole.

“Yes, I ate many humans today.”

“Good,” says the lead mole. “We will finish eating all the humans down here, and then attack the surface.”

The lead mole has the thickest, longest whiskers, and stands a head taller than the other mole people. His blood-soaked fur is shinier and more luxurious than the others. On his waist he wears a belt with a sheathed knife with a handle made of human bone. They scamper back down the holes they came from. So they know how to make belts and knives and speak English, but can be tricked by smearing dirt on your face.

“Dad, I’m--” A tremendous disappointment and possible autistic.

He cuts me off. “You don’t have to say anything. I already know.” He inspects me and nods. “You disguise yourself well. But we must get to the control room.” What control room. How does he know about this.

“Shouldn’t we just wait for help?” I ask. Why does our narrator have no personality?

“We have to help ourselves. All of New York is caught in an anti-gravity beam. If we disrupt the beam, the failsafe will reverse the polarity, raise the city back to the surface.” Pretty lucid for a dude high on LCD.

My father runs out into the street and grabs a manhole cover. His muscular arms flex and the floaties burst. He tosses the cover to the side. He doesn’t seem crazy in this moment, but in his element. You showed this already, you don't need to tell me. “Follow me,” he says in an authoritative tone, and disappears down the hole.

I chase after him. The hole is dark and I hear dripping sewage. There has to be another way. I like how in one day our narrator's home has fallen through the Earth, one of his neighbors has been eaten, his father has been proven to be right all along, and now he's running through the veins of the Earth to put a stop to it and is the only emotion he can muster. Thus far the prospect of getting dirty's had more impact on him than witnessing murder.

Speaking of which, not including the president on television, there have only been three human beings in this story. This is New York. Where is everybody?

Planes from above the rim swoop into the crater and fire on a mole-person helicopter, which explodes. He's in the sewer, how is he seeing this? I cheer, but my celebration is cut short by snub-nosed fighters streaming out of the walls of the crater. How is he seeing this? They fall in formation behind the planes and shoot them down one by one. So they know how to operate anti-aircraft artillery, but can be tricked by smearing dirt on your face. Fiery debris rains over the city. Nobody can save us now.

I drop into the hole and follow my father. Oh, so when you said you chased after him you meant you just ran to the hole's edge. Might want to clarify that. We go deeper into the sewer system than I ever thought was possible. Since he waited so long to join his dad, how does he catch up? Is it just a straight shot? The human construction fades and the pipes give way to hardened mole tunnels. This is dumb because it makes it sound like the sewer just leads naturally into the mole people's inner sanctum. Shouldn't there be a break in the wall where it's obvious the mole people dig through?

Eventually we crawl on our stomachs to the end of a tunnel. It overlooks a dim room filled with an array of control panels. Mole engineers scamper around, reading measurements and adjusting dials. In the center of the room a bright blue beam pulsates and shoots through the roof. So they know how to engineer complex machinery, up to and including an anti-gravitational device far beyond the capacity of modern human science, but can be tricked by smearing dirt on your face.

My dad digs a block of C4 out of his pants. “I will throw this onto the beam, and then ignite it with this remote.” Presuming this is what he threw into his pants earlier, how did he know he'd need it? Why not bring a gun and some bullets? If he has some C4 lying around he probably owns a gun, or managed to procure one in such a way. I would were I in his shoes.

As soon as he says it, the remote is knocked from his hand by a large, furry paw. It shatters on the rocks. What was it made out of, glass? The lead mole stands over us, his fur blowing in the breeze created by the anti-gravity beam. Is this the same big mole as before because if not how does our narrator know he's the leader? How does he know there's only one big mole? “I thought I smelled primate bitches,” he says. So they...you know what, nevermind.

I look to my dad. “I love you,” I say. Thanks for telling him. Too bad you couldn't show it in anyway. Too bad it also rings kinda hollow against the first half of the story being him doing literally nothing but whining about his dad.

“I love you too, son.” He pulls boxing tape out of his pocket. “I thought you might need this.” I was willing to overlook the C4 but this is legitimate convenience. Also, why would he bring that but not a gun or a knife. Why not bring this AND a gun and a knife, or some other makeshift weapon?

I wipe a tear from my eye and wrap my knuckles in the tape.

Bad Seafood: Jaden.
Bad Seafood: You box right?
Jingo: Mmmmhmm?
Bad Seafood: How long does it take to wrap a fist in boxing tape?
Jingo: Depends from person to person really, I use 4 minutes or so I'd say, but that's a VERY firm wrap.
Jingo: I could do it easily under a minute.
Bad Seafood: Both fists?
Jingo: 4 times around the knucles, then go half the hand, a single around the wrist again, and the rest tightning the wrap.
Jingo: No, per fist.
Bad Seafood: Thank you.


Why are the moles just standing there letting him do this?

I turn back to the lead mole. “Looks like you just dug your own grave, molether fucker.” lol I throw a punch that connects with his jaw.

I trade blows with the lead mole, but he’s stronger. Wow this is so boring.

He pins me to the ground. “Any last words?”

Past the mole man, I see my dad sneak up to the beam with the C4. None of the other moles see this? None of them try to stop him? I thought this place was packed with moles.

“Yeah, gently caress you.” Classy.

An explosion rocks the room behind us and the beam goes out. In the chaos, I grab the bone knife and stab it into the mole man’s heart. Still boring. Also, if a (bone) knife to the heart is enough to kill them then the U.S. military should be more than their match.

The city rises to the surface, and I start my long climb back home. Your home is underground now. Also your father who you constantly disrespected and only ever begrudgingly took care of turned out to be right all along and just died to save you and the rest of humanity. EMOTE.
Your story sucks and I didn't like it. Sorry.

theblunderbuss
Jul 4, 2010

I find dead men rout
more easily.


hubris.height posted:

useful feedback

Awesome, thanks for the crit! I shall pay it back/forward.

HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Clear off, fatso, this is a respectable establishment





Fallen Rib

I swear to Christ you fuckers keep using passive voice in action scenes! Why would you do that? ACTION SCENES! gently caress

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Also Cache Cab I should inform you that I am also a published author before you play that card.

Masonity
Dec 31, 2007

What, I wonder, does this hidden face of madness reveal of the makers? These K'Chain Che'Malle?


Bad Seafood posted:

Also Cache Cab I should inform you that I am also a published author before you play that card.

I loving suck, and I can claim to be a published author. I've even made a few hundred bucks out of it over the past few years.

I dare say even Benny could shift a few copies on amazon / B&N.

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Being published means very little in this era of digital publishing and niche Internet editorial houses, but since we have Cache Cab on record stating he will only accept criticism from people with ~credentials~ I am posting mine.

I am published. Not self-published or digitally either. You can buy a physical volume with words of fiction written by me contained within its pages. Not very good words, in my opinion, but that's beside the point. I am published, so from one published author to another: Cache Cab, your story is terrible.

HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Clear off, fatso, this is a respectable establishment





Fallen Rib

Oh and I can't speak for the other judges this week, but I'm doing my judging without author names, so if I tell you your stuff is horrible, it's because it is horrible.

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


I feel like there's a joke here that I'm not getting.

skwidmonster
Mar 31, 2015

THUNDERDOME LOSER


crabrock posted:

NEVERMIND, BRAWL IS ON.

Depending on the mercy of the judges (turning in my story for a DQ in like an hour), I'll be eating a nice bucketful of toxx myself. But even if I do, I'll return in time to give Wher the asswhipping he deserves.

skwidmonster fucked around with this message at Jun 15, 2015 around 21:16

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Jonked posted:

I feel like there's a joke here that I'm not getting.
Nobody gets Cache Cab.

crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


Grimey Drawer

Cache Cab posted:

If somebody could give me a critique I would appreciate it,[...]Just tell me your favorite parts of my story

i liked the part at the end where he says molefucker, and i like his last words because it felt like an action movie.

very tempted to buy you this avatar, but i don't know if you're worth $10

flerp
Feb 25, 2014




Hey I gave you some crits on the docs.

Also, it would be pretty cool if you would crit other people's work before you asked for crits yourself. that's usually how these things go.

Martello
Apr 29, 2012

by XyloJW


crabrock posted:

i liked the part at the end where he says molefucker, and i like his last words because it felt like an action movie.

very tempted to buy you this avatar, but i don't know if you're worth $10



the real question: are YOU worth 3.33 etc bucks?

SkaAndScreenplays
Dec 11, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


Broenheim posted:

Hey I gave you some crits on the docs.

Also, it would be pretty cool if you would crit other people's work before you asked for crits yourself. that's usually how these things go.

I'll have them up later tonight. I wanted to try and keep them all to a single post but passed out when I got home from work.

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

Cache Cab posted:

Sorry to bother the thread again, but how do I get another avatar? My last one was not very pleasant and I feel like it misrepresented my views about child rearing, but it at least made it easy to find my posts in threads. I like to be able to scroll through a thread quickly and find my last post so that I can continue reading the rest of the thread from that point. Without an avatar, it is very hard to find my last post because I have to read all the names. I have looked in my settings but I do not see anything. At the top of the page there is a link to pay for premium avatars, but I just want a basic one with an icon. Thank you.

your gimmick's getting tired cache cab or whatever your name is

you should take it somewhere else

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


I have a sneaking suspicion that Cache Cab is not entirely sincere about his posting at this point

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


but idk that would be a lovely thing to do if somebody created a sockpuppet specifically to troll the thread with so it's probably wrong

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


it would be really hilarious if the two guys whose IP addresses Cache Cab happens to switch between had both given up on their dream of being serious writers and were now writing creepy fetish erotica on Amazon lmao

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

it would be really hilarious if the two guys whose IP addresses Cache Cab happens to switch between had both given up on their dream of being serious writers and were now writing creepy fetish erotica on Amazon lmao

seems unlikely

Jonked
Feb 15, 2005

by exmarx


Y'all a bunch of weirdos

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Sup unpublished plebeians, can I get one of you guys to look over my latest masterwork? I know your reptilian brains aren't always up to digesting my complex ideas, but I need to be certain even the common man can appreciate my genius before contacting the publishing houses. I've already gone to the trouble to ascertain its level of perfection (that level is: "Perfect"), so a summation of glowing praise will be sufficient. I certainly hope you don't expect me to edit anything. That was my ex-wife's job.

Also can someone buy me an avatar? The royalties on my first publication aren't due to roll in for awhile and I'm sure one of you hack circlejerks can spare ten bucks from beneath your couch cushions.

Bad Seafood fucked around with this message at Jun 16, 2015 around 00:36

Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007


Blood Empress of Thunderdome

Tap to emit spores


Clapping Larry

Jonked posted:

Y'all a bunch of weirdos

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


2 FYAD mavericks making ironically writing stories about lady soldiers getting gangraped lol if that were a real thing we totally just got trolled

SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

I got it wrong. Look, I'm well aware I got it wrong and uh, I got it wrong.


irony is p cool

Bad Seafood
Dec 10, 2010

If you must blink, do it now.


Do you mean that ironically?

hubris.height
Jan 6, 2005



Pork Pro

SurreptitiousMuffin posted:

I have a sneaking suspicion that Cache Cab is not entirely sincere about his posting at this point

if they are not they have met with a surprising amount of success for being pretty low effort

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docbeard
Jul 18, 2011

High marks for compassion, low marks for survival skills





No, this is not the results post. Nor is it anything to do with Cache Cab.

This is a friendly public service note to inform you failures that, if you post your story today (for reference, there are 5 hours left in today) you will get a DQ, but you will also get a crit, and may yet escape the toxxman's axe.

  • Locked thread
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